Your host is Vince McMahon. Let us take you back to last week and Gorilla
Monsoon throwing out Bobby Heenan...for good? Vince introduces his new
co-host, James E. Cornette.
The Macho Man v. Head Shrinker Fatu - Savage is introduced first, Fatu
brings Afa with him. Fatu starts out with the upper hand. Savage fails to
trade blows with the Samoan. Savage manages some feeble shots but quickly
goes down again. Savage slams Fatu's head to the canvas, forgetting how
hard Samoan heads really air. Fatu gives the Macho Man a superkick, and out
goes Savage. Then, my neighbor asks if he can borrow a cup of milk and I
miss nothing, I'm sure. When I come back, Savage is outside the ring again
and Afa is hitting him. Referee "Blind" Dave Hebner is jawing with Fatu
about something. Fatu with 2 count. Afa distracts Hebner and throws his
horsehair thing to Fatu, who hits Savage with it. Another 2 count. Fatu
climbs the ropes, but Savage comes to and crotches him on the ropes. Fatu
falls to the floor. Savage delivers a double axehandle from the top to the
floor to everyone's amazement. Clothesline by Savage, shot to Afa by
Savage, flying elbow (tm) by Savage, 3 count by Savage. Hmmm, he must think
he's the new Hogan.
Todd Pettengill took some money out of his own pocket and bought some ad
time on Monday Night Raw to plead his case. He wants the Macho Man back on
WWF Mania as a commentator. Of course, we're not supposed to remember a
couple months back when Pettengill was ANNOYED at sharing the stage. OK.
It seems that there's a voteline set up. For 99c, you can call and vote yea
or nay, should Savage return to WWF Mania? Hell, if I thought my vote would
be counted, I'd spend the buck and vote nix.
Lex Luger tells us drugs are bad. Make your own joke here.
The Smoking Scotsmen v. Steve Smyth & Jim Messenger - Cornette says the
Luger can't be in the Rumble Royale, because the winner gets a title shot,
and since Yokozuna will be the Champion come WrestleMania, and since Luger
has that no-return clause, there's no point. As if the commentators could
pay any less attention to this match, for absolutely no reason at all Cap'n
Lou Albano comes out and watches the match.
Let us take you back to last week's Kid/Michaels matchup, Ramon's blatant
interference, Michaels' slap, Ramon's chase, Diesel's stunning right, and
Michaels' successive botched Razor's Edge attempts.
IRS v. Todd Mata - Thanks to an enterprising WWF cameraman, we get a shot
into Schyster's briefcase, where for a fleeting moment we think we see some
of Razor's gold necklaces. Gee, aren't there *enough* people involved in
this angle? Irwin pushes the cameraman to the ground..hope he got hazard
pay! Yuk yuk yuk! Anyway, just to underscore it, Schyster's briefcase
"accidentally" swings open again after the pinfall.
The WWF: Unbelievable! One of Yokozuna's nightmares is dressing up like
Santa Claus, handing out Luger T-shirts, hearing Fuji say "Merry Christmas
Undertaker and Paul Bearer" and speaking fluent English while small children
give him kisses. I think that's one of Michael Jackson's, too...
Great shot of the HELLO R.S.P-W. Well, that's it. *Someone* up there likes
The Undertaker v. J.S. Storm - Doesn't Cornette seem a little TOO surprised
that the lights go out when the Undertaker is introduced?
Promos: ICOPRO (Luger), GI Joe, Electronic Hot Shot Basketball
The whole match is Vince claiming that the WWF Champeen's management "sold
him down the river..." and Cornette flustering. Could there be a face turn
in the long range future? After all, those little kids were giving him
kisses... anyway, Storm has slightly less than a snowball's chance in hell
of beating the Pale Destroyer. Tombstone piledriver. Bodybag. All of a
sudden, Mr. Hughes comes out and...whoops, just kidding.
Dubba J montage. Doesn't this just prove that all his interviews are the
same? Oh well, I kind of LIKE this montage. Sorry.
Hype for next week's big deal match: Tatanka/B0rga II. The Native American
is out for some politically correct revenge.
The Model v. Tim McNeany - McNeany gets three 2 counts, while Martel gets
none. He does however, get a Boston Crab on McNeany. No mention of any
impending face turn.
Let us take you back to last weekend's Superstars, where Vince talks with
the Rocket about the shadow thing. Owen challenges the Hitman to a singles
Bret Hart v. The MVP...er...
Promos: "New" WWF Figures, Electronic Talking Battleship ("Yeah!"), T2 game
Vince tells us that next week's cohost will be Shawn Michaels. Hart makes
making short work of the Brawler last forever. Sharpshooter. For some
reason, we don't get an interview, so what's the point? Maybe someone took
Another voteline plug. Here's your chance to see Savage OUT of the
broadcast booth permanently! And if you believe that...
Next week: M.O.M. in action, The Rocket in action, Dubba J debut, and
Tatanka/B0rga, the sequel.
And now, a personal note. If you believe the rumours, I've graduated with a
B.S. in Computational Mathematics. I don't know what it is either. I think
it means I'm going to get a great job as a temp. (smiley...I think) So, if
you're looking for someone to fill a copy editing job... (definite smiley)
Anyway, I'm moving home this weekend, so I'm afraid I have to stop spoiling
you. My connection up there isn't as reliable, so, while I will continue to
do my reports, you may not see them until up to 24 hours later. Hopefully,
if I tell you this now, you won't bombard r.s.p-w with "CAN SOME0NE PLEEZ
POST RAW REZULTZ" posts every Tuesday. And, you won't feel like relying on
Motherway for the RAW news... Look this week for my "RAW year in
review" post, too. It'll be long and self-indulgent, but also pretty damn
Christopher Robin Zimmerman, the original RAW guy