I apologize in advance if this angle stuff is less than new to everyone, the
UCR newsfeed stops about a week before this moment. It sure was new to me,
and shocked the hell out of me. After watching some syndie stuff last
weekend, I was completely unprepared. But, as a good "Broadcast Journalist,"
I tried to catch everything that happened.
WWF Prime Time Wrestling, as shown on the USA Network 16.11.92
The "Panel of Experts" includes Hillbilly Jim, Hacksaw Jim Duggan (ICOPRO T
shirt), Vince McMahon, Bobby the Brain Heenan, and Mr. Perfect. Vince
starts off with a bombshell, the Ultimate Warrior will NOT take his place at
the Survivor Series. The words "Ultimate Warrior" are never uttered again
during the course of the program.
Standing by, "direct" from Sarasota FL courtesy WJZY (which used to be the
Charlotte, NC affiliate) is the Macho Man. All traces of the Ultimate
Madness are gone as Savage is wearing a typically gauche Macho outfit
complete with hat and shades. Vince tells us that Savage has 24 hours to
pick a replacement partner. And Savage has decided. Although he doesn't
like the man, he feels that he would be the best tag partner given the
circumstances. "Does he know you? Does he know your opponents?" says
Vince, and Savage answers yes, all too well, in fact better than he. Slowly
it dawns on everyone that Savage is asking for Mr. Perfect. "It's gut check
time, Perfect! Will you enter the spotlight with me?" Perfect thinks it's
a joke but soon starts wondering while Heenan does all the talking. Vince
promises to string us along for two hours.
Beverly Brothers v. High Energy (Commentary by Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred
Hayes) This match is a RERUN! Fraud! Outright lies! Oh well. This match
is about four months old. High Energy comes out to Koko B. Ware's theme.
Listen to the crowd chant "LOD...LOD..." and forgive me for catching the end
of the Miami/Buffalo game instead of sitting through this DQ win again.
(Hint: We get to hear "Do The Bird" for one more [hopefully last] time)
Special Report with Lord Alfred Hayes, sponsored by six cheap WWF tapes. We
see the Undertaker hit a red hot forge with a hammer for no good reason
while Paul Bearer waxes damnation. In return, Dr. Whippleman predicts
victory for Kamala while Kim Chee does a Marcel Marceau impersonation.
Max Moon v. Dale Wolfe (Monsoon, Hayes) The commentators keep on about the
coffin match, then the WWF title match at SS. Perhaps it's a good thing
they weren't watching this match, or else they would have had to comment
about that Clown in the audience. Moon wins with no comment.
Back at the studio, Vince is starting to think maybe Savage isn't so loco
after all in picking Perfect. The phone rings for Perfect and he acts
interested in whatever is said at the other end of the line.
Event Center with Sean Mooney, who plugs the Survivor Series hotline. As we
come back, we see Perfect saying "Well, I'm certainly impressed." After he
hangs up, Vince goads Perfect by insinuating that Heenan has been keeping
Perfect from wrestling, a charge he first made before the Royal Rumble, and
a charge which was dropped after Heenan, so went the story, gave Perfect a
nice raise. Jim and Jim fall in with Vince, and as we break, we see Perfect
with a pensive look on his face.
Highlight of Saturday Night's Main Event. Michaels wins the IC belt from
Davey Dog Smith (Vince McMahon, Bobby the Brain Heenan) Think back to
February and the last SNME Intercontinental match (Piper/Mountie rematch,
complete with "Shock Proof" ending), and you'd have to admit that just maybe
this WWF stuff is getting better. About the last five minutes of this match
are shown tonight, I think they should've shown the whole match, which sets
up the ending a lot better.
Even Jim and Jim are starting to think maybe Savage is on to something.
"Direct" from in Charlotte are Ramon and Flair. Ramon, it
appears, is going to be the monster heel in all this, saying to Flair "I
heard he used to be somebody...but [Perfect] works for us now." Flair
reveals that it wasn't him making that phone call to the studio.
Vince: "Who's been walking in whose shadow?"
Flair: "You're trying to stir it up...we walk the aisle together...me in
front, him behind. Perfect, you tell him. Who's the better
Vince: "Is Flair better?"
Heenan tries to hold it together, but Vince lays in with "in the shadow,"
"walking behind Flair," etc, etc. Ramon: "You all through, you work for us
now." Perfect is getting annoyed, and again asserts that he is a better
wrestler than Flair.
Lance Cassidy v. Terry Taylor (Monsoon, Hayes) Cassidy throws elbows, and
Taylor chatters. Lots of...what're those called, arm bars? If the WWF
keeps it up with mat wrestling, I suppose I'll learn those moves. Luckily,
Monsoon takes a break from hyping SS to educate us on the value of arm bars
in a wrestling match. Taylor keeps it up with clenched fists and hair
pulls. Cassidy goes through the ropes but gets to sunset flip back in.
After alternating 2 counts, Taylor slaps on ANOTHER arm bar. The crowd is
looking REAL bored. Monsoon mentions that Cassidy is a second generation
wrestler. Taylor with flying press, but the momentum causes the two men to
roll over several times, Cassidy ending up on top, and Taylor getting a foot
on the rope at 2 (have we seen this before?) Cassidy puts his head down and
Taylor once again remembers that he knows the power bomb. Unfortunately,
the bell rings. For a ten minute match, these guys sure did a lot o' arm
bar. Cassidy manages to get up and dropkick Taylor from behind. Taylor
still has yet to defeat an opponent whose name is not Jim. This match looks
suspiciously like the 26 October match (substitute "Santana" for "Cassidy")
where Taylor also drew. You think he'd learn to get that powerbomb out
Were you aware that Slam Jam is coming 9 January?
Promos: ICOPRO, Electronic Hot Shot Basketball, WWF Figures
Vince mentions money, spotlight, and goads. Heenan brings up the loyalty
question, but Hillibilly Jim thinks it's a respect question, namely, Perfect
isn't respected enough as a wrestler. Remember, this is a heel they're
talking about. Desperate, Heenan says it's been over a year (history!)
since Perfect was in the ring. Vince: "Are you afraid of Flair? Ramon?
Big Boss Man v. Rick Martel (Monsoon, Hayes) "joined in progress," meaning
we don't get to see Martel's outfit and figure out this is ANOTHER RERUN,
from about two months ago. Boss Man musses up the Model's hair and crushes
the atomizer. This was the last appearance of the atomizer (until tonight),
before Martel started the rotating outfits gimmick. And of course, no
The Survivor Series Showdown is Sunday. Maybe you'll see my report a day
Razor Ramon v. Dale Hutchinson (Monsoon, Hayes) Guess.
Back to the Macho Man: "Maybe Ramon scares Perfect. Maybe it's cold in
Flair's shadow. Maybe Heenan's got you under his thumb. Maybe you've just
got no guts."
Perfect: "I could take Flair, Ramon, AND you in one night!"
Savage: "I like that attitude! But I STILL don't think you've got the
Perfect: "....I'll consider it."
When we come back from the break, Ramon lays it on. "You take all three in
one night? You haven't wrestled three meng in a year!" Flair: "Perfect?
He's *my* baby! One of my boys!" In a split screen, all three men talk at
once, and Hennig is deep in thought.
From European Rampage, the THIRD RERUN of the night, Hacksaw Jim Duggan v.
Repo Man (Monsoon, Hayes) Look for the Jake the Snake sign, it's right next
to the "HO" sign.
Why have they dug up all these matches? Maybe because only I would notice,
but then again, a little detective work might be useful here. Voiceover at
the end of "Murder, She Wrote": "...as Money Incorporated meets the
Ultimate Maniacs..." This match will not be shown tonight, and must be what
was going to be shown in the place of these reruns. Couple this with the
extremely quick (read: out of left field) UW demotion to unperson, and you
have to conclude this was an eleventh hour pull. Add to THAT the mysterious
non-appearance of the Survivor Series update. What, no PPV hype with less
than two weeks to go? And the Warrior's interview on "Wrestling Challenge"
was hilarious, too. The smoking gun in all this is that "the Perfect angle"
is taking place entirely in the studio, with a little commentary by Monsoon
and Hayes during the retreads (Duggan by DQ). In fact, if my newsfeed
wasn't a week askew, I might not have been caught by surprise by this at
all, but it was SO quick... Oh well.
Damian Demento v. *EL* Matador (Monsoon, Hayes) Matador is in the green
outfit again, but I don't think this is pre-SummerSlam, 'cause there's a
Clown in the audience. 'Mentos does a lot of tongue waggling whether on
offense or defense. Monsoon finally notices the Clown. Santana has the
whole match but almost loses by pinfall but for the blind ref finally
notices a tights grab.
Heenan takes charge and says there is NO WAY Perfect will wrestle. Perfect
has finally had enough of people making decisions for him and says "I
accept!" Heenan slaps Perfect and immediately realizes he's in trouble.
Perfect grabs Heenan by the tie, tells him off (yes, calls him "Weasel") and
dumps a pitcher of water on him while Jim, Jim, and Vince have simultaneous
orgasms. Ladies and gentleman, we have a face turn. Perfect: "I'm back!"
"The flames inside Bam Bam Bigelow will soon consume everyone in the WWF!
Bam Bam! BAM BAM! BAM BAM BIGELOW!!! BURRRRRRRRN!!!!"
Martyr Janetty v. Iron Mike Sharpe (McMahon, Mr. Perfect) Will this be the
last time we hear "McMannequin" from Mr. Perfect now that he's no longer
"one of the bad guys?" (Ramon quoted) Janetty with fist off the top and the
word "Rockers" is used, probably accidentally, by Perfect.
Promos: Electronic Talking Battleship ("Yeah!"), GI Joe, T2: The Arcade
Heenan is gone. Savage is happy, although he still doesn't like
Perfect...yeah, right. Flair: "You had it all!" Flair takes off his
jacket (big sweat stains), takes off his tie, rips open his shirt with
righteous indignation, shouting all the while. "Hennig...It's not Perfect
anymore!" Perfect tells Ramon and Flair that they will lose to "the Perfect
team," and the last thing Flair will hear as Hennig and Savage's hands are
raised high in victory is "Woooo!" Perfect breaks into hilarious laughter
and throws the pencil (tm). Fade out.
Whew! Even though the matches sucked, I have to say this was real high on
the short list of Best PrimeTime shows, for obvious reason. I guess Vince
will pay Hennig's insurance company with the Ultimate Warrior's salary...
Next week: The Survivor Series Showdown, Sunday at 8, repeat in PrimeTime's
"The Ultimate Warrior ceased to exist."
"There is no Ultimate Warrior."
"There never was an Ultimate Warrior."
- George Orwell (paraphrased)