One Year Ago on RAW: The Kid wins his second match against Ted
DiBiase when Irwin R. Schyster interferes. Fortunately the Steiner
Brothers save him. The Head Shrinkers win a squash, so do MOM.
Bam Bam Bigelow also wins a squash. Bastion Booger eats some ice
cream, but gets pinned by Marty Janetty (I think that's what my
notes say, anyway) and in yet another of the award winning "Who Is
Lex Luger?" vignettes, Luger puts down steroids but puts up ICOPRO.
WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you "live" 15.8.94 from the
Lowell Memorial Auditorium in Lowell, Mass.
Let us take you back last week. Tatanka and Lex Luger sure are
having their problems. Tatanka thinks Lex has sold out, and Lex is
doing the old "Here we go again" in response.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Randy Savage. If you watched
that "LIVE!" box carefully, you might have glimpsed a peek into the
behind the scenes works as some computer animation code blocks
out the expected graphics.
The King of Harts v. The 123 Kid, part II - The WWF Intellibeams
converge into a damn fine replica of a playing card for Owen (he's
the King of Harts, you know). Before we can admire the Kid's new
"123" spotlights, Owen jumps him. The Kid hits a big spinning kick as
Owen rushes him, and down he goes. Pounding, whip, reversal, miss
hard into the corner. The Kid winds it up and takes him down. Cool
bridge for 2. And that's just the first thirty seconds! The Kid
resumes his arm bar. Owen somersaults, kip up, reversal. Owen
bend back the Kid's hand and steps on his elbow (I don't watch).
Then he does it again (I watched by mistake). The Kid with a
somersault and kip up of his own. Spinning kick for 2 by the Kid.
Owen gets up and pulls the hair but he can't break the headlock.
Owen tries a slam but the Kid rolls with it, following through and
holding the hold (and doing the thing, yeah dig it). Owen reverses
the headlock into a leg scissors. The Kid reverses THAT and gets a 2
count. Again Owen tries to slam the Kid out of the headlock, but the
Kid follows through for 2. Owen once again reverses with a leg
scissors, but the Kid rolls THAT one over into another cool bridge for
2. Owen reverses *that* with a bridge out into a backslide for 2. The
Kid resumes his headlock and Owen finally takes over with a big
suplex. Owen with a thumbs up for the Anvil (oh yeah, the Anvil
accompanies the King to ringside) and a headbutt for the Kid. The
Kid catches him, so Owen delivers a ghetto blaster for 2. Headlock by
Owen (hey, he's really caught on). Vince muses that Owen could
probably take that title at SummerSlam. The Kid gets up and elbows
out. Owen with a shoulderblock. They're off...leapfrog, duck (or is it
duck, leapfrog?) and the Kid blocks Hart's hip toss, does that
semipointless somersault for leverage, and hip tosses Owen. Owen
kicks the Kid down. Double kip up! (Well, Savage was excited)
Owen's posing and the Kid dropkicks him out of the ring. Hey,
remember that devastating sliding dropkick that Owen leveled the
Kid with at King of the Ring? The Kid tries it, but he doesn't do it as
well. Still, Owen goes down, taking the Anvil like a domino with him.
For an encore, the Kid climbs the rope and delivers the textbook
definition of...well, one of them lucha terms (senton?)...the one where
you climb the ropes and plancha the guy on the floor. Neidhart
climbs on the apron, so the Kid dropkicks him (he lands on his feet).
Let's take an ad break. (Did you ever notice that someone's always
out of the ring when they do these things?)
USA airs another Sunday Night Slam ad. Hyped matches are Luger
vs. Crush and Typhoon vs. Diesel (non-title). Close your eyes and
you'll swear Typhoon sounds just like Hogan. No, REALLY.
When we come back, the Kid is trying to suplex Hart into the ring.
Hart reverses and the Kid lands *hard* on the mats. Owen slams the
Kid's head into the apron. Hart goes back in and dives over the
ropes, delivering another plancha (I'm a lucha terms maniac, I tell
ya!) and then drives the Kid's back repeatedly into the ringpost. In
case you are wondering where referee "Blind" Dave Hebner is this
whole time, he's discussing the recent price hike in coffee with the
Anvil. Owen gives the Kid one more post in the back and throws him
back in. Continuing to work on the back, the Kid gets whipped into
that turnbuckle really hard. Owen with a big backbreaker. Knee to
the back. See a pattern? European uppercut. Another whip into the
turnbuckle. Elbow off the second rope into the back. 1, 2, nah.
Owen with a big back body drop. 1, 2, nah. The Kid's back may
break, but he can still keep them shoulders up. Hey, a counter! The
Kid hits a sunset flip for 2. Owen with a semiCamel clutch. Whip,
reversal, reversal. Owen hits a Rude Awakening (no, they don't call
it that) and climbs the ropes...and misses, of course, landing hard on
his knees. So hard, in fact, that he appears to be really hurt. Check
that Savage limp. The Kid comes back in a big way, attacking the
knee (guess he's not pulling a Kid, that King). Owen tries another
ghetto blaster, but the Kid ducks this time and down he goes. The
Kid locks in a half crab and the crowd is roaring. At this point, Joe
turns to me and says "Yeah, right...how many WWF matches have
been won with a half crab?" As if on cue, the Anvil (and I'll bet you
were wondering what he was doing here and when he was going to
interfere) clotheslines the Kid, and even Hebner doesn't miss it. DQ.
Owen gets up and puts the Kid in the Sharpshooter (hmmm, guess his
knee feels better) with a little general pounding from Neidhart. Then
Neidhart tosses Hebner (OOOOOH! Fines and suspensions!). Owen
takes the Kid over to the ropes and adds some leverage to his hold.
Three more refs finally break it up...I guess Bret wasn't available.
Todd Pettengill with *your* SSR, delivered to you by Domino's. Is it
just me or is the Toddster wearing one of Cornette's ensembles? Yes,
sir, yes, ma'am, that entire card has been announced, and no, I don't
feel like running it down for you again. Well, all right, but this is the
SECOND to last time: Undertaker vs. Undertaker. Hart vs. Hart in a
cage for the WWF title. Ramon vs. Diesel for the intercontinental title
(Walter Payton, his friends call him "Sweetness," will be a good
friend of Razor's for the day). The Head Shrinkers vs. Bam Bam
Bigelow & Irwin R. Schyster for the Tag Titles. Alundra Blayze vs.
Bull Nakano for the Women's Title (do you like Ladies' Title better?)
Mabel vs. Jeff Jarrett. Lex Luger vs. Tatanka. Is that it? Todd
doesn't give me all the matches this week, but I think my memory
has reconstructed it.
Hey, look, Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz is on strike! Geez, I thought
we'd never see HIM again. You know, he's a DEAD ringer for the
MVP, now that I think about it. Let us take you back to before the
show where he waxes poetic about how the baseball strike is not the
fault of the owners or the players, but of the fans. Hell, maybe he's
right. I was going to make a joke about Jewish baseball players, but
I didn't want to offend anyone. Well, actually, I have come up with
any good jokes yet. Give me a couple weeks.
Duke Droese v. Nick Barberie -
Promos: ICOPRO (Ramon), GI Joe, Super Street Fighter 2
The Dumpster wins with what Savage has previously called "the high
spinning elbow." He didn't have a name for it this week.
Leslie Nielsen's report is a lot funnier this week. At the end, a
second Leslie Nielsen has the original arrested...I'm not too keen on
symbolism, but, doggone it, there's an allegory in here somewhere!
Ted DiBiase joins the commentators at ringside, and Vince McMahon
announces that the WWF SummerSlam Hotline is up. The Opinion
Poll question is "Do you think Lex Luger has sold out?" This single ad
is the ONLY mention of the hotline...once again, Herb's WWF
"bombardment" rings true, don't it?
Kwang v. Tony Roy - DiBiase promises to be in his Lex Luger's corner
this Sunday at the Sunday Night Slam when he takes on Crush.
Kwang's match lasts about thirty seconds.
The King's Court with Ted DiBiase & Paul Bearer - Paul promises that
"his" Undertaker will DESTROY Ted's Undertaker. Ted says to tell him
that himself, and out comes the 'Taker. He does that lights trick just
to show that he really is the Undertaker. Bearer makes some
menacing comments, and gets a nice choke for his troubles.
Suddenly the lights "mysteriously" go out (no sound effects this time,
thank God) and when the lights come back up, Paul is out of the
Undertaker's clutches and orgasmic, telling us that HIS Undertaker is
here. Ted and his Undertaker do a lot of looking around, but the USA
viewers don't see him. I believe it was Matt who said he really was
there in the building, but he didn't show up on the tube. I think
Savage said it best: "I didn't see nothin'!"
Mabel v. Raymond Roy (no relation) - Big elbow from the second
rope...well, he lands on his feet first, but still...
Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet v. Scott Taylor - Dubba J takes the mic
as we fade away...
Promos: Spiderman Venom, Slim Jim (Savage), Mortal Kombat II
Referee "Blind" Dave Hebner seems to have recovered from
Neidhart's beating--or is that Earl taking his place? Taylor gets
several near falls, but eventually Jarrett ducks a high cross body and
follows it up with a figure four. Just as the celebration gets
underway, Jarrett's music cuts out and Mabel's starts. Out come
Oscar and Mabel...they (sort of) don't want to wait until
SummerSlam! Although, I must say Jarrett is a LOT more convincing
(lying down in the center of the ring) than Mabel (pretending that
the WWF officials can hold him back).
Sunday at 8pm is the Sunday Night Slam. Luger/Crush,
Typhoon/Diesel (nontitle), Bret Hart interview, Bull Nakano vs. Heidi
Lee Morgan (loser of the Women's final months ago), and thirty
minutes of *LIVE* call-in (wonder how they're getting West Coast
callers...) Yes, I'm doing a report, and I'll flame you if you post a
request for results before I put it up.
See you Sunday!