One Year Ago on RAW: In a match that people who know better gave
lots of stars, Bret Hart and Bam Bam Bigelow battled away while
Jerry Lawler abused Stu and Helen Hart who were sitting in the
balcony. Hart knocks out Bigelow, but goes after Lawler instead of
winning the match. Gener Okerlund announces that a
Luger/Yokozuna title match has been added to SummerSlam, with
Tunney declaring that Luger must wear a forearm/elbow pad. Mr.
Hughes receives another black wreath from the Undertaker during
his squash. The Smoking Gunns win a squash. There is a Ludwig
Borge montage, introducing this Finn to the WWF. Doink wins a
squash, and then flanked by Doink #2 and Doink #3 challenges Randy
Savage to a match. Savage accepts. Finally, even though it is six
months late, "WrestleMania: The Album" is released. True to form,
the cover features wrestlers who have left the company (the Nasty
Boys, for example), and Vince promises "a stampede at KMarts all
over the country." No, SERIOUSLY.
WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you from the Fernwood Resort
in Bushkill, PA 25.7.94 (but taped 1.7) and broadcast on the USA
Let us take you back one week. Amid continuous speculation as to
whether Lex Luger has joined Ted DiBiase's Corporation, Tatanka
continues to stick his nose in where it doesn't belong. Last weekend
on WWF Superstars, Lex came out after DiBiase's introduction, and
before he could confirm or deny anything, out came the Native
American to put him down. An interview from Lex Luger follows, I
quote it verbatim: "Tatanka, I did not sell out."
Your hosts are Jim Ross and Randy Savage.
Virgil II v. Tatanka - We are reminded that Ted DiBiase has put
$10,000 on the line in support of his property, and if Tatanka can
win, he gets it. Lockup, Tatanka with arm bar. Pounding on the
elbow, continue arm bar. Volkoff delivers a headbutt and breaks the
hold. Whip, but Tatanka shoulderblocks him. Lockup, to the
corner...clean break? Not when Nikolai's around. A series of
punches, followed by an axehandle and a choke. Volkoff breaks the
choke, then applies it again. Repeat. Chop, axehandle, kick to the
ribs, Tatanka goes to the canvas. Volkoff with repeated boots to the
head. Volkoff slams Tatanka's head into Volkoff's boot. After some
more punches, Tatanks finally comes back with a series of chops.
Tatanka with clothesline, and dropkick, and Volkoff goes outside.
Ross tells us that Volkoff beat the original Virgil last week on
Challenge (with a little help from a distracting DiBiase). Volkoff
thinks about leaving, but DiBiase encourages him not to. Tatanka
comes out, but Volkoff introduces Tatanka to a little steeel and
they're both back in, Nikolai with the advantage. Return to the kicks,
punches, and headbutts. Finally, Volkoff makes the classic error of
bouncing Tatanka's head off a turnbuckle. Tatanka starts the war
dance...chop, chop, chop...Tomahawk off the second rope...no, only 2.
Tatanka whips Volkoff into the corner, and runs into a boot. Big slam
by volkoff. He's going to slam him again, but Tatanka counters with
an inside cradle. 1, 2, 3. Savage quickly gets in the ring and rubs it
in, telling DiBiase to pay up. DiBiase: "I'm a man of my word!
$10,000 Tatanka. I never said that I don't think you're a great
athlete, you are, in fact I was pretty impressed tonight...in fact,
maybe you even earned it. You know, what you did here tonight to
Nikolai Volkoff, you could NEVER, EVER, in your wildest dreams on
your best day, could you do that to my Lex Luger."
Tatanka: "Hey Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase [hey, he remembered
the whole name!], I could beat your Lex Luger on my WORST day."
DiBiase: "Why don't you tell him that yourself."
And there is Luger. He and Tatanka go through the "any time, any
place" spiel and Luger gives DiBiase a glance before he disappears
again. Ross is quick to pick up on that "look." Again, Luger has
confirmed/denied nada, even though DiBiase says "my Lex Luger"
again after he leaves. We should find out this weekend that a
Luger/Tatanka match will be signed for SummerSlam.
Well, the commentators just don't know WHAT to believe. Wotta
shock. Ross thinks the look either meant "Hey, stay outta my way,"
or "Don't worry, everything's under control."
The Head Shrinkers v. Joey Stallings & Barry Hardy - Before we get
to take the promo break, Samu and Fatu jump their opponents.
Promos: ICOPRO (Hart), GI Joe, Super Street Fighter 2
Lots of talk about the Heavenly Bodies as the next big opponents. Of
course, we'd all forgotten about them by now. For an encore, Ross
mentions the Quebecers (the people they defeated for the belts,
remember?) Finisher is the famous "You jump over my shoulders
while I pose" plancha (Look, I used the word "plancha" two times in
two weeks!) Hardy is never in the ring for this match, but does get
beaten up on the outside. Ross now says he doesn't know who their
SummerSlam opponents are...hmm, I wonder who they could be.
Hype for next week's big match: Ramon/Michaels II.
Jim Neidhart v. Jim Powers - Somehow, Powers finds a way to do
even less than he usually does. Neidhart uses a modified camel
clutch for a submission, and afterwards, Owen (who is wearing
Rocket tights) puts some Hitman shades on the Anvil.
WWF Summer Sizzler tour dates. I ALMOST bought tickets to the
Oakland show, but decided I had more important things to do.
Hype for next week's big match: Alundra Blayze vs. Bull NaKAno.
Jim Ross interviews Alundra Blayze (he's no Jerry Lawler--well,
neither is she). It seems that Blayze has issued a challenge to any
woman in the world (seeing as she could only find three in the USA),
and next Monday she'll be taking on Japan's own Bull NaKAno (how
they pronounced it). Before Blayze can tell us that there are three
other opponents waiting in the wings, Luna Vachon comes out and
tells us that *she* invited NAkano. Whatever. Savage tells us at the
end of the interview that the match is non-title. I guess we don't
know who's going to win then, right?
The new WWF Generation: Where's the cheese?
Yokozuna v. Adam Bomb - Bomb is looking forward to "a new
beginning," and will probably become a great "fan favourite," so says
Ross. Well, I guess he's a face now...I guess he'll need some happy
nuclear music now. They jaw for a while, and then Yokozuna chops
him. Big choke by Yokozuna. Hard elbow off the ropes, and Bomb is
down. Chop, head butt, whip into the ropes, missed clothesline.
Bomb with punch, punch, punch, but Yokozuna reverses. After
Yokozuna misses two clotheslines, Bomb returns with two of his own,
that hit. Bomb with a shoulder block and Yokozuna falls out of the
ring. Let's take an ad break.
When we come back, Yokozuna is back in and Bomb wants a test of
strength. Yokozuna politely declines. Yokozuna with some big chops,
and a head butt. Again, Bomb is on the canvas. Yokozuna with some
more chops, a choke, and a chop. Whip into the corner hard, and a
clothesline. Nerve pinch. Feeble "Adam Bomb" chant has started up.
Bomb has gotten up...elbows out. Bomb runs into a clothesline for his
troubles. Bomb with punch, and another. Yokozuna with Stooges
eyepoke. Whip into the corner...oh no, Yokozuna is charging...yep, he
missed. Bomb is poised for a comeback. Clothesline. Clothesline.
DDT (Yokozuna can't sell it 'cause his gut hits before his head). Bomb
delivers the Neutron Bomb (you'll recall that that is a clothesline
from the top rope). Cue Harvey Wippleman and Kwang. Kwang trips
up Bomb as he goes off the ropes to deliver the finishing touch, so
Bomb goes outside to deal with Kwang. Sure, Bomb gets to use
Wippleman to high cross body Kwang, but referee "the late" Joey
Morella has counted to ten. Your winner: Yokozuna.
Promos: Mortal Kombat, Slim Jim (Savage), NBA Jam
Todd Pettengill with *your* SummerSlam report, delivered to you by
Domino's. SummerSlam is just five weeks away, Monday 29 August.
The huge double main event consists of Undertaker v. Undertaker
and Hart v. Hart. Think you're seeing double? Wait until you see
Leslie Nielsen! The new match this week is for the intercontinental
title, Diesel vs. Razor Ramon.
Leslie Nielsen is wearing an Undertaker hat...man, that's funny. The
lights go out while we hear a DiBiase laugh.
Duke Droese v. Dwayne Gill - Not even a phone call from Jerry Lawler
can save me from getting a snack. We do find out that next week
Lawler will have Bob Backlund on next week's King's Court.
Backlund has that big match with Bret Hart this weekend on
Superstars. Droese finishes not with the high spinning elbow, but
with a tilt-a-whirl bodyslam...a step up, considering.
Next Week: Blayze/Nakano, Ramon/Michaels II, and yes it is "live."
"See ya next week!" - the Macho Man (and me)