KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #27
Date: 4/24/95 Taping date: 4/24/95 Site: Omaha Civic Auditorium,
Omaha, NE. Hosts: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
Well, I suppose you could say last week's rebuke from the, er, Zen
master, left me thinking a bit. Did I rush to judgment too quickly?
Did I fail to give Jim Ross his due credit for ability to come up with
surprising story lines? And, oh my God is that the time? Where's that
My moment of panic subsides somewhat when I tune in to the first match,
Smoking Gunns vs. Barry Horowitz and The Brooklyn Brawler
and the Gunns are casually in the process of putting away the two-time
MVP, eventually finishing him off with a Hart Attack. In the
meanwhile, I glean from the running conversation that Jerry Lawler,
taking full advantage of the fact that Bret Hart is already signed to
wrestle Hakushi on the May PPV, challenged Bret to a match to take
place that same day, even going so far as to wave an unsigned contract
around on the air. Lawler really should know better, though; didn't he
learn anything from JJ's experience with open contracts?
But now it's off to a quickie interview with Ted DiBiase and his
ostracized stablehand, "Black Eye" Bigelow. Bigelow is fixated on two
things, taking the title from Diesel, and giving some sort of jewelry
to the Corporation. DiBiase seems moderately supportive.
-- ad break --
For counterpoint, we turn to the champ for a quickie interview. McMahon
questions Diesel's wisdom in granting Bigelow a title shot, but Diesel
wants to follow Bret Hart's model of being a "fighting champion".
Whatever that gets him. McMahon suggests that Diesel's real motivation
might have something to do with the Bam Bam/LT feud, seeing as how
Diesel had some sort of vague interest in the whole matter. Diesel
says, yeah, kinda, and that he needs redemption for it all. I'm sure
he meant something by that but I don't really want to know.
Bertha Faye (w/Harvey Whippleman) vs. La Pantera Serena
I look at Faye, I look at Whippleman, and I'll leave it at this. If
love gets any blinder, Vince will hire it as a referee.
Well, we have a few moments, so let's review the combined WWF careers
of these two women. Bertha, kicked the snot out of Alundra Blayze, as
well as a few things that *weren't* supposed to come out of her nose.
The Calm Panther, well, we're working on that.
The match, in the immortal words of an all-too-mortal sportscaster, is
a travesty. Pantera nails a top-rope move as well as possible, and
still comes off the worse for it. The end comes after Bertha drops her
opponent from about eight feet and then just collapses on top of her
for the pin. Bertha's prancing about after the victory somehow left me
thinking of Disney's _Fantasia_.
Todd Pettengill, mentioning "Bertha Faye" and "In Your House" in the
same sentence. Brrr.
Diesel/Sid. New nickname for the champ: "His Coolness".
Razor+Kid/JJ+Roadie. Talk about your baptisms by fire for the fourth
member of this matchup.
Bret Hart/Hakushi. Quite a feud for two people without a common tongue,
or a translator, apparently.
More? Just what do you want for $14.95? Oh, there's the house thingy, but
we've already done that to death.
From that, Todd segues abruptly into posing the question: Is Sid happy?
Before we can even ask what kind of question that is, we cut to Sid.
Sid doesn't answer the question as such, but does say something about
how "the master" will not be happy until Sid is WWF champ. Answering
the next unasked question, Sid states that with regard to tonight's
match, he has "friends in low places". I don't quite catch his meaning,
but if I were Bam Bam, I'd check under the ring before the match, just
to be sure.
And despite the face that it's only about 20 after the hour, it's
already time to start the main event.
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/Ted DiBiase) vs.
-- ad break --
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/Ted DiBiase) vs. Diesel for the WWF championship
And Lawler is putting his perfect prognostication record on the line
(0-for-how many is it now?) by picking Bigelow to snatch the belt.
McMahon, however, thinks that Lawler just might be right. His
rationale is that Diesel was in Germany yesterday (what was he doing
*there*?), and is therefore likely suffering from jet lag like nobody's
business. It *is* traveling east-to-west where you get jet lag from,
right? Just checking.
-- promotional considerations --
And McMahon goes on to just how incredibly impromptu this match was.
DiBiase didn't even know about it. So let me see if I have this
straight. DiBiase is apparently so in control of things that he can
keep his contract with Sid a secret, while orchestrating a "hit" on
Shawn Michaels in order to get Sid a title shot. While at the same
time he can't keep track of the matches his other stable members have.
The WWF, for over fifty years the revolutionary force in gaping plot
Bam Bam motions to start things off by bouncing off the ropes, and darn
near stumbles straight through them. Lovely. Contact is made, and Bam
Bam gets a waistlock, onto to get thrown to the mat anyway, and he
decides the floor wasn't such a bad place to be after all. Conference,
wherein we learn Michaels will be back in a month, just too late for
"In Your House". And Bigelow goes back in, and once again tries
outflanking His Coolness by coming at him off the ropes from the side.
First collision, nothing. Second collision, Diesel sticks his hand in
Bam Bam's face and down goes the Bammer. Now Diesel treats Bigelow to
a pair of Six-Inch Cross Corner Whips, both punctuated with splashes
for good measure. With Bigelow caught in the corner, Diesel rams his
shoulder into the Beast, three times, then goes for knee lifts, about
three or four reps. Hip toss. Bammer retreats into the opposite
corner, where Diesel gives him a long, hard, and not at all painful
look and the bottom of his boot. Bam Bam finally decides to try and
generate some offense, with a couple of forearms and a headbutt. He
tries choking Diesel a bit, but Diesel discovers he can just about wrap
his hand completely around Bam Bam's head, and this fact puts the
Bammer off so much he retreats again. An elbow shot, then a
clothesline, and Diesel covers for the first two-count of the match.
Scoop, slam, elbow drop, two more. Diesel again gives Bigelow the
grand tour of the underside of his boot. Then an elbow to the back of
the head, and an arm twist. Lawler warns that Bigelow is eventually
going to get something going, and so it proves, when Bam Bam suddenly
bursts out of the hold and misses an elbow drop. And it's back into
the arm twist. Vince takes a moment to emphasize how this is a win-win
situation for DiBiase. To review, this is because if Bigelow wins,
that's obviously good for the Corporation. If Bigelow loses, he still
has Sid's shot coming up. Does this make sense to anyone? Bam
Bam powers out again, and Diesel finds himself in the corner, with Bam
Bam ramming his head into Diesel's gut. Bigelow, looking anything but
in control, nonetheless subdues Diesel with a headbutt, and then hits a
scoop and slam, and finally hits what I'd guess you'd have to call a
"head drop". Bigelow sends Diesel for the ride, but misses a
clothesline, and gets nailed with a cross body block on the return
trip. Diesel covers, but Bigelow kicks out. DiBiase is clearly
disappointed -- at the cover or the kickout? Bigelow rolls out again,
but then invites His Coolness to join him out there, and the champ can
hardly refuse, being caught by the leg and all. Bigelow warms up by
banging Diesel's head on the mat, then goes in for some quick
chiropractic work, attempting to straight out Diesel's spine on the
most convenient ring post. The first time doesn't seem to work, so Bam
Bam tries it again. Bam Bam re-enters satisfied, and Diesel,
strangely, is soon back in of his own free will as well. Bigelow
forgets who he is for a moment, and picks up Diesel and nails him with
the Papoose To Go. Or was that the Write Off. Well, whoever he
thought he was, he wasn't, as Diesel kicks out at two. While reeling
in disappointment, Bigelow notices that a commercial is imminent, so,
as his contract demands, he slaps on a rest hold.
-- ad break --
And we're back just in time for the Elbowing Out. On the ensuing
charge, Bigelow again misses a clothesline, and on the rebound there is
a mutual shoulderblock, meaning we're not quite done with our rest
period. Bam Bam rises first, and charges, but Diesel pulls the legs
out from under the Beast. So much for being worn down by that long
hold. Diesel with a big splash, and another two-count. Bam Bam kindly
sets himself up for a Big Bossman Sit, which Diesel is glad to execute.
Man, Diesel is really suffering from that jet lag, boy howdy. Diesel
whips Bigelow into a corner, then charges in after, but Bigelow gets an
elbow up, halting the champ's momentum. Bigelow realizes how rude that
was, though, and assists Diesel in completing his trip to the
turnbuckle in that corner before proceeding. Bigelow goes for a
suplex. Diesel blocks it. Someday a heel will know better and give up
after the first block, but today Bigelow holds on and is of course
suplexed himself. Cover for 2. Bigelow is determined not to let this
be an embarrassing moment, but after the camera shot of him in the
subsequent head vice, it is simply too late for that. Bigelow once
again attacks with his favorite blunt object -- his head -- then misses
an elbow shot, but has it ruled close enough and Diesel falls against
the ropes. Diesel blocks a punch and lands several of his own, but
Bigelow righteously protests that he hasn't yet had a dominant spot in
this match yet, and spontaneously hits that suplex he'd tried for
earlier. Bigelow crawls over for the cover, but only 2. Bigelow now
applies that darned reverse chinlock. Since Diesel's excess of hair
obscures his expression, Bigelow kindly wears the appropriate
expression on his own face. Meanwhile, out strolls Tatanka, no doubt
wanting to discuss that Papoose To Go after the match. This is a
pretty good sign this match has a ways to go, since we're likely going
to want to have the entire Corporation out there to pounce on Bigelow
regardless of the match's outcome. Bigelow tenaciously holds on to his
headlock on the champ, so Big Daddy Cool simply side suplexes Bam Bam.
Bigelow, however, is the one who rises first, and manages to keep
Diesel down with some stomps. For reasons best known to himself,
Diesel crawls right over to Tatanka. Bigelow takes advantage
momentarily to choke Diesel on a rope, then Tatanka adds his two cents,
giving Diesel a good solid punch in the nose. Bam Bam picks up the
champ and stuffs him into the corner. Just when it looks like Bigelow
might have momentum going in his direction, though, up pops the graphic
announcing the next break. Bigelow elbows Diesel in frustration as we
-- ad break --
As we return, Diesel is just re-introducing Bigelow to the underside of
his foot, the hard way this time. Diesel puts Bam Bam down with a
clothesline, and DiBiase is up in arms over something we'll never find
out about. Diesel brushes him off the apron, and re-engages Bam Bam.
Bam-Bam sends Diesel for the ride but is reversed, and Tatanka,
performing a "no-look" leg trip, catches his fellow Corporation member.
What Tatanka's true intent was, will no doubt be the topic of great
speculation, but alas the live tape was inconclusive. Bigelow is
annoyed by this, but shakes it off and goes back into the attack.
Diesel, however, interpreting this turn of events as the fatal moment
where the bad guys' plans unravel, gives Bigelow the big boot and
stuffs him into the jackknife, from which the three-count is
inevitable. The champion celebrates briefly, takes his belt, and,
after casting a mildly concerned eye ringward, leaves the scene. Now
the fun can begin.
"Mr. Bigelow, would you please see me in my office?" It's time for Bam
Bam's semi-annual review, and this one doesn't look too good. Getting
pinned by the Kid and LT is bad enough, rants DiBiase, but DIESEL??
DiBiase: "I had the WWF title right in palm of my hands." What the
Hogan/Andre match circa February 1988 has to do with this is anybody's
guess. Why is DiBiase so angry, though? I thought he was in a win-win
situation. Anyway, DiBiase goes on to reveal that he is a firm
supporter of the "three strikes and you're out" policy Congress has
been backing lately, and then announces Bigelow is fired. Then he
makes the incredible mistake of slapping Bigelow in the face, thus
waking him up. Bigelow advances on DiBiase, but Tatanka, in his
official capacity as Severance Officer, intervenes to give Bam Bam his
sending off. Things go awry, though, when Bigelow reverses a whip and
clotheslines Tatanka, then kindly asks Tatanka if he and DiBiase could
have some privacy for a moment. Tatanka obliges, albeit not
It's at this point DiBiase sees there might be room for some
compromise. DiBiase offers an extra month on the Corporation dental
plan. Bigelow counteroffers a change in status from "fired" to
"voluntarily quit". Uh, well, Bam Bam, for that we'll have to refer
you to our accounting department, and thus Irwin R. Schyster is duly
summoned. Tatanka lets himself back in, meanwhile, and now Bam Bam
has a fair fight on his hands. Unfortunately, well, you know how
company bureaucracies are. It seems Tatanka forgot his schedule, and
wouldn't you know it, in wanders Sid, wondering what why Tatanka didn't
show up for Sid's training session as Deputy Severance Officer. There
is general agreement (with one dissension) that this would be a good a
time as any for the training session. Sid warms up with three field
goal kicks on to semi-prone form of the Beast from the East, then
signals that he is ready for the power bomb. Bigelow is delivered as
requested, and the bomb is applied. And with that, the Corporation
prepares to leave the scene. Diesel shows up for a very belated save,
with Tatanka being the only one stupid enough to offer even token
resistance. Everyone else just casually walks away.
-- ad break --
Well, after this little demonstration of Sid's current invincibility
(in-Vince-ibility?), you'd think no one would be stupid enough to have
a match with him between now and the next PPV. Think again. Actually,
wasn't Razor supposed to be up for some time off? Hope the Kid doesn't
mind battling JJ and the Roadie by himself...
We seem to have some time to kill, and while they're cuing up the tape
of whatever it was that happened during the last commercial break,
let's go to our emergency backup match:
Aldo "The Jellyfish" Montoya vs. The Blue, I mean Black Phantom
After Lawler kills about 15 seconds stabbing at the Hart family yet
again, it's time for the 900 line plug. Not surprisingly, option 6,
"Jim Ross' Interviews from the Hospital" will be featuring Bam Bam this
week. While McMahon expresses his doubts as to whether DiBiase was
really in charge of the entire incident that occurred above (and yet he
had every detail of Sid's attack on Michaels worked out, eh, Vince?),
the Jellyfish scores a pin with a monkey flip.
Cut to Hunter Hearst Helmsley (why not throw in Trump, Turner, and
Rockefeller while we're at it?). He seems to be waiting for something,
perhaps a cue. I smell the Roadie's expert hand in this...
-- promotional considerations --
After a scan of the crowd best left uncommented upon, we cut to another
plug for "Duckman".
-- ad break --
As for that crucial "what happened during the ad break" footage they've
been holding out on us, well, it wasn't much. Diesel and Bam Bam pace
around, make incomprehensible arm gestures, then Bam Bam and Diesel
shake hands. I guess that makes the face turn official. Lawler hauls
out his contract again, and to my great disappointment no one snatches
it out of his hand to sign it. McMahon reiterates next week's main
event. We're clearly in a rut here. Let's call it a night.
Phew. For all the setup, and all the careful planning that led up to
it, the actual execution of Bam Bam's face turn was *lame*. Bigelow
didn't look good at all, McMahon's assessment notwithstanding, as
usual. Chris, this is the guy you thought might be getting a belt