tOA logo tOA Wrestling History
tOA Home Page

WWF RAW
August 21, 1995
Taped 08/14/95 in Worcester, Massachusetts

Hour 1Hour 2Hour 3Composite
3.203.20

Written by: Kevin Podsiadlik

KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #44
--------------------------------

Date: 08/21/95. Taping date: 08/14/95. Location: Worcester,
Massachusetts. Hosts: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler

-- "revolutionary force" animation --

So, how was your weekend, Kama? Interesting, if nothing else,
apparently. As usual, one of the Undertaker's albino "creatures of the
night" had placed a black wreath on the floor at ringside, and as
usual, Kama was going through the motions of systematically destroying
it. For a change of pace he was doing it in the ring, so everyone
could see it, but other than that it was business as usual. Then, for
reasons as yet unexplained, the male of the pair of night creatures
chose this moment to express -- would you believe it? -- an emotion.
Leaving his seat to enter the ring, the albino went to pick up the
pieces and start over. Kama, realizing that ring security had clearly
fallen asleep, took it upon himself to eject the invader personally.
Panicking, the albino tossed the pieces of the wreath in Kama's face,
an act which the Surgeon General (if we had one) would frown upon as
distinctly unhealthy. But Gorilla Monsoon, ever protective of the
fans, even the poor, stupid ones, has declared that, as a penalty,
Kama's match with the Undertaker will now be a Casket Match. Gee,
whatever happened to fines?

Speaking of penalties, for distinct lack of excellence in wrestling
performance, Tatanka has to go see the Undertaker tonight. But the
Undertaker seems a bit off-color tonight, accidentally calling
Tatanka's circumstance "fortunate" and slurring his speech a bit. It's
surely Tatanka's only hope of getting out of this one with his scalp.

-- titles --

Men who might have been On a Mission at one time, but who cares now
(w/thronebearers) vs. Roy Raymond and Joe Adcock

And on tonight's season-ending menu, we have an interview with Diesel
to go with our main event. Sounds like pretty bland fare, but maybe
one of the side orders will provide a little spice. The slaughter
begins, as does the speculation. Can Diesel jackknife Mabel? Lawler
bets a crown he can't, but can't find anyone present who is willing to
wager for British currency. Nice shot of Mo's boot, with a logo I
interpret as meaning, "death to basketballs". Lawler, meanwhile, is
having this fantasy about how he whupped Shawn Michaels' behind in last
week's match. "That remains to be seen," quoth McMahon, but somehow I
doubt it. In other news, Sid got the long end of the wishbone, and his
wish came true -- he has an Intercontinental title shot whoever has the
belt on Sept. 11, the reason for the delay being that little jingle
you've probably had ingrained in your mind: "The U. S. Open on USA".
Lawler: "Who cares about golf?" Well, you're close, and you slid it by
McMahon, so I'll have you half-credit there, Jerry. Mabel with the
belly-to-belly suplex, after which he tells the crowd to shut up. Once
the crowd has gotten satisfactorily loud, Mabel proceeds. It appears
that Mabel wants another tag-team match to tune up for his singles
match at Stridex SummerSlam. Well, when you're the king, you don't
have to be logical. The Allied Powers appear to be handy, so how about
them? Mabel gives them six seconds to respond, and then gives up on
them. Well, when you're the king, patience is optional. Lawler's
assessment: if NATO has the guts, they'll accept, if they have the
brains, they won't. Sounds like we can pencil in another match.

Dean Douglas in his satellite classroom, orbiting at an altitude of
22,000 miles. And at this height, Douglas' grading curve changes
dramatically. The word of the day is "dominate", though how one
pronounces an umlauted "m" is not clear. Douglas gives Mabel an "NC".
No Class? Non-Capable? Nolo Contendre? Nope, New Champion. How
prosaic.

Douglas' role at Stridex SummerSlam will be to critique the matches (in
advance I'll give him a "P" for "Predictable"). Vince's role after the
show (and long before you read this) will be to be on-line at AOL (and
I'd like to know how *that* came out).

-- ad break --

For those of you just tuning in, Sid has proven unable to decide
whether he would prefer to beat up Shawn Michaels again, or pummel
Razor Ramon once more. So, he has decided to let their match at
Stridex SummerSlam settle the issue for him. Winner to get the
privilege of facing him. Whoopee.

1-2-3 Kid vs. Brooklyn Brawler

The Brawler's quick start puts Lawler in mind of the Tyson-McNeely, er,
whatever it was. This is of course McMahon's cue to promise "no
rip-offs" at Stridex SummerSlam. And, of course, we've never been
disappointed by a WWF pay-per-view, have we? Update on the status of
the Allied Powers: no evidence of their presence as of yet, though
Lawler swears he saw Davey Boy earlier. Kid with a spinning kick, and
one of those three-quarter nelson thingies I'll call the Rolling
Horowitz, for the pin. After the match, Lawler goes to work on his
Magistrator, drawing pimples on the face of the Kid. Well, I'll leave
it to you what the response of the head announcer of the Stridex
Wrestling Federation was when it was his turn at the drawing board.

Turning to matters slightly less commercial, we replay, for no apparent
reason, Henry O. Godwinn's face turn, involving the ruination of one of
DiBiase's Armani suits.

Tatanka (w/DiBiase, wo/slop) vs. Barry Didn't-Ski

Barry's shirt du jour is the Undertaker model, surprise, surprise. And
thrown in free are three issues of WWF magazine, and a box of... oh,
good grief. The SWF, for over fifty years, the revolutionary force in
incessant marketing. Lawler tells Didn't-Ski to get a life, but Barry
doesn't know of a wholesaler that stocks them.

-- ad break --

Undertaker (w/Bearer) vs.

-- promotional considerations --

Tatanka (w/DiBiase) vs. Undertaker (w/Bearer)

And the word is that the Undertaker is somewhat piqued at the treatment
of his biggest fans at the hands of the Supreme Crafter of Fine
Jewelry. This line of thought is generally supported by the exuberance
with which the Undertaker enters tonight's fray. DiBiase barely has
time to get out of the way as the Undertaker opens matters with a
series of body blows followed by a cross-corner whip. Next is another
whip, which Tatanka reverses, but Tatanka chooses a really lousy time
to get sloppy, dropping his head. The Undertaker pulls it back up for
him, by way of making it part of the mat. At this point Lawler raises
the question of why Kama, DiBiase, et al. are even bothering to raise
the ire of the Undertaker. Too late to be pointing out plot holes now,
though, as the Grim Reaper resumes with another cross-corner whip (only
half an inch? Doesn't he like the coffee around here?) At this point
the Undertaker decides it's time to go ropewalking, and pulls it off
flawlessly as usual. "There's no way out of this," says McMahon, but I
have to wonder what the effect of a tiny little push would be.
Undertaker with a blatant chokehold, releasing just before the referee
reaches four, another sign he might be slipping a bit. And another
cross-corner whip. Is the Man from the Darkside stuck in a rut or
what? The Undertaker tries to come up with something else to do, but
by the time he does, Tatanka is ready and blocks the Undertaker's
assault, and delivers a scoop and slam of his own! Lawler brings up
the details of the Undertaker's only defeat in a casket match. Sure,
it took a lot of people back then, but Kama has the whole Corporation
behind him, a massive force of at least two people, Sid and either
Tatanka or IRS, whichever is sticking around, if either. Meanwhile the
Undertaker has done his sit-up routine, and gone back into the attack,
but on a whip Tatanka reverses again, and this time almost puts his
head down too late, but manages to get a sort-of back body drop out of
it, though it's pretty ugly, in more ways than one. Nevertheless, the
Undertaker's momentum appears to be stalling, so Tatanka decides to
press his unexpected advantage, hitting him in the face every time the
Undertaker attempts to sit up, which is about twice a second for a good
six or seven seconds. The Undertaker tries going for the ropes to pull
up. Tatanka, not desiring to try a Bossman Sit, simply chokes the
Undertaker on it, which seems perfectly fair in context. After that,
Tatanka reverts to his mainstay, the overhead chop, and it is still
quite a while before the Undertaker finally makes it to his feet. Once
there, Tatanka feeds him a little turnbuckle, then scoops and slams him
again for a two-count. For no good reason Tatanka puts on the reverse
chinlock (trying to hide it from the camera for obvious reasons).
Meanwhile, Lawler is doing some choice name dropping, involving Shannon
Faulkner, Jerry Garcia, the dead Head Deadhead (just wanted to say that
once), and Elvis. Meanwhile, the Undertaker has gotten himself a new
#1 fan, this one sports a black rose and has an eerie resemblance to
Harry Anderson. The Undertaker finally decides it's time to leave the
hold, but finds it somewhat difficult to perform even that menial task,
finding it necessary to do the elbowing out from a kneeling position.
As Vince puts it, the Undertaker is not the same without the urn,
taking nothing away from the skills of Tatanka (not that there is much
to take away). Fortunately Kama will be gracious enough to bring the
urn along Sunday, so there should be no such problems then. Finally
the Undertaker slaps on a sort of bearhug, which, upon standing and
falling back, turns into a gut wrench suplex. Both men start getting
up at the same time, but Tatanka, having shorter distance to rise, was
able to seize the initiative. Tatanka with a cross-corner whip
actually more impressive than any of the Undertaker's, save for the
fact that Tatanka promptly loused it up by running in after and into
the Grim Reaper's waiting boot. The Undertaker hits a clothesline, but
then wouldn't you know it, we have to take an

-- ad break --

And by now Tatanka has regained the upper hand, as evidenced by
Tatanka's whip, missed clothesline, and the Undertaker flying body
press, nailing him square in the chest. Well, that's Vince's story,
anyway. The Undertaker, taking a request from the audience, performs
his impression of the British Bulldog, hoisting the Native American on
his shoulder in apparent preparation for a running slam. It's missing
something, though, as Tatanka slides off the Undertaker's back and
clotheslines him from behind. I have to admit, in passing, that this
is one of Tatanka's best efforts of late (and that's not just going by
results). Tatanka pulls the Undertaker up by the hair, a big mistake,
it turns out, as after the whip and the missed clothesline, the
Undertaker unexpectedly turns and grabs Tatanka by the throat! The end
comes astonishingly swiftly, as Undetaker hits a choke slam, and then
asks, what do you want on your bake-at-home pizza, Tatanka? The three-
count follows in a matter of seconds. DiBiase immediately takes on the
air of a man at a funeral, and I do indeed fear that this is the last we
will see of Chris Chavis. No, wait, not fear, what is the word? Oh yes,
hope.

Todd Pettengill, affirming himself a true believer in the Undertaker,
with your Stridex SummerSlam insider. Because, bigger is better, which
explains what makes Yokozuna such a world-class athlete. To the card.
Diesel/Mabel, interview to come. Michaels/Ramon, interview not to
come. Hart/Yankem. "Hi, this is Jim Rockford...". Has Dean Douglas
been orating on the word "extraction"? It seems to be on everyone's
lips. No time for the rest of the card, because MOM has again changed
their mind, and now want an answer from NATO. Pettengill doesn't know
what's up. Neither does McMahon. Lawler, the only well-informed one in
the group, lets us in on the update: Smith is around and is ready to
go, but he just can't seem to remember where he left his tag-team
partner. Probably with his car keys.

-- ad break --

"Tee Vee Trivia". For $57,328.03, who the heck are these people,
anyway?

Jean Pierre LaFitte vs. Scott Taylor

Lawler calls LaFitte a pirate. McMahon disagrees, calling him a thief.
I had no idea the terms were mutually exclusive. QOTD from Lawler:
"Who does Scott Taylor think he is, Barry Horowitz?" Update: Davey Boy
still can't find Lex. Further updates as unwarranted. Why is "Big
Cat" Ernie Ladd spending so much time with MOM? Inquiring minds want
to know, but it'll cost 'em $1.49 a minute. This is on option six,
though, which does not bode well at all for Mabel. Remember, kids, get
your parent's permission before you call, or else your parents might be
able to get out of paying the bill.

Getting back to LaFitte's exploits, he has added to his booty of
Hakushi's Bret Hart-head, a pair of discarded Bret Hart sunglasses.
McMahon claims they were autographed and therefore valuable, but how
does one autograph plastic, especially black plastic? For some reason
Bret Hart has stolen the spotlight without even being present, so
LaFitte's victory via La Cannonball is practically ignored.

Goldust. Boy, when your voice gets drowned out by New Age music... And
yes, I will back up Lawler's claim that the Internet did light up after
Goldie appearance last week. Unfortunately, most of the comments are
not repeatable here.

Enter Champion Diesel. I don't know, it's all becoming so routine
these days. "Are you ready...?" prompts McMahon, thus satisfying the
obligatory football reference. Diesel later admits he was actually
naive enough to believe Mabel wouldn't attack him after the match with
Mo. Can Diesel jackknife Mabel? Maybe no, maybe yes. Oh, good grief,
now he's waffling. In summary, he confidently predicts victory, what a
shock. Lawler borrows McMahon's "that remains to be seen" for the
occasion. At this point, however, another individual enters the ring,
and, after painstaking inspection, McMahon declares him to be in fact
the British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith. Davey Boy wishes Diesel good luck.
Gee, great way to use up prime network time, Smith. Oh, and he's also
here to report that Lex Luger had a little emergency and had to go
running back to Atlanta. The rumor mill takes that and runs with it,
leaving the Bulldog free to continue. Were the situation reversed
(though why Davey Boy would need to go to Atlanta is beyond me), the
Bulldog figures Lex would have gotten the best replacement partner
available, and the one standing in the middle of the ring looks pretty
good. Unfortunately McMahon didn't have the proper gear with him, so
Davey Boy had to look elsewhere. Davey Boy floats an idea with the
crowd: how about giving Diesel a six-day-early shot at Mabel? The
crowd approves, of course, but they're pretty sure there must be a
bylaw against this sort of premature confrontation. Then again, with
Monsoon in the squared oval office, it seems the rule book had an
unfortunate chance meeting with the paper shredder, so there's just a
chance. Diesel's response: "You just made my day." Uh, Davey Boy, I'd
ask someone real quick if Diesel's a Clint Eastwood fan, if I were you.
McMahon announces it, and apparently that is enough to make it
official.

-- promotional considerations --

"Mo, what's happening?" Apparently King Mabel is just a wee bit slow
on the uptake, but his dutiful squire leading him in the general
direction of the ring. Mabel slowly pulls himself into the ring,
meaning that it is now time to start the

-- ad break --

Diesel and Davey Boy Smith vs. Men who may... oh, you know.

Both teams have gotten really chatty, the result being the match still
hasn't gotten underway yet. Lawler asserts that Mabel can't wait to
get at Diesel, but is quickly contradicted by Mabel's exit from the
ring, leaving us with an opening match up Diesel vs. Mo. Seen it! Mo
starts a rap version of "You Can't Always Get What You Want", thereby
forcing Diesel to engage him in self-defense. Lockup, well, not quite,
as Diesel sticks his knee out instead of his arms. Mo, duly crossed,
takes that, a chop to the upper back, and a side of fist to the temple.
Back up, he gets cross-corner whipped (the best one yet tonight), with
a clothesline in the corner for second course. Mo gets seconds of
that, and Diesel follows it with an assortment of further abuse
pressing him up against the turnbuckles. Davey Boy wants in on this
action, but Diesel is content for now to whip Mo into a big boot.
Jackknife, anyone? Mo starts rolling away, Mabel comes in uninvited.
As everyone expects, Davey Boy enters as a counter-maneuver. As no one
expects, Davey Boy promptly plants a clothesline to the back of
Diesel's neck, sending the champ straight into a Mabel body slam.
Either Davey Boy caught some of that glaucoma from McMahon, or...
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a heel turn! Hmm. So the faces got
Godwinn, while the heels got Smith. Unless Godwinn's more of a
prospect than we know about, I'd say the heels made off like bandits on
that trade. Diesel is brought up to his knees by Mabel, in order to
have a little conversation with Davey Boy, but the details of it will
likely never be known. Meanwhile, James E. Cornette has mysteriously
materialized on the ring apron, presumably staking his claim to Davey
Boy and possibly MOM as well. The referee signals for the bell, in a
demonstration of his complete impotence in the situation. As Smith
begins to taunt Diesel a second time, Diesel finally finds it in
himself to bust out of Mabel's hold, only to have Davey Boy take it to
him with a running slam. Mabel adds a leg drop for flavor. After much
discussion, he adds a second one, but the cooks seem to have a little
problem reaching a consensus on the best way to destroy Big Daddy Cool.
This is all rather fortunate for Diesel, as for some reason neither
Michaels, nor Ramon, nor even Bam Bam are on call at the moment. Talk
about lousy planning! Mabel takes the belt and waddles off to rejoin
the rest of the gang, currently whooping it up with Jerry Lawler.
McMahon promises to have Oliver Stone in to discuss his theories on
this apparent conspiracy, following the next

-- ad break --

Well, Diesel has just pulled himself up, with the ropes but no other
outside assistance, and apparently suffering from nothing worse than
Excedrin Headache #2481. This is a clear signal that MOM and the
Bulldog have badly muffed the job. But this does not seem to trouble
our happy crew backstage. Lawler's first question is directed to Davey
Boy, in particular, what prompted him to make the change, but Smith
says no, that would be telling. Over to Mabel, who says that within a
week's time he will move that belt from over his shoulder to around his
slim waist. Who he's borrowed that slim waist from is left an open
question.

At any rate, after a quick look at that heel turn on instant replay,
it's time to call it a season. That's a two-week break for me, and I
hope to see you on the other side of it. Until then.

-- Kevin J. Podsiadlik




Copyright ©2002 tOA, All Rights Reserved
All columns and posts represent the views and opinions of the noted authors
and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of tOA.