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WWF RAW
August 14, 1995
Taped 08/14/95 in Worcester, Massachusetts

Hour 1Hour 2Hour 3Composite
3.403.40

Written by: Kevin Podsiadlik

KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #43
--------------------------------

Date: 08/14/95. Taping date: 08/14/95. Location: Worcester,
Massachusetts. Hosts: Vince McMahon and Ted DiBiase

-- "revolutionary force" animation --

Many call Shawn Michaels the most flamboyant personality in WWF
history. Others prefer the term charismatic, others extroverted, still
others outlandish, and so on. King Mabel prefers the term "blocking
dummy". But forget him for now, as Michaels goes up against another
self-proclaimed king (who was the first, or is Mabel's title considered
illegitimate now?) in the form of Jerry Lawler. Lawler is what is
known as a "ring veteran", which is WWF-speak for "has been at it for
years and STILL isn't a winner". What King Mabel started, King Lawler
will finish, which is good to hear, because I don't think I could stand
Michaels having a two-year feud with Lawler like Bret Hart did (and to
an extent, still does).

-- titles --

And DiBiase is substituting temporarily for King Lawler, for obvious
reasons. Of course, the only topic DiBiase is willing to discuss at the
moment is how Sid was so arbitrarily denied an I/C title shot at
Stridex SummerSlam, and specifically, how Sid just might use the
occasion of Michaels' next match to vent his frustrations, and well,
what do you know, it just so happens that on tonight's card...

Doink (wo/Dink) vs. Waylon Mercy

Well, no one said Sid's timing was perfect. And no one said anything
about this match before it started, which would tend to imply it is
clearly not main event material, so I will not treat it as such. But
yes, that was a fair amount of positive cheering you heard upon Mercy's
entrance, at least as much as Doink got. Ted DiBiase is still going on
about Sid, in particular about how, based on his reaction to the bad
news about his title shot, the term "Psycho" might actually be apt,
just this once. In other news, Henry O. Godwinn has a match on the
card, and DiBiase, ever the fact-checker, jumps right in to deny that
Godwinn is a Corporation member, nor will he ever be. Just a hired hand
for some "dirty work", as DiBiase puts it, whose price is right.
McMahon cautions DiBiase that comments like this could be taken the
wrong way (as the crowd is cheering Doink's methodical demolition).
Mercy, on the other hand, has potential in DiBiase's book. As DiBiase
puts the finishing touches on his dissing of the hog man, Mercy puts
the finishing touches on his match with a sleeper hold. Now, normally
you'd expect Doink to fight his way out of it, but then this chant
starts coming out from the crowd. The first time through, I admit I
couldn't decipher it, since not everyone was shouting it in sync, but
after browsing the group, and going back, sure enough, the crowd is
chanting, "kill the clown"! With the crowd in that sort of mood, Doink
wisely gives in.

Meet Goldust. Now, wait a minute, Dustin Rhodes doesn't have long,
flowing blond hair, so then if it's not him then just who is
thi..AAAAHHHH!!! Oh, sorry folks, but the last time I saw a mug like
that was the last time I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show. I hope that
jaundice is just a temporary condition. Or maybe he was the feature
attraction at a re-creation of one of those legendary Aztec human
sacrifice rituals, a re-creation gone horribly wrong. At any rate,
Goldie here is not a sight one willingly keeps one's eyes focused on.
Furthermore, his(?) voice is barely audible at many points (you'd think
someone from Hollywood would know a thing or two about sound levels?).
So the eyes inevitably wander to the background, which is quickly
recognizable, even if you've never been there, as the animation studio
for Warner Brothers Television (the logos being the giveaway). At this
point things come together. The weird, varying voice, the unnatural
skin color, all clues to the apparent truth: Goldust is a toon, and
this interview was done moments after a daring escape from Warner
Brothers Animation! All right, if you're not going to buy that, at
least consider this. The way Goldie inhales, perhaps "Goldust" is
simply a reference to this, er, person's favorite recreational
substance, with the skin color being the unfortunate side effect. All
this, and much, much more, in the thing that is, Goldust. The WWF, for
over fifty years, the revolutionary force in unfathomable personae.

Well, DiBiase concedes that Goldie at least compares favorably to a
certain Bacon Breath he knows, and it's really a pity that Henry was en
route to the announcer's table at that moment, or he might just have
gotten there a little quicker. Still, Godwinn seems to have some idea
that DiBiase has fanned the flames a bit more. The subsequent
discussion between DiBiase and Godwinn is largely inaudible, but when
Godwinn suddenly orders DiBiase to get on his knees, it is widely
regarded as a sign things could have gone better for DiBiase. DiBiase
soon complies, but appeasement works badly with tyrants and little
better with hog farmers. Godwinn next orders DiBiase to do a pig
impression. DiBiase hesitates, and Godwinn, not known for his
patience, promptly slimes him. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a face
turn.

-- ad break --

And let's see that again on instant replay. Gee, and I thought hog
slopping was considered too disgusting for general viewing, but now we
seem to revel in it. Just one question: does this mean Godwinn's feud
with Adam Bomb is over?

Back to live action, it looks like the janitor has dropped his cue, but
that's of little import for now. Say hello to our fourth-string
emergency backup announcer (after Jerry, Shawn, and Ted), Dok Hendrix.
Dok Hendrix's credentials apparently involve being in the Boy Scouts at
one point, though it doesn't appear he made it to the Eagle rank. While
Dok goes for his Aimless Rambling merit badge, we proceed on to:

Smoking Gunns vs. Bill Garrett and Cody Wayne

Hendrix and McMahon, already an established team as those of you who
watch on Saturdays know, quickly demonstrate they have their patter
routine down. Topics include the Gunns undeclared feud with the
Brothers Grunt, as well as Sid's current state of mind, which, all
things considered, could be just the slightest bit more pleasant. Gunns
with the Sidewinder.

Good morning, and avscvlta mihi tibi dico (now I'm guessing that's the
title of that Hawaiian Christmas song) to you too, Mr. Douglas. Can
I get you a throat drop? You know, you really ought to consider hiring
a manicurist, Dean. That chalkboard is just not very efficient at
keeping your nails short. This week's power word: execution. Which
leads us to Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Exhibit A, a tape of Bret Hart
coming off the second turnbuckle, nailing his opponent with the elbow,
getting the obligatory two-count, then standing up and saying something
to the referee. Douglas has seen enough, and flunks Bret on the spot.
Fortunately for Bret, the last date to drop is still a few weeks away,
so he has plenty of time to keep this off his permanent record. Next
week for sure, Douglas promises he will get to his long-delayed
discussion of the exclamation point.

Back to McMahon and Hendrix, and from there is straight over to Shawn
Michaels, whose catchphrase of the week is: "What rib injury?" Pending
adjudication from Dean Douglas as to what the proper definition of
"gyrating" is, we go from there to an

-- ad break --

Next week: Undertaker. Tatanka. It's been fun knowing you, Mr.
Chavis.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Jeff Hardy

McMahon deals with the ad copy, whereupon attention focuses primarily
on the rather unusual outfit of the jobber. Sort of a Shawn Michaels
reject outfit. On to the AOL plug, where Vince McMahon promises to be
in the chat forum following next week's Raw. Someone out there knows
what to do. Helmsley with the Pedigree, after which Dok spills the
beans on an as yet unannounced match between Helmsley and Bob "Spark(y)
Plugg" Holly at Stridex SummerSlam.

Speaking of which, Todd Pettengill with your Stridex SummerSlam
Insider. Diesel and Mabel. Shawn and Razor. Hart and Yankem. Blayze
and Faye. This last match being strictly for the fans, meaning no
chance of the title changing hands or anything. Undertaker and Kama.
That's it for old business, on to new business. Next match, Barry
Horowitz against Skip Bodydonna. That's right, Barry Horowitz is on
the card at Stridex SummerSlam. Everybody who had thought they'd seen
everything, wrong again, though Horowitz in those large-lensed
spectacles comes pretty close. Meanwhile Skip has gone and beaten
himself again, with a modicum of assistance from Horowitz, by setting
up a "ten-minute challenge match". You've heard of "ninety days same
as cash"? Meet "ten minutes same as a win for Horowitz". Pretty
cheap, but Barry at least knows enough not to complain. Next match,
the Kid against Hakushi. Stipulations not announced, though I imagine
"a first man to touch the mat loses" rule will be forthcoming.
Pettengill has no more matches to announce, which leads me to wonder
about that Helmsley/Holly match.

On his way out, Pettengill zings Hendrix but good. I think. I really
wish they'd have let us in on it. But no time for crying over spilt
jokes, the sound of the atrociously played banjo can only signal the
(re-)entrance of:

Henry O. Godwinn vs.

-- ad break --

Gee, where have I seen that piece of animation before? It's apparently
something left over from Wrestlemania XI, though it had the fault of
being out of season, until now. I really wish they'd quit reminding us
of what we're missing watching this. It can't be good for ratings.

Henry O. Godwinn vs. Russ Greenberg

And, notably, the cheers for Godwinn have completely evaporated
already.

-- promotional considerations --

Hendrix has little time to do anything but point out the obvious, that
Godwinn's actions will have repercussions in the weeks to come, before
Godwinn hits the Slop Drop, thus avoiding hogging any more camera time
than is due to him. Oh, but it would seem he's made slopping an
official part of his gimmick, as Greenberg has just discovered to his
dismay. Man, that janitor's going to rack up the overtime tonight...

Ever felt like trips to the dentist seem to last forever? Well, this
one's going on about six weeks now. Hope the insurance coverage holds
out.

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Barry Niemenski (w/1-2-3 Kid and Chevy
Vega)

Well, it's pretty clear this match doesn't have a favorite. Barry's
backstage, hawking those Pog-like devices known as "mat caps". And now
they're selling the uncut sheets, which means they didn't sell too
well. And they'll throw in three free issues of WWF magazine. This
one has "close out" written all over it, folks, get 'em before they
become non-collector's items...

-- ad break --

And with Lawler's music now having droned on for nearly five minutes
straight, the crowd is now properly primed to overreact (and that's
saying something) to the entrance of...

Shawn Michaels vs. Jerry Lawler

The first unanswered question is, is this a title match or not? The
referee answers by holding the I/C belt up over his head. Moments
later, McMahon answers by stating this is a non-title match. Someone
had better get the signals straight before someone accidentally gives
Shawn's belt away. On the other hand, the point will presumably be
moot anyway.

Lockup, and Lawler backs Shawn into the ropes. Lawler breaks as
cleanly as he can, which is to say not very, before whipping Shawn,
missing a clothesline, having Michaels dive between his legs on the
next pass, then back up a bit in order to take Lawler's legs with him.
And thank you for showing up, Shawn, see you at the PPV. Oh, wait, the
match isn't quite over yet. Shawn waits for Lawler too cool off enough
for him to re-enter, and it's on to lockup #2. This time Lawler backs
Shawn into a corner, breaks (his way), and whips Shawn again. At the
other corner, Shawn flips over an incoming King, then, when the King
turns around to ask him what his problem is, undercuts him. At this
point the roar of the crowd seems to be getting to Lawler, so of course
Michaels beckons it continue. The referee, a bit of a pedant, wants to
know when Shawn is going to get around to doing some actual wrestling.
Shawn, being in a good mood, decides to go along with the idea, and
it's lockup #3. This time Shawn dodges the blow Lawler delivers when a
break is called for, whips Lawler, and executes a back body drop.
Shawn decides to do an instant replay of that move, but this time
Lawler is a bit more on the ball, and steps over Michaels head, thus
putting him in perfect position to do the Razor's Edge. I'm sorry, I
mean the Jackknife. No, I mean... just a second... Lawler... the
piledriver. Lawler promptly executes same, but Michaels, quite
unexpectedly, lets go of Lawler's legs and breaks his headfirst tumble
by pushing off against the mat, leaving Shawn vertical and Lawler
seated, no, lying down after Shawn punches him in the head. Just then
a tall blonde walks up, and not one Shawn would be terribly inclined to
plant a wet one on, at least not without an immediate and certain
escape route. While Sid is clearly deep in contemplation (perhaps
composing a poem, "Ode to an Intercontinental Title Belt"?), his
presence seems adequate to suddenly, and for no obvious reason, turn
the momentum of the battle in Lawler's favor. Even Michaels' Flair
Flops aren't working the way they're supposed to. Sid looks up, sees
Michaels lying prone on the arena floor, his grasp on the belt appears
to strengthen, and for a moment it appears he just might snap the belt
in two. That moment occurs just prior to an

-- ad break --

Our return comes as Lawler is executing a very deliberate suplex of the
Heartbreak Kid. Take the announcers' word for it, Lawler has been
dominating throughout the break. Dok slyly lets us know something is
up, possibly involving Razor Ramon, as Lawler executes a fist drop on
Michaels. Then another, and Michaels seems vaguely hurt, though we
really haven't seen all that much devastation, have we? Next, a DDT,
after which Lawler, almost deliberately, gives Michaels plenty of time
to recover from before the two-count and on to the next move, a scoop,
a pause for breath, and a slam. Up to the top rope, and Lawler executes
his specialty move, the flying nothing slam. Lawler stands up slowly,
then Michaels stands up very, very quickly. Michaels has clearly had
enough, and will proceed to dispense with this farce immediately. A
bunch of blows to knock Lawler into the corner, a four-inch cross
corner whip, then... a cross body block, but not really, but it has the
same effect, so who cares. A high altitude stomp, a scoop and slam, up
to the top turnbuckle for an elbow drop, and Michaels starts priming up
his leg... Lawler provides little defense to the superkick. So little,
in fact, that he falls completely out of the ring, which is just as
well, as it gets him out of Sid's way. Michaels ducks Sid's
clothesline. On the rebound gives him a kick to the gut causing Sid to
drop the belt. On the next pass, Shawn offers up his head, and Sid
kicks it through the goalposts. All this was just enough to disqualify
Lawler, but such is life. Sid starts kicking away at the ribs, then
comes a whip and a choke slam. Uh, Diesel, I think you missed your cue
quite a way back there. Sid starts setting up for the power bomb,
when, ah, here he comes. Funny, I thought Diesel was a bit taller and
didn't wear any yellow. In fact, this guy looks just like Razor Ramon!
But as Dok is quick to point out, saving Shawn would be the last thing
Razor would go out of his way to do. But there we have it. Shawn gets
up and indicates his desire to let Sid have a free sample of superkick,
but Razor, rather brusquely, shoves Shawn out of the way, runs up and
puts Sid in the Razor's Edge! Just as Razor is about to fall forward
and give Sid what for, Jerry Lawler, who was hanging around for no
particular reason, rushes in and pulls Sid down from his precarious
position, then both Lawler and Sid get the heck out of there and leave
Shawn and Razor to do their obligatory staredown.

Shawn crawls over, and picks up the belt. Razor picks up the belt. We
have a problem here. We have two people doing what is clearly a
one-person job, which is a clear violation of union rules. Razor and
Shawn argue over who gets to log the job, and things degenerate into an
impromptu tug of war, which Razor wins. Razor tries the belt on for
size, over Shawn's protests, then, when he is good and ready, hands it
back to Shawn. Oops, how clumsy of him.

-- promotional considerations --

Presto, change-o, alakazam, Diesel has materialized right between the
two combatants-to-be. Diesel tries to keep the peace, but instead
only brings to mind the UN and Bosnia.

-- ad break --

A quick review of some of the moments we missed during the
considerations, but nothing of any substance, unless you can make
anything of Shawn's newfound tendency to slap himself in the left
cheek. What's the point, you ask? Whoever said there had to be a
point?

-- Kevin J. Podsiadlik




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