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WWF RAW
August 01, 1995
Taped 07/24/95 in Louisville, Kentucky


Written by: Kevin Podsiadlik

KJP'S MEDIUM RARE RAW REPORT #42
--------------------------------

Date: 08/07/95. Taping date: 07/24/95. Location: Louisville, Kentucky.
Hosts: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler

-- "revolutionary force" animation --

Well, last week, as you just might recall, we had a tag team
championship match between Owen and Yoko and Razor and Savio. Or part
of one at any rate. It was a seesaw matchup, with Razor playing the
part of the fulcrum and Owen the part of the board. Unfortunately for
Razor, his first pinfall had to be disallowed due to a technical
miscue, namely, his failure to to give his "that's it" arm gesture
prior to performing the Razor's Edge on the _____ of Harts. Razor
complained that Owen had set himself up for it unexpectedly, but rules
are rules, and a stitch in time saves nine, and, well, whatever,
anyway, the match was restarted. Finally Razor saw the opportunity
come again, and this time gave the appropriate gesture, but the network
executives so badly wanted to see this week's rerun of "Silk Stalkings"
they had to cut him off and move on. So we're going to do it all over
again, and *this* time, start the tape a little sooner. Oh, and by the
way, Diesel, or rather, Champion Diesel, is facing Sir Mo. Diesel
comes up with the best nickname I've heard yet for his opponent: "Yo Yo
Mo". He also has "heartbreaking news" for Mabel, if you know what he
means, which I sure don't.

-- titles --

Razor Ramon and Savio "Chevy" Vega vs. Yokozuna and Owen "The ______ Of
Harts" Hart (w/Fuji and, for some reason, Cornette) for the tag belts

McMahon has a feeling the titles are going to change hands tonight.
Lawler dismisses it as indigestion. Meanwhile Owen seems to have his
own medical problems, owing to the fact that Razor went through with
Razor's Edge numero dos despite the fact that they were off the air.
And I'm going to be suffering from sleep deprivation as I hack my way
through two presumably full-length feature matches, so let the medical
billing begin.

Oops, hold the phone, we've got another item. The office of the WWF
presidency has filled, for the time being, by Gorilla Monsoon. This
Gorilla may not weigh 500 pounds, but he still gets to do anything he
wants. And, unlike the Immediate Past President, he wants. First
order of business, Shawn vs. Sid is out, a rerun from WrestleMania X is
in. Now granted, the Shawn/Razor ladder match may well have been the
best match in WWF history, but has the ladder fully recovered yet? Then
there's the small problem that this goes against the desires of both
Shawn *and* Sid, not to mention the fact that Shawn and Sid are both
faces now. Clearly, Monsoon has no idea of how to run a wrestling
federation.

Oh, did the match start? Sorry. Well, as Yoko's in the ring with
Razor, we can't have missed much. The lockup takes Razor into the
corner, where Yoko lands a headbutt. Then a head shot, a whip, and a
missed clothesline. Razor hits his on the return pass, but it doesn't
seem to matter. He backs up and tries it again. He goes for a third
attempt, and Yoko, ever helpful, offers some inspiration in the form of
a scoop and slam of the Bad Guy. The subsequent elbow drop misses, but
Yoko is unfazed, even as Razor twists his arm and tags in Chevy. Vega
continues the arm hold, but seems to have no idea what to do with it,
so Yoko tags in Owen. Savio slaps on a double wristlock and gently
lowers the still somewhat smarting Hart to the mat, where he not so
gently stomps on him, then, while he's down there, covers him for 2. A
headlock hiptoss gets another two-count, which Owen gets back by simply
rolling over. Savio attempts to go at it from another angle, but once
they are back on their feet it is Owen who leverages Savio to the mat.
Owen gets a wristlock on, but Savio reverses it and tags in Razor.
Razor scales up to a hammerlock, Owen decides this won't do, and sneaks
in a drop toe hold. Owen dives over Razor to try to establish a head
lock, but winds up back in the hammerlock somehow. Owen reverses it,
so Razor shows him his solution to the problem: he runs around the
ring, slowly gaining momentum, and then suddenly dives to a halt just
short of the ropes. Owen, in disbelief that he fell for that move in
two straight matches, sails through the ropes and to the floor. Razor
happily accepts the referee's admonishments as Chevy joins Owen on the
floor, but for some reason Vega just tosses the _____ of Harts back in
the ring. Must be a San Juan thing. Anyway, time for another lockup
and Razor, predictably, secures the wristlock. Owen, understandably
tired of this move, slaps Razor in indignation and grabs Razor by the
wrist and tells him he has to see Yoko. Yoko doesn't use sarcasm,
though, he just uses headbutts. Yoko quickly secures an armbar and
Owen is tagged right back in. Meanwhile, we're told Dean Douglas is
watching this match during commercial breaks of the football game, and
he'll be giving out his marks after the match. Razor, well aware his
GPA is sagging, quickly gets the wristlock back on Owen, then
reconsiders and makes it a headlock. Owen uses momentum to slide out
of that, then ducks under Razor and lets Yoko have at him. Picking up
from there, Owen nails a DDT for 2. Then, while he's reminiscing about
WWF stars from the late 80s, he adds a Rude Awakening for good measure,
as well as another two-count. Practically without thinking, Owen slaps
on the inverted chinlock. Razor doesn't even bother with the pretense
that this has any effectiveness, Razor elbows out once, to which Owen
reacts twice, then goes off the ropes. On his return, Owen presents
him with the gift of his left foot. A Greek Gift, of course, as the
right one is coming postpaid to Razor's temple. Hi, this is Razor
Ramon. I'm not in right now, but if you'd leave your name, number, and
my foot on the ropes, I'd be most appreciative. Vega complies, and
Owen's cover is thus frustrated. The referee decides this blatant
violation of the rules deserves a stern talking to. Owen and Yoko,
deciding that this punishment is hardly sufficient, give Razor a double
headbutt. Yoko settles in to the Vulcan Neck Massage, while the referee
gives him an admonishment to at least tag in next time.

-- ad break --

Upon our return, Owen, still on his nostalgia kick, has just landed a
Bossman Sit. Owen covers, incidentally his feet are on the ropes, but
it's only a two-count so who cares. Owen again with the chinlock,
which Razor pays only token acknowledgment to, and this time, on the
elbow out, Owen continues the thought and tosses Razor clean over the
top rope. The referee turns to Owen, deeply impressed, who directs him
to go talk to Chevy some more, but during that time merely tags Yoko
back in. Oh, now that he's the illegal man, *now* he feels free to
attack Razor on the floor. That makes sense! The referee, not
surprisingly confused by all of this, decides to go talk to Savio some
more. After he is done, Owen sends Razor back in to Yoko, who lands
some heavy blows, pun intended, sort of. Razor falls flat, and Yoko
goes to talk things over with Cornette. Uh, Yoko, you're standing on
Razor's throat again. Oh, I'm sorry, says Yoko, who promptly reapplies
the neck massage to make things right again. Razor relaxes, to the
point where he almost dozes off, until he is awakened by the rhythmic
raising and dropping of his arm by the referee. Duly refreshed, Razor
hammers away at Yokozuna, with such determination he totally misses the
fact the Yoko has tagged in Owen. Owen informs him of that fact with a
not-so-light tap on Razor's back. Owen follows with a rake of the
back, which just gets Razor angry. A couple blows of his own, then he
whips Owen, but gets reversed. On the second pass, Owen is all set up
and delivers a textbook savat kick for 2. Owen with another whip,
tries the hip toss, but Razor blocks it and turns it into a backslide
for 2. Owen answers with a scoop and slam, then decides it's time to
take it topside. Owen lands on Razor, but with no particular part of
his body, so it's not quite enough for the three-count, despite the
_____ of Hart's expectations to the contrary. Another whip, and Owen
secures a sleeper! Will the dream end for Razor and Savio, or will it
just begin? Vega, who hasn't had much to do this match, interjects
with a few arousing hand claps. The referee shoos him away, but the
Bad Guy stirs. Razor looks in all directions for a way out, doesn't
find it, so with little else to do, picks up Owen and drops him. Hey
kids, what time is it? It's time for the race to tag! Cornette,
trying to get his man started, starts a rhythmic banging on the canvas,
then quickly halts when he realizes the crowd is chanting "U. S. A." to
this. Okay, I'll bite, who is the chant supposed to be for this time?
Instead of going for the tag, though, Razor decides to try to pull a
Virgil and cover Owen, but that proves futile, and he's right back in
trouble again. The next whip: okay, over, duck, cross, bounce... looks
like they got their signals crossed, as they collide unceremoniously in
the center of the ring. Owen's way out in front, it looks like he
might tag Yoko, here he goes, and... Razor makes a world-class dive to
get into tagging range of Savio, and so, once again, the faces win the
race. Chevy gives Yoko all he's got, which gives the sumo definite
cause for concern. Finally a savat kick gets him down for a moment,
just long enough for Owen to come in and make it an official house
afire. After a superkick which must have sent Shawn Michaels' heart
a-flutter, Savio goes for bonus points with a double noggin-knocker.
Remembering, this time, which is the legal man, Vega resumes work on
Yokozuna, but Owen won't let it alone. What, no DQ? Apparently not,
as Owen and Yoko miss with the double clothesline. Razor drags Owen
out of the picture, while Vega tries to cross-body block Yoko... but
miscalculates and ends up on Yokozuna's back as the sumo falls
backwards with a crash. Was that a squishing noise I heard? Razor
sends Owen to play with the steel steps, while Yoko is dropping the
leg... Razor sees what is happening, and quickly rushes around to the
other side before entering, but by that time it is too late. The
referee reaches three before Razor is through the ropes, and it's hasta
la vista for Ramon and Vega. While waiting for his head to stop
ringing, Owen is left to ponder how his attempt at deliberate
disqualification was seen through and defeated. Yeah, the referee sure
showed me, he muses as he is handed his belt back.

And time for the grades. Douglas gives his by now familiar greeting
(oh, I never did specifically mention the fingernails on the
chalkboard, did I?), and goes to work. The topic is teamwork, and we
settle for a moderate two definitions of the term. Exhibit A is the
point in the match just prior to the first ad break, where the referee
is giving Savio the standard slap on the wrist for pulling his tag
partner's foot on the ropes to kill the three-count on him, while Owen
and Yoko deal out stiffer punishment to Razor. The context is somewhat
missing here, but this is Douglas' forum, and he is quite satisfied
that this performance is quite deserving of a grade of T. Uh, prof, I
think you've been giving too many true-false exams lately. No, wait,
it's a grade of TT. Which stands for what, Tekno Team 2000? That's
pretty low, comparing them to Erik Watts. No, no, what he decides the
grade stands for is "Terrible Twosome". Well now wait a minute, that
sounds more like a ringing endorsement than the condemnation he seemed
to intend. I guess I just don't understand academic types.

This leads us somehow into an upcoming Isaac Yankem segment. Meanwhile,
Diesel and Shawn give each other a casual high five. Do they do that
every time they happen to pass in the hallway?

-- ad break --

Back at the dentist's office, Yankem is demonstrating another of his
favorite tools, the X-ray machine. This seems to have a strange effect
on the camera. You know, my dentist always leaves the room when he
activates his X-ray machine, but Yankem seems to press himself right up
against the thing. This is unlikely to be a problem for the patient,
who only undergoes it once every six months (or longer, in the case of
Yankem's patients), but Yankem must get radiated upon several times
each day. This could go a long way to explaining more than a couple
things about Yankem, though. Like his tendency to wear those strange
glasses in front of his patients.

Fatu vs. Tony DeVito

Fatu, author of the best-selling book, "How to Go from Being a
Primitive Polynesian Native to Quoting Time-Worn Slogans as a Licensed
Role Model in One Easy Step". Make a difference, he says. Okay,
13-6=7. There.

-- promotional considerations --

DeVito attacks so quickly that Fatu totally forgets to remove that
garish pink stocking cap. Well, actually, no, he straightens out the
cap, so it looks like he deliberately intends to wear that through the
entire match. DeVito, a realist, knows full well that Fatu, once he
takes his sloganeering jacket off, has "jobber to the stars" written
all over him, but also knows that he himself is not a star, so he
concentrates his efforts solely toward knocking that cap off Fatu's
head. He is soon successful, and Fatu wants to exact his revenge with
a stomp to DeVito's exposed groin area, whereupon the referee steps in
and tells him that would be a direct violation of the conditions of his
Role Model license. During all this the discussion at the announcer's
desk goes from Lawler's match with Shawn, to the movie
_An_Officer_and_a_Gentleman_, to Elvis Presley. Fatu later hits what
McMahon calls a "Samoan Bulldog" (I thought he wasn't supposed to be
Samoan anymore?), and ends it with a belly flop from the top rope. Oh,
and in the spirit of Fatu, the WWF is apparently renting itself out to
any charity groups that might be interesting. They also do
barmitzphas.

Meanwhile, Todd Penttengill's actually donned a suit and tie! Must
mean he's going in for a chat with the new prez, who's sitting on the
other half of the split screen, deep in paperwork as usual.

-- ad break --

Todd Pettengill, playing it straight up this week, with your Stridex
SummerSlam Insider. Diesel, with his sixth PPV title defense this year
(can that be right? Let's see, Rumble, Mania, King, IYH I/II... not to
mention he didn't defend the belt at King of the Ring, so something
doesn't add up here). Mo proclaims it: Mabel is the king of servants
and wenches, all others may safely ignore him. Mabel is claiming
leadership of the New Generation, and he will rule with an iron fist,
as opposed to Lex Luger, who ruled with an iron forearm. On to the
Intercontinental match, which, as we have already noted, is now Shawn
Michaels against Razor Ramon in a ladder match. Gorilla Monsoon, it
would seem, is making an attempt to reverse the trend set by Jack
Tunney. While Tunney was simply a rubber stamp for McMahon's plot
line, Monsoon intends to be downright meddlesome. He can do this, he
says, since he's not just a president, but he's an *interim* president.
What this means is that since he's not planning on sticking around very
long anyway, he can do whatever he damn well pleases, and anybody who
doesn't like it can take it up with his more permanent replacement,
whenever he comes along. For starters, he's dredging up some more
skeletons from the depths, not to mention a feud or two that was
dropped and long forgotten. Therefore, Alundra Blayze will be
defending her title against the, er, woman who re-arranged her face so
long ago, Bertha Faye. No word as to whether Harvey Whippleman is
still around to be a part of this one. We leave Gorilla to his
paperwork and resume: Hart/Yankem. Another half-dead feud about to be
dealt with, Undertaker/Kama. And that's enough for now.

Oh, one more thing, Monsoon let Lawler out of his oath, so his match
next week with Michaels is a go. Nobody knows why.

-- ad break --

Goldust is still building up. I hope that's not an allergic reaction
I'm feeling...

Kama (w/DiBiase) vs. Troy Haste

While Kama wastes Haste, oh, Mr. McMahon, we have a very annoyed Sid on
line 1? Gee, Sid, what are you so upset about, just because you had a
shot at the Intercontinental title all signed up, and now you suddenly
don't have it anymore? Sid is also a bit skeptical that Michaels is
upset by this change in the menu, but that's neither here nor there,
really. And Sid doesn't need to blame Shawn for his title match defeat
at IYH; the evidence is there for all to see. Yeah, and that's what
OJ's prosecutors thought, too. Anyway, Kama, getting the wreath
destruction out of the way early, ends the match and the phone call
with an unusual armbar-like submission hold.

Warning: Taking this match seriously could be hazardous to your health.
It's Shawn vs. the King, and it sounds like fun.

Squire Mo (without Mabel) vs.

Our guest at this time, Barry Nemesisinski, with a new Shawn Michaels
T-shirt, displaying the wit and wisdom of the Heartbreak Kid. I don't
see any of his _real_ ROTFL-class remarks, though the oldie but goodie
"Shawn Michaels has left the building" is there. Oh, and they'll throw
in a tape of the great WWF cage matches (yes, both of them) for free.
Lawler gives Barry his what-for, then asks when the Jerry Lawler shirt
is coming out. I'd kind of like to know myself.

-- ad break --

Sir Mo (no Mabel, yet) vs. Diesel (no Michaels, yet), not for the belt

Well, nobody seems to be cheering for Mo. No one booing, either, let's
face it, nobody really cares. Diesel gets a somewhat different
reaction, no surprise there, either. Well, I guess that's all that's
left is to discover the details of the "royal plan" of Mabel's, and
also take care of this week's last batch of

-- promotional considerations --

Lawler adds his own "cringing ovation" to the accolades, whatever that
is supposed to mean. The initial lockup is delayed by a sudden
"Diesel" chant putting off the Squire, and Lawler wonders what it will
take for the crowd to be quiet. I suggest Mo climb the ropes again.
Finally a lockup, Diesel backs Mo into a corner, and while the referee
tries to physically force a break, Mo catches an unexpected slap in
Diesel's face to seize the initiative. Diesel, now in the corner,
endures a long series of punches and kicks, and when Mo pauses to
acknowledge the crowd's lack of response to this, Diesel flips the hair
(a move he learned from the Undertaker), silent asks, you finished yet,
and, deciding the answer is yes, puts Mo back in the corner so he can
sample a few of his latest collection of elbow shots and knee lifts,
followed by a cross-corner whip followed quickly by a clothesline. Mo,
flat already, is duly covered for 2. After being pulled up, Mo gets
back in the game with another face rake (shades of General Adnon?) and
comes off the rope with a clothesline, but Diesel Yokozunas it. So,
Mo, picking up the spirit of today's show, tries a savat kick. What do
you know, it actually works, and down goes Bid Daddy Cool for a two
count. Before you know it, though, Diesel has regained the upper hand,
knocks Mo into one corner, cross-corner whips him, and delicately
scoops and slams him. Mo crawls over to the ropes and assumes the
position, so Diesel feels almost obliged to perform the Bossman Sit.
Mo goes all flat again, so Diesel covers for 2 again. Diesel with the
whip, no, wait, Mo reverses it, no, wait, no he doesn't, anyway, Mo
comes off the ropes and Bid Daddy Cool's big boot is waiting for him.
After hitting the canvas again, it's all Mo can do to slither out of
the ring. Now, Diesel really ought to let Mo get counted out just to
frustrate whatever Mabel's Royal Plan might turn out to be, but no,
Diesel just has to get the pinfall, and meanwhile here comes King
Mabel. Mabel apparently is here to air his views on the recent Waco
hearings. Mo, who was carelessly left standing on the apron during all
of this, finally has to let himself back in, and, just as Diesel turns
his attention back to the match, Mo invites him right back out. Mabel
is just a few feet away from the prone form of Diesel lying quite
helpless on the floor, but, in the spirit of Razor Ramon's earlier
performance, Mabel marches all the way around the ring to reach him.
And by the time he gets there, well, look who decided to join us now.
Hello, Shawn. Shawn counterpoints that if any of the hearings are
going to matter, it'll be the ones on Whitewater, and so the whole
issue is pretty much neutralized, and Mo and Diesel can resume their
match unaffected. Mo re-introduces Diesel to the ringpost, and sends
him back in. Now that the match is about to get going again, sounds
like a perfect time for an

-- ad break --

And we return just in time for the finish of the 100-yard backstroke,
Mo finishes with a good time, but his finishing pad gets the shoulder
up at two. Mo drops an elbow, turns over the champ, and this time
only gets 1. Things are quickly slipping away, so Mo decides to hurry
it along by riding Diesel horseback-style while using his hands as
makeshift reins. Diesel shows no inclination to wail out in pain, so
Mo performs this minor task for him. Finally, deciding that's going
nowhere, Mo puts Diesel right where he wants him, climbs to the top
turnbuckle, and misses the elbow drop by a city block. One more
period of rest, and Diesel is ready to finish things off. A whip,
and Diesel nails a sidewalk slam. Another whip, and, seeing no point
in wasting any more time, Sir Cool raises his mighty boot and Sir
Mo goes horizontal yet again. I'm already way long on this article,
so: jackknife, three-count, time for the post-match. Mabel is entering
the ring even as the count is being made. Mabel has already hit a
clothesline and a legdrop, thus already equaling the total damage Mo
did during the actual match, when Shawn finally picks up his cue and
engages the King. A series of headshots leads up to a dropkick which
knocks Mabel through the ropes. Now, maybe he just wasn't satisfied
with five seconds of attack on Mabel, or maybe he'd just been hanging
with the 1-2-3 Kid a bit too much, but for whatever reason, Shawn
Michaels decides it would be a good idea to fling himself over the
top rope right on top of the 500-plus pound King. With a little
assist from the table behind which the Spanish announcers are sitting,
Mabel is able to make the catch, and Michaels is out. Shawn at this
point realizes to his chagrin that his movement options are just a
bit limited at this point. Mabel proclaims that Shawn will move in
the general direction of that ring post over there. Then a second
time, and after realizing Michaels just won't cut through the ringpost,
Mabel slams him down in disgust. Enter the referee brigade. Mabel
stomps away, until Diesel finally recovers to intervene on Shawn's
behalf with a double axehandle from the apron. Mabel gives the two
of them a tip o' the crown, and that's pretty much where we leave it.

Oh, but just then it dawns on the other king at ringside, King Jerry
the Stiff, that he is the recipient of the luckiest break imaginable.
Good grief, this match might actually be competitive now! Lawler
wastes little time in making Shawn fully aware of the situation, and
Michaels, totally uncharacteristically, is mad! So mad that he motions
to attack Lawler, but he is held back, partially by the referees,
partially by Diesel, but mostly by his aching back. If this is all part
of Mabel's Royal Plan, it's a pretty strange plan, but I guess we'll
just have to weight and see.

-- Kevin J. Podsiadlik




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