Kiss: Gene Simmons: Pitchfork Review
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Cover Art Kiss
Gene Simmons
[Mercury Remasters Series]
Rating: 5.0

When I was seven, I was Gene Simmons for Halloween, and with good reason. Gene was easily to coolest motherfucker in Kiss. The blood spitting. The tongue waggling. The fire breathing. The best makeup of the bunch. So why, pray tell, am I holding an album by the God of Thunder that has the most god awful rendition of "When You Wish Upon a Star?" (An album that was, at the time of its release, one of the most expensive albums ever produced.) I know, to you oldtimers, this may not come as a surprise, but this is one of the Kiss albums I never got to hear back during my Kiss period (ages 6-8). Gene Simmons all but rips the legs off of Jiminy Cricket by trying to reach several notes and not even coming close. The result is Disney as interpreted by Ricky, the Muppet with the least vocal dexterity.

Gene Simmons has its moments. "See You Tonight" is a simple, mid-tempo pop song that you'd never think he could pull off. "Man of 1,000 Faces" has some neat experimental touches like orchestral jabs that become commonplace in the '80s. Overall, not a bad release, but hardly essential.

-Jason Josephes

10.0: Essential
9.5-9.9: Spectacular
9.0-9.4: Amazing
8.5-8.9: Exceptional; will likely rank among writer's top ten albums of the year
8.0-8.4: Very good
7.5-7.9: Above average; enjoyable
7.0-7.4: Not brilliant, but nice enough
6.0-6.9: Has its moments, but isn't strong
5.0-5.9: Mediocre; not good, but not awful
4.0-4.9: Just below average; bad outweighs good by just a little bit
3.0-3.9: Definitely below average, but a few redeeming qualities
2.0-2.9: Heard worse, but still pretty bad
1.0-1.9: Awful; not a single pleasant track
0.0-0.9: Breaks new ground for terrible