December 07, 2003
Feat. Al Sharpton
This is the worst episode of Saturday Night Live I've ever seen. Back me up peeps.
Also, Honey sucked, despite the good abs.
December 05, 2003
Radiohead Do Can
Brits discover "oldest penis the world."
I'm A Loser Baby
Here's the original:
Here's Celeste's entry:
Here's Stereogum's entry:
And Celeste won! Such bullshit. Mine had a unifuckincorn!
I want a recount.
Bound To Happen
Meanwhile, Justin Timberlake is the new King of Pop says Rolling Stone.
Friday Celeb Gossip
From NY Post...
You Didn't Get Punk'd!
At Hollywood's El Compadre restaurant the other night, a couple was discussing an episode of VH1 Behind the Music about the Spice Girls, which reported that the band fired their manager before they had success. Suddenly, Scary Spice herself came to the table and started berating the couple. "My friends proceeded to apologize," said a source. "Scary Spice then revealed that she thought she was being Punk'd."
Gwyneth Already Married?
Did Gwyneth Paltrow secretly get married to lover Chris Martin? The pregnant star was sporting an engagement and a wedding ring during Monday night's Music Has Power Award ceremonies at Lincoln Center. A Hollywood insider said, "Gwyneth is not the kind of person to get pregnant out of wedlock." Spies say there is a wedding reception for "an Oscar-winning actress" Sunday at 60 Thompson Hotel.
In rehab! Love checked into Wavelengths live-in facility on November 21, and though the process of detoxification is slow, sources close to the singer said she's making progress.
It's A Dead Man's Party
Spike Jones & Sofia Coppola are getting divorced. But Danny Elfman and Bridget Fonda are getting married! So it all evens out. Phew.
From Entertainment Weekly...
12 Bar Blues
Stone Temple Pilots are officially over. Could another miserable Talk Show album be far behind?
Naked Cowboy Sells Out
The Naked Cowboy, Times Square's famous underdressed busker, is a sellout.
He's starting wearing a Coca-Cola hat, Coca-Cola boots, and Coca-Cola tighty whities.
What's next? ... a reality show about the homeless dude on 42nd Street?
Actually, that's not such a bad idea. I'm calling Fox.
Brit's Mystery Man
Who is this dude? I hope he likes to lo-oo-oo-se control.
December 04, 2003
Paris Hilton Not So Dumb
According to Slate, many of Paris Hilton's inane comments on The Simple Life are staged. For example, her professed ignorance about Wal-Mart? It was a prank. That makes me like her even more. But it doesn't matter. She'll always be the girl we love to hate. Zulkey knows.
Right Click Save Target As
And The Nominees Are.....
RECORD OF THE YEAR:
Beyonce feat. Jay-Z - "Crazy In Love"
Black Eyed Peas feat. Justin Timberlake - "Where Is The Love?"
Coldplay - "Clocks"
Eminem - "Lose Yourself"
Outkast - "Hey Ya!"
ALBUM OF THE YEAR:
Missy Elliott - Under Construction
Evanescence - Fallen
Outkast - Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
Justin Timberlake - Justified
White Stripes - Elephant
SONG OF THE YEAR:
Christina Aguilera - "Beautiful"
Luther Vandross - "Dance With My Father"
Avril Lavigne - "I'm With You"
Warren Zevon - "Keep Me In Your Heart"
Eminem - "Lose Yourself"
BEST NEW ARTIST:
Fountains Of Wayne
BEST ROCK SONG:
Evanescence "Bring Me To Life"
Train "Calling All Angels"
Warren Zevon "Disorder In The House"
The White Stripes "Seven Nation Army"
BEST ROCK ALBUM:
Foo Fighters, One by One
matchbox 20, More Than You think You Are
Nickelback, The Long Road
BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM:
Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fever To Tell
The White Stripes, Elephant
The Flaming Lips, Fight Test
Radiohead, Hail to The Thief
Sigur Ros, ( )
I know what you're thinking ... Friendster jumped the shark MONTHS AGO. It's true. But Esquire is 6 months behind the rest of us, so for the January '04 issue they've asked cranky pop-culture aficionado Chuck Klosterman to write about it anyway.
Some choice observations:
Go leave the author a testimonial. He has 92 friends.
Did anyone read Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs? I wanna play Monkees = Monkees with someone. It kept me entertained during the blackout when there was nothing to do except smoke pot. I'm too lazy to explain the game right now.
The always embarrassingly unhip Grammy nominations will be announced this morning. I'm predicting major nods for Johnny Cash and Warren Zevon. Death = Grammy.
December 03, 2003
February 10 is the new release date for America's Sweetheart, Courtney Love's MUCH-delayed solo debut. Sorry, no MP3s (Virgin is guarding these like they were long-lost Nirvana tracks), but here's the 411:
Did you miss me? Sure, Courtney, I missed you, but why are you trying to sound like the Hives? Instead "Mono" sounds like a Donnas b-side, and of this Kurt would not approve.
Tongue-in-cheek stalker tribute to the Stroke ("I know where you live!"). There's a cool breakdown in the middle where she gets all breathless ... When I touched your limousine I really caught a vibe/ It said I love you baby girl you know 'cause I could read your mind. Funny. You can hear a shitty live cut of this song here.
"Hold On To Me"
Starts off pretty enough, sorta R.E.M.-y. There's some piano too. But really it's just a paint-by-numbers rock ballad. Snooze.
Courtney's lost her mind and we should boycott her products until she lays off the pills (it's for her own good) -- but in the name of objectivity, I give her 2 points for not using the Matrix.
Which reminds me... that Courtney photo I posted a while back...
...is from the very cool photo book so80s. Makes a great stocking stuffer (if you have a 3 ft. wide stocking).
In neck-and-neck Billboard news...
#1 Jay-Z The Black Album
#2 No Doubt The Singles
#3 Britney Spears In The Zone
Brit drops 58% from last week. And it was her birthday yesterday! C'mon people! Show some love.
If They Mated
I just saw Jesse Jackson outside.
Have A Glam Rock XMas
Finally... an MP3 of The Darkness - "Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)." Much thanks to Largehearted Boy.
Get Your Crayons Kids
Preston School Of Industry, everyone's second favorite Pavement spin-off, returns in February with its sophomore disc Monsoon. Spiral Stairs gave Malkmus & The Jicks a run for their money two years ago with All This Sounds Gas, and word is Monsoon is gonna be even better.
Preston School Of Industry - "Get Your Crayons"
But if you still need convincing, check out this track from the band's first album. It's like a great lost late-era Pavement song.
December 02, 2003
It's Been Awhile
Derek Zoolander's Favorite Holiday Movies
You Got Post Punk'd
I'm playing with my tiny new Ericsson, which T-Mobile just turned on after one week, not 24 hours like they promised. I downloaded a Coldplay ringtone for 99cents just to try out their 'megatones' service. It was a horrible muzak version of "Clocks." I shoulda went with "Crazy in Love."
Here's an oldie but a goodie -- my favorite song from the Comsat Angels, taken from the band's debut album Waiting For A Miracle. Recommended if you like Joy Division, early U2, Gang of Four, and bands of that ilk.
Maybe we can all e-mail T-Mobile and tell them to make it into a ringtone.
December 01, 2003
My Retro iPod
By now you should've read the great article about iPods and the cult of Mac, from yesterday's NYTimes Magazine's design issue...
|Steve Jobs: ''Most people make the mistake of thinking design is what it looks like. People think it's this veneer -- that the designers are handed this box and told, 'Make it look good!' That's not what we think design is. It's not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.''|
Yesterday I went to the Mac store in Soho and got him the 10GBer and an iTrip.
MY iPod is OLD. I hate Moore's Law.
Secret Agent Simpson
Jessica Simpson isn't the dumb blonde you think she is. In fact, she's a secret agent who singlehandedly ended the blackout. Watch Jess & Nick's sketch from VH1's Big In '03 show. Written by my former boss.
We Said Hello Goodbye
Today Phil Collins announces his retirement tour, aptly titled The First Final Farewell Tour. Of course bands never actually retire when they say they will. Every time a new Cure album drops, Robert Smith says it's the last one. Cher's farewell tour has been going on for years. And will Jay-Z actually step down from the stage? Doubtful. That's why today we give props to Pastor Mason Betha (f.k.a. Ma$e). In 1999, he claimed he was leaving rap to follow God ... and he wasn't full of shit! His book Revelations: There's a Light After the Lime is now available in paperback. Also Bill Berry wasn't full of shit. He is still a farmer.