You've won the IOCCC eight times...
You've written rot13 in INTERCAL...
You've written a Quine in BrainF***...
But are you ready for...

Malbolge:
Programming from Hell

'98, Ben Olmstead/Public Domain

Malbolge was truly created with the idea that programming should be hard. It should be as close to the Infernal as a programming language possibly can be. It will continue to evolve over time, as newer, more twisted minds attack this problem.

Named after Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell, Malbolge combines elements from machine language, INTERCAL (particularly the Tri-INTERCAL variant), and BrainF***, as well as completely new and exquistely painful constructs created by some of the most sophisticatedly twisted programming minds in existence today. (Whew, I'm starting to sound like a cross between Michael Moorcock and my Programming Languages professor--not a good combination.)

Unfortunately, Malbolge was created too well--it has defied current attempts to use it, and, no doubt, will be even worse in the future. Therefore, the author, in a fit of sanity, created a second language, called Dis, after Dante's Capital City of Hell, at the center of which is Malbolge. Dis is like Malbolge, but, instead of attempting to be the absolute worst programming language ever, simply tries to walk the fine line between inhumanly difficult to use and actually impossible to use.

In any case, both Malbolge and Dis can be downloaded, in either MS-DOS or Unix archives below (all are less than 12K):

Users are encouraged to make their own, unique homebrew versions of Malbolge and Dis, in order to achieve the kind of portability problems normally associated with major languages; therefore, I renounce copyright on everything on this page, all the archives, the languages, and related materials. They are all officially public domain--do whatever you want with them.