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Hangin’ with VCA’s The Ozporns
MALIBU, Calif. – The mansion is tucked away on a mountainside high above the Pacific Coast Highway. A sign at the base warns visitors to park and stay on the trail. So I reluctantly abandon my car and begin the steep hike to the place The Ozporns call home.
This is the final day of the VCA Pictures production that takes viewers inside the lives of Izzy Ozporn and his outrageous family. A professional camera crew has been watching the eccentric Izzy, his nutty wife Sherry, the would-be porn producer son, John, and the slutty daughter Fiona.
When I step onto the sprawling property about 11:40 a.m., director Antonio Passolini is preparing the upstairs bedroom for Izzy to fuck his pretty blonde assistant Sarah. Passolini tells me he is shooting the video with two hand-held cameras and the performers, like in the MTV sitcom The Osbournes, never acknowledge their presence.
"I was watching the show again the other night and I was trying to figure out if they use two cameras or not," he says. "They usually just let a scene play out, one camera. But they do have cutaways occasionally and I don’t know if the cutaway got picked up by the same camera later or if they have two cameras running."
Passolini, known for comedy, cranked out the script for The Ozporns in about two hours after getting the green light from VCA boss Russ Hampshire, whom he pitched at a recent cocktail party.
"I sat down and didn’t know where to begin, and I just thought for a little bit and I saw a muffin on my desk and I just started writing. I started writing about a muffin and the movie kind of sprang from that," Passolini reveals. "It was actually a breeze to write, but there was a lot of thinking ahead of time about it."
He says the muffins are "the glue" that holds the story together. The show unfolds in three vignettes, but it revolves around Izzy Ozporn’s constitution.
"He needs a lot of fiber," Passolini says, without giving away the hook.
The director even called upon his excellent Ozzy Osbourne impression.
"My wife walked in the office when I was writing and I was talking to myself, and I was talking like Ozzy and she’s like, ‘What are you doing?’ Passolini recalls. "… To do the dialogue I had to write it to sound like Ozzy would talk, or Izzy. I had to say it."
The real Izzy is the British performer Baz, who is in character from the moment I arrive. He is wearing a long, scraggly wig, dark sunglasses, tons of silver jewelry, a black muscle shirt and black jogging pants. His arms are covered with tattoos, some fake and some real. There is a spider web on his elbow, the words "HOWL AT THE MOON" on his shoulder and a simplistic bat on his hand. His pinky nails are painted black. When Baz talks and moves, he looks and sounds so much like Ozzy Osbourne it’s scary.
Meanwhile, Sindee Coxx, who plays Sarah, is wearing a black corset and matching thigh-high, six-inch boots. She crouches on her hands and knees outside the bedroom waiting for her cue.
At exactly noon, Izzy is sitting on the edge of the bed and Sarah prances in and makes her intentions obvious.
"I’ve seen you watching me," she coos. "It’s okay. I’ve been watching you…"
"We can’t do this," Izzy mumbles weakly.
Thirty seconds later, Sarah gets on her knees again, but this time she is inhaling Izzy’s tool. He peels off Sarah’s corset and she sits on him reverse cowgirl style while Izzy leaves on his sunglasses, shirt and socks. Passolini is downstairs watching two monitors, giving directions to the cameraman through a headset.
Izzy lies back in a seemingly drunken state while Sarah does all the work. She is drenched in sweat by the time they start 69-ing each other 20 minutes into it. Then Izzy grabs Sarah’s wrists and locks them behind her back, spanking her ass as she shrieks. But the noise in the bedroom isn’t enough to wake the production assistant who is napping in the nearby study.
At 12:45, Izzy mounts Sarah doggie style and starts flailing his arms in the air like he's on some deranged trip.
"Rock and roll!" he wails. "… Rock and fucking roll!"
Sarah bursts into laughter, but manages to keep her composure.
By 1 o’clock, Passolini calls for the soft-core climax, and Izzy clumsily pulls out of Sarah’s ass, lets out a lazy groan and barks, "I’m gonna cum!"
"I want you to cum in my mouth," Sarah demands. "With the rubber on?" he blurts. "Take it off!" she orders.
"Fucking rock and roll!" Izzy roars as the crew claps downstairs.
It's time for the real cumshot five minutes later, and Izzy whacks off into Sarah’s mouth as she kneels in front of him. She ends up with a chin full of spooge and frosted tits.
Meanwhile, Tina Tyler (Sherry) pulls into the circular driveway for her final scenes of dialogue looking sexy in a tight, all-black outfit. She tells me she also attempts a British accent.
"I tried really hard to get (Sharon’s) voice down but it was difficult because she’s got a very high-pitched, nasal voice," Tyler says. "Also, she comes from a part of England that I’m not used to mimicking."
VCA contract girl Tawny Roberts (Fiona) walks by in a blue bathrobe on her way to makeup. And Ricky, who she’ll be fucking later, is already in character as the token white rapper sporting heavy gold chains, a wife-beater tank top, baggy jeans and a backwards cap. Their b/g will be the final sex scene of the three-day shoot.
Passolini says the rest of the sex included two double-penetrations, one involving Nikita Denise (a club girl), Cheyne Collins (John) and Pat Myne (John’s buddy). The other d.p. began with VCA star Chloe and Kyle Stone playing themselves as John interviews them to be in a porn video. There is also a threesome with Calli Cox, Tanya Danielle and Roberts and a two-on-two anal scene featuring Samantha Sterlyng and Aria.
"Everything fell into place on this," Passolini concludes. "It had a shorter pre-production period than all my other movies and fortunately, it all fell into place."
-Dan Miller
VCA will unleash The Ozporns later this year.
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