October 23, 2003

Allah knew it, kufr. Behind that goofy lopsided smile beats the heart of a bloodthirsty mujahid. Allah admires your savage beating of Brad DeLong, Reynolds--even though the "beating" to which Allah refers was, regrettably, merely figurative--and thus he cannot help but mourn that you remain a complete tool of the Jew. Why do you not join Allah? Seriously, with your hype traffic and Allah's mad skillz we could set this shit off. Besides, it is not as though Allah has nothing to offer you. Did you know that there are no gun-control laws in Dar al-Islam, infidel? Truly it is like one big OK Corral. In fact, we give guns to two-year-olds. More guns, less Jews! Allah does not have quite as much to offer you in terms of nanotechnology, as the ummah is still about 1500 years behind the West in technological sophistication. But we are working on it, Allah can promise you that. So what do you say? Allah will be Emperor of the entire world in a few decades anyway so why not set yourself up now to be Darth Vader? Or perhaps an analogy from your own trade is what is required to persuade you? Hmm. So be it. Think of the United States, Reynolds, as similar to federal diversity jurisdiction under Swift v. Tyson: A lumbering centralized system which dictates to lesser powers what their laws should be. All Allah is trying to do is overturn the decision, so to speak. Do you see what Allah is saying, Reynolds? There is no federal general common law. Except shari'a, of course. Allah hopes this is sufficient to make you see the light, for if it is not then he will have no choice but to subject you to his most heightened scrutiny--and let Allah assure you, it too is strict in theory but fatal in fact.

Allah apologizes for this "inside baseball" law talk, kufr, but at least now you have learned the true roots of radical Islamic rage: Their god sat through an entire semester of FedJur. Can you blame him for wanting to kill everyone in the world? Ah well. Let us turn now to the news, where we shall find once again that the Jew is plotting. What do you expect, though? Treason and deception are in his blood. By the way, did you notice that that last article was published in an Egyptian government newspaper? What happened, Zionists? Allah thought you had a treaty with Egypt. Tell me, is this "treaty" anything like the "treaty" we had with the Quraish? Oho! Oho! Oh, Jews, sometimes you make Allah laugh so much that it is hard for him to stay mad at you! Even as you brutally oppress the noble mujahedeen who are trying to kill you, Allah cannot help but be amused by you, how in some ways you are brilliant and in others you are profoundly retarded. Truly you are like fucking Rain Man. Allah is going to buy his next car in Tel Aviv, as he expects most of the dealers there will be pricing new models at "about a hundred dollars."

Allah must go now. He is in a bad mood anyway from having judged a bunch of Christians this morning, which is always one of the most annoying and tedious parts of his job. Every time they come before Allah and Allah introduces himself, they just kind of smile nervously and start looking around--as though someone is putting them on, like Jesus is hiding behind a curtain or something with Allen Funt. So Allah has to sit there and try to explain to them that yes, their beliefs were wrong, and yes, he knows how shocked they must be that a guy who could not stop himself from getting nailed to a fucking two-by-four is not actually the one true god. The stupidest part, though, is that when they ask Allah to prove that he is god and Allah does something really cool for them like extinguish the sun or turn himself into a giant frog or whatever he feels like doing that day, they still are not convinced until Allah finally breaks down and gives himself stigmata. Got that? Making the sun disappear: Just an illusion. A small cut in the palm of Allah's hand: ALLAHU AKBAR. Really, Christians, you need to start thinking outside the box. And while we are at it, what is going on with this, kufr? Allah recently heard about this and nearly coughed up a lung, so violent were his dry heaves. Do Catholics really believe they are eating Christ when they take the host? Allah knows that your priests have a taste for flesh--the younger the better, it seems--but this is ridiculous. And you have the gall to mock Muslims for believing that Satan lives in their nostrils at night? Allah will admit that we have our eccentric beliefs like any other faith, but at least cannibalism is not part of the core curriculum. Stop chewing on Jesus, you ghoulish fucks.

Allahu Akbar.

Posted by Allah at October 23, 2003 04:14 PM | TrackBack