By Dr Farrukh Saleem
Mian Azhar, Farooq Leghari, Shaukat Aziz, Imran Khan, Aftab Sherpao, Amin Fahim, Ejazul Haq or Wasim Sajjad? Who should take over Islamabad? From among the so many good men - alas no woman - it will be a tough choice for Rawalpindi.
To be certain, the PML(Q) just by itself has more candidates for the office of the PM than the total number of loyal, committed members. Mian Azhar is a clean Punjabi but with a distinct rural-Sindhi characteristic; he is too scared to get out of his Lahore. His erratic twitching is really nothing to worry about but has often made many in uniform - currently under threat by three Indian strike corps - a bit fidgety about him. Mian Sahib has a lot of wise things to say but most of that wisdom hasn’t yet managed to come out. Hopefully, all that stored prudence will one day flood the occupied PML House in the not too distant future. To help Azhar, a package of pretzels, Mrs Bush’s favorite stop-snoring device for her husband, is also on its way.
The Millat Party has a lot of good men and women in it. The only one that I can name - and respect - is our ex-president Sardar Farooq Ahmed Khan Leghari. Not being able to name names in a political party has to be a debit to me and not to the party because some at the GHQ may have already debited some missing helicopters to the party’s account. Sardar Sahib, however, still has a lot more credits going for him than all the accumulated debits.
Talking of debits and credits, our Finance Minister has had everyone’s account with him (after all, he was the Global Head, Private Banking, Citigroup). I have never met a Finance Minister who is so soft-spoken and one who still managed to accumulate $4 billion in reserves. He was also declared ‘Finance Minister of the Year’ by EuroMoney.
As far as I am concerned, anyone who can find Shaukat Aziz, our honorable Finance Minister, a real constituency can transfer half of those reserves to his own account. Not to worry, for all his services to his country-of-birth, especially the once-poor treasury, our uniformed defenders have impregnated our National Assembly with ‘technocratic’ seats. Making a comeback in the cabinet under the new political embryo would not be a problem but sneaking into the PM’s Office may turn the whole exercise of holding an election into a prank. I hate seeing the best candidate loosing out on a mere technicality.
Imran Khan is Tehrik-e-Insaf and vice versa. If Imran Khan had won a seat, from among the dozen that he contested, in the last election then Tehrik-e-Insaf would have had one seat. Khan Sahib’s most recent proclamation is that his “party would sweep the next general elections in Pakistan after which the country would be set on the right path (no, he does not mean that he would get into the business of sweeping cricket pitches after the next election. He is married to the richest lady living west of the LoC).” Don’t get me wrong, I do like Imran Khan but don’t ask me for a reason because I can’t think of one right away.
Almost all the good men have already left Tehrik-e-Insaf claiming that Mr Khan is himself not on the right path. Some of the good TI-ladies are, however, sticking with the party. The only thing that I have found in common between Imran Khan and Wendy Chamberlain is that they have never met a general they did not like. Other than that, Imran has been the strongest of supporters of the Taliban on this side of the Durrand Line. Deep down, the Great Khan still hopes that some general someday will glue him down to the PM chair for all times to come and that is when he will truly Talibanise Muslim men - probably not the women - of the Land of the Pure.
Tariq Aziz has brought back Aftab Sherpao, the best deal-on-wheels residing north of Islamabad Capital Territory. Our soldiers first broke up PML and tried breaking up PPP. Now they are trying to put PML scraps together to counter PPP. These things haven’t worked in the past but I am praying that they will in the future just because my favorite Doberman has passed away and I am left with no choice but to fall in love with the boots.
PPP is full of good men spread all over the country but only one exemplary woman who remains in exile. Makhdoom Amin Fahim of 2nd Sun Set Street Karachi, Jahangir Badar of Allama Iqbal Town Lahore and Ihsan-ul-Haq Piracha of Gomal Road Islamabad are only three of the many good PPP-men. Please e-mail the name of the exemplary PPP-woman to “a-zardari.com/attockjail” and the first 100 e-mails guessing the name right are guaranteed to win a million dollars each.
Mujahid Ejazul Haq son of Shaheed General Ziaul Haq and special emissary of General Pervez Musharraf has long been the arch defender of the Taliban. Contender to the highest office only in his own deliberations, September 11 is going to knock his odds further down into the gutter.
How about Asif Zardari? He is clearly the longest serving political prisoner in South Asia. Arrested on the night of November 4, 1996, bailed out in 13 cases, re-arrested in another case and has so far accumulated nine years worth of jail without being convicted. Everyone has things to say about him but his rights as a citizen of Pakistan cannot and should not be denied to him. Can we pay off our debts to him by making him the PM, if only for a while?
There are others who I like as well. I like Ahsan Iqbal. He still deludes himself into putting a computer in every Pakistani household by 2010 (when 75 million Pakistanis don’t even have access to safe drinking water), but I like him because he is bright and appears sincere. I like Hamayun Akhter because if he does to Pakistan what he has done to his businesses we’ll soon be buying out the Birlas and the Tatas (Can Hamayun win against Aitazaz Ahsan from Lahore?) I also like Wasim Sajjad. I like him because he makes everyone sad. Most of all, I like Syed Fakhar Imam. He is mature, thoughtful and brilliant.
So, who will be the PM? I remain convinced that the worst of civilian governments are better than the best military ones. Any system of governance that lacks ‘distribution of power’ in-tandem with ‘checks and balances’ cannot provide good governance. I am sure that Admiral Mansur will testify to that bit of submarine logic. As far as the next PM is concerned, I honestly don’t have the faintest idea.