The Top 10 Concepts That Transformational Types May Need to Un-Learn In Order to Become Light, Natural and Spiritually-oriented.

Originally Submitted on 11/11/96.

By "transformational type" I am referring to those who are heavily into est, Landmark Education/The Forum, Lifespring, and other transformational programs. As a part of their training/immersion, the following principles are often discussed, learned and assimilated. These principles are very useful and great ones, by themselves, but sometimes during the transformational process, the individual "becomes" these principles vs just enjoying/applying them. When this happens, the person uses these principles to self-define and direct their thinking, actions and life. As a result, the person can become inflexible, jargony, righteous and, sometimes, obnoxiously accurate.

The reason I say "unlearn" in the title of this Top 10 List is because, when I used to coach, I found myself working with clients to deprogram or lighten them up about the following concepts that were running their lives and which had replaced the client's own natural "operating system." It was generally a case of too much of a good thing, like bamboo that looks great in a corner of your yard, but 5 years later, it IS your yard. And, as someone who's a recovered transformational type, you'll hear lots of righteousness in my words below, so be forewarned. Again, each concept is EXCELLENT and very useful; I'll just be describing its misuse or abuse.

1. Commitment

Commitment refers to how important something is to you. The trick is to look at a person's actions, not their words. Effective actions/results demonstrate commitment; words rarely do. Warning sign: When someone says, "I'm really committed to..." If they were truly committed, they wouldn't even talk about it. Demonstrate your commitment, don't talk about it. The alternative: Just do what you feel like doing and let your body/heart/spirit guide your actions; not your mind. Stated commitments come from your mind.

2. Enrollment

This is the idea that you work with/discuss with a person and help them to get in touch with what is important to them so that they'll buy something from you, either a product, service or concept. So, enrollment is generally a highly advanced form of selling or manipulation. It's a term commonly used by transformational types to describe how effective a person is in sales or as a catalyst of change. The problem is that one tends to want to excell at the skill of enrollment instead of simply being enrolling. And, how does one become enrolling without learning it like a skill? They simply are themselves, believe in what they do and stop trying to get others to get involved. Really! This is called the principle of Attraction and it's entirely effortless. My view is that if you need to enroll someone, you're already on the wrong track because you're trying to get someone to do something rather than just doing what you do and attracting those folks who want to play/join you. The best form of enrollment (attraction) is virtually silent.

3. Reinvention

Reinventing oneself is a popular theme in the transformation community. Yes, it's a great idea to improve, rethink, better, and develop oneself. Even to start over, from scratch. Even the idea of reinventing oneself, or one's company, is fabulous. But here's where it goes wrong. When the individual thinks that they NEED to reinvent themselves, the reinvention process becomes a creation vs an evolution. After all, where do you think one turns to when deciding how/what to reinvent themselves? You use your mind, which is the problem. Better to use intuition, spirit, your body to reinvent naturally vs "try" to reinvent. This also brings up another approach of how to change/grow yourself and it has to do with learning from and responding to your environment (in other words, the PRESENT) vs trying to create or change something through thinking or willpower.

4. Breakthrough

In transformation arena, breakthroughs are good things. In fact, collecting as many has you can in our lifetime seems to be a goal or at least a measure of how effective, successful or wise one is. Personally, the term grates on me. I'm not really interested in breakthroughs; I'm interested in staying right where I am and learning from the present vs thinking I need to go outside of my comfort zone, become a different person or have a breakthrough. Please. The solution? Full acceptance of who you are, who you aren't, who you'll never be, what you've done and not done, and what your strengths are and your weaknesses are. Better to enjoy your strengths vs having breakthroughs in the area of your weaknesses. Breakthroughs often give a false sense of accomplishment.

5. Make a difference

This is a self-esteem mantra for many transformational types. Who cares? Live your life and if it makes a difference for others, then good for you and them. But, why orient your life around making a difference for others? Has a "better than others" flavor, doesn't it? And, if you're trying to make a difference, then it means that you and the other person haven't really accepted the present, right? Now, I think making a difference is a super thing and I enjoy watching how my work makes a difference for others. However, I don't define myself as someone whose job is to make a difference, nor do I measure my self-esteem or life worth by how often I make a difference for others. I say that true generosity occurs from selfishness, not in an attempt to make a difference. Why? Because if your needs are fully met, you'll find yourself naturally contributing to others by your life, not because you set out to make a difference. Yes, do you make a difference, but it's secondary to simply doing what you enjoy during your day.

6. Creating possibility; creating the future

When a person is down and discouraged, they can probably use some possibility, as in hope, encouraging words, love and a conversation that has them see new options vs all of the bad stuff that surrounds them. And, yes, setting goals and creating a future is a good thing, too. So, what's off about this principle, especially when overused? What's off is that one relies on the notion of possibility and future as a way to escape the present. Rather than understand the current message or lesson, they get busy creating a better future, without really having grown through what's facing them. The solution? Ask yourself why you need to set goals, create a future or have more possibility in your life. When you've gotten your answer, and made changes at that level, then creating a future will be a choice vs a medicant or way to escape from the present. I learned the traps/limitations of the future/goal setting in the late J. Krishnamurti's book, "The Book of Life." It ruined my life and I am so grateful!

7. Empowerment

Empowerment is a fading term. It had to do with sharing your power with others or helping them to tap into their own power or source of power. So far, so good. But when you understand the notion of strength vs power, all things related to power (empowerment, victory, winning, politics, enrollment, etc.) become distasteful, because you've found a more effective and fulfilling way to succeed (via strength, not power).

8. Being; way of being

Transformational types usually learn to talk about one's "way of being" and consider this a term that others will understand and relate with. Most don't, and for good reason. Why? Because when you're trying to "be" more (as in be quieter and "doing" less), you're doing being, not being being. (That's not a typo.) Big difference. One's way of being comes from the inside, not from one's mind or attempts to "be" a different way. There's a whole field called ontology (study of being), which is quite interesting, but if you've ever met anyone who's into this, you'll find that they are heavy thinkers, not light/easy going be-ers. When you don't care how you're being, you're being. When you're trying to change how you are being, you're doing. Simple as that. Solution? Do what you want to do and you'll likely be being. Do what you should be doing and you'll be doing, not being.

9. Service

Service is a super concept, as in customer service, being of service, serving the needs of your clients, etc. When you are serving, you are responding. So far so good. The rub, however, is that there's another notion called "adding value" which is eclipsing the notion of service. When you add value, you are proactively serving your clients or customers. With transformational types, the notion of giving complete service, while a good one, is waning in popularity and effectiveness, because adding value has more value in the market place than serving does. Solution? Continue to be of service, but become a master at adding value. You'll make a lot more money that way and attract stronger customers.

10. Integrity

This one is tricky. Integrity, meaning that you are doing/have done the "right thing" for yourself and/or others, is a very helpful principle. However, it can also be used by your mind to keep you from growing, evolving and experimenting, given you don't want to be "out of integrity." Don't make Integrity the end all and be all of your existence. It's simply one aspect of a rich life. Transformational types end up sparring with themselves or each other about what the integrous thing to do is. Who knows what the integrous thing to do is, really? I suggest that you do what feels right to you right now and to do something different later if you're called to. Remember, integrity is just a skill that we are all developing, as we increase our awareness. Integrity will evolve for you over time. Behaviors that were out of integrity for you last year, may be quite in integrity this year and vice versa. Don't let integrity take over your life.

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