Buoy George American Idol - America grows tired of watching George
bob up and down and up and down and up and down and sends him home, leaving
a final four completely lacking in Y-chromosomes. Who is Paula supposed to
Does Saunders Want Fries With That? 24 - "Terrorists have kidnapped my wife. Their
leader is threatening to kill her if I don't help his daughter escape from
government custody. Even though she's the only chance we have of stopping
him from either controlling the U.S. government or releasing a weaponized
virus that will kill millions of Americans, I'm going to do just that. My
name is Soul Patch, and this is the longest hour of my life."
Run away! Run away! 7th Heaven - Jacob and Nicodemus may have survived
lion attacks when they were wandering around Sudan, but they still can't
escape the exploitive claws of Brenda Hampton.
Ancient History The Real World - The roommates head to Greece to research ancient history and education themselves on the origins of modern civilization. Ha! Just kidding. They really go to Greece to get in ridiculous fights, get drunk, and lick whipped cream from Cameran's belly in a bar.
Guess Who's Not Coming To Dinner The Bachelor - Mandy Jaye's father, that's who, because he's too busy wherever people go to embody the worst in Southern stereotypes. All the ones not successfully carped by Tara's father, that is.
Ahh Fuuurp Slapanoodle Tah Mommatitty Survivor - That's Big Tom for "I am dismayed that my allies have turned on me." For indeed, Big Tom finds this week that Rob and Amber have tagged him as the odd man out. But first, get ready for Rob's big truck win, followed by Amber's car win, followed by additional food-related bitterness from Rupert. There's plenty of scheming, plenty of complaining, and plenty of betrayal as the final four head for the endgame. Fasten your seatbelts; it's going to be the bitchiest jury ever.
The Hairy Ape Charmed - You know who I'm talking about. Raige has been conjuring her very own WASPy version of Mr. Right on the sly for the last three weeks and happily riding him like a jockey. Unfortunately, that pesky personal gain prohibition kicked in, and Mr. Right's evil twin has also been appearing to slaughter demonic sorts to win Raige's affections and destroy the Power of Three. As Piper's too pregnant to haul her ass off the couch, it falls to Phoebe to save the day. Well, to her and to Mr. Right himself, who seems to be the male version of Raige on some fundamental level, right down to the mad potion skillz. Who knew Raige was the Manor's narcissist?
Eat, Limp, And Be Married The Sopranos - Wide Guy does the eating, although not in the way you might expect. Diet Tony does the limping, which makes him Johnny's prime suspect. Finn proposes marriage to Meadow, presumably because he felt so henpecked. And Carmela wants a divorce, but just can't get any respect.
Attention Shoppers: Vaughn's Lost It Alias - An angry pod person has replaced the
gentle Vaughn we all know and love, and his overall vengeful attitude is
starting to really piss Syd off. Nadia spends some more time in the Green
Goo chair, but Syd rescues her before Sark and Moronen can pump her full of
a lethal dose of the stuff. Sloane just stands around creeping us out, Jack
just shows up long enough to make out with Auntie Katya, Vivica A. Fox just
reminds us why she's cool, and the Sadistic Dentist of Asian Persuasion just
cries and cries and cries.
Up On The Roof Joan of Arcadia - Joan wants to have a "thing" of her own,
so she attempts to be a yearbook photographer, with some predictable
results. Luke is feeling a little smothered by Glynis, and Friedman is
lonely. Will and Toni apprehend a guy who's trying to hire a contract killer
to off his wife. Grace is a poet and nobody knows it.