Andrew Northrup
Bow Tie Afficianado

TCS > ENVIRO SCI > GLOBAL WARMING

‘The Science of Deception’

by Andrew Northrup


With record temperatures sweeping across Europe, it’s no surprise that we are again hearing it from the America-hating environmentalists across the ocean, and their traitorous allies at home.  Whatever the problem du jour may be - war, trade, the environment or soccer – it seems that the culprit is always the same.  Evil America, bent on destroying the world.  How drearily familiar.  After hearing the latest tirade from the perpetually dissatisfied, you might be tempted to imagine that if there were no problems in the world to blame on Amerikkka, these malcontents would be forced to invent them.  How right you would be.

 

The U.S. National Climatic Data Center (a transnational progressive front organization) has been collecting data on global temperatures over the last century.  As you can see, their data points to gradual, long-term rise in global temperatures, which is loosely correlated with a rise in man-made climate forcing agents, such as the non-toxic, non-reactive CO2.

 

 

The Europhiles of the radical Green Left would have you believe that there is a general upward trend here, and that unnamed “other factors” account for the various spikes and troughs in the data.  While their data-collection methodology is correct, alas, their explanation is not.  Just-released findings from the respected, non-partisan Group Of Balanced Unbiased Scientists for Honesty (GO BUSH) cast significant doubt on the so-called “findings” of the so-called “scientists” in the so-called “scientific establishment”.

 

 

By plotting the global temperature data against their own measurements of the concentration of Transnational Progressivism (TP) in the global political climate, a very telling pattern emerges.  Increases in global temperature correspond exactly with increases in the influence of TP, with each founding of an anti-American NGO or UN council causing a dramatic spike in temperature.  Fortunately, due to the courageous invasion of Iraq by George W. Bush, not only has Saddam Hussein’s evil been vanquished, the UN has been shattered, our opponents in Europe justly humiliated in front of the world, unfriendly international organizations have been rendered impotent, but, perhaps most importantly, the ecological disaster posed by post-national terrorist-sympathizing Transnational Progressivism has been destroyed once and for all, and, as the GO BUSH projections prove, the Earth’s climate will be completely stable forever.  Oh, and we fought terrorism and WMD.

 

You might expect that the eco-liberals would be pleased that the Earth has been saved from the potential catastrophe posed by their negativity and reflexive anti-Americanism, but then you would misunderstand why they created this problem in the first place.  Only through constant vigilance, and a dedication to doing self-destructive things to spite those who disagree with us, can we maintain the healthy global climate which we all hold dear.  Also, we need to lower taxes.