The RUTABAGA's Defense

According to the Websters New World Dictionary, "The world's most up-to-date and authoritative desk dictionary" with "more than 170,000 entries" and "over 11,000 American words and phrases" (3rd College Edition), an alien, particularly a SPACE ALIEN is, "a hypothetical being in or from outer space, as in science fiction, that may visit or invade the earth".

At a party on BIG DAN BUDNEY's porch, it was debated whether the RUTABAGA is a space alien. Additionally, at Windycon XXI it was stated by the Guild God of Scam, "But she is [a space alien]".

Furthermore, it has been alledged Guild Policy that space aliens are not permitted to be members of the Guild.

In my defense, therefore, I, the RUTABAGA, have prepared this refutation of any such allegations.

As presented in the aforementioned Websters New World Dictionary, to be a space alien, one must meet the following criteria, with the logical implication that if one does not meet these criteria, one is not a space alien. These criteria, drawn from the dictionary definition, may be summarized as:
  1. to be a hypothetical being
  2. to be in or from outer space
  3. to be as in science fiction
  4. to possibly visit or invade the earth.

Let us begin, as usual, at the end.

4) to possibly visit or invade the earth.

While some may argue that I have indeed invaded the earth regardless, the distinction between visiting and permenantly abiding here is a dubious one at best, so I do not feel this is an adequete argument to pursue in my defense.

3) to be as in science fiction.

I'm not sure how to be as in science fiction, but if, as put by the Guild Master himself, the feature that allows one to be "as in science fiction" is the appearance of oneself or a semblence of oneself in a science fiction book, movie or other distant fictional work, then I am not particularly "as in science fiction" since I have never witnessed a character disctinctly resembling myself in any work of science fiction.

2) to be in or from outer space

Again, the aforementioned Websters New World Dictionary defines outer space as "space beyond the atmosphere of the earth". And since we currently reside in a country where one is innocent until proven guilty, I insist that I am not FROM outer space (my mom says so, too), and as the Guild Master has reassured me that we (and and I) are currently not IN the space beyond the atmosphere of the earth, then I am certainly not "in or from outer space".

1) to be a hypothetical being

When I queried the Guild Master about whether a RUTABAGA could be a hypothetical being, he replied, "hypothetically". Since I have fulfilled my initial quest, recieved a RUTABAGA indentification badge, and achieved 29 points as a RUTABAGA, I feel safe in saying that I am, indeed, a true RUTABAGA, and not based on an "unproved theory, proposition, suposition, etc., tentatively accepted to explain certain facts" RUTABAGA.

I am a non-hypothetical RUTABAGA => I am non-hypothetical.

QED, I am not a space alien.