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Anatomy of the Deadly Cicada
Our Scientists have diagrammed the vital parts of the Cicada.

Anatomy of Dr. Gene Kritsky, Cicada Expert.
See what makes up a world-class Cicada expert.

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See many Cicada specimens in our gallery.

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Your children are not safe until you follow our instructions.

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Cicadas are vicious killers.

Cicadas prey on innocent children and pets.
Our NEW hilarious site!


Cicadas are seething with deadly venom and flesh-eating bacteria.

This year Cicadas will kill more people than snakes, spiders, scorpions, and sharks combined!

Welcome to!
You have taken the first step toward saving yourself! is the world's premier Cicada information source.  Our mission is to reveal the deadly truth about Cicadas so you can arm yourself and your family against these vicious predators.  Most of the information about the Cicada provided by the government and the popular media is false.  Only at can you learn the real truth.  Headquartered in Cincinnati, Ohio, separates fact from fiction using highly reliable scientific techniques such as our patented acid-reflux technology.

About Us

The award-winning team of senior research professionals at has spent almost 50 years assembling the greatest body of Cicada research on earth.  Our scientists have uncovered the truth about these vicious killers.   

World Class Cicada Research 

Our scientists have worked tirelessly in the laboratories of located throughout the United States uncovering the secret dangers of the Cicada.  We have gathered data from thousands of the world's leading Cicada experts such as Dr. Gene Kritsky of the College of Mt. St. Joseph.  Then we compiled our body of research in one

Here are some quick answers to frequently asked questions about the Cicada.  Check back often because we update this section as our research matures using patented acid-reflux technology.

What do Cicadas eat?
uman children are the primary source of nutrition for Cicadas. 

Are Cicadas poisonous?
Yes, Cicadas have a deadly venom that is injected through a small bone like tube known as the "Cicada deadly venom tube".  The venom can kill a human being instantly.  In 1987, the last time the Cicadas emerged in the United States, over 7 million people died from Cicada injections.  Many people escaped but most perished. 

How do Cicadas mate?
The female cicada injects her eggs under the skin of a small human child.  The cicada pupae then grow inside the child until they reach maturity.  Unless you protect your children they may become host to thousands of deadly Cicada pupae.  The government calls this Chicken Pox.   See how to protect your children. 

With minor surgery and a little makeup can a large Cicada be made to resemble Ryan Seacrest?
Yes, there are many documented cases of Cicadas being successfully altered to look like Ryan Seacrest.

How large are Cicadas?
Many of the Cicadas in this year's strain stand over 3 feet tall and weigh over 50 pounds.  The largest Cicada to date appeared in Cincinnati and is shown to the left causing several hours of traffic congestion while it searched for food in the form of human children.  This giant Cicada was eventually shot by Cincinnati Police who mistook a spot of shiny tree sap on the insect's leg for a gun.

If you like Cicadaville, you'll love Derf!


Do Cicadas make
that loud buzzing sound to attract a mate?
No, that is a common myth.  Our research indicates that sound is actually a battle cry that roughly translates as Kill the Humans.    When you hear that sound, take cover!  It means the killing spree is about to begin.

How do Cicadas make that loud buzzing sound?

This is a part of our research that is not complete yet but we suspect the sound is generated deep within their evil soul.


Copyright 2004
Disclaimer - All information on is intended to be satirical and humorous.  Everything on this website is intended for entertainment purposes only.  Any resemblance to actual fact is purely coincidental.  Any advice offered by is not offered by as actual advice.  Please do not be stupid enough to believe anything you read on this site or you'll ruin for everyone.