Like There's Not A Single Phone In Texas?

Oh. My. God.

It's alive.

And, there are only 5 more days until Joe Bonamassa's CD is released!

Caffeinated

Somebody had too much caffeine at lunch.

I swear, I tried talking her into another beverage, but you can see how well that worked.

Where's Dancing Spidey When You Need Him?

Not that you asked, but I'm pretty much unimpressed by world records in sock folding and Oreo stacking.

After my many hours three minutes of watching the Olympics, I've determined the following:

Men's Gymnastics: not gay
Men's Gymnastics Footwear: gay

The name van den Hoogenbodenbogenlogenband: translated from Pieter's native tongue to Mandarin Chinese and then to English, it means "this name is gay"

The Twins: I want no part of that Hamm sandwich.

The Torch: As if you really have to ask.

And Spiderman?

On that note, GO U.S.A.!

Why I Love Him

He leaned in close, his arm draped across the top of the seat, gazing at me.

I was resting my head against my seat leaning in toward him. I was trying to hand him something while we were talking.

I don't remember what it was that we'd been talking about, but he suddenly reached out, and with a very gentle touch, moved a lock of hair off my face.

"Have I ever told you you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen?" he asked.

"No, you haven't."

He looked a me and smiled. "Let's go get our pizza!"

What?

I asked, "so does that mean you think I have beautiful eyes?"

"Mom, I'm hungry. I want my pizza. We can discuss your eyes later."

Yes, the same person who'd just tenderly brushed hair from my face and uttered such sweetness was Little Dude.

I don't know where he gets this stuff, but someday, he's going to be one helluva good man. Infuriating, if he skirts the issues with his girlfriend or wife like he did me, but overall, a good man.

Crockett Man

After I broke up with a boyfriend back in the mid-80's, his behavior became a little eccentric. He came to the video store where I worked on a pretty regular basis so I watched as his behavior changed from normal to a little, hmm...let's call it Walter Mitty-esque.

You see, Kent had a fascination for Miami Vice. Once we were history he retreated into his fantasy world in one of the most bizarre ways I've ever seen. First it was the t-shirts. He took to cutting off the sleeves from ALL of his shirts. Not so bad. Lots of guys did it. He took to wearing (bad) thrift store sports coats over the shirts. Okay, still nothing to get too worried over. The hair. The stubble. You name it. All the little things that were so damn hot about James Sonny Crockett - Kent copied.

Then came the car thing. He drove around like he was Sonny on his way to a bust. Phil Collins and Jan Hammer blaring from the speakers. Except his car....it was a new, well, it was....this. And for whatever reason, he equated that with Sonny's (look-alike) Ferrari 365 GTB/4 Daytona Spyder. I didn't get the connection then and I don't get it now, but it was his fantasy world and, well, whatever.

Kent also liked to leap out of his car and race into the store, jumping over bushes and such along the way. He'd burst into the store, kind of crouched down, looking left and right. I almost expected to see him holding his hands together in a gun pose, index fingers pointing forward. He stopped short of that - at least in public. Just. Barely.

He also eventually went and traded his dog in for a baby alligator that he named Elvis.

Let's see, he could somehow convince himself that a Scirocco was a Ferrari but he couldn't pull off "the dog is an gator" part of the fantasy?

Last I heard, he had married a gal who owned a boat and looked like Edward James Olmos.

Penney's Ad

Has anyone else seen the commercial for JC Penney with the kids dancing to the "rock your body" music? The little girls doing the Carmen Electra booty move?

Is anyone else bothered by that?

Since when do we have children performing stripper moves on commercials for department stores? Since when is that okay?

I know Lisa's seen it.

Taking Up Yogurt

I wanna become more fluid.

It's part of my quest to become more Madonna Esther-like.

Blogs Across America Approaches

Seldom Sober is looking to raid my liquor cabinet soon. He's still short a stop or two.

If you live between Detroit, MI, and Queens, NY, drop Rich a line and lend him your sofa. I promise by the time he gets to you all thoughts of mischief will have left his mind. It's a long damn drive, folks...help a blogger out!

Hunting Trogdor

Out at lunch a couple days ago, Mrs. Smash and I saw a car with Strong Bad and Trogdor stickers on the windshield. Mrs. Smash didn't know who they were so I sent her links.

That's not the weird part, though, okay?

I was talking with another friend about early computer games that I liked and lo and behold! As I was running through the links for SB, what do I spy? There's a new Trogdor version of my favorite!

And someone else had Strong Bad things afoot today.

AUT0 ER0T1CA

Johnny Castle

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

Not with Johnny Castle around. And I sometimes I'm my own Johhny Castle. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to have the real deal by my side.

By the way, did you ever notice his initials are the same as Jesus'? And that he was saving a Jew?

This post dedicated to Sondra. Just cuz.

P.S. Neanderthal with a hard "T" is just wrong.

Off to look at my Ikea catalog again. Or play with my Old Navy shoes. Because, you know, Old Navy is my new Ikea.

Not Her Mama, But Wish I Was

If you aren't reading Para-Bellum, you should be.

I hope my daughter turns out half as bright and well-spoken as Jen.

She gives me hope for the future.

Under The Radar

Less than two weeks until "Had To Cry Today" is out. And, I love that the it's already ranked at 1,885 on Amazon...pre-sale ranking.

I'm so excited!

Thanks to everyone who pre-ordered copies of Joe Bonamassa's new CD for me to send overseas to the troops! You all ROCK!

I'm a little sad though. As much as I've run on about Joe, I'm no longer in the top 20 results if you Google him. Yeah, I'm under the radar. You'd think my 5,004 mentions of him would yield better rankings for me (not that that's what I'm about....but you know what I mean.)

Anyhow, I've caught a couple tracks from the album and it. is. AWESOME!

If you like guitars, melodies, real musicianship - this CD is for you. Order your copy today!

Stupid Yahoo TV

I went to check the local listings to see when "Last Comic Standing" was set to air tonight and saw, off to the left, the winner's name.

And it's not that I didn't want him to win...that's who I wanted to win. But I didn't want to know before I saw the show.

Yahoo sucks ass.

San Diego Has the Spirit of America

I can't improve on it any so I stole the whole thing.

HERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY to help "win the peace" in Iraq, by shopping!

If you’re in the San Diego area this weekend and want to meet some kindred Spirits head out to Scripps Ranch for a block-wide Yard Sale to benefit Spirit of America. On Saturday, August 14, ten very generous families will offer you the chance to buy some special treasures AND help the military achieve peace in Iraq and Afghanistan. “We decided it would be a fun way to raise money for a good cause,” said one resident.

The fun starts at 7 am and they’ll be selling refreshments. So before your Saturday chores or your trip to the beach drive on over to Golden Birch Way in Scripps Ranch, north of San Diego.

If you can't make it to San Diego, don't worry -- you can buy and sell your own stuff online via MissionFish, and the proceeds will be donated to SoA!

So, yeah. What Smash said.

Mother's Day in August

It's a boy!

I'm so proud.

The fact that I don't know his daddy...well....that does concern me a bit.

While you're clicking links...don't forget the Carnival of the Vanities over at Smallest Minority.

Dog Days Of Summer

It's either this or car porn. And you're likely to end up with that by the end of the week anyway.