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Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 08/03/2002 23:02:00
Posted by:  Rona Raphael  (view the other 4 posts from this user)
I am Nicola Raphael's mum.  To all you bullies out there, your day will come.  My daughter was the nicest, kindest, loveliest girl and was hounded because she dressed as a 'Goth'.  So what, I was a punk rocker though you would never think it to look at me now.  Nicola's tormentors have been named within her poetry and diaries which I found after her death.  Two girls who she was once great friends with (GS and LC are named along with a particular teacher) along with MS, DR, JD, SM, RT, FD and CD, you know who you are.  The two girls were in Glasgow Cathedral at the Memorial Service, with their parents would you believe.  I felt like giving them a good slap, but as the law stands I cannot do that.  GS - her parents, dad is a policeman and mum is an ex-policewoman and LC parents would be shocked if they saw the poems written about their daughters.  These 2 girls also appeared at my house on Nicola's 16th birthday (after laying flowers on her grave) with their platitudes.  They probably don't even realise they are bullies but bullying doesn't always mean hitting out at someone.  It can mean name calling or throwing things (usually aimed at the bin supposedly).  It can mean telling someone that this one isn't talking to you or that one isn't talking to you and today I'm your friend and the next day I'm not.  It all picks away at the person who is on the receiving end of the verbal abuse.  Teachers are as much to blame, though not all of them I have to say.  Nicola was very popular with her teachers, her report cards say so but if the teachers won't stand up to their leader because they fear for their jobs then the leader isn't doing a very good job.   I pray these same teachers will never have to go through what myself and Nicola's big brothers David and Christopher are going through.  It has been 8 months now since my Nicola died and the pain doesn't go, it is with us day and night.  Christopher went through the same hell at the same school and he wore his uniform from head to toe and was also a prefect.  In other words, he was a 'swot'.  Did this make him different, it did to the thugs who made his life a misery.  So the way a person is dressed has nothing to do with it.   Why does Lenzie Academy seem hellbent on the dress code being adhered to 100% but their Bullying Policy lies in a drawer gathering dust, of no use to anyone unless it is

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 10/03/2002 14:37:00
Posted by:  Barbara Evans  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
Hi Rona,  I know that it has  taken a lot of courage [and probably anger] for you to post  your message. I hope the people mentioned read it and try to learn from their mistakes. I know nothing can bring Nicola back, but maybe they will realise their cruelty, before they open their mouths in future.

 In time they will grow up [maybe] and have children themselves, how will they feel If the same thing happens to their children!!!!!!!

Take care Rona we'll talk soon

Barbara 

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 05/05/2002 12:05:00
Posted by:  Caitlin and Laura  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
Nicola was my cousin not only a cousin but a best friend too,if you ask me she was a beautiful girl.Lenzie academy is a **** school, they must of been blind not to see Nicola was being bullied its shocking.**** the bullies.How dare you she was human too you ********  

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 25/07/2002 17:48:00
Posted by:  Cryptorchid 
Rona,

I never had the privilege of knowing your daughter, Nicola. From what her friends and aquaintances have expressed, she was a well-loved person, as beautiful inside as she appeared to be. All I can express is my deepest, heart-felt sympathy to you and your family, you have lost a rare and beautiful thing but she is always there, as are all of our loved ones who have passed. I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt, and still do feel. The torture that these people have inflicted cannot and will not be justified or accepted by anyone who knows compassion.

Many of my friends and I know the kind of people who can do these things to others, having felt a little of it ourselves. These "Neds" consciously and deliberately set out to make the lives of the alternative and different, a complete and utter misery. Know that they will never win.

I don't think there is a day that goes by where my friends and I aren't reminded of the price we have to pay for our identity. We often think of Nicola in the situations in our everyday lives and we gain courage and strength from her memory. In a world where there are enough troubles and conflict, hundreds of children in Scotland who adopt this identity are singled out and marked as targets. Until the teachers, parents and elders do something to ease the tension and conflict, nothing will change.

I and others long for change but we can wait as long as we have strength. You're daughter DID NOT GIVE IN like those cowards say she did, she slipped out of the bullies' grasp, she was and will always be your precious daughter and a sign of hope and strength for us all, things have to change.

With all my love to you and you're family.

 

                
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 02/07/2003 01:39:00
Posted by:  Richard Hobson 
A new tear was shed tonight Nicola A new heart felt your pain
A new person will always remember your name

X

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 16/08/2002 00:17:00
Posted by:  Geri 
I could not even dare to imagine what you are going through. This should never happen to anyone. The problem of bullying is being underestimated and something should be done about it in shcools. I wish I could do more and I seriously hope to, one day. Now I am only 16 and the best I can do is stop bullies at my school of hurting others. With all my hope and best wishes, stay strong

Geri

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 29/08/2002 16:25:00
Posted by:  Kirsten 
I knew Nicola thru a close friend of mine and Nicola's. She was such a laugh and such a sweet and beautiful girl. Her death came as such a shock but i really admire the strength and courage her family and best friends had to get thru such an emotionally draining time. Nicola will never be forgotten and her memory will be in everyone's hearts and minds forever.

My love and thoughts are with you and your family Rona, and also with that beautiful girl Nicola

xx

 

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 06/09/2002 16:41:00
Posted by:  Naomi Leanne 
Hi, I'm Naomi Leanne and I decided to have a say i've spent 2 years being bullied and in my eyes Nicola was beautiful I never knew her and i'm so sad to say I never will bullies are cruel they know how to hurt someone and they must have been intimidated by her beauty and cleverness to bully her so much, anyway you've got courage to post what happened to Nicola.

She's going to be in my mind and prayers forever shes the biggest prettiest star in the sky and that will never change.

Naomi aged 13

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 17/09/2002 18:55:00
Posted by:  melissa adams 
I didnt know Nicola personally, but I now know some of her friends. She seems to have touched the lives of so many people...the rememberances written for her in Glasgow show that. I know how bad she must have felt, it really angers me when people shout abuse or pick on others(being myself or my friends) for being "goths"

She seemed like a really nice girl and someone who people were proud to know.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 20/09/2002 18:28:00
Posted by:  mo  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
Sorry it's taken the Daily Record for me to find this site. I've repeatedly tried to raise the Blackadder concern with Success Unlimited and have unsubscribed in disgust that they can betray civilisation by ignoring the subject.

2 things to say.

1. Why am I unaware of anyone else making any effort to speak out against the TV comedy Blackadder 2, which is the faraway sickest nationally orchestrated hate crime in modern history?  Repeated every couple of years since 1986, including this summer, it has never been criticised in the media (will the Record do it now?), counts as a cult, and its makers are millionaires. In the dialogue between Blackadder and Ludwig, it portrays victimhood  of  bullying for personal attributes that are not your fault, as making people into criminals who want to become dictators. This is the opposite of a century of understanding on brutality of character and on attributing it to PERPETRATORS.  Bad school situations and being a target are mocked and gloated over.

It's identical to Nazi silhouette films celebrating street violence and attributing world conspiracies to the target group. I wrote so in the Anne Frank Exhibition with the organisers' advance permission. Yet cast member Tony Robinson, bullied, is a government anti-bullying spokesman. The education ministries in both Scotland and England have ignored requests to dissociate from Blackadder as a bloodstained pogrom. Stephen Fry attempted suicide at 17 and defines tyranny as "a culture that demands people apologise for anything that is not their fault" in his book Moab Is My Washpot, Rowan Atkinson was a bullied stammerer and remains terribly self conscious, so what ever was in their minds making the episode? I had a letter on this published in the Daily Express 22 Oct 01, have got Stonewall to recognise the point, and when The BBC negotiated a Jubilee Blackadder theme I sent an objection to Buckingham Palace and got a good response.  

2. On uniforms. I have a submission in the Scottish parliament, the procedures committee's enquiry into "CSG Principles", making a legal claim on scientific grounds to abolish all dress control throughout society. Its date is the day before Nicola died, and on 2 July 01 I sent a mailshot of it to all 212 education authorities in Britain plus the HMC. All petitioners of parliament in its first 2 years of existence got invited t

                
Re: continued
Posted on: 03/10/2002 21:32:00
Posted by:  mo  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
got invited to make submissions, and equal opportunities issues were valid to include.

 A link is now scientifically understood between high metabolism, skin sensitivity, and body electricity. It features in conditions like attention deficit, that are widely discussed in ther context of school, and Tourette syndrome, see Passing For Normal by Amy Wilensky. It proves force to wear a costume other than of your comfort choice can be a violation of serious health aspects of the body. Hence it proves all minority tastes in costume are scientifically serious minorities and not frivolous, hence all dress codes and uniforms are against international human rights principles on minority persecution, and must be illegal.

I put this in the submission, so this claim has been on parliamentary record for a year. As soon as the enquiry acknowledged it, on 2 July 01 I mailshot every education authority in the UK with a notice of it, stating it was their duty not to enforce school attendance at all for any child who likes a costume there is ribaldry towards, until they have ceased to organise schools in a way that forces people into contact with peer groups at all. So, for every case in the last year of bullying of costume or appearance, the education authority (or the private sector ISIS) had received this.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 09/10/2002 14:39:00
Posted by:  me big H  (view the other 1 posts from this user)
mrs raphael , i was a former pupil of lenzie academy , i would just like to say how sorry i am for ur loss .I know wot the school is like although i was not bullied myself , i see what goes on . Teachers do nothing to prevent this .The only thing concerning them is how high in the league tables they R ? if u dont wear the right clothes play rugby or hockey and get drunk every weekend ur considered an outcast . I hope the pain of ur loss will soon fade ...

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 12/11/2002 00:26:00
Posted by:  Dan 
Know what it feels like to be the one everyone picks on. I know the bullies have their reasons, but there's usually one who gets more abuse than the other's and that someone was Nicola and that someone in my school was me. Feel like I understand why Nicola wrote poems and wanted to escape because I feel the same way at times. My heart goes out to Nicola's mum and hope Nicola rests in peace. xxxxxx

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 02/02/2003 17:06:00
Posted by:  Kelly 
Hi Rona.

I'm 15 and attend Lourdes secondary in the cardonald area of glasgow. Both my sister and i are verbally and physically abused on a daily basis just because we are considdered to be "goths".  Upon consulting the head teacher for advice on how to deal with the bullying we were told to tuck our shirts in and wipe the "filthy" black make-up off our faces.

When will the teachers realise that something must be done!

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 11/03/2002 09:54:00
Posted by:  John Fisher 
The formation of a natural pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle and the shell, and pierces it, which irritates the mantle. It's kind of like the oyster getting a splinter. The oyster's natural reaction is to cover up that irritant to protect itself. The mantle covers the irritant with layers of the same substance that is used to create the shell. This eventually forms a pearl.

In other words, from pain comes forth beauty. I can't say anything that will decrease the pain you and your family feels hell I wish I could, but perhaps beauty will come from this. I don't know in what way, or even how but perhaps...

Take care, prayers and love.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 05/03/2003 01:18:00
Posted by:  Manson Fan  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
I also never had the privlege of meeting your daughter, although i would have loved to. She sounded like a true goth. You can't find many of those here in Texas. I say your daughters name mentioned on the Manson DVD I bought rescently. I looked her up on the internet and soon found out the tradgedy of such a be beuitiful young girl. I hope you are feeling better now about it. I am sure your daughter has found peace. In responce to GS's remark I would like to say "**** YOU AND YOUR LONLEY BIRTHDAY! YOUR NOT THE ONE DEAD ARE YOU!? But it makes you think...who deserved it more?" In responce to your statement Rona I think who cares about the law you should slap the **** out of those two people who harassed your daughter. If anyonewho knew Nicola has AOL or AIM then send me a message at tool894567.

Best wishes,

Chris Lewis

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 05/03/2003 01:18:00
Posted by:  Manson Fan  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
        

Dear Rona,

           I also never had the privlege of meeting your daughter, although i would have loved to. She sounded like a true goth. You can't find many of those here in Texas. I say your daughters name mentioned on the Manson DVD I bought rescently. I looked her up on the internet and soon found out the tradgedy of such a be beuitiful young girl. I hope you are feeling better now about it. I am sure your daughter has found peace. In responce to GS's remark I would like to say "**** YOU AND YOUR LONLEY BIRTHDAY! YOUR NOT THE ONE DEAD ARE YOU!? But it makes you think...who deserved it more?" In responce to your statement Rona I think who cares about the law you should slap the **** out of those two people who harassed your daughter. If anyonewho knew Nicola has AOL or AIM then send me a message at tool894567.

Best wishes,

Chris Lewis

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 20/03/2003 01:16:00
Posted by:  Sammy  (view the other 1 posts from this user)
I am deeply sorry you had to go through such a terrible loss.  I know what it's like to be labeled "Gothic" and it's very hurtful.  I cried when I read about Nicole's death, but you might have saved my life, because I realized that I am not alone.  Thank you for making this statement.  Remember, Nicole's an angel now, and she's watching over you.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 20/03/2003 01:16:00
Posted by:  Sammy  (view the other 1 posts from this user)
I am deeply sorry you had to go through such a terrible loss.  I know what it's like to be labeled "Gothic" and it's very hurtful.  I cried when I read about Nicola's death, but you might have saved my life, because I realized that I am not alone.  Thank you for making this statement.  Remember, Nicola's an angel now, and she's watching over you.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 12/03/2002 01:37:00
Posted by:  Wendy  (view the other 8 posts from this user)
I think that its silly to say that beauty can come from Nicola's death. That's the most dumbest thing I've ever heard of, no offense or anything but it is! I think that you (John) should have said that people should learn from her death. That would have been more appropriate.

Yeah I can understand that friends can turn from best friend to enemy. It happened to me. I used to have this friend let's call her "meg", and she and I used to be best friends but in 6th grade popularity meant everything to her so when I moved, she decided not to have any more contact with me and dumped me.

I only lived like 15 min away on a car, but still she didn't want much to do with me. So my friendship with her ceased. Anyways I'd like to thank Nicola's mum for sharing her story because I think it needs to be heard. Bullying is a problem that people don't want to deal with and want to act like it doesn't exist.

But it does and this is reality, schools ought to do something about it. In my own opinion its sad that Nicola had to end her life and I feel awful that she was bullied emotionally by those "friends" that were around her. There were many times in high school where I just wanted to die! I wanted to not live anymore. I'm not goth or anything, but it doesn't matter what you look like, or what background you're from bullyin hurts so much.

In 5th grade I used to go home crying! I went to Bellair Elementary which is in Glendale, Arizona. I was bullied by this fat girl and she was so disrespectful towards everyone. Somehow she decided to pick on me,and I was actually the first person that befriended her. But she decided to later on to pick on me. Oh and her name was Jennifer Neelly.

The school counselour, principal, and my 5th grade teacher at Bellair Elementary didn't do anything. They had this attitude of "this is how things are." Although I've moved on this experience has made me stronger, so though they intended it to be horrible for me. In many ways its made me stronger and has actually worked for my advantage.

So to Jennifer Neelly and the class in 5th grade that bullied W.C. and to Bellair Elementary you've just made me stronger with your bullying. Thank you for doing me that service. However though some situations such as mine made people stronger, some people cannot handle it. I wish that I had met Nicola before she committed suicide and say "hey you know what, I've survived, so can you. Don't give up, you have

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 15/03/2002 13:28:00
Posted by:  "GS" 
im really sorry you feel that way Rhona but unfortunately i'll have to share a few home truths.  in 1st or 2nd year Nicola decided that she didn't want to talk to me for no reason, i had no friends for the whole summer and spent my birthday by myself.  i had absolutely no idea that Nicola believed that myself and LC bullied her especially when Nicola could be just as cruel.  I have never forgotten this especially when she did it again.  i think that the reason that Nicola had our names in those poems was after we told her we were unhappy that she had dumped us for her other friends.  her actual words were "i do have other friends you know" after she declined to come to one of our houses.  i dont want to hurt you.  i loved Nicola to bits but everyone has their bitchy side and most of us got our full share of Nicola's as she of ours.  Im really disappointed that you decided to bring my mum and dads jobs in to it, this has absolutely nothing to do with the issue and quite frankly i get the impression that you feel they are to blame.  If you were so disgusted that we turned up to the memorial service why did you invite LC?  Of course we had our fallouts, everyone does, but that doesnt stop us loving Nicola any less.  I hope this is settled now.  Carly and myself have been bullied a lot - all through primary school and is still continuing now especially with Carly.  So this may be a factor in what our actions become.  Has my recent fallout with Ashley had anything to do with this recent revelation of me and LCs involvement in Nicola's bullying?  I am upset that you have expressed yourself about this issue publicly rather than coming and speaking to me yourself.  Surely if it was bothering you so much you would have said something to me and LC.  Sincerely Gayle.

                
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 22/03/2002 23:50:00
Posted by:  prefer not to diclose  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
In response to 'GS's post about Nicola Raphael, I would like to say, that I didn't know Nicola very well. We only met a few weeks before it happened, but the news of her death troubled me a great deal.  Since the funeral I have visited Rona on a Regular basis, and can see through her every move how much pain she is in.  Please excuse me for saying that I think the way you worded your reply to Rona was inappropriate and wrong.  I would ask you to think about the amount of pain she is feeling.  Think about it, you have lost a friend (so you say), and yes it's hurting.  Rona has lost her daughter.  I hope in no way to offend any party as it is not my place to have an opinion on this matter, as I know nothing of it, but I do hope 'GS' that my note will make a difference to the way you speak about the issue, if ever again.  Once again no offence intended, as my opinion is of no consequence.  All my love to Rona and the family.  See you soon Rona. x@x

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 18/03/2002 19:53:00
Posted by:  Chrissie 
Dear Rona

I was never as close to Nicola as I would have liked to been, because although we were never that close I would still call her one of my oldest friends. I have known her since P1 as you well know. Again although we did not spend every waking moment together, like LC and GS, we were close, close enough to be invited to stay at her Grans for a weekend as I recall. LC and Nicola were inseperable in primary as were GS and Nicola. Thats what academy does to you ! It makes you develop new friendships. It can't be helped. Everyone moves on and makes new friends its just LC and GS wanted to keep a hold of Nicola's friendship. Can you blame them? After an argument they went home bitter and Nicola wrote those poems and probably a few after. I don't know I am not her mum, I'm not you. (obviously) But I do know that it was on the spur of the moment. Before she died, she was still friends with them and bore them no bad feelings, as far as I know. Now would she be so nice to people who had treated her as badly as you say they did??  I know what bullying is like and that is not it. I have been called sheepshagger for as long as I can remember because I am from Aberdeen. Me and my friends have tiffs all the time and little arguments but that is all thay are...little. Small, insignificant, not worth falling out over and we know that the other is joking because no true friend would ever do that. And that is what LC and GS were to Nicola, well in their eyes. You have every right to hate these people if you want, but just remember back to your 'punk rocker' days, you must have had tiffs with your mates but they were not worth falling out over. Just maybe a wee huff for a few days. Once again that is only my opinion, You knew her better than anyone and should maybe remember that she was a teenage girl who like every single other teenage girl, myself included, took things to heart and went in huffs. But that is just how it works. LC and GS in my opinion can't be blamed because they loved her. Not just in a friendly way but in a sisterly way. I haven't seen either of them so distraught or destroyed. They went to the memorial service because  thay loved Nicola and still couldn't believe she was dead and out of their lives. They laid flowers on her grave because they missed her and they came to you because they thought that you would might like to see some of her oldest friends. If you were so disguste

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 18/03/2002 22:22:00
Posted by:  Tim Field 
Dear Rhona,

I am so sorry for the loss of Nicola. My colleague Neil Marr and myself published a co-authored book last year called "Bullycide: death at playtime" in which we revealed for the first time that each year in the UK at least 16 children are driven to suicide by bullies. When open verdicts and accidental deaths are taken into account, the total could be nearer 100 a year. In most cases, the school is interested only in doing everything possible to abdicate responsibility for its failure to fulfil their duty of care. The DfEE have no statistics and have shown a singular lack of leadership on this issue.

See http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bullycide/index.htm for insight into bullying, and http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/books/bullycide.htm for our book. The specious reasons bullies use to justify their cruel behaviour are explained at http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bullycide/child.htm

On the subject of school uniform, the obsession with controlling the way children dress is a sign of an abusive mindset with strong links to sexual abuse. The profile of the serial bully at http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/serial.htm often describes the head teacher at a school where bullying is rife. Since 1995 teachers and lecturers have consistently been the largest group of callers to my UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line and most report being bullied by the head teacher or principal with this behaviour profile. This is a much bigger subject that anyone imagines.

To receive my free monthly e-newsletter on bullying and related issues, send your email address to timfield@successunlimited.co.uk

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 27/03/2002 19:34:00
Posted by:  Gemma  (view the other 4 posts from this user)
GS who do u think u are saying things like that basically u are saying that Nicola commited suicide coz she was in a huff well i would just like to say you know nothing, wat you said was harsh and uncalled for, and i think you should appoliguise to Rona.She is going through enough as it is without people like u saying things like that.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 05/04/2002 15:14:00
Posted by:  Wendy  (view the other 8 posts from this user)
I think its horrible how GS and her supporters are ranting on about Nicola. True I didn't know Nicola, she wasn't a saint, but she was a girl and I don't think that she would commit suicide , unless she had a "good reason." She was a girl that was being hurt too much, she probably had her disagreements with family and friends, don't we all? No one's perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.

However don't rant on her like that people, you hurt her and her so called friends and bullies drove her to suicide. Don't deny what you did, admit to it, and take accountability for it and don't rant about her.

I just hope Nicola is in a better place right now. That poor girl, I feel sorry for her and her mum. I don't know if sorry is the right word, but my heart goes out for Nicola and mum.

        
Re: Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 05/05/2002 12:05:00
Posted by:  Caitlin and Laura  (view the other 2 posts from this user)
Nicola was my cousin not only a cousin but a best friend too,if you ask me she was a beautiful girl.Lenzie academy is a **** school, they must of been blind not to see Nicola was being bullied its shocking.**** the bullies.How dare you she was human too you ******** 

        
Re:Nicola Raphael
Posted on: 18/08/2003 13:09:00
Posted by:  Chrissie  (view the other 3 posts from this user)
Rona I apologise for what I wrote earlier, I just re-read it and I have no right to write those things, you have your reasons for writing what you did, i have no right to contradict you, I am sorry.

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