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Title: The Day You Went Away
Author: Ainzfern
Series: TOS
Code: S/Mc
Rating: PG
Parts: 1 (1/1)
Disclaimer: Paramount owns STAR TREK ... etc and so on and so forth!
My only pay here is personal joy
Summary: Reflections of a great love.
Archiving: Cool- if you want to- please let me know.
Feedback: Yes please! All comments are welcome
Author's Note: HUGE thanks to Janet for her BETA. I grovel at thy feet <G>.

Hey... There's not a cloud in sight
It's as blue as your blue goodbye
And I thought that it would rain
The day you went away...

(The Day You Went Away - Wendy Matthews)

Here I am... I'm right here
How I wish you could see me, dear
Oh my dear...

(Beloved - Wendy Matthews)

The Day You Went Away.

Aw Hell... I didn't realize that it was gunna be *this* hard to say goodbye, to let him go.

I'm glad at least that I'm home again, back in the old place. It means a lot to me. I have very good memories of this old house.

Summer nights on the porch, sittin' on the swing chair out there. Me with a fine old whisky and him with, hell, whatever it is that he drinks. I never could figure it out. It was a strange looking concoction to me. He liked it well enough I guess, and that was what counted.

Memories. Damned funny things. I don't have that Vulcan photographic capability that he always displayed. In truth, as the years rolled on, I found myself using the old data note padd more and more often, just so I wouldn't forget things.

There are certain things that I won't be bound to forget though. Oh no, I don't need the old note padd for those memories.

Poor Jim. He had *no* idea. At least, not at first.

Spock and I came together for the first time during shore leave on some backward M class ball o' mud in the furthest part of the Alpha quadrant.

Oh Jim... second star to the right? No wonder you got us into so much damn trouble.

And if I recall correctly, it usually fell to Spock and I to pull us out of it.

You got the to be the hero. We got to be together.

It wasn't a bad trade off, boy.

Oh, I remember that first time so well. It was a textbook case all right. Mutual antagonism disguising mutual attraction. Damn, he was so beautiful. All long limbs and lean lines. I never thought about bein' with a man before but hell, even *I* had to bow to the inevitable.

That's the part that smarts the most now. He hasn't changed at all. Not to my old eyes. He looks just the same.

I can't say that for myself. I'd be lyin' if I did.

Damn, I *wish* I didn't have to say goodbye. I *wish* I could have just one more night with him. But I can't. It's too late now. Too damn late.

You know what I regret the most? All that lost time in the middle, after he was killed saving our asses from Kahn.

I carried my lover's Katra, his *self*, around in my head all that time, but I still felt like he was gone. I had his essence, but it was all locked up, keeping itself safe until its rightful owner came to collect it.

Maybe it's because I'm Human, but holding his Katra wasn't enough for me. I wanted to hold the person too.

It took such a long time to get him back. Oh, we rebooted his memory, so to speak, but a great deal of what made Spock the man he was, was missing somehow.

I knew what it was of course. They'd tried to bring him back as a Vulcan, rather than a hybrid. I don't even think it was deliberate; in fact I'm damn sure it wasn't. It's just that they had no point of reference to work with.

So, for the longest time, his Human side, the side that had allowed a Vulcan to love me, was smothered by logic and indifference.

Then we went on our little whale watching expedition back in time, and I *tried* to keep my mind on the job, and to my credit I think I did all right. Considering that all I wanted to do the whole time was grab that aloof and distant son of a bitch and slam him up against the bulkhead a few times.

But, miracle of miracles, he came back on his own.

When he stepped down from the gallery and took his place in the line with us standing in front of the President of the Federation, that's when I *knew* he was back. See, I could *feel* it. I could feel the warmth and affection projecting out towards me.

It was the second most joyful moment of my life.

The first was when he came to my quarters that same night and reestablished our broken link.

Oh, those slender hands on my face, that tall, hard body meshing with mine. His lips moving over me, his breath in my mouth...

We were never apart again after that. We let the others know. We figured it was time.

Oh God, what a life we had together! He was everything to me. My best damn friend in the universe. He understood things about me that I had never shared before. He was part of my body, part of my mind and all of my heart.

His smile never failed to fill me with joy.

But now, like all good things, it has come to an end.

Or has it?

//Do you love me, Spock?//

//Always, beloved. For all of my life and beyond.//

//Then that's all I need to know. I can go now. I'm so tired, beautiful.//

//Then sleep, Leonard. I will keep you close to me.//

//I'll wait for you.//

//I know.//



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