blunted on reality

November 21, 2004

Add this to your Christmas wish list

Purchase an anal massage from Amazon. Do I really need to add any silly comments to this?

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November 17, 2004

Funniest. Headline. Ever.

Rat's Nuts Likley To Blame For Driver's Traffic Accident (No, I'm not kidding)

Carol Windham was forced to run a red light Wednesday when her gas pedal stuck down after she hit the brakes. Pressing both feet on the pedal, she managed to get her 1984 Chevrolet van through the intersection unscathed and was able to stop it near a fast-food restaurant.

The van was towed to an auto repair shop, where mechanic Jeff Rutledge popped the hood and found a pile of pecans.

"There were probably 50 pecans," he said. "It looked like a wood rat had nested."

Apparently, when Windham depressed the brake pedal, one of the pecans fell and lodged next to the accelerator cable, causing the throttle to stick open.

Rutledge said rat problems are not uncommon this time of year.

"It makes about the third one we've had over the last two weeks," he said. "Rats can chew through fuel lines and electrical wires, too."

Windham checked the engine compartment of her other vehicle when she got home and found more pecans and half an apple.

"We put peanut butter on the rat trap, put it on one of the tires and tied it down," she said.

The next morning, Windham found the rat dead.

Ok, so it's sophmoric. Sue me.

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November 14, 2004

RIP ODB

Hip-Hop Artist Old Dirty Bastard, also known as Big Baby Jesus, Osiris & Dirt McGirt, collapsed and died in a recording studio on Saturday, two days before his 36th birthday...

O.D.B. had complained of chest pains before collapsing at the Manhattan studio, and was dead by the time paramedics arrived, said Gabe Tesoriero, a spokesman for O.D.B.'s record label, Roc-a-Fella.

The cause of death was not immediately clear, but O.D.B. had recently finished a prison sentence for drug possession and escaping a rehab clinic. He would have turned 36 on Monday.

O.D.B. -- also known as Ol' Dirty Bastard, Dirt McGirt, Big Baby Jesus or his legal name of Russell Jones -- was a founding member of the seminal rap group the Wu-Tang Clan in the early 1990s.

With his unorthodox delivery -- alternately slurred, hyper and nonsensical -- O.D.B. stood out even in the nine-man Clan, which featured such future stars as Method Man, RZA and Ghostface Killah.

The Wu-Tang blueprint was for each member to pursue solo projects, and O.D.B.'s were among the best.

He released hit singles such as "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" and "Got Your Money," and appeared on remixes with artists like Mariah Carey.

"There's nobody like him in the game," RZA told The Associated Press in an April interview, when asked if O.D.B. could resume his career after prison. "He's got a lot of problems he's got to iron out, of course, but as far as a one-of-a-kind person, a one-of-a-kind artist, he's one of a generation, one of a lifetime. He's a very rare commodity."

But as his fame increased, so did his erratic behavior, and fans came to expect the unexpected from O.D.B.

When MTV News followed him around at the height of his popularity, he took the camera crew and several of his kids (he was said to have more than a dozen, by numerous mothers) to the welfare office -- in a limousine -- to get an allotment of food stamps.

And he received them.

In February 1998, he crashed the stage at the Grammy Awards and hijacked a microphone from singer Shawn Colvin as she accepted an award, apparently upset over losing the best rap album Grammy to P. Diddy (then known as Puff Daddy). He complained that he spent a lot of money for new clothes because he thought he was going to win. The rapper later apologized.

Over the years, he was wounded in shootings and arrested on a veritable laundry list of charges, including menacing security officers, illegally possessing body armor, driving with a suspended license, shoplifting and threatening a former girlfriend.

In 2000, after escaping a court-ordered stint in a California rehabilitation center, authorities searched for him for a month. He was finally arrested in Philadelphia -- three days after performing in a New York City concert with his Wu-Tang clique.

He was sentenced in 2001 to two to four years in prison for drug possession, plus two concurrent years for escaping from the clinic. He was released in 2003 and immediately signed with Roc-a-Fella.

He heralded his return with a news conference alongside singer Carey -- pop fans may know him best for his memorable cameo on her hit "Fantasy," featuring rhymes like "me and Mariah, go back like babies with pacifiers."

Tesoriero said O.D.B. had been working on his comeback album for more than a year and was almost finished.

"Russell inspired all of us with his spirit, wit, and tremendous heart," Roc-A-Fella founder Damon Dash said in a statement. "The world has lost a great talent, but we mourn the loss of our friend."

His mother, Cherry Jones, said she received the news of her son's death in a phone call, which she called "every mother's worst dream."

"To the public he was known as Old Dirty Bastard, but to me he was known as Rusty. The kindest most generous soul on earth," her statement said. "Russell was more than a rapper, he was a loving father, brother, uncle, and most of all, son."

ODB, if nothing else, was unique. Whether his originality stemmed from his creativity or was just a byproduct of his one-of-a-kind personality (some would classify him as a bit crazy) is something I'm still figuring out... but regardless of where the lyrics and the attitude came from, ODB was a class clown of sorts, saying and doing things that made it nearly impossible to take him seriously. It's a shame that hip-hop has to lose another of it's icons.

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November 11, 2004

How South Tampa Are You?

I think that Bill & Rachel over at Soho Tampa will appreciate these links...

First, the "How South Tampa Are You?" quiz, found on quizie.com... I scored a whopping 21% on this one.

Then you have the "How Tampa Are You?" quiz, which also seems to be mostly about South Tampa, aside from a question about Nebraska Ave.

You also have the anti-South Tampa "How North Tampa Are You?" quiz, which appears to have been written by a 14 year old.

To those of you not familiar with South Tampa, I promise you it's not as snooty as it sounds... well, ok parts of it are. I get to find out how snooty it can be when some of the people down here find out that I'm a "SOG". Fuckers.

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November 08, 2004

Who The Hell Is Editing TBO.com?

This is some really sloppy business. Found on this AP report:

tbo_editing1.JPG

And further down:

tbo_editing2.JPG

What?? Do we have l33t h4X0r5 running the site??

Also, from this report about a police chase that ended in a fatal accident:

tbo_editing3.JPG

Ugh... I wouldn't expect this kind of laziness from my own blog. Both the stories were Associated Press write-ups, so to be fair this could be their fault, but if that's the case, this is highly inexcusable.

Sorry, just needed something to rant about, I guess.

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The Radio Blog

If you direct your attention to the upper-right hand of the index page, you'll see that I've upgraded my radio.blog, as well as changed the song selection. The newest batch of songs reflects what's getting the most airplay in my CD player, mostly hip-hop & neo-soul... enjoy.

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November 06, 2004

For Those Who Didn't Vote

T-shirt hell has the shirt for you:

vote_or_die.gif

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Add this to your Christmas wish list
Funniest. Headline. Ever.
RIP ODB
How South Tampa Are You?
Who The Hell Is Editing TBO.com?
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Something To Chew On
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Bill Cosby Talks To George Bush

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