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ThreeThreeThree - Add me to your Personal Portal!
Description: The era of subspace. A black and white obscure delve into the world of hundreds of earths and extreme biology
Artist/Author: Carlos Young Yi!
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Name: deimossaturn Date: 4/7/2004

Page sixteen. Turns out there technically isnít any combat yet but itís starting to get pretty kick ass. The set up was worth the wait for me. The next pages will have real fighting in it I swear. Itís been longer than usual for this update because of a slump Iíve been in. Iím working too hard on certain things and not working at all on others. Iím also on a flu right now. My motor skills are a little flaky because of it. Anyways, more special visual tricks, a detailed overview of the carriage, and some more anatomy lessons. If you look at the second cell youíll notice how big the bounty hunterís hand and forearm are in comparison to his bountyís upper body. Our bounty hunter stands at an amazing 221 centimeters (roughly 7 feet 3 inches) which is impressive even to modern NBA standards. And although he is this huge, he weighs only about 96 kilograms (roughly 212 pounds). Mentioned in an earlier submission, the hunterís body has many biomechanical enhancements that allow him to weigh much less than normal. I borrowed the idea of the rain captured on high speed film from The Matrix Revolutions. I just bought it on Tuesday and it is in my opinion the greatest martial arts movie and greatest action movie ever made. It also has in my opinion the greatest visual effects scenes and animations in the history of all film. Nothing comes close, and nothing will come close until another matrix film or series is added to the franchise.
Youíll also notice in the third frame that the hunter has thrown our narrator out of the car with one hand and not much effort. Our narrator definitely minds this action and will pay the hunter back in a later page which you as the reader absolutely must stay tuned in for to see. (what an oddly worded sentence).
Any who, I also saw Hell Boy on Saturday. It was petty good for a comic movie. The visual effects werenít very ground breaking but I didnít expect them to be, however, they did a great job on casting, makeup effects, character design, and overall a well thought out approach in depicting the characters as they are in the comic. Iím totally going to buy it on DVD when it comes out.
I often struggle with a fantasy casting couch for people who might star in a feature film based on this comic series and others Iíve been developing a story for. I doubt it would be possible to have actors in a setting thatís so completely unreal without considering making the characters themselves totally computer generated. Lucas light and magic has been able to pull off keeping fleshy actors in settings that are almost completely virtual. Then again, the final fantasy movie and the final flight of the osiris was a prime example of how soon there wont be any need for actors to be on a set at all someday, especially in the near future. But if I had to choose voices, then Iíd probably cast David Duchovney (Fox Mulder) As the character narrating and maybe Method Man to play the bounty hunter.

... Name: Uncommon Date: 10/29/2004
Just because something is "different" doesn't mean it's good, lovey. Just because we have taste and standards doesn't mean you ought to go off on us. The fact is that this guy is a bad storyteller. The art should be able to speak for itself, instead of requiring these long-winded ramblings explaining what's going on.

It certainly doesn't help that the author is totally full of himself and can't take it when anyone doesn't totally love what he's done, when what he's done isn't all that great to begin with. In my book, that makes him a hack.

Seriously, how can you defend a guy who claims his skill is "godly"?
5 Name: promise2003 Date: 10/27/2004
long live abstract comics!

*beth smacks all stupid "I live inside the box where i can't think for myself" people with a VERY rancid hotdog and then chokes them all to death*

What the author said down in the comments is exactly what I tried to say on my last comment on the previous page. People are so uncomfortable with anything that is different, if it doesn't fit in their pretty little box that defines everything they do, then they flip the fuck out. Try living and thinking outside the box, it helps.
... Name: Uncommon Date: 10/20/2004
... Name: 3000 Date: 10/5/2004
I did spell it wrong... It was contrapposto :)
... Name: 3000 Date: 10/5/2004
Are you ever going to update again, or start a new webcomic? I think it would be nice if you stopped talking about things you don't know about and listen to others. I suggest you go to an art school and learn more about having a critique, that's sorta what drunkduck is all about. It is something that you could benefit from learning more.
Also for your style I'd like to suggest a look at the contraposse (may not be spelled right;)) first used in Greece around 500 or 300 BC, I forget which. What it is is the balance between the three major body masses, the head, chest, and butt. It helps a lot to add movement in figures. If you do have another webcomic somewhere I would enjoy reading it.
If you want to know anything more suggestions or have questions on anything you can e-mail me at pinkann87@yahoo.com Ask and I will give you more info on the contraposse or anything else. Also e-mail me if you do perhaps have another webcomic somewhere.
... Name: chappy Date: 9/10/2004
Silly nihilists.
... Name: Shadowiii Date: 8/13/2004
You are definatly gay. Lets see the guy naked next time.
4 Name: DarkFerret Date: 8/1/2004
Omfg. awesome art. not too sure about the story :/
... Name: SarahN Date: 7/24/2004
Ehhh...I take back the last part of my comment. You can act how you want, just don't cram it in people's faces.
... Name: SarahN Date: 7/23/2004
Okay, you're trying to stay away from "pop culture"? So you're saying you want to invent something new and be the next Tolkien? Nice dream and I wish you luck in doing so, but it hasn't happened...it's nice you enjoy what you do but you shouldn't go around claiming to be a genius when the only real person who thinks so is yourself.

And plus you talk about how you love the Matrix and kind of use references from it...how is that staying away from pop culture?

I also don't like your "I know what art is" attitude. No one's making you like anything but art is whatever your vision is and what you enjoy in my opinion. If there was only one version of art than it wouldn't be very interesting would it?

*ahem*...Man, I admit I think you got enough bad comments as is. I know you don't have to listen to any of this but if you don't than I think you should write science books and draw pictures for it or just draw pictures in general instead of trying at comics or whatever with an enormous ego.
... Name: snowcrash Date: 7/13/2004
there's nothing particularly abstract about this comic. the twisty buildings are neat, but the Poster Child has a point that understanding them requires reading your commentary on a history only YOU seem to be keen on. I think you're simply trying to hard with this abstraction bit, that you can't put together a decent, coherent comic. You've got the drawing chops, maybe you should collaborate with a co-author or atleast make a conscious decision to make this more readable yourself.

I'm not going to vote this comic down, because it does possess a solid visual quality, but that doesn't make it a GOOD comic. Get an ice-pack for your swollen head and focus less on being self-proclaimed abstract and more on putting together quality work.
5 Name: Demitri_Switchblade Date: 7/6/2004
Your artwork is beautiful!
... Name: AnonymousPosterChild Date: 6/25/2004

You're a joke, you know that? No, seriously. Sometimes on the DD chat we all get together and make fun of your utterly stupid comments and over-inflated ego. You have become the laughing stock of a great deal of the DD community, so thanks for that.

Moving on...


This is a very possible future of human civilization in the 333rd century because near the end of the 22nd century there were many artificially intelligent beings that kinda dominated all the ethnicities, governments, and religions of humanity on earth who completely would not tolerate a rapid evolution of the human race for reasons concerning the safety of the universe and a potentially threatening species of aliens that had attained "the ultimate corporeal form" with many evil destructive intentions.

You're having us rely entirely on a history we know nothing about? Thats a horrible writing tool. You may as well drop the centuries that may have affected and leave it at that. You're adding a pointless piece of history that is totally irrellevant.


I've researched much of the science I talk about somewhat, not thoroughly, but enough to understand the basic mechanics of the nuttiest sounding physics and technology.

Bullshit. I've seen episodes of Star Trek that make more sense than half the physics you try and pull off.


I've read/seen many comics, movies, and TV shows with abstract directing. Films where flashbacks, and vague tippy toeing around the plot takes place often. These films are good films in my opinion and in the opinion of many others. The films, comics, and shows I refer to are also in the science fiction/thriller/action genre.

These same films also give us a general idea of what is going on and don't require us to listen to a 15-minute directors commentary at the same time.


I can't say my work is genius because I guess I'm really not old enough or whatever the fuck the definition to that label is, but I know my work is misunderstood and I can tell that you people/babies are not accustomed to abstraction. Your feeble popculture desensitized brains struggle desperately to begin to appreciate CREATIVE and CLASSICAL work that has ROMANTIC REFFERENCES to traditional superhero/bountyhunter/spacepirate/distant futurama comics so all you can really think of is how to compare it to your superficial expectations of what a comic should say or should look like.

Could you possibly be any more full of yourself? You have shown nothing that could be pertained as any of the things you just mentioned. All you have done is put together a weak, disconnected story and stick a bunch of pictures on top of it.
... Name: AlexC Date: 6/21/2004

Look bro, just because your comic is all abstract and serrious with no sense of plot doesn't make it good. By the way, if people don't like it, it doesn't mean their stupid and not understand "genius"
... Name: CapnSpecial Date: 6/21/2004
Just because we don't embrace it doesn't mean we're afraid of embracing it or whatever. It means we don't like it.
1 Name: shock3755 Date: 6/14/2004
i think this comic lacks any creativity I could draw better when i was 12 dude
... Name: deimossaturn Date: 6/12/2004
have any of you ever in your lives heard the word "abstract"? Look it up some time, then realize that much of the art in this comic is abstract.

The style is a fusion of many styles which makes the whole thing look like it's done by different people.

I'm letting all of you know AGAIN that the dialogue is supposed to be an exact translation of a future language which is why is reads awkward.

I've researched much of the science I talk about somewhat, not thoroughly, but enough to understand the basic mechanics of the nuttiest sounding physics and technology.

This is a very possible future of human civilization in the 333rd century because near the end of the 22nd century there were many artificially intelligent beings that kinda dominated all the ethnicities, governments, and religions of humanity on earth who completely would not tolerate a rapid evolution of the human race for reasons concerning the safety of the universe and a potentially threatening species of aliens that had attained "the ultimate corporeal form" with many evil destructive intentions.

I've read/seen many comics, movies, and TV shows with abstract directing. Films where flashbacks, and vague tippy toeing around the plot takes place often. These films are good films in my opinion and in the opinion of many others. The films, comics, and shows I refer to are also in the science fiction/thriller/action genre.

I can't say my work is genius because I guess I'm really not old enough or whatever the fuck the definition to that label is, but I know my work is misunderstood and I can tell that you people/babies are not accustomed to abstraction. Your feeble popculture desensitized brains struggle desperately to begin to appreciate CREATIVE and CLASSICAL work that has ROMANTIC REFFERENCES to traditional superhero/bountyhunter/spacepirate/distant futurama comics so all you can really think of is how to compare it to your superficial expectations of what a comic should say or should look like.

Lets face it, you're afraid of embracing something that looks bad(when acceptance to it may lead to a more open minded and artistic life) to the masses of stupid people but have no problem bad mouthing it. Examples of this: Communism, Islam, Homosexuality, ProChoice, Wicca, Affirmative Action, Immigration, Most new modern art, new age music, Public Nudity, Legalization of Marijuana for recreational and medicinal purposes, Women's Suffrage, Welfare, Violent Video Games, Trickle down economics, and I could go on but I'm tired of making you people/babies feel retarded.
... Name: Capn_Special Date: 6/4/2004
I *** MUTED *** this comic *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** and *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** with a wooden *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** on a plane *** MUTED *** the *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** *** MUTED *** with Courtney Love riding *** MUTED *** cowgirl.
... Name: Anne Date: 5/21/2004
you know that number 16, on the bottom of the page? Either get rid of it or change the font. It doesn't have the same texture as the rest of the page and doesn't really connect with your drawing style.

AND stop trying to act like you are so much better than everyone else. You comic isn't that great. The art is fine, but for me the layout is a little confusing in THIS comic. And your story is *exuse-me* booooring. To much text.

If I could vote I'd give you a 4. Or maybe a 3 for being an arragant ass, but I'm not voting on your attitude, am I?

5 Name: kyupol3 Date: 5/12/2004
... wow... great camera angles and details.
4 Name: Anastasia Date: 4/23/2004

Well. Time for me to comment. I've gone through all of your pages so far, as well as everyone's coments, plus I've read all of your author's comments too.

First thing I'd like to say is this: you really ought to lose the "I am God" bit. It's really tired, and I doubt it impresses anybody. If you don't want critiques, why is your comic on a host that is specifically set up for such? Put it on Keenspace, where you can run your story without anyone having the ability to comment, ever.

But since you arehere, I will take some time to make some critical commentary.

First; I think it's pretty much agreed upon that you have a good grasp on your artwork. Some of it's a little stiff, and it's inconsistent, but I'm sure that you'll improve as you continue to work. But I'd like to focus my comments on your writing.

Based on the contrast between the minimalist text within the comic pages themselves, and your voluminous explications in your author's comments, it seems to me that what you are writing is more along the lines of an "Illustrated Novel", rather than a straight ahead comic. There's nothing wrong with this per se. But I do have some critique of the way you're handling it.

It appears to be very important to you for the reader to have a fleshed-out understanding of the entire environment of the story itself. Your text comments go into great detail regarding the nature of the hunter physicality, the economy and politics of the world he lives in, the science that is the mainstay of that world.

The problem that I have with it all, is that reading it is like reading a textbook. If I didn't know that there were only 16 pages uploaded so far, I wouldn't have bothered. As it is, unless I see an attempt to make some changes in your presentation, I probably won't read any more ot it, although I might still come back for the comic itself.

Now, before you fall back on your cry of "It's only the first chapter!", and "Lots of writers don't explain the action right away!", allow me to elaborate. In dramatic writing, there is an old but worthy cliche -- perhaps you;ve heard it. It goes "Show, don't tell". "Telling", or what is called "expository writing", may get a lot of information out, but the problem is, it's not dramatic writing, in any sense of the word. And I don;t mean "action"; dramatic writing can be non-action that builds suspense, for instance.

But the huge amount of exposition you have accompanying your comic is not dramatic by any stretch of the imagination. It's an overload of didactic fact-spilling, and to be perfectly and bluntly honest about it, it's mind numbing and boring.

If it's so important for all of these facts to be presented along with your story, you would be better off finding a way to weave it into the story itself, and this is the skill that your writing currently lacks.

But I might even suggest that perhaps 90% of it isn;t necessary to your story. Part of the craft of writing is not only knowing what to write, but what to throw away. If you really are as arrogant as your posts suggest (something I doubt: it feels too much like an act you put on to gain attention), then you probably think that everything you write is worthy of keeping in your story. But there are two hats every writer -- or every writer who wants to produce quality work -- must wear.

The first hat is the imaginative one, where you create your world and your characters, and wok out your plot and the details of your story.

But the second hat is the internal editor, where you go back over what you have written and pare it down, refine it, hone it, polish it until nothing is left but what is absolutely necessary for your tale. If you think that every word you spill out must remain in your story unchanged, then you have yet to learn that lesson. And, from what I have read so far, it seems to be a lesson you need to learn. Or, as Strunk and White put it: "Eschew excessive Verbiage". COncentrate on your story, and if you want us to wonder what is going on, withholding details and facts from us, then us your writing to create a sense of tension and suspence over thsoe wthheld facts: don't try to dtract us and numb us with anoverload of information that makes us feel like we're plowing through a badly written textbook.

Okay: I've probablt written far too much as it is. And to be honest wioth you, your 'tude almost had me decide not to critique you at all. In the end, however, I decided that you need the advice. Whether you decide to listen to any of it, well, that's your call. But believe me: you aren't the consumate artist/writer you profess to be. Like all of us, you need to work on it, and learning to really listen to people's comments is the first step. I wish you well, and hope you can learn to do that.

... Name: passivebrowser Date: 4/22/2004
I was initially impressed by the art, no doubt, but you may seriously have to be a little more patient in dealing with the comments you recieve. It is impossible please everyone, but flying off the handle when someone offers an honest opinion that you disagree with is not a good way to get your comic to improve. Take it in stride! We aren't all here to be your enemy.
And calling people foolish and such is a bit immature,and I'm sure your rebuttals to the comments that upset you are more likely to affect your votes than a "passive browser" seeing the critiques left by others.Now if you find offense in anything I have said, I apoligize, but I don't know you so I can only judge by the seething comments you've left in response to people obviously offering help!You seem like a very angry individual, and instead of tearing into commenters maybe you should channel that energy into your comic making, perhaps? In conclusion: Art looks great, but you need to chill, because you were HARSH!
... Name: aaronholmes Date: 4/20/2004
Again, your hands look wonderful. The pants in the third panel, however, could use some reworking. I know that clothing is hard to draw, add a sharp perspective and you have to put a LOT of work into your art to get it to look "just right," but it's worth working on. So keep it up!

As far as the story goes, I think you might be mixing up thorough preparation with proper execution. You have thought through this world you are drawing and it shows in your comments. You have a lot of good ideas to share with your audience. You seem to run into a problem, however, with the execution of the story-telling. One of the wonderful things about comics is how text and art are mixed together. By removing most of the information critical to your comic from the comic and putting it in your comments, it becomes a bit harder for readers to understand what's going on. On top of that, most people just don't have the patience to read a page of notes for every page of comic. Personally, I enjoy hearing about how the world of this comic works, but I end up forgetting about what is actually going on in the comic by the time I've read through your notes. Perhaps you need to spend a little more time in the actual comic describing the setting of the comic. Do just enough to let the reader say, "wow, this fella is really putting thought into this," but not too much as to bore people.

Aight, that said, keep on keeping on.
... Name: Kanashii Date: 4/19/2004
Okay...First of all, I'm not a very talented artist so I will not comment on your art.

Judging by your comments and the other people's comments, you seem to me, and insecure person. Everyone has different opinions--did you really expect everyone to praise your "god-like" art? Your art is well-drawn, I admit, but your art cannot and does not totally support your comic. I've read your comic and it's quite monotonous to me...

Also, it seems to me that you want to give a "professional" appearance to your comic, but muting people's comments is immature. Like probably many have said before, they're suggesting changes to your comic to help enhance it. If you are not able to handle people's critiques, then why bother posting it on DrunkDuck? If this comic were to ever be published, the comments you will receive from critiques will most likely be a lot more vindictive than they are here.
... Name: Damn Date: 4/18/2004
You need to listen to what other's are talking about.
You need some work on writing; even if you spend like three days on what you're going to put/write on the comic - you should at least make sure it makes SENSE. Ask a friend who is good in English to proofread and ask if they understand it.

You can also ask if someone if your art is 'correct' instead of getting all this ranting - just ask someone.

Suck up your pride, and actaully ASK someone for help in where you need it.
... Name: Jiskuu Date: 4/18/2004
*cocky, not cokcy.
... Name: Jiskuu Date: 4/18/2004
First of all, from reading some of your comments, you seem like a cokcy bastard. (I have no idea if this is true, because I don't know you in real life.) Yes, some of the people who commented on the story telling might not be good at it themselves, and same with the art aspect. They don't have to be to make a critique. They're just making observations, and you don't need brains or talent for that. People use the excuse "well your comic sux so wtf are u saying my stuff owns your crap blablabla" all the time. It's annoying. Stop taking things so personally, people don't just say random crap about comics (unless it's a flame or snipe). They say it so you can try to improve on it.

I'm not really seeing much of a story as of yet, and some of your pages lack continuity. Your author's notes are freaking long. Nobody wants to sit infront of their computer screen and read a 5-page explanation of each page; I barely have enough patience to read the text on the comic page. You stated that beginning was supposed to be "shadowy" in the beginning. So why even bother with the long notes?

The art. Your backgrounds are beautiful, but some of the people are just ok. Your anatomy seems a little stiff, and the guy in the 2nd panel looks huge compared to the other guy. (perhaps it's supposed to be like that? I don't know.) Your art is not perfect, and by no means "god-like", just like every other person on Drunk Duck. People don't point out mistakes because they're jealous either. Suck up some of your pride and just read some of the critiques. They can be quite helpful, and you won't look like such a big jackass if you just say "ok, thanks for the comment" or even if you ignore it, instead of making such a big deal about it. Learn to decipher comments from flames and snipes. Most people on DD are quite friendly, but you're taking everything as an insult.

I'd write more, but I'm lazy. And yeah, there's a lot of manga out there, and a lot of it sucks. But that goes for all types of comics.
... Name: U r teh gay! Date: 4/17/2004
What gay celebrity would you like to kill?NameTitlesYou murdered:Weapon of Choice:OnJanuary 15, 2009
... Name: deimossaturn Date: 4/16/2004
"Despite what your superficial expectations of what my comic should be, Iím never going to give in."

From now on, I will just mute comments that are just plain retarded so passive browsers don't have to laugh their asses off at them.
... Name: Nom de Guerre Date: 4/16/2004
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... Name: Astrobot7000 Date: 4/15/2004
I can't really critique your art, because I myself am not a good artist. Just look through my own comic and you will see that.

I do however take what my reviewers say under serious consideration. I will never ever be as good at drawing as you are, but at least I am willing to try to grow.

Personally I do like your comic, that is why I have commented on almost every page, but I really do suggest you at least try to listen to some of the suggestions that are given.

By the way... cool lighting!
... Name: AnonymousPosterChild Date: 4/15/2004
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... Name: Norondor Date: 4/15/2004
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... Name: S Date: 4/15/2004
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... Name: authortim Date: 4/14/2004
In an unrelated note, Deimos, the way you misspelled 'dyslexic' when you sniped my comic was COMEDY GOLD.
... Name: Inkmonkey Date: 4/12/2004
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... Name: Inkmonkey Date: 4/12/2004
Seems everyone's talking about this comic these days. You're famous (or infamous, as it were).

Anyway, haven't read the comments, so excuse me if I repeat anything. Anyway, I like the art, but a lot of times the action doesn't seem clear. Sometims it looks like the characters are just standing in a pose like they're supposed to be in. This isn't very often, but the hyper-realism of your art style makes it stand out more than in other comics I read. Still, I love the work you do on mechanical stuff. There was a gun a few pages back that I had to look at a few more times just to make sure it wasn't a doctored photograph.

Of course, the body thing is just a minor complaint. Hell, I'm the last person who should be critiquing someone on stiff looking bodies. Anyway, I've noticed that the text in the comic seems to be more than you need most of the time. You seem to show a lack of faith in your art when you have to say so much in each page. Mainly, though, it also makes that bounty hunter guy seem a little unnatural. I just don't really see people thinking to themselves as though they were explaining their condition to themself for the first time.

Anyway, I can't say much more now, seeing as the comic is still in its early stages, but I think you should work on minimizing how much text you use in the comic. "Less is more", that sort of thing.
... Name: samfish Date: 4/12/2004
Mlai is right, DeimosSaturn.
Regardless of whether or not you agree w/ me and what I said, you need to recognize that it's art here. It may appeal to you, but it won't appeal to everybody. Clearly is doesn't. There is never a 'right' or 'wrong' in art. But if theres a general consensus (like stiff looking art, sub par writing) on an issue, then 9 times out of 10, then suggests that there truly is an inherent problem. I don't think you're 'god-like'. I wouldn't apply that term to any artist throughout history.
You come off as extremely arrogant and full of yourself. If I were you, I would take a good look inside and reflect on your attitude towards your art and others.
I'm not going to bother with helping you anymore until reality catches up with you.
... Name: cresc Date: 4/12/2004
On a more productive note. Personally I think Return of the Dragon is the best martial arts movie ever. If only for the fantastic display of technique and psychology shown between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in the climatic battle.
... Name: MLai Date: 4/12/2004
Dude, I hope that I've clearly shown by now that I'm not here to beat you down. So listen to me when I say:

People like Samfish are right and you are wrong. Yes you got some snipers' comments, but the ppl like Samfish and Randal are telling you the truth. You should learn from what they're saying.

Your art and writing are not godlike. They're ambitious but have persistent flaws. Often very big flaws. I would not pay money for this. But, you display potential. That's the only reason I bothered to comment on every page (same goes for a lot of other ppl), in the hopes that you improve by breaking thru your bottleneck.

If your art/story were indeed perfect, you'd see me say nothing but "COOL! WOW! AWESOME!" on every page. I would have nothing critical or constructive to say because it's just too good. That's what I did for the truly great comics on DD (along with heartfelt 5's on every page). The fact that I actually find plenty of things to say about your pages means that you still need a lot of improvement - improvements I know you can make if you only drop your blinders.
... Name: deimossaturn Date: 4/12/2004
yep, just as I thought, more people who don't know shit about dick trying desperately to put me down when they know I completely dominate them. Like I said earlier, most of you who have an incessant need to despise my work are actually really bad writers and artists yourselves or canĎt even hold a candle to the shittiest of sprite comics. It's a laugh riot!

Most of the time you don't even know what the fuck your talking about, your dull and meaningless lives are such a bore, you're just looking for a Leonardo Da Vinci or some other master to tell them they aren't as fantastic as they know they are at what they do to entertain your boring lives. I can't expect you peons to admit it. But everyone else with the least amount of wits will agree with me...a laugh riot.
... Name: RandalCalrissian Date: 4/12/2004
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3 Name: Weaselon Date: 4/12/2004
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... Name: crescentmoon Date: 4/12/2004
Did you just say you're art is god-like? It's better than some not as good as others. If you take individual panels from this comic there are some decent visuals, but as whole the comic really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I'm not usually this harsh, but attitudes like this are exactly why I don't vote anymore on the duck. You have talent, but not nearly as much as you think you do, if you did your name would be Frank Miller or Alan Moore.

So why not take the advice of you peers, (meaning those other people who work their butts off trying to entertain webcomic readers) you may just learn something.
... Name: samfish Date: 4/12/2004
Alright, DeimosSaturn, if you're going to be a creep when you recieve legitamate, honest feed back, then I'll really lay into you. I'm going to rail off every thing thats wrong with this page, because trust me- there's a lot. Someone has GOT to teach you some humility, as your pages in general aren't all the great. I'm not voting, as I already did. The only reason, though, I gave you a 3 and not a 2 is because I was initially impressed w/ the art.
First, lets start w/ the over all structure of your page. There is no sense of unity between the panels. Yes, I can tell eaisly which panel comes next, but theres a total lack of flow between them, which adds to the already stiff art.
Your use of stark, bright white to break up the panels also attributes to the lack of flow. I will admit, though, that the scratched lines are of visual interest and fit the scene rather well. But the bright white is rather distracting.
The second biggest flaw with your page is in that second panel. It's a nearly flat white BG. You have a good look of fear on the guy being grabbed's face, but it's totally negated by the whiteness. Bright colorsand shades can be very dramatic, but there must be something for it to contrast with besides the center peice, most often.
As for the anatomy issues I alluded to earlier, I was referring to the 3rd panel. The bounty hunter character's torso is just to darn long. Granted, he's a big fellow, but the reason I'm bothered by it is due partly because his shoulders are off. His head is to low and his shoulders are to high. You've also got some muscle issues which I would go over if I could point them out to you in person. Alas, I'm not familiar enough w/ the names of body parts to to effectivly should you the problem.
I would normally let this slide as a 'style', but you seem to be over all going for hyper realism. Unfortunatly, your style goes up and down through your past pages, so despite what you say about not adhereing to any specific style, I'm disinclined to believe you. The changes aren't drastic enough, if even a subtle drastic, for that clain to be supported. Theres nothing wrong w/ finding your own two feet only 16 ages into your comic.
...also, to get really nit picky, his thumb is to short compared to the rest of his hand in that third panel.
Also, in the top panel, the shading on the bounty hunter doesn't match the rest of the shading in the scene.
On top of that, it doesn't look like the same people are in the car in that top panel. Even with the far view. The clothes are to different. Plus, the bounty hunter's foot is hanging off the car. It LOOKS like he's supposed to be using it to surrort himself, judging by the angle you drew it at, but it seems to just be floating limply.
The most obvious reason for your comic appearing like a series of still shots is the overwhelming amount of black you use. For all I know, that car is shooting through space! I can't tell for certian, but I'm guessing you're using scratch board or something simalar?
The bottom panel is well done. The most glaring flaw, though, is the HUGE, bright white copyright and page number. It stands out more then anything else on the page. I would advise dropping the copyright, as it isn't needed for every page (it's not like someone is going to steal it and claim it as thier own), and shrinking the page number and making it a shade of off-white/gray.

You mentioned that your work is capable of being published...take it from me, dude- it isn't. While the art is techincally proficient, it is, again, very stiff. Also, as Chani mentioned, you'd lost a lot of contrast and detail when it went to the printers. But the primary reason no one would touch you (based on the last 16 pages, anyways) is the fact that you have to have this paragraphs long explination of whats going on. It's TOTALLY possible to have a story be told w/out words. But honest, if I didn't read through your explinations of what's going on, I would be totally lost. I have no clue of whose who or what's what.
The very fact that you need to explain everything is proof alone that your story telling needs work. you probably would benefit from a writing course or two. You have to materials, clearly; But you aren't optimising them. You've stated several times that the reason things aren't clear is because it's the first chapter. Guess what, man? the first chapter is the chapter that SETS EVERYTHING UP! From what everyone can see, you don't appare to be going anywhere w/ this. It seems more like a demonstration then a set up. Frankly, it's boring. If you have a point and you haven't gotten to it in 16 pages, then HURRY UP!

Thats about all I can say. I can't crit you on things like dialogue and character development, as there are none yet. But you pacing definatly needs work.
Have fun!
... Name: Chani Date: 4/12/2004
As was previously stated by samfish, your artwork is alright but the action is a bit stiff. Some of the scenes (panels 1 and 3) may benefit from using a touch more contrast as well, as they are difficult to see. Were this ever to be printed using a standard printing screen, a LOT of definition would be lost in these images. It's important to always make sure your audience can see what's going on.

It would be unfair of me to critique the story as sci-fi related tales aren't my cup of tea...however, I can see how others who may have been potentially interested in such a story might become disenchanted. I know you're really into this story the way it is, but it truly could benefit from a little relacing. Perhaps it may even be good to add some sound effects, too. They may not be something you're interested in, and you certainly don't have to add them, but it would be a small way to help get people into and understand the events being portrayed on their monitors.

You've been getting some great honest feedback from many individuals here but I'm not sure if you've really begun reaping their benefits, yet. Even if you don't agree with everything everyone says, it's important to realize that most people aren't trying to insult you. They just want to be of some help. :)

... Name: deimossaturn Date: 4/12/2004
I outlined the plot of the series, then I outline the plot of each chapter, and I spend about an hour planning each page before beginning real work. I'm telling all of you this so you can appreciate the levels of intense thinking that goes on. Some of you say things like I should take writing lessons when you haven't got the slightest fucking clue about how it's the most ironic thing I've ever heard in my life. Take a peak at your own shitty abilities at writing or drawing for that matter and reconsider how valuable you're thought that "I need writing lessons" is. I know how to write. I write well. It is you, the simple and treacherous buffoon, who doesn't realize the simple fact that this is THE FIRST FUCKING CHAPTER!!!!! You also seem to completely overlook the fact that it's supposed to be a little shadowy in the beginning in order to get your bleeding attention. Lots of writers do this. It happens in comics very often too. I'm coming close to just deleting my comic thinking about you moronic mongoloids (not all of you) and your attempts at intelligible critiquing.

Plus, the art style changes "drastically" because there is no particular style. I think I mentioned that very clearly in an earlier rant. It is my very obvious intent to not stick to a single "style" (if there even is such a thing as "style", I mean really...why can't artists just be allowed to make art without having people sticker labels on it?).

Despite what your superficial expectations of what my comic should be, Iím never going to give in. I'm going to tell you right now that even though you THINK the writing is "sub par", it's actually enigmatic, alluring, mysterious, and thrilling. It has the makings of and the potential of being printed.
I've had to deal with jealousy all my life, as most genius' have to. So I'm going to continue to defend myself not in the name of vanity, but in the name of sticking your underhanded dirty insults up your infantile asses.

Furthermore, I'm thankful that some of you aren't afraid of being critical toward something you know and I know (absolute, debunked, beyond the shadow of a doubt) is artistically god-like... it takes big balls to vomit your pride in such a way, but alas, it only makes you look like a babbling retard once a passive surfer takes a gander at the criticís work for themselves. You know that you suck, and I rule, so it burns you. There's no way to deny it. It remains self evident that these put downs are as a result of jealousy. After all, you are the same people who will bow down to any assembly line manufactured anime trash that Japan (or any other amateur who reads :how to draw manga in 12 easy steps!Ē) spits out these days and youíll gobble it up without thinking twice about how little effort it takes to produce.

I think Iíve settled my case, and if you feel you need to have the last word then by all means make my day.
... Name: MLai Date: 4/11/2004
Typo: The 1st panel isn't suited for action. Perfectly perpendicular viewpoints often AREN'T.
5 Name: MLai Date: 4/11/2004
"it is in my opinion the greatest martial arts movie and greatest action movie ever made."

No it's not... but you're free to your opinion.

"in my opinion the greatest visual effects scenes and animations in the history of all film."

I will agree that it has kickass CG effects.

"What a horrible comic. What? Did it take you like 2 minutes to draw that shit?"

Deimos, you should report this sniper action.

The 1st panel isn't suited for action. Perfectly perpendicular viewpoints often art. The perfectly 90-degrees top-down angle, for instance. It works in movies because there's motion.

In fact, that applies to a lot of your comic. You seem to prefer drawing a comic that's equivalent to a sequence of high-speed photos pasted together in an album. But that's not how comics work. Modern comics have evolved its basic principles of today based on decades of collective wisdom. I appreciate your ambition of trying a completely new art direction but it doesn't work for me.

I do like panels 2 and 3, though. They could have been even better, had conventional comics conventions been applied.

Anyways, another 5 in the interests of defeating snipers.
2 Name: AnonymousPosterChild Date: 4/11/2004
The only thing your comic has going for it is the art. Your writing is generally subpar as you usually have to attach an extra paragraph to your author's comments just to explain what the hell is going on. Not only that, but in some pages the art drastically changes mid-page, making the frame look horridly out of place. As an example, take a look at this page:


I'd suggest you take some writing courses before you continue, as writing is probably 70% of any comic/TV show/movies value.
... Name: authortim Date: 4/11/2004
I think your comic need more cowbell.
3 Name: samfish Date: 4/11/2004
Hmm...not bad. The art is pretty good, but I get no sense of motion in any of the panels what-so-ever. They all feel like a bunch of still shots. There are a few anatomy issues, too, but I'd rather not get into those.
Also, going through your archives, I think you should tighten up your story telling. It feels very disconnected.
1 Name: boinky333 Date: 4/10/2004



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