One of the most popular practical jokes on Internet message forums (like GAB on Zug
) is tricking people into clicking on a "Goatse" or "Tubgirl" link. The basic idea is that you pretend to offer someone a helpful link, but instead you link to an image so disgusting and horrible that the Victim refuses to ever open their eyes again.
Not familiar with Goatse and Tubgirl? Let me explain:
Goatse used to be hosted at www.goatse.cx
, but the site was suspended immediately when the authorities discovered that someone was hosting pornographic images on the Internet. However, the image is now available at www.goat.cx (DO NOT FOLLOW THAT LINK unless you already spend eight hours a day scrubbing your eyeballs with steel-wool).
To demonstrate the horror that is Goatse in a work-safe manner, I asked the world's greatest MS-Paint artiste (me) to draw a diagram.
why I'm never vacationing on Christmas Island.
Tubgirl is hosted at www.tubgirl.com (DO NOT FOLLOW THAT LINK unless you're the kind of person who thinks Rosanne Barr scat porn is a good idea).
Remember when George Bush, Sr. vomited into the lap of Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa back in 1992? Picture that. Now imagine that Bush and Miyazawa are one and the same, so he's vomiting on himself. Now imagine he's in a bathtub and vomiting out of his ass rather than his mouth. What you're picturing is kind of what Tubgirl looks like, except less Republican. Oh, yeah, and it's a woman.
The work-safe equivalent of Tubgirl is
(I have a feeling that this is the last time anyone puts their lovely fountain pictures in the public domain.)
Unfortunately, every person who has ever used an Internet message forum is already familiar with Goatse and Tubgirl. Due to overexposure, it's simply impossible to trick anyone into clicking one of those links these days. Or is it? . . . What if there are people who have jobs that require
them to click on links?
And that, my friends, is why I decided Goatse needed to add CBC Headlines and Google Ads to his site.
Since I don't really want anything as terrible as Goatse associated with my real name, Pol Pot, I decided to use the clever pseudonym I developed when I tried to take over the world
: Neil Boars.
It didn't surprise me that the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation rejected my application to use their free headline service on the Goatse webpage. As Canada's public broadcaster they don't want a Mapplethorpe scandal on their hands.
I was surprised, however, that Google AdSense has a no-pornography policy. I usually picture Google as a hip, young company. But hip, young people love pornography.
Prudes! What about another advertising service?
Well, at least Fastclick took note of the quality environment. . . But, nevertheless, disappointing.
But fear not: I will continue submitting Goatse and Tubgirl to services like these until I can find some content provider that is willing to accept them. Of course, at that point I will then have to beg the real
administrators of the sites to show that content.
Who knows, maybe in the near future you will be able to see investment tips on the Goatse page ("buy stock in Hershey's") or randomly-generated Psalms on the Tubgirl page ("let no man dwell therein: and his bishoprick let another take"). God is hilarious.
In the meantime, if you're interested in more information about The Goatse Prank, please visit my personal webpage at www.goat.cx
And please, stay tuned for updates.
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