Fractured Fairy Tales
By Ursula

Since we're doing dedications:
This one is for Shadow Omega who let Mulderon out of the jar to play, For Vera who asked for more, and for Jonah who asked why I didn't write this scene (Point of View was my excuse)

Disclaimera: Now that you dementia it, they are Chris Carter's except in the State of Denial



Small Smut

It still burned. Alex felt the weight of a blanket touch the bandage over his stump. He screamed again. This time no one told him to shut up. He opened his eyes and lifted his head. There was no one left. Ah, shit, the one armed freaks had left him here to die.

Alex wept. *Mulder, Mulder, why did you do it? We would have been out in just a few more minutes! * Alex felt the cold seeping beneath the blanket. The fire had gone out. He arched his neck high as he could get it without moving that anchor of agony attached to his left shoulder. At least, he could no longer smell his own burning flesh.

Someone had left a small flask and a larger canteen. The little container was vodka. Alex opened it and swallowed the burning elixir whole. He chased it with some of the water and fell back. Some of the pain faded.

Waking, Alex was delighted. He was floating above the mossy forest floor. He was nude and his flesh was pearl white in the opalescent light of the moon. Perhaps, he was dead, but then dead was pretty good. If he was a ghost, he was going to go haunt Mulder. Maybe the man would never notice a poltergeist in his office or apartment as messy as he was, but Alex could haunt Mulder in such lovely ways.

Just as Alex was contemplating all the cunning play that he could perpetrate on Mulder, a tiny razzing voice sang,

"Ia durochka, Snegurochka,

Moi papa-ded Moroz,

A mamochka fialochka,

A ty - soplivyi nos."

Alex frowned and translated. The accent was terrible. He had not heard such a phlegm rich voice since he went to see "Fiddler On The Roof" with an all Yiddish, Russian cast.

Alex's sharp intelligence was not impaired by his recent death. He could figure out what the odd voice said, "I am a stupid Snowmaiden,

Uncle Frost is my daddy,

My mother is a violet,

And you are a snot-nose."

It was a childish draznilk, a dreadful brat's teasing rhyme. There was a fizzing sound and a tiny figure was dancing on Alex's chest. When it ceased it's happy gyrations, the little creature, which was no bigger then Alex's hand, walked up and stood leaning against Alex's chin.

The small creature was most familiar. It had Mulder's jagged lump of a nose, the caramel coloring that always made Alex's mouth water to taste, it had that pendulous "Just spank me" sulking, lower lip, and Mulder's intense megalomanic stare. The only difference was that this creature smiled almost constantly and it had shimmering wings that moved all the times like a humming bird's. The wings were translucent with an oil slick glow of colors constantly changing in them.

Alex said, "You are not a snow princess and I do not have a snotty nose."

The little man buzzed up and planted a thistle down kiss on Alex's nose. He said, "You are, my pretty one, the snow-princess. So ice-like inside and so hotly beautiful on the outside."

With a skitter of laughter, the creature flew away from Alex's face. Alex felt a tug at one of his nipples. The creature was rubbing his entire naked body against what must have seemed like a pumpkin sized morsel of pink flesh. Alex blushed as a thrill sped all over him. The creature looked just like Mulder used to look when he let himself go and used his deliciously decadent and devious mind when they fucked.

Alex said, "Stop."

The strange Mulder miniature sighed and stomped his feet. It said, "But I was having fun!"

Alex thought *Yeah, that was what Mulder had said the time he painted Alex with caramel syrup and then started to heat marshmallow cream to go with it. Having agreed to be duct-taped to the bed, Alex had to give up all rights to topping, other then chocolate syrup, to get Mulder to forswear hot melted mess. *

The creature sat on Alex's face. It wiggled around on him, making little moans of gratification that suggested it was not just getting comfortable. It's tiny erection was a thorn sized protuberance that Alex could feel on his lips.

Oh shit, the mite sized marauder was actually turning Alex on! Alex shuddered and steeled his mind to the phantom menace's mystery instead of his groin. "Who and what are you?"

"Oy, you need to ask? Isn't it obvious? I am the fairy prince, Mulderon!"

Alex said, "Now, look, this is ridiculous! I am either dead or hallucinating. Besides, Russia had no fairy folk! Snow-princess, giants, wizard's we have, but no fairies."

Alex had a moment of angst as he recalled being saddled by the nickname, "Ratmir" for weeks after grandfather read them the story about Ruslan, the revolutionary hero, the beautiful comrade woman, and the running dogs of capitalism that tried to separate them.

Mulderon walked up and flaunted his tiny erect and circumcised cock. He said, "I am an immigrant from Germany. Things were very bad there a few years back. I left with the family of humans to which I have been attached for centuries. They fled to this area and here they stay. So I also stay."

Alex tried for the diplomatic. He said, "So you are a Jewish fairy?" He thought *I didn't think Mulder was the only one, but this is ridiculous!*

"What? You think we are all lawyers or bankers?" Mulderon snipped. He said, "If you were not so beautiful, I'd turn you into a toad." The fairy fluttered down Alex's body and embraced Alex's whole cock with his nude, hot hand's worth of flesh.

Alex couldn't do anything in return, so he just floated in the air while the fairy pummeled his cock, mounted it like a rodeo rider, and make the most sexy squeaking noises of all time.

Alex screamed into the cold air, his breath crystallizing in the chill. He came to his senses and realized his minuscule lover was in trouble. He sat up in the air, noticing that his left arm was still missing although he felt no pain. He reached for Mulderon and delicately licked all the cum off the handsome little fairy.

"Oh, nice," said the fairy in a shuddering voice. When he had fully recovered, Mulderon explained, "You have saved my life, my Snow-Prince, therefore I must grant you your heart's true desire."

Alex immediately thought of asking for the restoration of his arm. Mulderon shook his head sadly and lay a tiny glimmering cob web over Alex's lips. He said, "Not that, my first gift is that I restore your heart to you, beloved. My second gift is that I give you courage to be a Ruslan and combat the evil alien wizards and their sorcerous henchman, the Morley Smoking Dragon. My third gift is when you next see that scion of my long lost tribe, you will kiss him. All in good time, his stony heart will melt and you will both have your true love!"

With a last flutter of his iridescent wings, Mulderon was gone. Alex licked his lips and the cob web melted into him. Oh, God, such anguish! Every emotion that Alex had amputated in order to survive erupted from his reawakened heart. He screamed.

"Shh, shhh," a voice said, "we have you now and we will take you to the hospital."

The mad doctor from the camp looked down at him. Alex heard him saying, "I must study this. It is a miracle that he survived in this cold with such an injury. What a horrible waste to cripple such a beautiful killer!"

Alex felt the tingle of Mulderon's gift in his heart. He knew that he would still have to do terrible things but he also knew he would be on the right side at the end. He smiled as they lifted him up and he felt Mulderon's wisp of a kiss touch his lips.

"Don't worry. You are no longer a creature of snow. I have made you flesh and blood. You will slay the dragon, defeat the wizards, and live happily ever after with your prince! "

And although there is quite another tale before that came true, it did eventually come to pass!


Patience and XXX's

Spoilers if you haven't seen every Krycek episode backwards and forwards

Disclaimer: Chris Carter made them, but would he recognize them?

* I'm thirsty as hell, maybe dying, * Alex thought. No, the well-manicured man wouldn't let him die. Alex tried to use his feet to bring the bucket nearer. It was still out of reach and Alex's tears also overflowed. Maybe, he had died and this was hell. Alex had never felt as self disgusted in his life as he had when he had sealed the oil in the boy. At the time, he told himself that it was awful but it really was saving the boy's life. They were going to shoot him until Alex chose him to carry the oil. Now, fuck, he had given it over for a tumble with Marita Covarrubias and she hadn't even been that good! If this was hell, Alex was sure that he deserved being here.

A voice buzzed in his ears. "Alex, I watched and I was surprised you even came."

Alex opened his eyes and saw Mulderon sitting there on his shoulder. Wearily, he said, "You are an audio, visual and tactile hallucination."

"Is that the thanks I get?" the fairy said. He leaned over and bit Alex on the nose.

"Hey, ow, don't you think I have enough trouble?" Alex grumbled and said, Okay, so you're real. Get me the keys to these cuffs!"

Mulderon said, "Cold iron. I have an allergy. Sorry."

Alex just accepted that as typical luck. He said, "How about some water?"

The fairy flew over to the bucket and remarked, "Oi, bug's bile, that's murky. I can fix it. All I have to do is drop in my magical Brita's powder into the bucket and presto, sweet and clear."

Mulderon spun in the air and a little stream of water followed from the bucket. Alex drank until he was satisfied. The fairy dabbled up the drops and brushed his wings over Alex's lips. Alex opened his mouth a little and let the tip of his tongue out for the fairy to kiss. Mulderon sat on Alex's tongue and began promptly to fuck it. Oh, well, Alex would take what he could get. And, besides, fairy cum was very sweet. It tasted almost like divinity only with a piquant tang.

Mulderon caught his breath and sat on Alex's shoulder. He sulkily said, "Ich bin ahntoisht! (I'm very disappointed) Alex, what did I tell you? Have a heart? You got to be all Gantser k'nacker! (A big shot)"

Alex had a knack for languages, but why was Mulderon saying he was disappointed. That was the trouble with people named Mulder or close to it. A few murders, a betrayal or two and they're all over you. Hey, and as for Gantser k'nacker, being a big shot, well, Alex wanted a shot at it, maybe not ruling the world, but he was tired of being hit, dumped in silos, and having pieces cut off of him.

Mulderon leaned close and Alex begged, "Not the nose, not the nose." Mulderon said, "It's a good thing my cousin, Saulderon, the New York lawyer fairy owed me one. The king wanted to put an ass on your head. He likes to do that to bottoms. Wish we had over thrown him; this revolution stuff never spread with us fair folk, born lackeys, most of us, racing to be close to Oberon and Titiana. Anyway, my gifts still get to stay, but you got to sweat harder to make the true love work out."

Alex said, "I'll worry about that when I get out of here."

Mulderon said, "You will."

Alex did not mind the company, but he was not sure why was being favored with it. *Was Mulderon his conscience? Hell, he would have gotten one long ago if he knew that they looked like that. *

Mulderon winked out and reappeared with a bounty of foodstuffs following him. He dissembled an orange and fed that to Alex. He had also found some fairy cakes, the powdered sugar made Alex sneeze. Mulderon went spinning head over heels. He yelled, "Whee!" as if it was a carnival ride.

When Mulderon returned, he lapped up all the powdered sugar that had settled around Alex's mouth. It felt weird and good, not like a cat's tongue, because Mulderon's mouth was soft and tender. Alex felt another tear slide out. Mulderon drank it up. Alex scolded, "All that salt can't be good for you!"

Mulderon said, "Human tears are one of our food groups, dear one. The laughter of babies, the tear of a lover, butter and cream, little carrots, asparagus in spring, tequila and chocolate, all very sound nutrition for fairies."

Alex ached all over and his arm hurt like hell, but he felt better with his hunger and thirst satisfied. He slept a little and woke with Mulderon nestled on his chest. The tiny head was tucked under Alex's chin. It reminded him of sleeping with Mulder who used to do something almost like that.

Mulderon stayed with Alex almost constantly. Alex discovered that most people even most children could not see the fairy. Only those who kept their sense of wonder could see Mulderon. Alex was surprised to discover that he had one of those left. Every once in a while, someone old or very ill came along and was delighted by the vision of the fairy. Alex stood by during a conversation with a child victim of cancer. The fairy assured the child that he qualified for a special club because of his suffering. He would be allowed to join the ranks of the fair and a wizened drone would be left in his place.

When they got to apartment 42, Mulderon wandered around. He made Alex play some of Mulder's porn videos while they waited. Then he wanted to have sex. Alex refused to unzip for him. He could just see Mulder's face if he came into see Alex lying around with his pecker being tickled by an invisible being. Worse yet, Mulder might still be enough of a believer to see the fairy. Then, who knows? He might let Scully try to dissect Mulderon or something. Alex instead delicately gave the fairy a sort of blowjob, using minute movements of his tongue. You might think Alex wouldn't get anything out of that, but it was enough to see Mulder's old 'mind blown out my dick expression' even in such tiny form.

That kiss, Alex frankly had been terrified. He meant to kiss Mulder on the lips. He had changed his trajectory at the last moment, just grazing the corner of Mulder's mouth. Alex's knees were shaking as he walked out. He leaned on the wall outside the apartment for a few moments as he let the bitter tears fall.

Mulderon hugged Alex's head to the best of his ability. Alex reported to his new owner, wishing he had never seen any of these old men. After that, Alex went back to his studio apartment and took a bubble bath. Mulderon had such a good time playing with the bubbles that Alex lost a little of his depression.

Alex asked, "Mulderon, don't you have to watch over that family you talked about? I mean, don't get me wrong. I love your company, but I was just wondering."

Mulderon said, "They are on their way here. My cousin, Imp-migration is an expert in such travels so he is watching them."

Alex lay naked on the bed, letting the fairy run around his body, painting him with various food substances just like Mulder used to do. The door kicked in and Alex rolled for his gun, sending the fairy off in a cloud of blue smoke curses.

Mulder already had his gun out. He strode in like John Wayne, mowing down whatever minority group suited his fancy. Alex dropped his gun. Mulder marched over and back- handed Alex. He raised his hand again and yelped as Mulderon stabbed him with a cocktail fork.

Cross-eyed, Mulder gaped at the irate fairy. "Shit, what the fuck are you?"

Mulderon impudently wiggled his butt at Mulder and said, "Kiss my ass and I'll tell you."

Alex was frightened for his little lover. Mulder had a vile temper and a gun, two things that equated trouble. Alex said, "Mulderon, disappear. I can handle this."

Mulderon winked out, but reappeared on Alex's shoulder. He said, "Violence is so--sexy, at least between you two. You know, I bet people would pay to see you fight."

Mulder suddenly looked faint. He pointed at Alex's arm and yelled, "What's that?"

Alex muttered, "It's my built-in drink mixer. Got any strawberries? I'll make you a margarita."

Damn, Mulder actually was keeling over. Alex helped him to the bed that dominated the small room and loosened Mulder's tie. When Mulder didn't object, Alex took everything else off him. It was funny. For a moment, Alex had the impression that Mulder was grossly large. Mulder was dead out. Alex shrugged and lay beside him. He must have gone to sleep because he woke up with Mulder staring at him. Alex felt the hot little body of Mulderon banging away at his ear. Well, that was that, Alex only had one virgin ear left.

Mulder said, "Alex, you let him do that to you?"

Mulderon tumbled off when he ejaculated. His somersaults trailed colored comets as he zoomed about. His slightly shrill voice shouted, "It was good for me!"

Alex said, "Hey, why not? He's cute. He doesn't hit me and he saved my life when you dumped me in Tunguska to get my arm cut off."

Mulderon zigzagged back. He hovered in the air and kissed Alex on the mouth. He said, "If I had greater magic, I would steal you away to fairy land."

Mulder remarked, "I thought he moved there a long time ago."

Mulderon spread his cheeks and farted at Mulder. He called up a bit of ball lightening and lit the gas. He shot across the room and landed on the window blinds. Alex went to fetch the vulgar little creature. Alex asked, "Why do you do these things? You know you're going get hurt." Alex stopped and kissed the little fairy on his muscled torso. He stroked the tiny chest with a feather light touch of his little finger.

Mulderon giggled and said, "It's fun up to the moment I land."

Mulder's laugh surprised Alex. How long had it been since he had heard his genuine laugh? Alex thought about it and remembered that it had been the next to the last time in Mulder's bed. He shuddered as he recalled, being held down and pinned by Mulder's arms, the sweat-gloss of their bodies easing the friction of Mulder's teasing slide across his body. Oh, shit, Alex was getting a hard on.

Mulder lay back on the bed grinning. He said, "He sounds so like me only with a Yiddish accent!"

Mulder turned over on the bed and reached for Alex. His tongue probed Alex's ear, the one in which Mulderon had cum. Mulder said, "Mmmm,"

Alex loved that vibration against his ear. He ignored Mulderon who was watching them from the pillow. He guided Mulder's head to his mouth and drank in the leche de caramel of his delight. Mulder's moan echoed back and then Alex heard his name called, "Alex, Alex,"

If he had been dead and cold in Lethe, Alex would have heard that. Mulder whispered, "I still hate you."

Alex buried the words with a kiss. A tube of lubricant hovered in the air and then Mulderon unraveled trails of neon condoms in the air. Mulder snagged just one and let the fairy put it on him. He stared at the industrious little creature and asked, "You going to watch?"

Mulderon grinned lustfully and Mulder said, "We have a lot in common."

When Alex awoke in the morning, Mulderon slept on the pillow beside him, but Mulder was gone, not even a package of sunflower seeds to mark his passage. Alex felt sore, but it was a pleasant pain.

Mulderon woke at Alex's quiet sob. He lit on Alex's chest and said, "It gets better but first you have a mission."

Alex said, "Yeah, I know, defeat the aliens and bring down the Consortium."

Mulderon said, "Well, bubee, there's that. However, after you finish those errands, you have a deed to do in my world. "

Mulderon waved his wand. Alex said, "Knock it off. It's too early"

As the fairy cursed in disappointment, the smoke from his curses formed a smooth screen. A remote control switch appeared in his hand. He punched a few buttons and a brightly painted doll appeared on the smoke screen. The doll was clad in twists of leather and fluffs of feathers. It wore a tiny skull shaped necklace around the dirty little neck. It had jagged teeth with bits of coral to simulate blood.

Mulderon said, "This is the Kickasschena, planter of false evidence.. goes around projecting ancient stone tablets, wrong sized gloves, and visions of assassins in showers, that sort of thing. You face him first."

Alex didn't think the little wooden man looked that frightening.

Mulderon snorted and said, "Oi, gevald (exclamation of anguish), you should be so lucky that the stick man is the worst you face. Look at this!"

A horrid monster showed in the smoke. The head was flat of brow and reptilian with enormous jaws, filled with rows of teeth. It was dripping saliva from its gruesome mouth. Somehow it still looked like Spender Senior. Rows of Morley cigarettes extruded from the nicotine yellow teeth.

Alex asked in a humbled voice, "I don't suppose this is a little thing, huh?"

Mulderon said, " I wish, Neshomeleh (beloved), I wish. He's as big as a house. This is the dragon, Splendor, the Xtrordinary. He lives on a mountain in New Zealand. You will face many hazards on the way, Alex, but if you fail, Mulder will die!"

Alex winced and hoped that Spender had forgotten to cancel his Consortium health care plan. He had a feeling that he would need it before this mission was through.


(I'd be sorry about this, but I am having a lot of fun with my small smutster, Mulderon. Wait until you meet his soul mate, Bane)


Xtrordinary Measures: A Thug of Beauty is a Joy Forever or Think Small Smut Tres


Splinters! Damn these splinters sucked. Alex had torn apart the evil demon, Kickasschena with his bare hand. Mulderon wielded plastic tweezers as he plucked out the shards of wood that resulted.

Alex asked, "So what are you saying? Mulder is going to pass out and I have to step over him as if he was a rumpled rug? What if he sees me? You think that is a good way to win true love? What did you do? Learn about romance from Jerry Springer?"

Mulderon finished and reached into the air for his magical healing potion, neosporedin. He spread it on the punctures. He said, "So stop K'vetshing! You haven't done so well at this love business either. What with the betraying and all, a guy could think you didn't care. See's chocolates can apologize for almost anything, but I would say that you found the line. You do as I say, you step over him and say, 'Kiddish Kitsel Kemfer. Nit ahin, nit ahers, Tei-yerinkeh' Then you drop this powdered orchid on him and his love will bloom. Also, he will remain alive until you get back with the magical rose, a benefit which I think you would like, eh?"

Alex put on the seven league boots that Mulderon had borrowed from some cat that he knew. He just hoped that he wouldn't get the different jobs mixed up. Pick up ancient etchings from a cast of weirdoes. Fetch a laptop. You think he was the last goon that the consortium had. As for the rebels, Alex thought they were useful as a firebreak, but not much safer than the original aliens. Alex wished that he could keep a data planner like a regular person. He was afraid that he would give the magical rose to Spender, the laptop to the alien rebels, and the shards to Mulder.

Mulderon borrowed an invisible cloak from yet another relative to get Alex into the hospital to see Mulder. He found a little red haired sprite in the room. Mulderon blushed and said, "Alex, this is the good fairy, Scullytinia. She is going to help me keep an eye on Mulder for you."

Scullytinia wore what looked like a spangled lab coat. It was open and Alex could see tiny little breasts and a furiously red patch of pussy hair. He stopped looking as the fairy made him nervous. She had an angry buzz, wasp wings, and wielded a tiny gemstone scalpel as a sword. She kept humming 'diamonds are a girl's best friend' as she played with the crystal sword.

Scullytinia fluttered over to Mulderon and mounted him. Mulderon passed out. She held the fainted fairy and sprinkled pansy juice on him to revive him. Scullytinia gave an angry rattle of her wasp tail and said, "Damn, that always happens!"

Scullytinia flew up and down Alex's body. She licked her tiny lips and said, "I wonder if you would faint if you were made a changeling?"

Alex eyed the tiny breasts and the rest of the cute body. He said, "No, I would rise to the occasion, but you see the guy in that bed is my lover." Alex pondered Mulder. He really looked terrible and all the needles and stuff made Alex nearly sick. "I want him to be my lover anyway."

Scullytinia said, "Don't worry your cute big head. I will keep him safe." Alex flinched from a tiny pinch on the ass.

Alex finished his last consortium business and then took a plane to New Zealand. He was to travel to Mt Ruapehu in the Tongariro National Park on the North Island. He had to take a boat at one point and he could have swore that he saw his own reflection swimming off with Mulder. A giant fish gave the illusion of a scaly tale. Alex decided that he should not have drunk so much champagne on the plane.

Alex joined a regular tour group. Then, he departed the climbing team at one of the way camps, telling them that he had his own expedition. Alex found the broken sign posts that were his markers. A weathered moldy sign said by a scummy pond said, "Un-ri´┐Ża---. The broken half lay on the ground and said, water. Oh, Undrinkable Water. The next sign said, --lty . Salty. Alex nodded sagely, the remaining letters said, Unrialty detour. That was where he was going.

Alex had a difficult time leaving the group. Not only did the guide feel that he might be responsible if something happened, but Alex could have followed that taut piece of ass to further heights. This faithful stuff was not all it was said to be. Who knows Alex might die or Mulder might never love him. He wanted to believe Mulderon, but it was difficult. Mulderon was such a little prick at times.

The detour sign led to a cavern, but there was nothing in the crystal cave, but an old guy in a pointy hat and two studs in armor making out. The lovemaking was riveting, but the clanging gave Alex a headache.

Alex went on into a smooth hallway. He skidded several feet as he slipped in a pool of something black. The viscous liquid reached for him and an oily voice declared, "I am X-juon-Valdz. Come with me."

Alex was disgusted. The voice sounded just like that bastard, Luis Cardinale. If Luis hadn't killed Scully's sister Mulder might have forgiven Alex sooner. Alex said, "Get lost, grease pan. You need a filter."

The ooze said, "No, X-juon-Valdz picks every human bean individually. He only takes the best and, baby, I want to lube you as you have never been lubed before!"

Alex whipped out his secret weapon, Special Agent Green, and deterred the oil away to a recycling plant. He hoped X-juon-Valdz would only go into Ford Taurus cars. The afflicted owners would never notice the lackluster performance of the evil oil.

Alex exited the cave and promptly ran into a hoard of Gray aliens. Winged monkeys and clones of Jeffery Spender accompanied them. Alex wished he could grab a few clones for deserving list siblings on the Spender fiction news group he had joined to combat the loneliness of losing Mulder.

Alex applied Pam spray to his plam and set out to kill the aliens. A case of blue balls that he had got from Mulder made the aliens slip, slide and whine in pain. Served them all right too. After the alien leaders were dead, the Spenders fled in droves, taking the winged monkeys with them. Alex gave up trying to catch a Spender. He really didn't think that taming one of this circus of clones would make up for the loss of Mulder's love.

Alex girded his loins and steeled his courage. He went on feeling secure if a bit heavy. He saw the skeletal remains of armies of health educators, oncologists slaughtered like rats, and the sad corpse or Koop-se of the former surgeon general who had fallen with his troops.

Alex smiled lethally, causing birds to swoon in flight, flowers to bloom, and the earth to ripen with fertile plots. He knew he had the secret weapon to render the dragon powerless. He readied himself for combat.

Splendor, the Xtrordinary did not look like an ordinary dragon. He was ugly. Splendor was nicotine yellow over most of his body with black spots of tar. The rest was old man's-foot-in-winter-white. His head really did look like Spender if Spender had a double opening mouth the size of a mini-van and rows of acid dripping teeth like a movie critic, faced with nothing but summer movies.

The creature was huge and he was a chain smoker. A great deal of his foul temperament might have come from the effort of keeping the links of chain lit. As for the Morley's, the butts alone could have swamped an urban sewer.

It laughed and said, "Pretty, pretty. Do you think that you can defeat me? Come here, beautiful, I could eat you up I love you so!"

Alex grimly drew out his poisoned darts. He had to sit at the unwashed feet of a Sioux wise man for weeks to wrest the secret from him. Do you have an idea how difficult it was to find a Sioux wise man? One of them was off playing southwest natives on science fiction shows even though he didn't look remotely like a Hopi, a Pueblo, a Navajo or a Pima. The only other one had to be given a factory of blankets just to speak to Alex.

Alex injected dart after dart of NICO under the derma of the dragon. In an ordinary being, this would merely have caused a lessening of the urge to smoke. In this creature, the skin begin to bubble, his teeth fell out, his skin turned to nauga-hide and at last with a pitiful, "What a world..What a world." Splendor, the Xtrordinary died.

Alex noticed a ring of keys around the dragon's neck. You never knew what you might need so he took them. There were skeleton keys, with meat still clinging to them. There were Florida Keys, Monk keys and one that looked as if it was an elevator key.

Alex brushed back his hair with his hand and took out a mirror; combed his locks, flossed his teeth, and then, admired for a long restful moment. Sigh, a thug of beauty is a joy forever.

Now, Alex had to find the blossom in the Dragon's hoard "Gaahh" he cried out as a double for Diane Fowley ran at him, trailing spotted animal skins and lingerie. "No, no, I said 'I must find the dragon's hoard, not the dragon's whore!" Alex sidestepped and Fowley fell off the mountain accidentally or, well, it was only a very little push. Have sex with his Mulder, in deed!

Alex found the treasure as he vaulted a bank. He rummaged through the myriad odd gatherings, finding a keg of booze, no, it was potent, but ruthless brotherly fan fiction treasure that a writer had misplaced in the barrel. He kept digging and found baskets of jewels, flasks of rare liquids, the secret to world peace, Shit! The moment he looked at the plan it turned to whirled peas. Then he found a never dying rose. This was it. Mulderon said that the thorn should prick Mulder's cock and he would be restored to perfect health.

Alex frowned as he heard something yelling. He picked up what he thought was a very bad metal sculpture and held it to his ear. The air turned blue around the container. Alex remembered the elevator key he had found around Splendor, the Xtrordinary's neck. He tried it in a tiny hole and a hidden door sprang open. Out darted a sleek winged figure. Alex yelled, "Hey, I saved you! Don't I get a wish or something?"

The winged creature returned. It was exactly Mulderon's height and was just as naked except it wore a bandolier with various weapons across his chest. Alex felt wistful as he realized that the fairy looked exactly like he used to look before all the horrible things he had done and had done to him.

The beautiful fairy had soft-feathered wings. They were aerodynamic and glossy with a dappled pattern of brown and gold. The tips of the wings were red. Alex imagined how much Mulderon could get off on those feathers. Why he could preen this lovely fairy forever! Alex said, "Hi, my name is Krycek."

The arrogant creature looked him up and down. He said, "You look like a shop worn copy of me. I'm Bane, I guess. I used to be human but that creature was on the elevator and we were falling. I blew us up, but when I woke up, I was like this. I had hoped that the creature had grown bigger, but unless you're a giant, I'm shit out of luck, aren't I?"

Alex remembered that Mulderon said that cheated innocents and great heroes always received a chance to return as fairy folk. Bane didn't look innocent, but he sounded like a hero. Alex said, "Don't take it so bad. I know this other fairy that you would really get it on well with. He is a good-looking guy. You don't mind Jewish, do you?"

Bane said, "I think I used to be straight, but I'm horny enough now to --to"

Alex wasn't ready for it. His little miniature flew straight at him and begin fucking his mouth. Alex was glad he had put on lots of cocoa butter lip ointment for lubrication. Yes, this was a good mate for Mulderon. He would miss his small lover, but Bane would be a much better match at giving head.

Alex had thought that Mulderon had been horny, Bane was even worse. The Xtrordinary little man had shortly discovered the joys of aural sex. Alex had put on an earphone to account for the bobbing motions of his head as Bane humped his ear. It was going to be an ear-y journey home.

Alex sent Bane ahead with the magical rose. He was afraid that more delay would kill Mulder. He was a little afraid to see Mulder anyway. He knew that he would lose Mulderon the moment he saw Bane and he doubted that a rose could make Mulder forgive him and love him. Alex had a feeling that he was going to be a lonely one-armed assassin.

Mulder was already checked out of the hospital. The airport was worse than the one in which they had found the black oil rock. They had only lost several hours at that one, trying to find parking. This delay cost one day waiting for luggage, one day trying to get a cab and another day stalled at the freeway exit. It was a good thing that Alex had sent Bane to bring Mulderon the rose.

Alex went to Mulder's apartment. Mulder wore a white bandage, but he looked well. Alex gazed for long moments then he decided to leave quietly. Mulder turned and held out his hand. He said, "Alex, you have to see this. Come here!"

Alex had never seen Mulder's window open. Mulder was pointing at the sky. Alex at first thought they were pigeons. Then he grinned. Two winged creatures swooped sunward. They reached an apex and united. Alex shaded his eyes to see better. Mulderon was on top, but Bane seemed to be enjoying the ride. They fell earthward locked together and prisms of color radiated in their path.

Mulder turned toward him with pure joy on his face. He said, "They mate like eagles on the wing."

Alex leaned out, watching the fairies fly up again. They hovered for one moment and said, "Don't just watch; join us!"

Alex felt every piece of clothing melt from him and he was naked, washed clean of his sins and free. Mulder was glowing next to him. Bane and Mulderon took flight and the two human lovers were given the grace for this one time. Mulder and Alex took their nuptial flight, dazzling as avatars in the strong light as they flew close to the sun, dropping down, together always, always.

Mulderon and Bane have taken their bows.

God Speed you, merry gentlepersons

The end

Yield to the dream:


"Mr. Mojo rising." Bane heard. The music made him strut, his chest thrust out to show his exceedingly pulchritudinous pectorals. Whenever he landed from flight, his theme music sounded. It was a sexy rumble of guitars, drums, electric organs mating, and screaming vocals. Pigeons flew up in a stinking cloud of molting feathers either because they saw the hawk wings or because of the rock music almost hitting them.

Bane sat on the ledge, trying to ignore the guano and a bit curious as to how lumps of gum had gotten glued to the outside of the ledge. He was very tired and he was sure that he had taken the wrong turn around the Washington Monument.

Stopping to rest was not such a good idea; a huge crow flew up and cast his glittering eyes on the fairy. The baleful eyes looked the personification of evil as if an IRS auditor had been reborn in this scavenger form. Bane yelped as the huge beak stabbed at him. He grabbed a wooden spear, observing that it had the remains of a corn dog clinging to it and jabbed at the bird. The crow cawed and flapped his wings so hard that Bane blew backwards and lost his spear. His opponent then lunged at Bane. He fell until he was right on the window's edge. His hand found a bunch of strange, sticky arrows that he recognized after a moment as cocktail toothpicks. He grabbed them and fired them at the bird. Bane's muscles flexed as he threw the sharp pieces of wood as hard as he could. His hands were wet and his torso ran with sweat. He knew he needed to win this battle soon!

The crow dived at him and Bane fell off the ledge. He yelled, forgetting for a moment that he could fly now. The crow tried to snatch him and Bane remembered that he had put plastic explosives in the pouch that he carried. He fitted a detonator and threw the bomb at the bird.

CAAAW--BOOM. Feathers flew and the battered bird boogied out of there.

Bane danced in victory, grabbing his bare buttocks and prancing in some atavistic fairy victory dance. A pigeon arrived from nowhere and immediately threw out its pouting chest and boomed a courting song. Bane escaped just as the smitten rat with wings regurgitated a partially digested love offering of stale popcorn.

Bane flew to another ledge. He wished for a streets program and, to his surprise, a tiny laptop computer appeared. It asked for his user name. He typed in Bane, which was the only name he recalled from his past life. The laptop snickered and said, "Into self abuse eh? Come on. Show me your one-eyed snake and I'll tell you your user name."

Bane aimed the infrared at his groin and the laptop drooled. "Oh, nice one!" the animate computer remarked. It extruded fingers and stroked the touch pad. Bane blushed as the laptop played in its lap. Finally, the modem-molester groaned and said, "Your user name will be M-U-L-D-E-R-O-N"

Bane entered the name, embarrassed at the way the laptop quivered and said, "Oh, baby" The laptop shook and shivered then it came with a map program. Bane typed in the address Alex had given him and selected Best Magical Route for Fair Folk. A little visual display hovered in the air and Bane set forth on his quest again. The laptop followed for a while until it made fatal error and disappeared.

The installation reminded Bane of the place where he died as a human. His last thought had been of that beautiful nurse, the first of Splendor's victims that Bane knew. He had never even had sex with her; all she did was needle him and invite back for a long drawn out testicle exam.

Splendor, the Xtrordinary bragged that he smoked Bane's whole team, keeping the re-born Bane to molest. Bane had seen that was true. Splendor had smoked them to the end, not even leaving a butt since he was a crack addict.

Being a fairy was better then being dead, but Bane felt the constant sex mad urges that had driven him to penetrate the giant look-a-like's ear and lips. Even with one arm gone and gigantic proportions, Bane thought Alex looked good. 'My one true love,' Alex had said, well, Bane would see what kind of man he could have loved had he been so inclined as a human.

Bane rode into the hospital room on the underside of a hospital cart. It jolted to a stop and Bane crept out. Something told him that there were better measures, but Splendor had taken his Fairy Orientation packet and he didn't know all the rules and operational data.

Bane drew out the Magic Rose. It was deep purple and something pulsed within it, probably passion. The Rose had only one thorn and that was somewhat limp at the moment. It was an odd thorn with two hairy little sacs at its base.

Bane waited until the nurse left then flew up with the rose. Something smelled nice and the lovely odor coated his skin and fondled its way from his ankle to his, whoa! A giggle tickled Bane's chest and he felt a wet suck at his nipples. His legs felt this sudden urge to upend and spread. Lips sucked in his tongue, glided across his teeth and then an inquisitive wet piece of flesh eased so far down his throat that he would have gagged except it felt so good. Bane felt the rose's thorn wiggle against his back and he realized that the thorn's prick was getting hard. So was his.

"Mmmmm" said a voice, "A shtik nache"(A happy thing)

A noise like a champagne bottle popping sounded and Bane saw a seven-incher. Well, that was the height of the small charmer. This was first of his new species that he had ever seen. He was beautiful. His wings were rapidly moving and they shown many colors like dragonflies. He had hair the color of sage bush honey. He had the most focused eyes that Bane ever saw. They were like a tigers eye jewel in the sun. His skin was pale, but had a light amber tint that begged to be licked like French vanilla ice cream. The fairy's nose was large and crooked as if he had seen a fight or two. Bane traveled his eyes down the smoothly perfect chest to a soft stomach and then down, down, down the legs and back up to the cock crowing in its tawny nest of curls.

Bane felt the urge to follow through and he couldn't help it. He sprang on the fairy's neck and tasted it with his tongue. Bane's wings fluttered in passionate swoops as the beautiful stranger plundered his mouth. Bane heard fairy bells, panpipes, and rock ballads. A poke interrupted the mood. Yow! That prick of a rose had nearly raped his virgin ass!

Bane grabbed the rose and shook it and said, "You stop that, you purple rose of passion!"

The rose only convulsed its stamen, sending a jet of pollen over Bane and the other handsome fairy. All of the pollen grains were richly alluring and were shaped like glowing numeral nines with matching sixes as the pollen grains connected with one another and pulsed their heads together.

The other fairy turned somersaults around the room and crooned, "That's some Love Potion, a tasty number; my sweet B'suleh (virgin) I'd give it a nine "

Bane stared as the fairy looked at him, his head bent to look under and between his long, sexy legs. Bane felt as if he had to spill his pollen too as he saw something pink wink at him as the other fairy's ass cheeks parted. Bane licked his dry lips and asked, "Who are you?"

"Mulderon, the demented, demanding, demonstrative, and delicious and who are you, my handsome little game cock?"

Bane said, "Bane, I, uh, lost the rest of my name when I died. I used to be human."

Mulderon, the whatever, whatever, smirked and said, "Well, we all have bad blood in our families. I recall my great aunt, C, C-aunt we used to call her, fell in love with a cockatrice. She just loved the no recovery time on that well endowed fellow's body."

Bane supposed that he should agree. He nodded and went to inspect the human. As he hovered over the giant, he could see a strong resemblance to his new acquaintance. Only this man seemed sad and ill. He was tied to the bed. His lips were a dismaying combination of white dried skin and irritated red flesh. He had tubes emerging from everywhere and he was very pale.

Mulderon said, "We have to expose this man to alloy the rose's ability to restore." Bane caught one edge of the sheet and Mulderon had the other. They dragged it off and then wrestled with the tube coming from the man's penis. As irritated as the cock was, it stirred at Bane's touch. Mulderon looked at that and said to Bane, "You slut!" He then punched Bane.

Bane couldn't understand it, but he countered with some of his best moves. Soon Mulderon was lying on his larger counterpart's stomach, breathing like a dragon. He squeaked, "Oh, you are so macho."

Bane leaned down and asked, "Why'd you hit me?"

Mulderon self-importantly said, "I learned it from my research on humans. It is called fist fucking. First we hit, then we kiss away the pain, and then we fuck."

Bane remembered something about the words. He had paged through a skin magazine that one of the other guys had and seen this described. Bane said, "Uh, I don't think that's what it meant."

Mulderon said, "Certainly, I watched these men, the one called Mulder and the delectable Alex. They always used to fight, talk dirty, and then they kissed the hurt spots and then they fucked."

Mulderon snagged Bane with his feet and made him fall. Bane landed between Mulderon's legs and it felt nice. Mulderon kissed where he had hit Bane and murmured, "Earth, soil, ground, loam...oh, good, smuuuut"

Bane would have told Mulderon that was not how you talked dirty, but he was feeling too good. Mulderon's legs went over Bane's shoulders, Mulderon's wings beating rapidly for balance. Bane somehow knew what to do. He aimed his erection right at the bull's-eye and sank it.

"OOOO" Mulderon howled. "Hit me with your best shot."

Bane was glad that the fairy version of safe sex is avoiding doing it in the mouth of dragons. Mulderon squealed and writhed so much that Bane's cock felt as if it was in a pleasurable wringer. Mulderon's ass felt like a wet, hot hand squeezing him. The other fairy was making so much noise that Bane was afraid someone besides them would come.

Bane managed to lean forward enough to mute his noisy lover with his kiss. Mulderon's steady moans vibrated his lips. Bane arched as his cum jetted into Mulderon. "Ahh," they screamed in delight.

A soft little moan reminded Bane that they were screwing on Alex's lover. He had ridden Mulderon right up to Mulder's chin. The big human's cheek was wet with tears. The tears smelled so tempting that Bane could not resist the urge to taste the streams. The tears tingled on his tongue like the finest wine.

Mulderon cupped his hands and drank too. He said, "The tears of lovers is a strong drink, but sustaining. Bane patted the drooping lip of the human and said, "Don't worry. Alex is on his way and I have your cure."

The rose humped Mulder's cock as soon as it was laid upon it. It's erect thorn penetrated where the tube had been. The human struggled against the ties, screamed "Alex" and erupted. Fortunately Mulderon had conjured two rubbers, which the fairies donned to protect themselves from the mess.

Mulderon grinned as he saw the life snap back into his human counterpart. He said, "Now the humans will play their tiny roles, but he is saved." He emitted a high-pitched whistle and a naked red haired wench appeared. The Fairy Female kicked Mulderon in the butt and said, "Look it was a joke. I didn't really mean you should whistle when you want me."

Mulderon said, "Bane, meet Scullytinia. She's my partner in crime. We investigate unsolved mysteries such as why people actually send money to TV evangelists instead of locking them up, why good actors are never used enough and why it is always a day late and a dollar short."

Bane was leaning closer and closer to have a look at the pretty pink breasts when Mulderon goosed him. He said, "You may have unresolved sexual tension with Scullytinia, just as I do, but your ass and all attachments are mine." Mulderon took charge in such an appealing way that Bane forget all about the fairy female. It puzzled him, but he supposed a lot of fairies were gay. He was sure the fairy Mulderon would make him happy too.

Mulderon held out his hand and said, "Keep a close eye on Mulder and make sure that you don't give him too many wet dreams, Scullytinia. He needs to save it for our Alex."

Bane felt unaccountably shy. He blushed as he accepted Mulderon's hand. He felt something rustle and craned around to look at his behind. Mulderon also looked, as did Scullytinia. Bane saw that he had a lacy doughnut shaped circle of paper that said, "Inspected by Hymen" Oh, my, he supposed there was no use hiding that this was his first time.

Mulderon was glowing! He pulsed lightening to open the window and grandly said, "Bane, time to come!"

Bane heard Scullytinia whisper, "But I wanted to watch!"

Bane thought that sounded hot, but Mulderon said, "Later. If you are very good, I will let Skinnerad out of his Skinnarian box to play. He should be up in his Waltage by now enough to give you a charge."

Bane took Mulderon's hand and they soared skyward. He asked, "Where are we going?"

Mulderon replied, "Second to the right, and straight on till morning. We can just follow the ion trail from that star ship."

Bane looked up and saw the fading image of a starship which dragged a string of tin cans, destroyed Klingon dreadnoughts, Borg spare parts, and a sign that said, "Many Happy wishes, Spock and Kirk, Love, Gracie"

Bane took flight. Mulderon let him go and pursued him. Bane darted and jetted, finding his hawk wings gave him an advantage. However, something slowed him down and he noticed that the paper hymen now dragged an enormous glistening and pulsating cherry, which piped, "Take me! Take me"

Mulderon spun in and grabbed the cherry, eating it and then he kept right on eating. They landed in a cloud and Bane turned over, holding his legs high for Mulderon to continue that wonderful motion. Something came to support his legs; it was a black leather sling held up by arrows. He sighed as he relaxed into the grip; this was the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

Mulderon stopped slurping for a moment and looked at Bane with a shit-eating grin. He said, "You ready?"

Bane just lay back and thought of England, hell, with that. He beat his fists on the cloud yelled, "Fuck me, Mulderon." Bane beat the cloud so hard that it came. He heard voices cheer as rain fell on a drought stricken country in Africa. Mulderon's fairy sperm sang merrily in his anus, tickling and tingling. Bane heard "Its a small world after all. Come by me." It was too bad that even Mulderon's sperm couldn't keep a tune...

Bane curled up with Mulderon. His lover looked down at him and asked, "Want something to eat?"

Bane said, "In a minute, I'm still thinking about it."

Mulderon snapped his finger and a pockmarked orb wiggled over. He took a finger full of a pale green cheese and a finger full of honey and painted Bane's chest. Of course, the orb was their honeymoon and it was roundly sweet once it's waxing was removed.

Bane watched Mulderon smearing honey all over his moons and his him-e-spear. Bane ate some cheese to keep his strength up and then licked up the honey from his dear one. He couldn't help a nibble on the inside of Mulderon's thigh. The fairy said, "Misdirection, head for the middle, Bane, your kiss is amiss because a thigh is just a thigh..."

Bane knew his old army friends would all make fun of him if they saw him with a cock in his mouth, but oh, it felt right. It heated so nicely and he felt the head quiver as it rubbed the back of his throat. He tilted and wanted to scream, as his whole body seemed to wake up for the experience. Mulderon did scream. He said, "Oh, he can deep it. I love him!"

Rainbows shot around them and then they were flying. Oh getting a flying fuck was fun. Bane wiggled his ass and Mulderon mounted it. They soared to their apex and tumbled down, so overcome that they hit the water. Fortunately, an orca caught them. He seemed friendly enough so they rested on his back. Mulderon said that he was glad that the orca was not a water version of the orcs that plagued fairies on dry land.

The fairies made slow love on their warm living waterbed. The orca's skin was smooth and it rippled constantly as he dallied through the water. A blue-mouthed whale swam by and swore, "Look at the fairies fucking. Shit, how mother-fucking cute."

A sperm whale leaped up and came as he saw the climax. As for the humped back whales, they were inspired to more than earn their name. Whole pods of whales would be born from this lovely night.

The whales gathered and sang in concert for the lovers. Bane revealed in the rainbows that danced from his dear one and the soft kisses that claimed him. He didn't mind his sacrifice now that he had found Mulderon. A little spray of water tossed up from a playful fin. Mulderon showed Bane how to splash back and rill water up at the cetaceans. Bane heard the laughter of the whales and something welled up in him. It sparkled inside him as Mulderon's seed had done then it tickled out. It was a giggle, breaking free. He chortled, he chuckled, until it whooped and roared out.

Mulderon joined him, both of the fairies rolling about and kicking their heels until they started to fall off their steed. Only a rapid beating of two pairs of wings saved them from a frothy plunge into the waves.

A bottlenose dolphin brought them a magnum of champagne, which they fired off rapidly into their mouths then they took flight again. Mulderon was grinning from ear to ear. He said, "I wondered as I sent Alex on his quest if I could bear to lose him. Little did I know that in helping him find true love that I would be gaining my own."

Bane aimed a softened blow at Mulderon and said, "Yeah, and don't you forget that you're mine now."

Mulderon smirked and kissed Bane. They materialized with their theme songs popping and strutting in harmony. Scullytinia was conducted an autopsy on a fly. She had been quite taken with her human counterpart and was trying her hand at the profession. She drooled on the fly because Mulder stood naked and pondering his clothes bemusedly.

At the fairies arrival, Mulder startled and dropped his socks. Bane shivered as he saw the bigger version of his lover's joy-port. He could have fitted a bodily into it, horrid thought. Alex probably loved it though. Bane finally understood why his look alike rhapsodized on that orifice. Bane has never written a poem, but when he considered the infinite delights of Mulderon, he wanted to pen an epic.

Mulder reached his hand out and Bane took a precarious stance it. Mulder asked, "Alex, did you die on your mission?"

With his other hand, Mulder picked Mulderon up and shook him. He screamed, "Did you send him to be killed just so he would die a hero and come back as a fairy?"

Bane was not going to see anyone, but him rough up his lover. He flew and power kicked Mulder's nose.

"Ouch," Mulder yelled.

Bane put up his fists and fearlessly yelled, "You can dish it but can't take it! You idiot, I'm Bane, not Alex. Check it out two arms, younger, better ass!"

Mulder squinted and said, "It's not better. Alex has the best ass"

Mulderon flew up to embrace his lover and said, "Thank you, Bane, but you see, Mulder is just worried. Now we should let him get dressed."

Scullytinia sighed and stomped the high heels she had conjured to wear with her spangled lab coat. She declared, "Just when I was going to go mountain climbing on the volcano! Mulderon, you never let me have any fun."

Mulderon popped out to find Alex after they all went back to Mulder's apartment. The human had many questions about Bane's life and death. He said that Bane must be from the future. Bane couldn't answer. All he remembered was a flick and then awakening in the metal elevator cage with Splendor breathing lustful clouds of nicotine in his face.

Bane withstood the temptations of dally with Mulder even if he did look like the warehouse store version of Bane's new lover. Scullytinia, who claimed that she and Mulderon shared everything, tempted him. However, before he could figure out how to get the lab coat away from her wings, his lover reappeared.

Mulderon announced, "Alex is fine and is on his way."

Bane leaned on the window sash suggestively and asked, "What shall we do until he gets here?"

Mulderon used his powers to fling open the window. The messy wads of X shaped tape hardly slowed him down one bit.

Mulderon held out his hand and Bane took it. They kissed in the air, wings flailing in passion and took flight. Mmmm, Bane believed in Fairy tails!


End Play!


On To FBI Means Fairies Butting In