In the first article of this series we explored in detail the perplexing tendency of human beings to resist hearing about ways they can improve their performance.  The resistance or defensiveness often takes the form of arguing, excuses, explanations for current behavior, or outright denial.  The effect of defensiveness is that new and higher levels of effectiveness are difficult to reach for executives and, ultimately, the organizations they lead.

We begin with a brief summary of the factors underlying the curious human tendency to resist hearing what we most need to hear: how we can be more effective.
 

Most people do what they do out of positive intentions, and most actions have intended as well as unintended effects.

It is easier to see the intended effects of our actions, but feedback is most likely to be received about unintended effects which are harder to recognize.

People have some investment of self-esteem or ego in the habitual ways they do things.  These habits also become familiar and comfortable.  The purpose of performance feedback, however, is to suggest that new actions are needed.  Feedback is often resisted because the recipient’s ego is caught up in the old way of doing things, and because new and less familiar actions can create discomfort. 

In addition to the above sources of resistance to performance feedback, information about how we can improve is rarely delivered in a skilled manner.  People are usually less resistant to feedback and more resistant to criticism, but criticism is far more common.

This last point, the manner in which feedback is given, is the focus of this article.  When the message about the need to improve is delivered as criticism, there is likely to be more resistance.  Delivered as feedback, there is a better chance of the message getting past the ego barriers to hearing the message.  Before we go into more detail on the art of giving feedback (and not giving criticism), we will cover a few points to remember. 

Remember the Egos (Theirs and Yours)

In the last article, we noted that resistance to feedback often occurs when the recipient’s ego is caught up in the current way of doing things. Consider an executive who has received good reviews, bonuses, and promotions because of his skill in managing operational details.  These activities are familiar and comfortable, and they have become a source of personal affirmation and pride to the executive.  The suggestion that he needs to hand off some operational details and look more at the “big picture” could understandably be met with resistance.  The present behaviors are a source of ego gratification; they are proof that he is earning his way with the company.  The suggested new behaviors, thinking more in “big picture” terms, are unfamiliar and could result in failure.  This fear of failure is at the root of the familiar protestations that there is no time to look up from the details, he needs more staff, there is no one else who can do the work, and so on.  Remembering the executive’s ego investment in the current behavior and the fear of failing at the new behavior can help you to more effectively manage the feedback situation.

One other example: an executive respected for and proud of her supportive, caring style might resist hearing that she needs to hold others more accountable.  In providing feedback, it is important to be aware of the extent to which the recipient’s ego is caught up in his or her current supportive style.  She likes being likeable and approachable, and these qualities affirm her sense of self-esteem.  When given feedback suggesting that the performance bar for her direct reports needs to be raised, it is understandable that she could resist.  Not only is holding people to higher standards new and less familiar, she will have to face her fear of rejection if the others are displeased with her actions.  Her resistance may take the form of explaining away the lower performance, trying to rescue them by doing more herself, deflecting blame onto other departments, or otherwise trying to avoid what she dislikes.

Reminding yourself of the recipient’s positive intentions and ego investment in their current actions can give you needed perspective as you deliver the feedback.  If you remember the two common fears people face in raising the performance bar (fear of failure and rejection by others) you can better focus on your role in supporting the needed change.

Just as personal needs affect the recipient’s response to feedback, such needs can also affect the giving of feedback.  The better you understand your own personality makeup, the better you can keep your needs from making you less effective in giving performance feedback. 

Bombing Runs and Sugar Cookies

Consider two different delivery styles.  If you pride yourself on your no-nonsense, busy, results - oriented style, you probably developed this style as a way of managing your own fear of failure.  Most of the time, this style works well for you.  In giving performance feedback, however, you could easily come across as too abrupt or blunt in delivering the feedback.  This style sometimes looks like the familiar “bombing run” in which the giver swoops in, drops the message, and swoops out.  Resistance from the recipient triggers your own fear of failure, that the recipient is discounting your opinion and “not getting it”.  Responding with visible impatience and frustration is likely to increase the recipient’s defensiveness in that they are not only resisting the message but also the way in which it is being delivered.  It is then more difficult for the recipient to do the work they need to do, which is getting past their own ego to see the need for improvement.

Now consider a very different delivery style.  If you pride yourself on being easy to work with and non-threatening, these characteristics benefit your leadership by making you more approachable as a coach and mentor.  This style also fits well with your own need to be liked and reduces your fear of rejection by others.  In giving feedback, however, your tendency could be to give “sugar cookies”, to sweeten the feedback in an effort to spare the feelings of the recipient.  That way, you do not have to face your own fear of rejection that gets triggered when other people appear hurt or offended.  The problem with this style is that the recipient does not want to hear the message anyway, and efforts to sweeten the message will only enable them to miss it.  Your awareness of your own needs can help you to remember that one of the best ways to care about others is to tell them honestly and clearly how they can improve their performance. 

Being aware of your own ego, the ways you reassure yourself that you are a good and valuable person, can help you to keep feedback in its proper perspective.  The purpose of feedback is to aid the recipient in recognizing ways to improve his or her performance.  In the short term, you might have to show more patience and support than feels natural for you, or you might have to be more candid than you prefer. Of course, the recipient is ultimately responsible for making use of the feedback.  The recipient can choose to “be right” by discounting your feedback or “be successful” by hearing how to improve.  You are responsible for managing the manner in which you give the feedback.  You also have a choice to “be right” by giving feedback in the manner which comes easiest for you, or you can “be successful” by adapting your style to the needs of the recipient.

Criticism and Feedback

Though the recipient is ultimately responsible for his or her response to the message, you can make a difference by the way in which you deliver the message.  Of course, timing and situation are important.  Important feedback is harder to hear when it is dropped in the middle of an ongoing conversation than when a time and place is set aside to give the feedback.  A vital distinction, which we touched upon briefly in the first article, is the difference between criticism and feedback.

Criticism has an air of anger, blame, and finger pointing.  To the recipient, criticism is reminiscent of looking up the long barrel of the wagging parental finger.  That experience alone is enough to trigger defensiveness in most people.  Furthermore, criticism is about the person, about general traits and characteristics, rather than about the specific behavior of the person.  It is challenge enough to change a comfortable behavior, let alone trying to change our whole personality.  Criticism is driven by the frustration and fears of the giver, not from the needs of the recipient.  The underlying assumption is that the recipient somehow “should know better” and needs to be set straight.  The implied message is that the recipient’s intentions are questionable, that there is something wrong with the recipient that the giver of criticism knows how to fix.  In criticism, the problem is all in the recipient.

If that description sounds harsh, consider the following examples of common statements against the description above.  Try to imagine these comments vividly, capturing the tone and the “feel” of the message.  What seems to be assumed about the recipient’s intentions, his or her potential contribution to the organization?  Pay special attention to the likely response of the recipient.
 

“You don’t care enough about this team.  You’ve put this project way down on your priority list and it’s really showing.”

 “Your problem is a lack of initiative.  It’s like you’re unmotivated or something.  You’re just not pulling your share of the load.”

“I hired you to be strategic.  All you ever think about is tactical stuff that anybody could be doing.”

“If you weren’t so overbearing, people would do better work for you.  Your arrogance really gets in your way sometimes and you’re the only one who doesn’t see it.” 

Our guess is that you have heard (or said) something fairly close to these examples in the not too distant past.  Though someone skilled in receiving feedback could still glean useful information from the above comments, there is not much to work with.

In contrast, feedback has an air of caring concern, respect, and support.  Far from being a sugar cookie, feedback is an honest, clear, adult to adult exchange about specific behaviors and the effects of those behaviors.  The assumption is that both parties have positive intentions, that both parties want to be effective and to do what is right for the company and other people.  Another assumption is that well-meaning people can have legitimate differences in perception.  The person offering the feedback owns the feedback as being his reaction to the behavior of the other person.  That is, the giver recognizes the fact that what is being offered is a perception, not absolute fact. 

These statements hold true even when the feedback giver is the boss and the stakes are high.  Of course, the recipient needs to remember that the perceptions of the boss have great impact, but the recipient can hear the message better when delivered as feedback rather than criticism.

Consider the following examples of feedback.  How is the tone and “feel” different from the criticism examples above?  Notice the different assumptions that are implied about the recipient’s intentions and worth, and imagine the different response of the recipient.  Notice also that at this stage, the message is simply about behavior and effects, not solutions. 
 

“I know you want this project to succeed like we all do.  I’ve noticed that you’ve been at least twenty minutes late for the last few team meetings.  Today you didn’t even have your file for this project.  That’s holding up the work of the team, and it can look to the team like this project isn’t a priority for you.”

“You’ve completed a number of your projects pretty quickly.  My concern is that once you’re completed, I haven’t seen you look for other things you could take up.”

“All of your reports in management team were about tactical or operational matters.  You covered several customer complaints and did some really detailed work on causes for delayed shipments.  The work itself was great, but I’m not seeing you take up strategic issues like new markets we need to be in, or challenging the team’s thinking about where we can gain competitive advantage.  If your time is tied up with operational matters, we’re going to lose long-term focus.”

“I know you’re wanting to move the meetings along, but I wanted to point out that several times you interrupted while people were asking questions or offering ideas.  I think that can make it hard for people to buy in to the direction you’re taking.”

In these examples, the behavior causing the concern is easier to identify, so it is easier for the recipient to recognize what needs to be changed.  Furthermore, there is an expressed appreciation of the positive intention behind the behavior and an assumption that the undesirable effects are unintended.  Combined with a tone of appropriate concern rather than anger or accusation, the message is easier for the recipient to receive. 

Depending on the situation, feedback as described above can stand on its own merits or be the first step in counseling for better performance.  Early in the recognition of a problem, in peer relationships, or in giving feedback to a boss, it might not be necessary or advisable to state a performance expectation.  The information alone can be helpful in many cases.  In performance counseling or coaching, the feedback can always be followed with instruction or statements of your expectations.  Either way, skill in giving feedback sets the stage for raising the performance bar.

In summary, here are the key steps and reminders in giving performance feedback:

 
Remember your own tendencies, such as impatience or sugar coating, and resolve to give clear, honest, and supportive feedback.  Pick a time and setting when the recipient will be able to focus on your message and when you can devote adequate time to clarifying and coaching if needed.

If it is appropriate, begin with an acknowledgement of the recipient’s positive intention.  This is not the familiar technique of “sandwiching” a performance weakness between two performance strengths.  That method, though valuable at times, can dilute the impact of the message.  The point instead is to establish genuine respect for intentions while clearly discussing unintended effects.

In a clear and concerned manner, describe the specific behavior you are seeing which causes you concern.  Avoid traits or generalities.  Concentrate on behaviors that are observable and be prepared to give examples.

Describe the effects of those behaviors.  If the effects are observable (e.g., delayed meetings, lost sales), describe those in sufficient detail to help the recipient see the unintended effects of his or her behavior.  It is also perfectly acceptable to describe subjective effects (e.g., possible perceptions of other people) as long as these are acknowledged as such.

Be prepared for defensiveness and see it in perspective.  Acknowledge the right of the recipient to disagree, but do not back away from your concern if you believe that your feedback could help to improve performance.  Illustrate with examples and more specifics if necessary.

If appropriate, ask the recipient to describe your concern in his or her own words.  Make sure the recipient can state the undesirable consequences of the behavior as you see it.  Faced with defensiveness, you might ask, “If this feedback is accurate, what would be the effect on your performance?"

If the feedback is part of coaching or performance counseling, proceed with instructions or performance expectations.  (The fourth article in this series will address handling feedback with difficult executives).

So far, we have reviewed concepts and steps that are important in the art of giving feedback.  One of the most important skills an executive can have, however, is that of receiving feedback well.  Executives who are open to feedback maximize their chances of finding ways to improve.  In addition, they create a perception of strength and confidence in the minds of others.  The next article in this series will focus on the art of receiving feedback. 

Gary R.. Casselman is a principal and Timothy C. Daughtry is a Senior Consultant with CCG Inc., an innovative professional firm in the field of leadership and organization development. Contact Gary Casselman and CCG Inc. at gcasselman@ccgteam.com and visit their web site: www.ccgteam.com.