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Title: What She Cannot Have
Author: Ainzfern
Series: TOS
Code: S/Mc
Rating: NC-17
Parts: 1/1
Disclaimer: Paramount owns STAR TREK ... etc and so on and so forth!
My only pay here is personal joy
Summary: Another chapter to the Bonded Souls series. This one is set after "Return To Us" and before "Gathering Together". Inspired by Janet's challenge - Write an S/Mc where an either Spock or McCoy meet up
with an old flame.
Archiving: Cool- if you want to- please let me know.
Feedback: Yes please! All comments are welcome
Author's Note: This is my own take on a possible future for a certain season two guest star. My endless thanks Janet for her marvelous BETA and for believing in my work enough to want to make it better.

AU NOTE - In this particular universe, Spock's trip to Gol would not have actually taken place. This, of course, has little bearing on this particular chapter <g> but I thought it was worth throwing it in just to clear up any misunderstandings.

What She Cannot Have

She walked the quiet corridors of the Federation station K-7, her mind methodically dissecting and contemplating the importance of what had occurred earlier in the station's day. She had attended this conference out of professional and, to a lesser degree, personal interest in the field of Xenobiology. She had also attended out of deference to the memory of Stonn.

He, in his own reserved way, had adored the science of Xenobiology. It had fascinated him. He would have wanted her to come.

She trod the spacious and well lit corridors quietly, her step light, her movements graceful. She was beautiful, entering into the height of her maturity. She had all the slender elegance of a jade vase and an equal measure of a comparable item's warmth.

She was aloof, like most Vulcans, outwardly controlled and magnificently distant. But as she moved through the nighttime corridors, she was beset by a constant and powerful surge of internal conflict.

Regret was *most* illogical.

She reached the empty conference center and stood for a moment in the silent darkness of the auditorium.

It was here that she had seen him. Just one of a number of guests attending the opening speeches.

Spock, son of Sarek, was here.

She drew in a deep breath and faced her own honesty.

She had made a mistake.

Back through the years of her life, in a ceremony that was so long ago it almost seemed like a dream, she had turned her face away from her chosen bondmate. She had selected another, declaring Spock unworthy by reason of his tendency to illogical acts of heroism.

She had made a mistake.

At the time, she had not thought so. She had believed her logic to be impeccable. But age and experience had granted her wisdom.

She could not regret her bond with Stonn. His love for her had been deep and intense. They had fit well together both as mates and as colleagues. When he had lost his life in a shuttle accident, her grief had been sincere and devastating.

But... as she had grown older, she had begun to dream of breaking new ground, of pioneering, of shining at the forefront of her field. She had wanted her name synonymous with that of her home world.

It was not to be. She and Stonn had lived a moderately successful life. Their achievements, while respectable, were hardly universe shaking. Her name became well known throughout the scientific community on Vulcan.

But off the planet, only Vulcans knew who she was.

Not so Captain Spock. Scientist, adventurer... hero. *His* name was spoken with respect and reverence, particularly since his death and re-birth. *His* name was known and spoken from Earth through to the furthest reaches of the Klingon Empire.

She had not been privileged to witness the ritual of fal-tor-pan that had resurrected the living legend. She regretted that too. Perhaps had she been there following his awakening, she might have found the opportunity she now coveted.

In retrospect she was forced to concede... she had chosen the wrong mate. Such thoughts were allowable now that Stonn was dead. Such thoughts could not hurt him now.

He had loved her, and in her own cool way she had loved him too, but...

Spock, son of Sarek, was here.

It seemed that fate had conspired to furnish her with a second chance. To the best of her knowledge, Spock was still unmated. If he had completed the ritual with another female, she was *certain* the chosen bride's family would have *well* announced their fortuitous union. Nevertheless, she had made discreet enquiries back to her family on Vulcan just to be sure.

Spock, son of Sarek.

Casting a final cool-eyed gaze over the empty auditorium, T'Pring of Vulcan almost smiled.

She would make her intentions known to him tomorrow. She would present her proposal with all due respect and advise her reasoning with her usual unimpeachable logic.

She had no doubts that she would be successful.


In the dimly lit bedroom of Captain Spock's designated guest quarters, a soft gasp of unfettered pleasure echoed quietly in the warm silence. Other sounds followed, enticing and sensual. Limbs shifting under cool sheets. Warm skin sliding against warm skin. Breath deepening, becoming faster, becoming louder.

"Oh God..." A tender whisper, perhaps a prayer, perhaps an expression of gratitude.

Perhaps both.

Movements increased, hands and fingers intertwined. Heat rose as two bodies raced towards fulfillment in a perfect communion of heart and mind.

Covered from shoulder to hip by lean muscle and warm sweat slicked skin, Leonard McCoy, blissfully happy and languidly expectant, lay under his beautiful mate. He welcomed this joining of their bodies and minds as he always did.

As homecoming. Pure and simple.

It had been three months since Spock had returned to him and their lovemaking was still incredibly intense. There was almost a kind of gentle anguish to it, a nearly desperate need to get closer, to assure each other that this was real.

The invitation to the conference had been welcomed by both bondmates as a chance for a diverting trip into space without the additional burden of duty. Both shared an interest in Xenobiology and were eager to bring themselves up to date via the scheduled presentations.

Leonard knew that the next time they set out with the Enterprise, things would be very different. They would be openly sharing a quarters for a start. They had advised the bridge crew and their respective families of their true status shortly after their reunion on Earth. For now it was still not common knowledge but it would only be a matter of time before word spread.

Leonard realized that a small part of him would mourn the loss of their unique anonymity; this secret that he and Spock had shared for so long that it was almost like an old friend.

He gasped again as he felt his mate moving inside him, deep and slow. The rhythm of desire, the dance of physical fulfillment. He lifted his legs, linking his ankles over Spock's surging back and allowing his mate to penetrate deeper into his body.

//Beloved...// Spock's silent cry into the halls of Leonard's mind carried with it all of the Vulcan's adoration and desire.

//Yes, Spock.// Leonard slid his hand down the sleek plains of his lover's strong back. //Deeper, beautiful... get closer... closer.//

Driving hard now, thrusting deeply, Spock slid his forearms under Leonard's shoulders and gathered him close. Strong, slender hands cupped the human's head as the Vulcan descended to kiss him. The mouth that slanted over Leonard's lips was hot and searching. Needy. Stealing his breath and his heart...

The feeling of that solid shaft inside his body, stroking and stroking, unremitting and insistent... the sensation of his own almost painfully swollen sex trapped between their sweat slicked bodies, rubbing deliciously against the firm flesh of Spock's belly. The heat, the rising fire, it was too much... too much... never enough...

//Oh God!// Leonard clutched at his mate's back. Their scent surrounded him, their sweat anointed him. //Comin' beautiful... Oh, Oh God, I'm comin'...//

//With me, beloved.// Spock's silent reply was a tortured mental groan, thick with pleasure, ragged with need. //Always... with... me...//

The wave crested and broke over them both; Leonard's almost wild cries were a sudden wailing counterpoint to the deep and heartfelt groan that was torn from his Vulcan mate's shuddering chest. The pleasure surged and burned them, echoing back and forth between then as they rode out this shattering climax together, feeling their orgasms blend and merge until they were no longer certain who's they were experiencing.

For endless moments afterwards they lay gasping and spent, clinging to each other as the silvery shimmers of sexual afterglow pulsed through their bodies.

Spock kissed Leonard deeply as he gently withdrew, allowing his mate to pull him down and hold him tightly.

"I love you, Spock. You know that." Leonard's voice echoed with tears.

Spock touched his face gently. "I do, beloved. We are forever."

Replete and contented, they slept tangled up together in the twisted sheets.


T'Pring bided her time throughout the day reasoning, and rightly so, that an opportunity would present itself at the evening's reception for the delegates.

She was forced to admit, she was a little surprised that Spock had not so far seen fit to approach her himself. Ample opportunity to do so had come over the course of the day, yet he had remained distant. She reasoned that perhaps he felt that his presence would not be welcomed.

She intended to disabuse him of such notions in short order.

She scanned the gathered crowd within the lavishly decorated function room and found her quarry almost immediately.

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she took in Spock's current companion. The human, Doctor McCoy, was yet again in Spock's company. She had seen them together earlier in the station's day and she assumed that they had attended the conference together as colleagues. She knew that they had been crewmates on board the Enterprise for a long time now and she could vaguely recall the man himself from that brief meeting so may years ago.

She found herself hopeful that the human would soon find some other cohort to occupy his evening with. Her intended offer to Spock would be far simpler to instigate without an audience in attendance.

As if spurred by her very thoughts, McCoy began to move away, making his way through the press of bodies towards the buffet table at the far side of the room.

Setting her slender shoulders, T'Pring began to weave her way through the crowd. As she closed the distance, she began to carefully project certain empathic signals to the tall esoteric Vulcan hybrid who so intently watched his human colleague.

Light and coquettish, her silent messages of approval and interest flowed from her in a continuous stream. The Vulcan equivalent of flirting.

She was almost at Spock's elbow before he turned his head to appraise her.

She stopped cold, almost frozen on the spot. Of all the reactions she could have anticipated, *this* had not occurred to her.

She had expected curiosity, possibly interest, perhaps even disapproval. All of these things she had been more than ready to deal with. She had formed her replies, her tactics, her plans. She had ensured a response for almost any reaction.

She was not however, prepared for indifference.

Spock's nod of greeting was appropriately polite, but that was all. Not a flicker of interest showed in that obsidian eyed gaze. Not one single encouraging sign.

She knew he could sense her bafflement and she saw a certain softening of his countenance. With an elegant arch of a sable brow, he turned his gaze once more to the human, McCoy.

He did not open himself too much, just a touch. Just enough for her to feel the very edges of it. Unable to help herself, she gasped softly at the sheer intensity of desire and adoration that Spock was suddenly exuding.

All the miraculous passion of a Vulcan coupled with the hot-blooded sexuality of his human half. Overwhelming affection, unbreakable devotion, deep and abiding love.

All for the human, McCoy.

McCoy was his mate.

With all the dignity she could muster, T'Pring drew herself up and nodded both her greeting and her farewell. Then she turned on her heel and left the reception without looking back.

As she walked away the familiar echoes of regret filled her once again.


She would never again lay eyes on Spock, son of Sarak.


"Spock?" Leonard's soft voice drew Spock's immediate attention. "I felt something pretty damn monumental happening over here. You wanna fill me in?"

"I believe the answer to your query is just about to leave the room, beloved." Spock nodded to the exit.

Following his gaze, Leonard vented a low slow whistle. "Well, I'll be damned. I didn't think she'd have the brass to come anywhere *near* you after what happened." He frowned slightly. "What did she want?"

Spock's dark eyes turned to him, his gaze filled with warmth. "Something she can never have."

Leonard's face grew concerned as the full import of Spock's comment dawned on him. He laid his hand on his mate's shoulder. "Are you OK, beautiful?"

"I am, Leonard." Spock's brow arched in amusement. "Although the memories of that koon-ut-kel-if-fee are unpleasant at best, my meeting with T'Pring *did* serve to inspire an enjoyable recollection."


"Yes... The shore leave lottery that took place not long after."

Leonard regarded his mate with delight shining in his blue eyes. "Spock?"


"What say we go camping when we get back home?"



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