LIBRARY of CONGRESS
Two Copies Received
A
PR 5 1909
Copyright Entry

Mar 31 1909
CLASS D XXe Mal
15535

Copy B.


""THE PIPES O' PAN.""
A Musical Comedy
in
Three Acts.
BOOK and LYRICS
by
L. FRANK BAUM
and
GEORGE SCARBOROUGH.
The Musical Score to be Composed and Arranged
by
Paul Tietjens.

CHARACTERS IN ACT I.


(As they appear)
WOOD SPRITE CHORUS
SPLINTER, A Woodsman. Becoming an eaves-dropper he overhears an important secret which forces him to become the barber and body-servant of King Midas.
RAMONA, A Gypsy Girl. Poor, but ambitious; ready of wit; pretty and winning. About 18 years of age; brunette type; vivacious.
PAN, The God of Mischief. An amateur musician, inventor of the Pipes, and who makes mortals his sport.
THE SATYRS.
APOLLO, The God of Music. Inventor of the Lyre; a firm defender of classical compositions; somewhat conceited; prone to anger.
MIDAS, King of Phrygia. A youthful, irresponsible but merry monarch, under the influence of his tutor, Silenus, and nagged by his mother-in-law, Raspina.  Midas is rash, impetuous, but loveable .
SILENUS, The Aged Tutor of Midas. A man of wisdom, but a disciple of Bacchus, and usually under his influence.

 

MUSICAL SELECTIONS


1. CHORUS-- The Sprites: "The Wood Sprites."
2. SONG-- Splinter: "The Heart of the Ancient Wood."
3. SONG-- Ramona: "The Army of Broken Hearts."
4. CONCERTED NUMBER-- Pan, Apollo, Nymphs and Satyrs: "A Mortal Shall Decide."
5. DRINKING SONG-- Midas and Silenus: "I've Never Had Enough."
6. DUET-- Midas and Ramona: "The Little Gypsy Girl."
7. MUSICAL DIVERSION:
                    (a) "The Lyre of Apollo, " Dance of the Nymphs.
                    (b) "The Pipes o' Pan, " Dance of the Satyrs.
                    (c) SOLO-- Midas: "Music That's Music. "
8. FINALE-- Apollo, Pan, Ramona, Nymphs and Satyrs: "Ramona. "


ACT I. --A Woodland Glade in the Forests of Phrygia.
    Set trees, garlanded with flowers, opposite R and L 1, 2and3E. Mossy banks placed irregularly, converge
and form a glade with Exit at C. Several small stumps; one large stump opposite R 3 E; log of wood on ground
opposite large stump; chopped wood and chips in vicinity of large stump.
    DISCOVERED: CHORUS of Wood Sprites distributed throughout the stage; some are seated on the ground; some standing against trees; some lying at length; some perched on rocks; several standing watching SPLINTER, the
Woodsman, who is engaged in chopping on the log, oblivious of the presence of the Sprites.  He does not hear
their Chorus song, in which all join.

 

"THE WOOD SPRITES"

SPRITES: (Singing)
We are the children of the dell,
    Where shade with sunbeam fights:
The fairy babes of Nature,
    The woodland's dainty sprites .
Companions of the katydid
    And scolding locust, too,
Of butter-fly and humming bee,
    That sips the honey dew.
While daylight holds the curtain back
    We haunt the mossy glade,
And listen to the music of
    Canary serenade.
When twilight laughs at fleeting day
    And gloom begins to creep
We join the cricket chorus, then,
    And put the birds to sleep.
To sleep, to sleep---
    And put the birds to sleep.
    

    At the conclusion of the Chrous song, Splinter
ceases chopping. The manner in which he has been
laboriously swinging the axe and letting it fall indicates
that he is sore and stiff. He puts his hand to his hip and
grimaces.

SPLIN:
(Grimacing) Oh---that rheumatism !
    The sound of Splinter's voice frightens the Sprites, and instantly they disappear in silence through the various EXITS.
    A WOODPECKER appears on the tree opposite L 1 E, and begins industriously to peck.  Another Woodpecker appears on the tree opposite R 1 E and begins to peck.  Splinter hums the air of the curtain-raiser and
leans his axe against the stump, sits on the log and sings:

 

THE HEART OF THE ANCIENT WOOD


(Singing)
A woodsman's life is the life for me
I hew my bread from the sturdy tree
And revel in solitudes wild and free
        As a merry woodsman should.

The breezes whisper amid the leaves ;
The sunlight glints on the axe that cleaves
Its dogged way through the rugged sheathes
        To the heart of the ancient wood.

    Chorus:
        Chop, chop, chop, chop!
    From morning until night ;
        The axe bites deep,
        The big chips leap
    To prove my stroke is right.
The woodpecker pecks at his tree all day--
A right good woodsman is he, I say! --
        For the woodpecker, too,
        His bread must hew
            And chop, chop, chop!


    Splinter begins to whistle the tune of the Chorus, and his whistle is instantly joined in by the WOOD-
PECKER CHORUS.

    NOTE: The Woodpeckers appear on the various set trees, as cuckoos do from cuckoo clocks, and by mechanically pecking upon xylophone bars concealed just back of the trees, they play the air accompanying the whistle.
    These mechanical birds are all connected by electric wires, so that the air may be played by a person in the
wings who presses electric buttons on a key-board.

    Splinter, as he begins to whistle the Chorus, rises, lifts his axe and prepares to resume his chopping.  His surprise is very great when his whistling is joined in by the Woodpecker Xylophone Chorus.  He pauses in wonderment, his axe uplifted, and is very puzzled and frightened. He moves cautiously about the stage, carrying his axe and searches for the disturbers.  Finding nothing, he pauses in the centre of the stage and scratches his head.

SPLIN:
(Ejaculation) It must have been some of the Gods from Olympus. (He peers about again, and reassured, begins
to sing the Second Verse:

(Singing)
The forest kingdom is my domain
And a livelihood from its trees I gain;
Full many a giant grim I've slain
        That in my pathway stood.
As my keen axe swings with joyous strokes
The woodland echoes its song invokes
While I vanquish the maples, the elms and oaks,
        In the heart of the ancient wood.
            

        Chorus:
        Chop, chop, chop, chop!
    From morning until night;
        Then a couch of ease,
        'Neath spreading trees
    With star-eyes watching bright.
At dawn's first light the woodpecker's flight
Is straight to the trees, where they peck with might,
    For they never shirk
    Their daily work,
        But chop, chop, chop!

    Again Splinter begins to whistle the refrain, which is at once joined in the Woodpecker Xylophone chorus.
Splinter stops whistling instantly.  Again he is very frightened and moves cautiously about searching for the cause of the Chorus.  He discovers nothing.  He tiptoes to the stump and secures his coat and cautiously puts it on and shows preparation for flight.

As the Chorus ceases he puts on a bolder front, and with assumed courage, faces L 2 E:

SPLIN:
(Speaking off-stage L 2 E) I see you behind that tree!  Come out! (he vainly waits for a response)  Huh!  Come in, then!  (No response, and he becomes frightened again.) Splinter, (speaking to himself) You'd better avaunt.


    A WOODPECKER appears on the tree opposite R 2 E, and speaks in a grave and parrot-like voice.

WOOD:
Avaunt, Splinter!

    At the sound of the Woodpecker's voice coming from an unknown quarter, Splinter becomes too terrified to run. He grasps his axe and holds it firmly as a defensive weapon.

    NOTE: During the dialogue which ensues between Splinter and the Woodpecker, the birds appear on the
trees and move mechanically.  Persons in the wings, imitating parrot-tones speak their lines.  Invariably, the
Woodpeckers appear immediately before, and disappear immediately after speaking.  Splinter never discovers
the birds, though his search for them continues throughout the ACT.  No person or character on the stage, other
than Splinter, ever hears the Woodpeckers or pays any attention to them.

WOOD'S:
(On various set trees) Hello, Splinter!

SPLIN:
(Thoroughly terrified, begins to retreat, moving backward) He--hello--(he trips on the log and falls heavily on
his back)--o! ---(he hastily scrambles to his feet and almost falls a second time.

WOOD:
(On tree opposite R 2 E) Don't step on yourself !

SPLIN:
(Trying to be brave) Good---good-morning---it's a nice plump day----

WOOD'S:
Haw! Haw! (Splinter is now thoroughly frightened and drops to his knees in a beseeching attitude.)

SPLIN:
(Beseechingly) If you are a god, I pray you not to harm me---

WOOD'S:
Haw! Haw!

SPLIN:
---And---and---(grasping his axe firmly) if---if you are the Devil---you---you'd better not try!

WOOD:
(On tree L 2 E) Splinter's afraid!

SPLIN:
I---I'm not afraid! rm---I'm not afraid of anything that walks----

WOOD'S:
Haw! Haw!

SPLIN:
Why---I'm not even afraid of--of---my wife!

WOOD'S:
Splinter's afraid of his wife!

SPLIN:
I'm not! (searching vainly for his tormentors) Your--your voice sounds familiar---but I---I--don't just catch---your face----

WOOD:
(On tree R 2 E) Knock the spider off your nose! (Splinter starts backward and violently strikes at an imaginary spider on his nose several times, almost falling in his efforts)

WOOD:
(On tree L 2 E) Look out for the snake! (Splinter terrified jumps aside and makes ready to strike at the snake, which he supposes to be on the ground at his feet, with the axe. )

WOOD'S:
Haw!  Haw!

SPLIN:
(Chagrined) Don't laugh at me that way!

WOOD:
(On tree R 2 E) Here comes your wife! (Splinter jumps violently, turns and assumes a cringing attitude) .

WOOD'S:
Haw! Haw! Haw!

WOOD:
(On tree L 2 E) Splinter, you're nutty!

SPLIN:
(Angry) Who says I'm nutty?

WOOD'S:
Everybody! Haw! Haw!

SPLIN:
(Aggrieved)---Well, I'm not going to stay here and be abused! (Prepared to depart)

WOOD:
(On tree R 2 E) Dance, Splinter!

SPLIN:
Dance?  I can't dance---I've got the rheumatism.

WOOD:
(On tree L 2 E) Dance, or the Devil will get you!

SPLIN:
(Frightened) Oh--ow--oh! (Begins to dance; his movements are ludicrous on account of his rheumatism, but he dances with all his might!

    NOTE: This ejaculation is Splinter's stock fright phrase.  Its comedy value will depend entirely upon its
accent and emphasis.

    ENTER RAMONA, the Gypsy Girl, through the glade at C.  She sees Splinter's grotesque dancing and
laughs merrily.

RAM:
(Coming down) What's the matter with the funny old man?  He must be fighting bees.  (She comes up behind Splinter)  Good-morning---(Splinter jumps aside, terrified and ceases dancing abruptly.  He brandishes his axe, but
when he sees that it is only a girl he lowers the axe, very relieved) .

SPLIN:
(Astonished)  It--it's a woman---oh! (angry)  You are the one who has been playing pranks on me, and I thought it
was the gods----

RAM:
(In wonderment) I haven't done anything---

SPLIN:
(unbelieving) Didn't you say I was nutty?

RAM:
(Shaking her head) No. (inquiring) Are you?

SPLIN:
(Disgusted) Am I?  No!  No!  No!! (Ramona laughs merrily. Splinter, struck with an idea, suddenly points to the ground at her feet).  Look out for the snake!

RAM:
(Frightened) Oh! oh! (she jumps quickly and retreats, looking at the ground where Splinter points. He laughs
hilariously)

SPLIN:
Caught with your own joke!  Ha!  Ha!

WOOD'S:
Haw! Haw! Haw! (Splinter is dumbfounded)

SPLIN:
Oh--ow--oh! ! (moves toward Ramona for protection)

RAM:
(Not hearing Woodpeckers) What's the matter?

SPLIN:
Didn't you hear it?

RAM:
No---I heard nothing.

SPLIN:
That--(imitating)--haw, haw?

RAM:
I don't know what you are talking about.  I haven't heard anything, and I never saw you before, and I haven't been playing any pranks on you .

SPLIN:
(Fearfully) Are you a goddess or a mortal?

RAM:
I am a gypsy---

SPLIN:
Huh!

RAM:
And I'll tell your fortune if you'll cross my palm with a coin---

SPLIN:
(Disgusted)  Do you think I'd be out here chopping wood where those (imitating) haw-haws are if I had any money?

RAM:
Just a small coin---

SPLIN:
No.  I don't believe you are a gypsy, anyhow.  I think you are one of those princesses who are coming before
King Midas today---you are just disguised as a gypsy---

RAM:
(Interested) Midas---Midas---tell me about him! Oh, he is the finest man in the world!

SPLIN:
If that's so, there's nothing much to tell then except that he's going to select a wife today---

RAM:
(Pained) Oh--you don't mean that?

SPLIN:
Yes---he has invited all the unmarried princesses of the neighboring kingdoms to come to his Palace and display
their charms so that he may make a choice---

RAM:
Oh---if--if I could only go, too, and appear before him!

SPLIN:
You?  They wouldn't even let a gypsy fortune teller in the palace grounds---

RAM:
But Midas would see me if he only knew I was there.  Oh, he has seen me before.  He passed me in his chariot one day and tossed me a coin and some kisses, and I've never forgotten them---and---and I'll wager he hasn't forgotten the smiles I gave him in return.  He wanted to stop his chariot then and come back to me, but an old man forced him to go on.

SPLIN:
(Chuckling) That was old Silenus, his tutor.

RAM:
(Determined) But I will go to the Palace--I will! (Splinter laughs and shakes his head)

SPLIN:
It's no use, gypsy---

RAM:
But I have as much right to appear before the king as any princess---for I am a princess of Romany---

SPLIN:
Perhaps--but that's a check you can't cash--.  And I doubt if any of the princesses could hold a candle to you when you get the joy raiment on--but Midas isn't marrying for beauty.  He's marrying for the same reason that I chop wood and you gypsies tell fortunes--he needs the money.

RAM:
(Positive) But Midas won't marry for money--he'll marry only for love---

SPLIN:
He might if he had his way, but he owes heavy debts to the King of Sparta who threatens war unless he is paid at once---and Midas' only chance to pay is to marry a princess with a large dowry.

RAM:
(Determined) But he shan't do it!  He shan't do it!  I love him with all my heart, and I'm not going to keep silent
and let him marry another woman!  I'm not going to join the army of broken hearts if I can prevent it !


"THE ARMY OF BROKEN HEARTS"

(Singing)
A boy and a girl from their childhood had played
    Together as comrades so true:
She crowned him as king in her innocent heart,
    A fact which the boy never knew.
The years galloped on--the boy was a man;
    Another love drew him away:
Though, true to the dream of her youth, the girl
    Made Hope fight Despair every day.
The blow fell at last: "I am marrying, Bess,
    Wish me good fortune, old chum."
"I do, Tom, I do, " as she chokes back a sob,
    Tries to smile, but her dimples are dumb.
The castle she'd lived -in for years was a ruin,
    But in ignorance Tom, then, departs,
And she joins, brave and silent, that numberless host:
    The Army of Broken Hearts.

            Chorus:
        The Army of Broken Hearts,
        The Army of Broken Hearts--
    Of women who've heard Hope's last call,
    Who loving once have loved their all;
Who counted not nor cared the cost,
Whose world went dark when Love had lost:
        The Army of Broken Hearts .

A man of the world once---a cynic who sees
    A comedy in women's tears---
Laid siege' gainst the heart of a beautiful girl,
    Youthful in wisdom and years.
The man whispered subtly his words to the maid,
    And swore that he loved her alone:
Beguiled her with rapturous phrases intense,
    And promised his name for her own.
A month or two later the reckoning came:
    All haggard and pale, drawn in face,
The girl wept and pleaded, the man was of stone,
    And laughed at plight and disgrace.
Unblamed by the world he then went on his way,
    But wounded by Conscience's darts
The girl struggles on, just another recruit
    To the Army of Broken Hearts.

RAM:
I am going to the palace with the other princesses, and, if necessary make King Midas think I'm rich, and after he marries me he will love me and forgive me.  Then I will help him manage the affairs of his kingdom so that he can pay his debts to Sparta.

SPLIN:
He needs a business manager, all right, but I'm afraid a woman won't do.

RAM:
But I can help him!  I can, and I'm going to!

SPLIN:
But he's not the sort of husband you want, after all.

RAM:
He's handsome---

SPLIN:
Yes---handsome enough to give Apollo a hemorrhage and make Adonis cry himself to death with envy---

RAM:
Yes, and he's good---

SPLIN:
Kings don't have to be good---

RAM:
And I know he will be kind---

SPLIN:
(Shaking his head) No---no---He looks upon the wine while it is red entirely too often. In fact, I may say that he's the original wine agent's delight.

RAM:
But he must be under the evil influence of some person---

SPLIN:
(Chuckling) Old Silenus---both of them are drunk all of the time.  Silenus drinks because he likes it, and Midas
drinks so as to forget his mother-in-law--

RAM:
(Surprised) Mother-in-law ?

SPLIN:
Yes---one left over from his first offense.  Midas' father, the old King, made him marry when he was eight years old. The King needed Midas' child-wife's dowery.  But she died with the measles within a month, and Midas forgot all about it until Raspina, his mother-in-law, turned up at the Palace last year.  He hasn't been sober since then.

RAM:
I don't care---I'll reform him and banish her.

SPLIN:
You are not the first woman who tried marrying a man to reform him.  But usually it is a case of back to home and mother---with half a dozen little coupons clipped off the bond of matrimony tagging along behind----

    Sounds of music on the Pipes is heard off-stage at the Left, accompanied by shouts of satiric laughter.  Both
Splinter and Ramona are frightened.

RAM:
What is it?

SPLIN:
It's Pan, the God of Mischief, and his Satyrs---they are in search of some mortal to make sport of.

RAM:
(Frightened) Let's run away---oh---

SPLIN:
I've got the rheumatism and can't run! Oh, what shall I do?  What shall I do?

RAM:
Climb a tree, why don't you, and hide in the leaves?

SPLIN:
Up a tree for Splinter! (Splinter runs to the set tree opposite L 2 E and begins laboriously to climb it; the sound of music and laughter grows louder; Ramona looks about for a moment, frightened, then starts to run up glade toward C.

RAM:
(Running away) Goodbye, Splinter!


    EXIT RAMONA through glade at C, as P AN and the SATYRS ENTER R 2 and 3 E. Splinter conceals himself
in the foliage of the tree.  Pan is playing on his Pipes, and the Satyrs are laughing hilariously, and caper about
the stage.  Pan notices the fallen log and Splinter's axe.

PAN:
(Indignant) Some mortal has invaded our haunt!  If I could find him I'd turn him into a monkey! (Splinter
groans frightened; Pan continues his playing and the Satyrs dance. A Satyr in dancing by Pan accidentally
touches his Pipes).

PAN:
(Reproving Satyr) I told you not to hit the pipe !

SPLIN:
(Aside) Rotten joke !

WOOD'S:
Joke! Haw! Haw!

SPLIN:
Oh--ow--oh!

    ENTER APOLLO and NYMPHS at L 2 and 3 E.

AP:
(Disgusted and angry) Cease such discordant sounds in this beautiful forest!

PAN:
Discordant? (sarcastic) Who are you? (The Satyrs laugh satirically and grimace at the Nymphs, who regard them
scornfully).

AP:
I, Apollo, command it !

PAN:
(Sarcastic) Well---I like that, Polly!

AP:
(Enraged) Don't call me Polly! (The Satyrs laugh and the Nymphs gather protectingly about Apollo).

PAN:
Angel-child, then---.

AP:
(Outraged) Address me with the dignity due a God, or I will report you to the Council of Olympus!

PAN:
Aw, hire a glade, why don't you, and start a concert of your own----

AP:
Insulter!

PAN:
I'll bet my wooden-leg against a half-grown weinerwurst that I'll outdraw you at the box-office!

AP:
With my Lyre I'll put your Pipes to shame!

PAN:
Never in a thousand years--my Pipes make the only music!

AP: (Scornfully) Music ? Ha! Your Pipes sound like the squealing of hungry pigs!

PAN: And your Lyre sounds like the whine of an orphan mosquito with the cholera infantum!

AP:
(Fiercely) How dare you!

NYMPHS:
Shame! Shame!

SATYRS:
Meow!

PAN:
Look here, Mister Artist Model: I think your music is only fit for funeral marches---mine is the music for the live ones---

AP:
Absurd!

PAN:
Well, suppose we capture a mortal and let him judge as to which one can deliver the real musical article ?

AP:
(Enthusiastic) Agreed! A mortal shall decide!

NYM & SAT:
A mortal shall decide!

WOOD: (On tree R 2 E) Let Splinter decide!

SPLIN: Oh--ow--oh! Oh, Lord no!

AP:
(Singing) I am the great musician---

PAN:
(Singing) Not on your life, old man I

AP:
My Lyre's the only instrument,

PAN:
Not so---the Pipes o' Pan!

AP:
Your Pipes are most discordant,

PAN:
Your Lyre is on the bum!

AP:
Your Satyrs are too noisy!

PAN:
Your Nymphs are far from dumb!

AP & PAN: (Singing)
Instead of disagreeing, though,
We'll let our quarrel rest,
And leave it for some mortal
To say which is the best!

AP:
(To Pan) You search for a mortal in the forest yonder (indicating off R) and I will search in this direction---
(indicating off L)

PAN:
Right you are!

    EXIT PAN and SATYRS at R 2 and 3 E; EXIT also APOLLO and NYMPHS at L 2 and 3 E. All are in good
humor, laughing .

SPLIN:
(Peering out of tree) Splinter, Splinter, here's where you execute an elaborately planned escape--

WOOD:
(On tree R 2 E) Hit the grit, Splinter!

SPLIN:
Oh--ow--oh! (Descends tree awkwardly)

    Voices of approaching revellers are heard in the direction of glade at C.  ENTER MIDAS and SILENUS at C, each supporting the other.  Both seem to be in a partial state of intoxication, and are somewhat boisterous, Midas the more.  Silenus carries, by means of a strap around his neck, a wine-skin, the size of a small goat.  The skin is very inflated.  A hollow tube is attached to the skin.  Splinter sees them and is frightened.

SPLIN:
Oh, Lord---more of them! (begins to re-climb the tree,
and again conceals himself in the foliage.

WOOD'S:
Haw! Haw!

SPLIN:
Oh--ow--oh!

    As Midas and Silenus come down, arm in arm, they sing the Drinking Song:


"I'VE NEVER HAD ENOUGH."

MID & SIL: 
(Singing)
Don't talk to me of temperance,
It won't do any good:
For I believe in drinking just
As every boozer should!
The trickle of the liquid
As it leaps into the glass
Is the only sort of music, now,
That's got a bit of class!
It don't make any difference
The kind of booze it is :
If whiskey, wine or brandy,
A foamy stein or phizz ;
A cock-tail or a high-ball---
I'll not get in a huff---
I'll drink it down and yell for more:
I've never had enough!

        Chorus:
I've never had enough, I've never had enough!
I drink it by the barrel, but I've never had enough!
Get busy, Mister Waiter,. bring on the liquid stuff,
        Or I will fight
        Because tonight
I'm going to get enough!


MID:
(Laughing) Ha! Ha! Silenus, you never will get enough!

SIL:
(Gravely) Wine does not affect me, sic, in the slightest degree, Your Highness. (Midas laughs; he seems to have a jolly jag, while Silenus' intoxication tends toward gravity).

MID:
Not in the slightest degree, but in the greatest!

SIL:
Sic, not at all! But I fear Your Majesty has had a, sic, sufficiency.  As your tutor, sic, and the one accountable for your moral welfare, I think it advisable for me to drink, sic, the balance of the wine in the skin in order to save you, sic, from the horrible temptation of, sic, intemperance.

MID:
It isn't desire, Silenus, that makes me drink.  It's Raspina, my mother-in-law.  I dreamed last night that
she was drowned in a hogshead of wine.

SIL:
Oh, it would be a fearful crime to spoil, sic, so much wine in that way.

MID:
I'm all right as long as I can stay out of Raspina's sight, but when I've got to face her I need the false courage of the cups. (Silenus surreptitiously takes a drink of wine through the tube leading into the wine-skin, and conceals
his act from Midas).

SIL:
(Hastily) Quite right, quite right!

MID:
She demanded an audience of me this morning.  Ordered me, the King, to come to her at once in her chamber.  Think of that, Silenus.  (Silenus is taking another drink).

SIL.
I'm thinking, your Highness.

MID:
I was just sipping my first and only glass of wine for the day when her summons came, and it so unnerved me that I drank another. Then I drank a glass of wine.

SIL:
Proper, your Highness, quite proper.

    NOTE: During the ensuing "wine speech" of Midas, Silenus at frequent intervals takes drinks from the wine-
skin which he carries. Every time Midas refers to wine Silenus takes a drink through the tube.  Silenus, by
crafty comedy business conceals his drinking.  The wine-skin is very inflated when he begins to draw the wine
from it, but it rapidly decreases in size under his repeated assaults, and at the conclusion of the "wine speech" is
flabby and empty.  The skin should be air-tight, and when inflated capable of holding, apparently, about twenty or thirty gallons.  Silenus lets the air out of the skin through the tube as he "drinks".

MID:
After which, I drank a glass of wine to brace my nerves.  I called a lackey to bring my coat and a glass of wine, and while I was waiting for him to return I drank some wine.  When he returned with the wine and the coat I drank the coat and put on the wine, and started for Raspina's chamber with my mind firmly made up to tell her what I thought of her if she gave me any more impertinence.

SIL:
Correct, Your Highness, absolutely correct!

MID:
I'm glad you think so, Silenus.  I boldly knocked at her door. I wanted a glass of wine, but there wasn't any---
so I went back and got one---also another---than a third---which I drank---and then I returned and boldly knocked
on the room and walked right into the door and looked Raspina straight in the eye-ball--

SIL:
You say you had a high-ball, your Majesty?

MID:
And she said "Well?"--(imitating loud and rough tones) just that way--soft and low---and I told her that I was
sick, and asked for a glass of wine and Raspina jumped up and slapped me in the face!  Yes--slapped me, the
King, in the midst of my features!

SIL:
How thoughtless!

MID:
And she said that I was drunk---drunk! What do you think of that?

SIL:
(Gravely) I'm constrained to think, sic, (sadly contemplating the now empty wine-skin) that perhaps your Highness, sic, was a trifle--just a trifle---intossicated, sic---

MID:
Not a bit!  I was just mad---mad all over---and under.  I was so mad, Silenus, that I laid right down there in the
middle of the floor and went sound to sleep!

SIL:
(Chuckling) I'll wager Raspina waked you up?

MID:
Yes---and told me that I've got to marry one of those princesses today to get money for the King of Sparta---

SIL:
(Gravely) That's true, your Highness.

MID:
But I'd rather be dead than married---

SIL:
(Sympathetic) It is bad.

MID:
Another marriage means another mother-in-law.  Think of that, Silenus!  Oh, how, how can I stand a pair of them? I'll resign as king!

SIL:
No---your Majesty must marry and save your people from slavery to Sparta---

MID:
And make a slave of myself?

SIL:
Perhaps the new wife also will quickly die with the measles---

MID:
Do you think there's any chance---?--- And--(hopefully) maybe---maybe the two mothers-in-law will get the measles, too! (sadly shakes his head)  No--no--old women can't catch the measles---

SIL:
Drown them, then, your Majesty---(earnestly) but don't use wine---use water!

MID:
(Sorrowfully) Two mothers-in-law and a wife---oh--Silenus, my cross is greater than I can bear!

SIL:
But it must be done, your Highness---even now the emissaries of Sparta are within the borders to demand the money or declare war---but, cheer up!  Do not select the most beautiful princess---select one who is Amazonic and husky---one who can manage Raspina, and at the same time manage the affairs of the kingdom---

MID:
Oh I'm miserable---

SIL:
But then you will be free from debt and free from war and care---and you and I will be happy----

MID:
(Sorrowfully) No, Silenus, I'll never be happy with any princess.  I might as well tell you the truth now---I'll
never find happiness with any woman in the world but the little gypsy girl we passed in the chariot that day.  Her beauty and her smiles haunt me day and night.  Oh, Silenus, Silenus, why did you prevent me from going
back to her then and claiming her?  I've cursed myself a thousand times.  She would have made me happy---but
now---(disheartened)--now--she's gone---gone---and I cannot find---

SIL:
Forget the gypsy girl, your Majesty---she is beneath your station.

MID:
(Positive) I'll not forget her!  I'll never forget her, for I love her---and her me, Silenus: I tell you that I'll never
marry anybody but the little gypsy girl!


"THE LITTLE GYPSY GIRL."

(Singing)
One day I met a maiden
So beautiful and rare;
With floating raven tresses
And eyes that gave a dare.
I tossed her all my kisses,
She smiled and vanished then,
And though I've vainly hunted, still,
I can't find her again.
I'll roam the whole world over, for
She is a priceless pearl:
And save my love until I find
The Little Gypsy Girl!


    As Midas begins to sing RAMONA ENTERS at C, and stands at the entrance of the glade and listens enraptured.  Cautiously during the song she makes her way down, taking advantage of rock and shrub to hide from
Midas and Silenus. Neither is aware of her presence.

        Chorus:
    My Little Gypsy Girl!
    My Little Gypsy Girl!
Where did you go ? Where did you go ?
My anguish you will never know!
        Come back!
        Come back!
    And smile again,
    My Little Gypsy Girl!

    RAMONA conceals herself behind the foliage of a
shrub and sings.

RAM:
(Singing)
The Gypsy Girl remembers
The kisses that you threw.
The smiles she sent were payment:
Her smiles are all for you.
She thought, though, you'd forgotten,
And her smiles were turned to tears;
But tear-drops back to dimples turn
Your voice again she hears.
She'll trade you smile for kiss again
For kisses warm and true.
She'll have no other lover, for
The Gypsy Girl loves you!

    At the sound of Ramona's voice, Midas stands entranced; he moves about and vainly searches for her .

        Chorus:
    Your Little Gypsy Girl,
    Your Little Gypsy Girl
Has never gone, and if you're kind
She never will. Hunt, if you'd find !
        Come on!
        Come on!
    And kiss again
    Your Little Gypsy Girl!

MID:
(Unable to locate Ramona---entreating) Where are you, My Little Gypsy Girl?  Where are you?  (She gives a
merry laugh).

    PAN and the SATYRS ENTER hilariously at R 2 and 3 E, and simultaneously APOLLO and the NYMPHS ENTER laughing at L 2 and 3 E.  MIDAS and SILENUS, frightened, start to flee, but they are quickly surrounded
by the Nymphs and Saytrs and detained.  RAMONA, unseen, glides from her hiding-place and runs up and
EXITS at C.

PAN:
Here are mortal who shall decide between us! (indicates Midas and Silenus)

AP:
They shall judge! Mortals, I am Apollo, inventor of the Lyre, and yonder is Pan, the inventor of the Pipes.  You shall listen to the Lyre and the Pipes and decide which makes the most beautiful music!

SIL:
(Fearfully) Excuse