United have lost once in 17 games (depending on how far inside the goal you thought Pedro Mendes' effort was, of course), while Milan top Serie A and are in irresistable form. I'm hoping for a suitably thrilling match - any predictions?

Your predictions "An optimistic 3-1 from me," says Rune Eresberg, without revealing which team will be happier about that scoreline. "Deep down I hope for 4-1, but that's just too cocky." Ah, must be United.

"Sir Al will blame Wenger for anything and everything regardless of the result," predicts Geoffrey Downey, while Simon Horwell in Los Angeles reckons the key could be in Fergie's midfield. "Just when I was starting to think that we had a really formidable first XI, I see Quinton Fortune in the starting line up. Oh woe is us!" Come on now, every dog has its day... although every dog also has an appointment with a vet and a goodbye needle eventually, come to think of it.

Steve Ferrigan in the U S of A reckons the Italians will "entertain" us with a 1-0 win - and before I get irate emails from every single member of the United fan club, he's a Red Devil himself.

Formation issues "Is it 4-5-1 or it is the new and in vogue 4-3-3?" asks Andrew Worrall. "And is there really a difference?" I'll get to that second question as soon as I'm done calculating the length of a piece of string, but for now, it seems Fergie has gone with the more conservative 4-5-1. What would Jose Mourinho say, eh?

Bloody annoying late news Turns out, Jaap Stam can't play. There's so much useless gibbering going on on Sky that I can't tell you anymore at this stage, but needless to say, it's my utmost priority to fill you in.

First cheesy line from Sky... before we even kick off. "There are snow showers at Old Trafford, but it's a red hot tie here tonight."

Still not kicked off "I was wondering if that fella arrested for exposing himself was our own Barry Glendenning - I know how much he likes to impress the lassies," says Kevin Brady. Let me tell you, if he was trying to impress the lassies, the last thing he'd be doing is pulling down his kecks. Cafu, meanwhile, is the man in for Stam.

1 min Manchester United kick off from right to left on my clapped out old 14", in their usual red and black. Milan look fetching in an appropriately wintry all-white strip.

2 mins United look impressive with a lightning fast break from Ronaldo, turning Pirlo inside out before supplying Giggs. Unfortunately Heinze soon gets hold of it, and Milan are quickly back in possession.

3 mins Crikey! Milan are passing it around with gay abandon and Rui Costa's arrowed cross passed just inches from Crespo's outstretched boot and the United goal.

5 mins Say what you like about the formations, both teams are showing no signs of sitting back and waiting for what may come. Giggs swings in a freekick from the left, meanwhile, but Ronaldo struggles to get to it.

6 mins "I predict that before the half-hour mark, Wayne Rooney will have at least one thoughtful discussion with the referee in which the phrase"f#@%ing c&@!" is used," says Matt Maples, who, you might like to know, is also the author of such tomes as "Next year will be 2006", and "Why I am sure night will follow day".

8 mins Eeesh! Seedorf absolutely fizzes a freekick in from about 35 yards and has Carroll well beaten, but the ball pings off the bar and into the crowd.

10 mins Fortune and Giggs combine to produce another chance for United, but Gattuso chases back to ensure Giggs's effort dribbles out for a throw in.

11 mins How in the hell did United not score then?! What a waste of the one proud moment Fortune will have in a United shirt! The wee lad turns exquisitely deep on the left and zings in a cross, Rooney miscued [f*%&!] and Scholes wellies wide.

12 mins Milan are nobly prepared to match United mind: Crespo flicks a corner on across goal and despite some comedic flailing from Carroll, the men in white do nothing.

14 mins At the risk of sounding like a particularly unimaginative John Motson, it really is end to end stuff at the moment. Crikey! Scholes finds himself in possession on the edge of the area, but his first touch is a poor one and Milan escape.

17 mins Milan earn a freekick on the edge of the area via Roy Keane's boot, but Pirlo decides to use it to knock Wes Brown a shade closer to concussion. Ah, who can blame him. Really though?

19 mins Cafu slings in a hopeful centre which Carroll can watch all the way - and whadya know? He's caught that in one. Milan are just edging it right now.

21 mins "Have you ever had to turn down Barry Glendenning's drunken advances?" asks Kevin Kennedy, who thinks United will win 3-1. Barry is many things, but he knows better than that. How much longer United can resist Milan's advances, though, is another matter. Christ, sign me up for a slot on Five now. I am officially cheesy enough.

26 mins Cafu breaks into the United penalty area courtesy of a little laxness from Heinze, but Wes Brown is the unlikely saviour. Milan certainly look more comfortable thus far.

24 mins "How does the crowd sound," Eleanor Giles wants to know. Intoxicated, in a word: there's a pretty good atmosphere. Things are just starting to settle down for United, but their forward play bears a vague resemblance to pigeons flying into glass buildings, at times.

28 mins "I used to work with someone who said 'Okey-Dokey' so often that she had to be warned to stop doing it. You're about to suffer a similar loss of credibility if you don't stop saying 'crikey'," warns Craig Ward, seemingly under the impression that the elaborate diction of Mr Rooney is a viable option on the Guardian website. The Italians still in possession, incidentally.

30 mins Oof. Yellow card for Nesta, who took a disliking to Ryan Giggs's head on the edge of the area. Can Manchester United snatch a goal? No. Rooney slams it into the wall, and Milan clear their lines.

33 mins Don't get me wrong, United aren't playing badly at all [note to United fans, you can quit the venomous emails], Milan are just playing some fantastic attacking football that I doubt the home side would have expected. That said, Fortune clatters in to give away a freekick, and it's him that exchanges pleasantries with the referee.

35 mins Roooney breaks but he's felled by a strong gust of air by the touchline and Milan have a goalkick.

"I work with someone who says that all the time too," says Mark Lowe, "but he's not half as annoying as his boss, who walks round the office waving his arms out wide and clicking his fingers." I once worked for someone whose tongue got in the way of them being able to say my name properly. Most irritating.

37 mins United break sooooo fast, Ronaldo centres it for Fortune, whose first touch is appalling. He still manages to get there before Dida, but he hooks it wide with an ungainly volley. Inches wide! Should be 1-0. While I've been typing Wes Brown has been smashed in the face by the ball, and is looking even more bewildered than usual.

40 mins Milan have taken up a leisurely pace in the middle of the park, and are stroking the ball around... I was sure would be my next entry, until Keane pinched the ball off Kaka. The ball finds its way to Rooney, who dinks it up and over for Giggs, but Dida comes out too quickly for the Welshman, who is sans tights this evening.

42 mins Crespo notches up a shot on goal, but even Roy Carroll would have had a lot of work to do getting that one in the net.

"A Yorkshire boss in Yorkshire at the aptly named Yorkshire Water used to say to my ex "I thank you!" so often that it resulted in a) her repeating it to me at home semi-parodically and b) the ensuing breakdown of our relationship. For listening to this, I thank yo - AAARGH!" Rolf from Sweden, mid-breakdown, it appears.

45 mins This is Paolo Maldini's 781st game for Milan, I can tell you, largely thanks to the stats team at Sky. Fortune, who must be positively giddy from how well he's played this evening, tees up Keane, but it bobbles safely into Dida's arms - in which time Fortune's managed to get himself booked...

Half time A brief moment of bumblesome hilarity from Brown, who decides not to boot out a loose ball despite there being about three miles between it and Roy Carroll, and half time it is.

Half time halfwits "So what do you do in between blurbs?" asks Edward Ayres. "I mean you've got a whole two to three minutes." Well Edward, here at the Guardian we've done away with typing, and have computers that are able to watch and assess the game for themselves, and relay the whole event to you. That way I have time for a full manicure and pedicure in the first half, and I do a spot of internet shopping in the second.

Weather report "You've mentioned the crowd, can you just add to the atmosphere by telling me how cold it is?" Mark Longley requests. "It is a beautiful summer's morning here in Auckland and not quite the same following your commentary in shorts and a T-shirt." There's snow drifting down Mark, and even my teeth are chattering here in the office. In fact, and this'll really paint the picture for you, even Fergie's nose has turned blue.

45 mins Milan get the second half underway with hands firmly up sleeves as the snow continues to fall.

47 mins Nesta fails to reach a rocket of a knockback and Giggs is almost in, but Dida again sprints off his line to clear it. Expect to see his name linked with interest from Fergie shortly, eh? Ruud's warming up to a canter at the side of the pitch, incidentally.

50 mins Ronaldo is felled just short of the 18yard line, and it's he who takes the freekick into the wall. United keep possession and work it around until Keane's shot is deflected for a corner. The United fans, in no way singing-when-they're-winning, immediately burst into song. Milan defend steadfastly though.

52 mins Can I get away with using "end-to-end stuff" twice in one MBM? Well, I'm going with it.

54 mins Has there been some kind of mass release-into-the-community today? It seems the entire sex offenders register is logged onto this game tonight. Huge Bridget Jones pants, no picture, now bugger off.

56 mins Both sides are edging closer to getting a goal, but it's Milan who are looking the more likely, if only they could get a cross in from Cafu which wasn't too high/too low/destined for row H. There's definitely more of an edge to this second half.

58 mins Seedorf stumbles over the ball as Milan continue to press and United break with Giggs and Rooney... they're soon swamped by the retreating Italians though. I don't have to tell you what kind of stuff this is, do I?

60 mins Tremble, tremble: Ruud van Nistelrooy is about to make his first appearance for, like, yonks. Will he make enough of an impact to rob Cafu of his free reign on the right flank?

62 mins 4-4-2 appears to be on its way for Manchester United, with Ronaldo making way for the stable's finest.

66 mins Immediate improvement in United's play with van Nistelrooy alongside Rooney, and according to a reader called Tony, the Guardian has reached new lows by employing a woman to work on a MBM. Are you going to tell him I've been doing this for 18 months now, or shall I? Jesus. Imagine the day he realises we can vote now, too.

68 mins Crespo sets himself for a volley after a nice layoff from Seedorf, but Brown gets his knock knees in the way to prevent the Italians taking the first goal.

70 mins Anything United can do, Milan can do better, and the tempo is now akin to an evening in a barn in Devon circa 1985. Cracking stuff. Who'd have thought a 0-0 could be so exciting?

73 mins Fortune had done enough this game to get the Sky team to announce him with the kind of reverence usually reserved for the likes of Keane and Scholes. Sadly, he responds with a cross-cum-strike currently bound for Uranus.

75 mins Lord oh Lord. Crespo. Eight yards out. Only Carroll between him and 1-0. A touch too many and a ball in the face for one lucky ticket holder.

GOAL! 78 mins Crespo scores thanks in no small part to everyone's favourite juggler, Roy Carroll. Seedorf sends in a stinger from 30 yards, and Crespo hammers the duly flapped ball home.

80 mins Fortune makes way for Saha and Mikael Silvestre trots on in place of Neville as United begin their salvage attempt. Saha immediately heads wide, no doubt putting a sly grin on the snubbed Alan Smith's face.

82 mins "Told you so!" squeals Kym Muller, who earlier emailed to predict a 1-0 win for Milan. I'd never put United out of this game with eight minutes still on the clock.

84 mins Plenty of balls going into the box for United, but Milan are so far holding out. Pirlo off for Ambrosini, by the way. I was joking earlier, but the cameras have just confirmed Fergie's nose is in fact a chilly shade of turquoise.

86 mins Ancelotti makes another change, Cafu trotting off and Costacurta trotting on. Cafu, who came in late for Stam this evening, has been outstanding, and the visiting crowd chant appreciatively. I think. I took French and German.

88 mins United are determined to do things the hard way - Keane throws in an outswinger and Saha opts for an awkward nudge back to Giggs, who only finds a Milan shin.

89 mins Ruud van Nistelrooy finds himself with what could well be United's last chance, but nods Giggs's cross wide.

91 mins Frantic final minutes, but it looks like a tough trip to Milan for United.

92 mins Head injury to Ruud delays the inevitable...

Th-th-th-that's all folks Milan leave Old Trafford with their first ever win over an English side in England, and Alex Ferguson's got to be looking at Tim Howard in a whole new light after Hernan Crespo's goal. Superb game, which had everything Arsenal were lacking last night, but no bragging rights for Fergie. Thanks for your emails, sorry I couldn't use them all. GT

Teams

Manchester United: Carroll, G Neville, Ferdinand, Brown, Heinze, Ronaldo, Scholes, Keane, Fortune, Giggs, Rooney. Subs: Howard, P Neville, Saha, van Nistelrooy, Smith, O'Shea, Silvestre.