ASIA'S BULLETINS!


Meet Catalina Lemmon, born 3/4/05 at 11:17am after 62 hours of labor (I labored for 54 hrs at home before I gave up and went to the hospital - yes, it was hell, but no one can say I didn't try my best!). She weighed in at a hefty 8lbs 10oz and 21 in. long! As you can see, she's got an amazing thatch of dark hair that the nurses styled into a little mohawk with a pink ribbon. Isn't she adorable?? I'm so proud!!! : D




2/27 - And here we are on baby's due date, with no baby! And why am I not surprised, stubborn Baby Catalina wants to be fashionably late like her mommy? LOL!! Well you'll never guess what I finally decided to do, just three days before baby's due date... Don and I drove up to a remote mountaintop and shot nekkid preggo pics!! I spent the whole pregnancy feeling like such a whale that I didn't even want to look at a camera, but in the 11th hour I decided I'd kick myself forever if I didn't take SOME pretty pregnancy pics, so...here ya go! Now don't laugh - you'd look a lot different too with 60 pounds on your belly and butt!! OK, I've finally got THAT out of the way... now you can come out Catalina! For real this time - we're ready for ya!!



2/21 - Still here, still pregnant. *sigh* At least I feel great, and I suppose I could carry on like this indefinitely, so I should be thankful for that. 6 more days until Baby Catalina's due... 7 more days until she's OVERDUE... DOH!! Wish me luck for a happy, easy, quick and painless home birth!! Fingers crossed! : )



2/13 - OK Catalina, you can come out now! We're all ready for you! We traded in my Corvette for a cute new Jeep, we unpacked all the furniture from Hawaii, and I even set up baby's nursery! Once again, a big thank you to everyone who sent me baby shower gifts last summer when I first announced I was pregnant! Here's some pics of the nursery so you can see your gifts went to good use! pic 1, pic 2, pic 3. (Not pictured but also very appreciated: the stroller, the car seat, the baby bath, Baby Bjorn carrier and various baby books) Oh, and if you're wondering whether I still take pics in the nude, the answer is YES. HAHAHA!! Well, as I'm typing this, the clock is just minutes away from midnight and Valentine's Day, but baby is showing no signs of wanting to leave her snuggly nest here inside me. So no V-Day baby, I guess. Oh well, her due date's not for another 2 weeks, and first babies are often late, so I'm not expecting to see her in the immediate future. But just for fun, I've started trying all the old wives' tales for coaxing baby out - cleaning house, walking, lots of sex, nipple stimulation, fresh pineapple, and bouncing on a fitness ball. But obviously none of those worked. Hm, back to the drawing board...



2/7 - Guess what we just got yesterday?? A baby! No, not a baby Catalina yet - a new baby kitten! I don't know why Don was so bound and determined to get a little kitten 3 weeks before baby is due, but I'm a total sucker for kittens, so of course I couldn't say no! I decided to name him Gorbachev - isn't that the funniest name for a tiny little ball of fluff?? We just call him Gorby, unless he's peeing on the carpet - then he's "Godammit Gorbachev"!! LOL!! So anyway, we brought the little guy home and introduced him to his brother, Comrade Stinky and his other brother, Comrade Snugsy. At first he was a little shy, but within a few minutes Little Gorby was showing his brothers who the new boss in town was! Gorby also got to meet Baby Catalina (well, sort of!) Then Mommy put her little guy in one of her stuffed animal backpacks and strapped it to her chest so she could feed him a tasty snack! Burp! Little Gorby is all fat, full and happy after his feeding, and he decides he's going to like it here! Finally little baby Gorbachev gets tucked in for a nap after all the excitement, and here you can really see how he earned his name! Awwwww!!



1/25 - Just a quick note to let you know I will be LIVE this Friday evening at 8PM ET/5pm PT with The Infidel Guy. His site has all the info on how you can tune in via the internet to hear us discuss religion, politics, morality, my pregnancy, gaming, the porn industry and just about whatever comes to mind. I'm a little nervous, 'cause I haven't done any public appearance-type stuff for over a year now, and I'm out of practice. Oh well, all the more reason to tune in, right? Perhaps you'll be able to hear me make a complete a$$ of myself! LOL!!



1/23 - 35 Weeks pregnant today! (and still no !^@!*? furniture from Hawaii yet!) Only 5 more weeks to go 'til Baby's due! (I was kinda hoping Don and I could knock her out 2 weeks early with a little extra nookie, for a Valentine's Day baby, but without any furniture and no nursery set up yet, I guess she can keep on baking in Mommy's oven for a while longer...) Tomorrow I'm going to meet with a potential midwife. Don and I are looking forward to having the baby at home, so we can deliver Catalina as naturally as she was conceived! No drugs, no IV's, catheters, fetal monitors, C-sections, or other interventions for me, knock on wood! I wanna do this RIGHT, the way mother nature intended! And if you know me at all, you know I've already researched this to the moon and back, so I am not scared at all. I can't wait!! This pregnancy has been a breeze for me, between good genetics, plenty of exercise, and healthy eating, I've had NO problems, and I'm already looking forward to doing it all again about 5 years from now! (Trust me, it's not normal for a woman who's 8 months pregnant to be perfectly cool with sleeping on the floor on a little air mattress, but it's not bothering me a bit!) Between Don and myself, we've got 15 healthy siblings and half-siblings, so judging by our flourishing family trees, I don't think this home birth should be a problem. But if, god forbid, there's some sort of emergency, you'll be happy to know that the hospital is literally a mile and a half down the road, with no stoplights, so help is just two minutes away if need be. But let's keep our fingers crossed that everything will go well at home, ok? I'm SO looking forward to delivering this baby, sending the midwife home, and going to sleep in my own bed with new little girl snuggled up in my arms! (And where's Don in this picture? Well SOMEBODY has to take care of all the cleaning up after baby comes... LOL!!)



1/16 - Well here I am in Utah (yes, Utah!) (and no, I'm not Mormon!) in our new house, but no furniture yet, so we're still sleeping on the floor for at least another week. The move was an experience I would not care to repeat!! The moving men in Hawaii came two days early and took EVERYTHING, so we sat around in an empty house for two days before schlepping our bags and 2 cats to the airport. I put both the cats in one large carrier because I thought they'd be a little happier if they were together during the scary flight, but when we tried to check in at the airport they refused to take the cats unless they were in separate carriers. Oh for crap's sake! Where were we supposed to find another cat carrier at the AIRPORT?? Don raced out to hail a cab and find a pet store while I dragged all our bags and the cats to a safe corner to wait. He actually made it back in record time, but the !^@!*! checkin people said we were too late to make the flight to LA. Which meant that we were going to miss our connecting flight from LA to Utah, and we were going to be stuck at LAX overnight with two cats, and me 8 months pregnant... oy vey!! I wanted to threaten to go into labor right then and there if they didn't let us on the flight, but then they'd probably say I was too pregnant to fly at all, so I kept my big yap shut. We got bumped to a flight 2 hours later, and we arrived in LA with our cats at almost midnight, with no hope of catching a flight to Utah until the next day. OK, now what?? Even though it's not recommended for pregnant women to travel for more than two consecutive hours when they're 8 months along, I decided I felt fine, and I wanted to get to Utah ASAP, full speed ahead! So we rented a car, and at 12:30 am I got in the drivers' seat, put the pedal to the floor, and I hauled ass straight through the night until the sun came up and we were in Utah! I don't know how I did it, but I did! Of course there were more adventures waiting for us when we got there, like snow (and no heat in the house) and floods (and a leak in the living room) and of course no furniture for 2 weeks... but I finally figured out how to turn the furnace on, we got roofers working on the leaky roof, and I have a comfy little air mattress that's doing just fine as a bed for now. So all's well that ends well, but DAMN - hope I never have to move house ever, ever again!! (and if you're wondering why I chose to leave paradise for Utah in the dead of winter, it's 'cause Don and I decided to stop paying exorbitant amounts of rent and invest in some reasonably priced real estate before the baby came. So now you know! : )



12/26 - I hope everyone had a happy holiday season! I know I did, starting with celebrating Don's and my first anniversary on Dec. 19th! Being married to Don is all the Xmas present I need every year for the rest of my life! *happy sigh* But I'm a little sad as well, because my time in paradise is coming to an end soon! : ( In two weeks we're moving back to the mainland! When we found out I was pregnant we decided it was time to buy a house, so we flew back to the mainland in October to go househunting. We found our dream house and finished closing on it earlier this month. So on January 6 it's byebye Hawaii, and hello new house! I am excited about moving into a new house that's ours, all ours, but doing this whole move across the ocean with two cats at 8 months pregnant is going to be a challenge to say the least. It's going to be hard work to get all unpacked and then set up a nursery when I waddle around like a fat drunken sailor and can't bend over very well LOL!! But again I want to thank everyone who bought gifts for Baby Catalina back when I first announced I was pregnant, because your gifts are what's going to make setting up this nursery so much fun! Thank you thank you thank you!! I will try to keep you posted about the move if I can, but it may take 2 weeks or more for our stuff to get shipped across the ocean while we sit in our empty new house waiting for everything to arrive. (Poor Don - he's gonna have one cranky wife if she has to spend 2+ weeks sleeping on the floor at 8 months pregnant! Grrr!) Oh, and just a FYI - Don's new message board has moved from ShootingTheShit.com to LiesAndProganda.com. (I designed that logo too!) I contribute to the message board almost daily, so come see my posts, like the photo I contributed at the bottom of THIS page! Hehehe!



12/09 - Don just started a new message board/open forum for the public over at ShootingTheShit.com. So feel free to go over and post away if you're into that kinda stuff! (I was just telling Don that I've always had this secret desire to - just once - log into a message board anonymously and flame away like a madman to make up for all the times people have ever done it to me. But I won't, because I'm a good girl... *sigh!*) At this time, I would like to draw your attention to the logo that was designed for shootingtheshit.com. Pretty snazzy, eh? Yep, I whipped that eye-catching little graphic up in Photoshop as a favor for my graphically-challenged husband. But that's not exactly the logo I FIRST came up with - I want the whole world to know that my creative genius was censored! Outrage! Help, help, I'm being repressed! Ok, I bet you can guess what my devious little mind came up with originally, huh? Hehehe... Yep, THIS was the first logo I whipped up for my hubby! ROFL!!! And I hand-drew that adorable little stinking turd myself in Photoshop too!! Oh well, at least I got to share my creative genius with YOU guys... hehehe!! : )



11/29 - OK, I feel like a complete and utter buttmunch for hawking penis-growing pills on my site, but since it's my husband making them, at least I know they're not a complete con. When Don told me about his herbal penis-enhancement capsules, I busted a nut laughing, but he swore up and down that they are laboratory created and tested and they DO work. So I made him give me a couple bottles free, and I distributed them to some friends of mine so they could give them a try and report back to me. (I would have gladly taken the pills myself, but my imaginary penis is already 12 inches and doesn't need any help. LOL!) Anyway, my favorite director and my favorite photographer (Hey!! No fair trying to guess who I gave the pills to! LOL!) took the pills for a couple weeks and reported positive effects. They're not John Holmes now or anything, but they both claimed about half an inch in added length, and they didn't even finish off the whole supply of pills. But what they REALLY liked about the pills was the side effect of extra penis sensitivity that really heightened their sex drive and enhanced their orgasms. Hm, sounds like Don might wanna start marketing these pills as an herbal Viagra substitute...? Well anyway, so there's my public service announcement for the week: More dick for you AND for her - HERE! (Tune in next week, when 7-months preggo Asia starts selling little shot glasses of her breast milk with a polaroid picture and signed certificate of authenticity... JUST KIDDING!!! HAHAHA!!)



11-14 - Well, isn't THIS a nice surprise! Here I am, 6 months pregnant and feeling all sorts of frumpy, when a fan emailed me to let me know I got nominated for this year's AVN Awards show in Vegas! Cripeys, I didn't even know I made any movies this year, but apparently a couple of the movies I did last year were released late enough to qualify for this year's awards show. Anyway, I got a "Best Supporting Actress" nomination for my role in Brad Armstrong/Wicked Pictures' "Sweatshop". (Full list of nominees HERE) I would have loved to have won an acting award as my last hurrah in pornoland (I already won "Performer of the Year", "Best Sex Scene", and "Hall of Fame") but I'm afraid politics will keep me from having a chance at winning this year. Seeing as how I've been out of the business for almost a year now, and I'll be 8 months pregnant at the time of the awards show, they can be fairly certain I will not be attending the Vegas Show. And they're not likely to give an award to someone who won't be there. : ( Oh well - never say never! After all, I did sneak out of the awards show early the year I won "Best Sex Scene", so my ex-hubby Bud Lee had to go onstage to claim my award, along with my partner in the scene, James Bonn. It must have been pretty funny to see Bud Lee and James Bonn standing there together taking promo pics for the "Best Boy/Girl Sex Scene" Award! Hehehe!!



10/29 - OK, I got ten - count 'em, TEN - Asia Carrera action figures to sell from the guys over at Plastic Fantasy. The first-run "Asia the Dictator in Black" dolls sold out right away last year, so they did a second-run limited edition of 300 "Asia the Dictator in RED" this year, and those all sold out right away too! So these 10 dolls I have available to autograph for you are the last ones there are - Plastic Fantasy has no more, and no plans to make any more! (you can check the Plastic Fantasy site if you don't believe me, LOL!) Anyway, judging from how quickly my "Little Asia" statues got snapped up, I wouldn't wait too long if you're a collector and you want one of these Asia Carrera Action Figures!



10/03 - Yesterday Don and I had dinner at the Turtle Bay Hilton, where they happened to be hosting the Miss Hawaiian Tropic pageant over the weekend. I took one look at all the super-skinny swimsuit models strutting their stuff around the resort, and big fat crocodile tears started welling up in my eyes. I couldn't help it!! I used to look like that! And now I'm a MOOSE!! WAAHHHH!!! But Don gave me lots of hugs and kisses and told me how proud he was that I put my figure and career behind me to focus on having a healthy baby, and that he thinks I'm truly more beautiful to him than ever! (does this guy always know the right thing to say or what??) So Don got me all smiles again, and we went off to enjoy our dinner, where I happily scarfed down a huge mess of seafood while snickering at all the skinny swimsuit models who could only pick at their food. Hehehe!!



9/24 - Wahhh!! I hate having to turn down cool mainstream work offers because I'm too fat to go out and play!! There's this extremely popular Japanese anime series called "Dragonball Z", and you can see at this site that there's all this speculation on whether they're ever going to make a live-action movie of the series. Well I can tell you the answer is "yes", because the producers just contacted me about being in it. Don't ask me who they wanted me to play, because the conversation didn't get that far - I just told them "thank you for asking, but I'm 4 months pregnant and getting fatter every day!". And then I went off to sulk, because it would have been really cool to see myself up on the big screen again like when I was in "The Big Lebowski". Sulk. Sulk. Sulk. Oh, a lot of fans have been getting all upset because I'm not posting any pregnant pics of myself, and they're bombarding me with emails begging for some preggo-Asia pics. Patience, patience! Right now I'm only four months, and I'm at that awkward stage where I just look like a chubby buddha instead of like a basketball smuggler. In other words I look suspiciously FAT, instead of glowingly pregnant. In a couple of months when it's more obvious that I'm a radiant mommy-to-be and not just a gluttonous Twinkie-eater I will have Donny take some pics of me, 'kay? 'Kay! Oh, and place your bets on what sex you think the baby is now, 'cause Oct 12 I go in for my ultrasound, and Donny wants to know the sex of the baby then. So we won't be waiting til the delivery to find out after all. (I bet he used to peek at his presents before Xmas morning, too! LOL!!) But that's OK, it'll be easier to decorate the nursery and buy lots of cute baby clothes ahead of time when we know the sex anyway. (FWIW, I think it's a girl, and Don thinks it's a boy. With my luck it'll be a hermaphrodite! DOH!! LOL!!)



9/01 - Y'know, there's nothing more depressing than having to look at pictures of my own skinny centerfold ass when I look and feel like the blob that ate New York!! To all the women out there who have ever felt intimidated or inferior to the airbrushed perfection of pornstars in all their naked glory, I feel your pain! I'm not sure which I hate more - my fat-ass NOW, or my skinny-ass THEN!! Grrrr! LOL!! Oh well, anyway, I just got a bunch of copies of my LAST movie ever, which are now available for sale on my Asia Stuff Sales Page! (It's DVD #10, "Cheeks n Thong's Up In Stroke") Grab a copy now, 'cause it comes with a free 18"x24" double-sided poster, and I'll autograph both sides for ya! But only while supplies last! Y'know, I was watching a bit of this DVD the other day, and I can honestly say with relief that I did retire while I was still on top of my game. I watched myself onscreen with my usual hypercritical eye, but at least there's no wrinkles, no saggy ass, flabby midsection, or anything to make you say, "Gee, isn't Asia kinda overstaying her welcome in pornoland?" *Phew!* Thank goodness, so you can all remember me as a cutie, hehehe!! And now... my fat pregnant booty wants a snack - as I waddle off to the fridge and continue my slow morph into Jabba the Hut!! (Man, I sure am glad there's no webcams 'round here!!)



8/18 - OK, first off, lemme just confess something I wanna get off my chest (besides 10 pounds of extra boob weight!) - I've put on 30 pounds this year and I'm only 12 weeks pregnant! I am going to be a MOOSE by the time this is done, dammit!!! (I actually put on 20 of those pounds before I even got pregnant, because I intentionally quit dieting and just let myself eat for once to prepare for a healthy pregnancy) Of course I can't stand looking in the mirror anymore, but the baby's got a good strong heartbeat, so at least I'm happy about THAT! And here's some good news for YOU guys... after Don and I moved to Hawaii and I started slowly piling on the extra pounds, I hated the way all my pictures looked so much that I refused to post any of them on the site. But now that I really AM starting to resemble a small killer whale, I'm looking back at those 'fat pictures' and saying "DAMN, I only WISH I looked like that NOW!!" I used to be so critical of myself that I wouldn't dream of posting pics with an extra 5 or 10 pounds on me, but suddenly 5 or 10 pounds doesn't look so bad when I'm lugging THIRTY around! And I've still got many months of pregnancy to go, so it's only going to get worse! *sob!* But anyway, here's a buttload of the Hawaii pics I've been hiding since we first moved here back in March! Better enjoy them though, 'cause I don't know when you'll be seeing any more pics of my fat ass!!



8/7 - Oh my goodness! My fans are the GREATEST!! Six days ago I posted the URL to my Baby registry, which I thought would last as a wishlist for my birthday AND Xmas, but here it is one day after my birthday and you guys bought me EVERYTHING!! I don't know what to say! Just... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!!



8/1 - Ugh, it's almost my birthday again. I'm turning 31 years old on the 6th. Blech!! I wish I could start lying about my age, but you all know how old I am already, so what's the point?? LOL! (I've always wondered how Hollywood celebs managed to keep shaving years off their age without anyone catching on - do they start lying from their very first appearance onscreen or what??) Well, I won't complain too much, 'cause being pregnant has not only put enough pounds on me that I've got chubby cheeks like I did when I was 18, but my skin's even breaking out like it did when I was 15! So I feel more like an awkward teenager than anything else right now! One of my fans asked what I wanted for my birthday this year, and if I'd set up a baby registry online yet. The thought hadn't even occured to me, but it sounded like a pretty good idea (thanks!!) so I went over to Amazon.com and set one up. So for my birthday (and Xmas!) instead of getting ME anything this year, please feel free to pop over to my Baby Registry and pick out a gift for my little one instead! Thank you!! (Oh, and just so you know, I won't be finding out the sex until the actual delivery, so try to avoid anything pink or blue if possible! I don't wanna wind up with a gender-confused infant after cross-dressing it for months in the wrong colors that everyone sent! LOL!!)



7/5 - I got a nice piece of press this month that I honestly never thought I'd see - Mensa acknowledged me in the American Mensa magazine this month! They did a cover story on "Famous Mensans", and surprise surprise, they included me in their writeup of 26 famous Mensans, including Isaac Asimov, Marilyn vos Savant, and Geena Davis. I'm sure there's nothing in the writeup that you didn't already know about me (you can see it HERE), but it was very nice of them to include me, and it's also nice to be publicly validated after all these years! Yay!! The geeks shall inherit the earth! Hehehe! (Hm, speaking of public validations, I didn't see Sharon Stone anywhere in the celebrity Mensans list, although she's claimed to be a member in numerous interviews...)



6/27 - Well, I guess I'd better 'fess up as to why I've practically abandoned my website... I've put on so much weight in the last two months that I look and feel like a complete cow, and it's only going to get worse, because now I'm pregnant! Don and I are very excited about having a baby together, but I have no delusions about what pregnancy is going to do to my already hyper-inflated ass, and it does get awfully depressing to have to keep looking at pics of "Super Slim and Sexy Asia"! I'm actually perfectly content puttering around the house playing housewife and planning for baby, and Don is so loving and sweet to me every day that I really don't mind that I'm not a glamorous centerfold anymore. It's only when I have to sit and sort through all my old pics for the paysection or pic of the week updates that I start feeling bad about myself, because I don't look like ME anymore! I've cut my hair, I've put on weight, I'm 30 years old now, and I'm going to be a mommy... I'm really NOT "Asia Carrera the Pornstar" anymore, which makes me sad, but I guess all good things must come to an end, right? Well, I'll still keep updating the 'pic of the week' and my "Really Boring Paysection" for as long as I can, but you'll have to forgive me if my website isn't my #1 priority anymore. My site WAS my baby for the past 8 years, but now I've got a REAL baby on the way (due sometime in March, I believe) so I hope you'll all cross your fingers for me and wish me luck! Thanks!! XXXOOO - Asia
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