When you work with a computer, a whole new terminology is employed. And this "language" is growing daily. Software and hardware manufacturers are especially fond of new or re-worked Acronyms to advertise their latest offerings. Entire computer systems can now be described without ever resorting to one word of English. A series of numbers and abbreviations define a system. Bigger numbers and multiple abbreviations will produce bigger and faster systems. It's the Information Age's version of the Arms Race. The User is caught in a Cold War of Hot Terminology. But these terms are not always what they seem. After extensive research, we have unearthed their real meanings. Herewith is a listing of some of the current computerese and acronyms now popular. Items, like life itself, are in random order:

ITEM	DEFINITION
RAM	Retains Awful Messages
VRAM	Viciously Razes Any Material
DRAM	Drastically Reduces All Megabytes
Registry	Rueful Entry Guaranteed; It's Sure To Ruin You.
Windows	What's Inside Neatly defines Onerous Working System.
Premium Service [see AOL below]	Pronounced Rate Expansion Means It's User Money, Steve Expects Really  Voracious Income Creation engine.
PATCH	Please Apply Tourniquet, Computer Hemorrhaging.
ISP	Interrupted Service Probable
AOL and related items
CLASSID	Case Letter Announcing  Surcharges Spurs  Increased Dissatisfaction
AUTOEXEC.BAT
BAT	Breaks any thing
WIN.INI	Worthless Information Needlessly Instigating Nutty Instructions
CACHE	Contains All Crud Hatched Everywhere
CONFIG.SYS
BROWSER	Biggest Rip Off Web Salesman Ever Ran
NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR
Microsoft Internet Explorer
MIE
SYSOPS	Stuffy Yuppie Superintendent Operating Police State
TOS	The Official Snitch
FAT	Files Are Trash
INI	I've No Idea
URL	You Are Lost
PCX	Program Crashes Expected
DLL	Dead Link Location
BMP	Bugs Most Prevalent
BETA	Bugs Everywhere-Trash Application
FTP	Free To Pilfer
HTML	HomepageTrash-Mostly Litter
GIF	Garbage In Files
TXT	Thoroughly Expendable Text
MMX	Mickey Mouse Experiment
DVD	Dumb Video Drooler
GID	Garbage Increases Daily
ZIP	Zilly Information Presser
CD	Condensed Dregs
CD-ROM	Compressed Dregs-Recycled Once More
JPG	Just Plain Garbage
AVI	Apple Very ILL
DRIVE	Disc Runner Incites Voluminous Errors
FILE	Faulty Information Living Everywhere
GUI	Generally Useless Improvements
EXE	Evidently Executed Everything
FOLDER	Foolishly Ordered Litter Dummies Even Revile
GPF	Gored Program Files [or] Gates Poison Files
TIPS
TRICKS
BACKUP	Busted All Computer Keys-User Perishes
COM	Can't Operate Machinery [or] Computer Operations Mangeled
VXD	Vicious Exterminating Device [or} Vanquishes Expensive Driver
TECH HELP	Tries Experimental Cures Haphazardly, Hated Employee Lacking Patience [or]Temporary Employee Creates Havoc, Harbours Effective Lethal Practices
WEBSITE	Worthless Expendable Bytes Some Idiot Thinks Excellent
DOS	Devils Own Secrets [or] Drivel Organized Symbolically
DEFRAG	Drive Engine Finds Run Away Glop
SCAN DISK	Saves Crud And Nonsense, Deviously Installs System Killers
HOME PAGE	Haphazardly Organized Muck Evidently Prized As Genuinely Excellent
DEMOS	Download Effectively Mashes Operating System
UPGRADE	Usual Price Gouging Racket Adds Dorky Edits
WINSOCK	Windows Instruction Never Successfully Opens Connection Key
SPOOL	Stupid Printer Only Outputs Litter
UTILITY	Useless Tool Inspects Little,Implants Trashy Yuck
UTILITIES	You Thought It Looked Into Troubled Items,Expect Squat
FONT	Fussy Old Nerdy Type
TWEAK	Take Worst Existing Advice Known [or] The Woefully Engineered Application Killer
HELP	Hopelessly Enigmatic Lumbering Procedures
HLP	Hardly Literate Prose
DAT	Dreadfully Amassed Tripe
BAK	Banished Ancient Kilobytes
CAB	Confused Accumated Bytes
LIB	Little Insidious Bugs
PNP	Peripheral Never Playable [or] Plugin Not Possible
LOG	Loads Of Garbage
OCR	Optically Challenged Reader
SCAN	Sloppily Copies Any Nonsense