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Recruiting my daughter
Relations / How do I go about "maximizing" the possibilities of lesbian outcome?

story by Christina Starr / Xtra! Jun 15 2000

 The rights of parents to oversee the development of children is a long-established principle, writes Dr Richard Green in a 1987 book, The Sissy Boy Syndrome And The Development Of Homosexuality. Who is to dictate that parents may not try to raise their children in a manner that maximizes the possibility of a heterosexual outcome?

I like that. Because, if we assume hes speaking of heterosexual parents, obviously the same should apply to gay parents.

Id never thought of imposing a sexuality on my daughter. I thought that the best chances for her to develop a normal sexuality were to give her openness, freedom to explore without judgment and lots of opportunities to see how much fun her mommy has being queer.

But given the evident straightness of her tastes, I have dispaired of feeling certain that shell even want to experiment. So its very heartening to encounter expert medical opinion that says I have a prerogative (Greens word) to maximize a particular outcome.

Gone is the openness. Gone is the freedom to explore without judgment. Gone is my faked interest in her crushes on boys. Into the composter with Ken.

Tomorrow Ill get her a cat. That will be easy because shes always wanted one (thats a good sign) and hasnt because of my allergies. But I can live with ventolin life support and blinding eyeball itchiness for the sake of exercising my prerogative. The cat will be female, of course, and well call her Muffy.

Our house will become strictly women/girls-only and Ill divide the space into uptown and downtown, with slow and irregular shuttles in between. The bathroom will be called the Oasis, the livingroom will be the Womb and the hallway to her bedroom will be Almost-Womanly-Way. The kitchen will be completely vegetarian, with hummus appreciation nights once a week.

(Im not sure, though, if its more lesbian to force her to help with the chores or to let her to get away with avoiding them.)

Her stereo privileges and CD collection will be closely scrutinized and restricted to artists like KD Lang, Melissa, Indigo Girls and, of course, Tribe 8. Ani got married so shes off the list.

Tonight at bedtime well start reading The Well Of Loneliness. For varietys sake, Ill intersperse the chapters with some short stories and pictures from On Our Backs. If she wants to watch a movie, it will be Desert Hearts, When Night Is Falling (fast forwarding through the straight sex to reinforce the idea that its over and done far too quickly), Go Fish or Bound (to demonstrate that killing men and stealing their money are two fundamental tenets of lesbianism).

Ill finally have an unnegotiable right to cut her hair the way I want. Well try a variety of lesbian styles shag, close shave, mop top, dreads, bleached, blue, forest green, rainbow and that oh-so-attractive dark roots growing in under yellowing-blonde look.

Shell get tools for all upcoming present-giving occasions. For practice she can use her hammer to shatter all the beads in her make-your-own-jewellery kits. No more dangly earrings or pretty rhinestones. From now on well buy her accessories at the hardware store.

When shes old enough, or when I can find something to knock her out long enough, Ill get a labrys tattooed just below her navel so the message will be clear to any (girl or boy) who ventures there. While shes out Ill get her nose and tongue pierced, too.

When she brings up boy crushes Ill go silent and teary for a week, or start talking loudly about that nice red-haired girl in her class. Ill assume shes in love with her best friend. Ill cultivate a taste in her for sushi. Ill buy her an annual subscription to Mechanics Quarterly. Her fingernails will never see past the end of her fingers again. Ever.

At the very least Ill know I tried. And if she ends up confused, dis-oriented, unstable or wrecked, she can always consult her doctor for a cure.  

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