Machiavelli And The Four Seasons May 1995

(He'll Never Be An) 'Ol Man River
I saw his body thrashing round.
I saw his heart rate going down.
I saw him in convulsive throes.
I said, "I'll have one of those."

Hillary had Everest in his veins;
Armstrong did moon, was never the same -
Heroes explore to give us hope:
River Phoenix pushed back the envelope.

I drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk;
I injected some of Hendrix's junk;
I booked a seat on Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane;
Mama Cass' sandwich? - I ate the same.

But now I'm bored and there's no stoppin' -
I need another celeb to fill a coffin.
Where will I get my next drug action?
Odds on it will be Michael Jackson.

All Homeboys Are Dickheads
I know his dad's abusive
And his mum prefers the daughter;
I know he's got an attention
Deficiency disorder;
He is culturally excluded
And genetically inbred:
But the reason he's a homeboy
Is because he's a dickhead.

We all support empowerment
And positive discrimination
When your class, your race, your age, your face
Determine your social station;
A baseball cap and a love of rap
Might need sympathy - yet, still,
Possibly a homeboy could be
A dickhead pure and simple.

"Know your enemy well enough
And you will pity them instead" -
In The Brothers Karamazov
That's what Dostoyevsky said;
And pity soon will turn to love
Is what Jesus Christ once knew:
They both changed their minds the day when
They met a homeboy crew.

I met a member of Generation X
Said, "What's in with you kids these days?
I'm so old I'll probably never've heard of it" -
And then he said, "Purple Haze."

Now I know that we should separate our garbage -
The environment'll give us thanks;
But it's going too far when teenagers re-cycle
Their parents' adolescent angst.

chorus: Do you wanna save the world? Don't recycle garbage.

Monday night is 50's night;
Tuesday night is 60's night;
Wednesday night is 70's night;
Friday night is Thursday night.

Paul McCartney once said that the Sex Pistols
Were another band doin' Chuck Berry;
At the time I thought, "You boring old wanker",
But now I think it's downright scary.

What's so good about the 60's?
That we gotta keep rewindin' the clock?
You know the best thing about the 60's?
They'd never heard of "Classic Rock."

Lose Your Delusion II
Turn off S.B.S,
Forget Mary Kostakidis -
Like the rest of us, I guess,
She can no longer so impress;
Why continue to keep trying
To separate the real news from the lying?
In the end it all comes to this

We all eventually switch
To lying and deception;
Like some inner technical hitch,
We choose the other bitch;
We choose beauty over truth;
And, like Mary, after youth?
Dead air! Loss of all reception.

!Uoy Sevol Natas
Your mummy, she don't love you
'Cos you remind her of your dad;
Your teachers, they don't love you -
They get paid to call you bad;
The government, it don't love you
'Less its facing re-election;
A pop star, he don't love you
'Less you lick his gnarled erection.

Chorus:!U-O-Y Sevol Natas

The gun lobby, it says it loves you -
But they say that guns don't kill;
The Christians say they love you,
But only 'cause it's the Lord's will;
The Sadists will say they love you
Only if you don't want them to;
The Masochists will say they love you
If you promise to hate them too.

There's only one person who loves you -
Break the code and understand:
Just play all those records backwards
Of those heavy metal bands.
Oh, fuck me! fuck me! Lord Jesus,
The temperature's minus fifty -
You've never seen vomit so green,
And your head's done the full 360.

What Nationality Is Les Murray?
The world is full of questions, they fill me with fear -
What of our beginnings? Why are we here?
Is there a purpose? Is there a God?
But one question troubles me
Far more than this lot:

What nationality is Les Murray?
Wherefore hails his ancestry?
Whom does he call the mother country
When he phones home through OTC?

Everyone is searching for the meaning of life -
Religion and politics; black versus white.
Karl Marx played on the left; Ayn Rand played on the right;
But there's a much bigger problem. It stops me sleeping at night.

Les is more. more or Les.
Les is more, but one regret:
What is the origin of his descent?

Is he from Austria? Algeria? Bahrain?
Bangladesh or Barbados? Bulgaria? Cameroon?
Is he from Chad? Chile? China?
Germany? Greece? Great Britain?
Is he from Guatemala? Guam? or Guyana?
Les is more
Haiti? Burundi? Zimbabwe?
Kampuchea? North Korea? Tanzania?
Senegal? Paraguay? Trinidad? Tuvelau? Ecuador? Uruguay?
Azerbaijan? Madagascar? Swaziland? Guadeloupe?

Greg! The Stop Sign!!
The guy who slagged the football team -
Those yobs were not for him -
Turns into a real estate agent
Who believes in discipline;
That guy who's the first to use cocaine,
The wild boy breaking free,
Ends up in a court of law
As a prosecuting Q.C.;
Remember the school captain? -
Success was a matter of time:
I can hear her now as she screams,
"Greg! You missed the stop sign!"

Forget Snoop Doggy Dog,
Forget ol' Ice T -
The true word out on the streets
Is produced by the T.A.C.
What good's the use of striving?
As Life's road in front unravels
We get to do the driving,
But don't choose the direction we travel.
Do your homework, or wag for weeks
And graffiti the Dandenong line:
It don't matter when you hear that scream -
"Greg! You missed the stop sign!"

Some time in the next hundred thousand years
A comet's gonna wipe out all trace of Man -
I'm banking on it coming before
My end of year exam.
The rich kid, he becomes a junkie,
The poor kid, an advertiser :
What a tragic waste of potential -
Being a junkie's not so good, either.
Your folks struggled hard for what you've got,
You are the fruit of their vine;
But who cares what you sow when what you reap
Is: "Greg! You missed the stop sign!"

Hardwired into everyone's head
Is the person they're gonna be -
Growing up is not a matter of choice,
It's a matter of wait and see.
And so kids, yeah! you can do it!
Remember to be your best!
Rage without fucking alcohol!
You can pass the test!
Girls can do anything!
I'm O.K! You're O.K! We're fine!
I thought I saw a semi-trailer!
Greg! You missed the stop sign!

Play Mistral For Me*
It takes a great person to get a idea
But don't go public it'll ruin the plan
Because no matter how clever and original you are
You're only as good as your fans.

Peter Garrett chanting "Oils, Oils"
Can you imagine it? I don't think you can
But as a Mistral employee once told me
You're only as good as your fans.

Each man kills the thing he loves:
The fisherman caught in his own net.
It's frightening that you deserve
The audience that you get.

So the Beatles found out up with Helter Skelter
And John Lennon saw it in Mr.Chapman
And the Stones learnt from Gimme Shelter;
You're only as good as your fans.

Yo! Fight the power, what did I say?
All the girls say "YO"! all the boys say "YO"!
Everybody say "YO"! Here comes the hamburgular!
Elle McPherson is really a person,
But don't tell the guy that buys the calendar.
Jump! Monica! Jump! Monica! Jump! Monica! Jump! Monica!
You can't get a laugh at of Stefi Graf
If you tell that her friends are a bunch of backstabbers;
Kurt Cobain couldn't deal with pain
But at least he didn't score an own goal against Colombia.
Yo! Impersonator X! Give it to me!

So maybe we shouldn't hate Collingwood
Or blame religion on J.C.
Or marvel at all the racist kids
Who love Public Enemy.

Maybe Allah was a peace loving guy
Maybe Elle really is more than a body
Maybe Oprah Winfrey is intelligent
Maybe TISM know the word "irony".

*originally titled 'I'm Head of the Mark Chapman Fan Club'.

How Do I Love Thee?
Beware! If I show interest in your philosophy
Take care! If I wrinkle my brow in sympathy
Look out! If I treat you with due deference
Watch out! If I talk to you by preference

Oh no! I seem to like you...
Oh woe! I lend a keen ear...
Great Scott! I seem to like you...
Guess what! I find you execrable.

Tell someone who is interested
Tell someone who will keep their lunch digested
Tell someone who wants your conversation
Tell someone who doesn't regard you as an argument for compulsory sterilisation

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways -

Jung Talent Time
Bert Newton; Warwick Capper; Samantha Fox; Richard Wilkins; Don Lane; Rocky Burnette; Ernie Sigley; Olivia Newton John; New Kids On The Block; Billy Ray Cyrus; Uri Geller; A Flock Of Seagulls; Betty Boo; Vanilla Ice; Jacko; Bros; Cliff Young; Victoria Nicholls; The Daddo's; Tony Barber; Shannon Doherty; TISM; Fairlie Arrow; Mike Whitney; Chelsea Brown; Noeline Daniher; Ugly Dave Gray; Jeannie Little; Peter Reith; Pete Smith; Brian Mannix; Scotty Palmer; Julia Roberts; Dennis Walter; Jade Hurley; Elle Mc. Pherson; Brian Bury; Denise Drysdale; Jo Baily; Bongo Starkie; Russel Cooper; Edie Sedgwick; Bianca Jagger; Racey; Tony Modra; Gumpie; Paul Janoskis; The Pony; Brandon Lee; Travis Bickle; Kerry-Ann Keneally; Terry Willessee; Harold Holt; Nadia Komenesh; The Archies; Gary Numan; Tubular Bells; Alan Parsons Project; Peter Frampton; Lynyrd Skynyrd; Ken Done; Albie Mangles; Anyone called Trevor; Snow; General Ambrose Burnside; Yes; Smokey; Sailor; Graham Hick; Graham Taylor; Dr. Hook; Jazzy Jeff; Mandy Smith; Lee Majors; Ivana Trump; Cicciolina; River Phoenix; Plastic Bertrande; Farah Fawcett Majors; Rob Lowe; Brenda & Brandon; Brett Easton; All of Prince's girlfriends; Bubbles; Julio Inglesias; Kenny G. ; Gordon Elliot; Paloma Picasso; Angie Bowie; Gerald Ford; Jeremy Jordan; Laurie Anderson; Diana Spenser; Prince Charles; Prince Andrew; Every Royal anywhere; Zsa Zsa Gabor; The Hood; The Cult; Sammy Davis Jnr.; Peter Lawford; James Dean; Dan Qualle; Jim Morrison; Jethro Tull; Janis Ian; Pope John Paul I; Bill Wyman; Britt Eckland; Karen Finlay; John Cage; Any performance artist; Linda Mc. Cartney; Kim Bassinger; Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music; Chipmunk punk; Andy Gibb; David Koresh; Everyone on Neighbours; Jennifer Flowers; Camilla Parker-Bowles; John Bonham; Starsky & Hutch; Mickey Rourke; Le Toya Jackson; Boyz II Men; Classix Nouveau; The Knack; Klaatu; Kriss Kross; East 17; Pearl Jam; Jimmy Swaggart; Pee Wee Herman; Tommy Hanlen Jnr. ; Peter Andre; Greg Evans; The Sharp

Andy Warhol got it right, everybody gets the lime light
Andy Warhol got it wrong, 15 minutes is too long
But tonight......Here's Johnny!

Some people hate the Muslims
Some people hate the gips;
Some people have no problem
Picking on the nips -
How would you like to know about
The cocks your mother sucked?
It's one great long brutal shout:
"You and your race, get fucked".

Understanding's fine, I grant ya,
But come on, let's be frank -
Got no time for other cultures
In the line at the autobank.
Inside us all there is a lout
When civilisation's crushed -
Time has come to let him out:
"You and your race, get fucked".

The Irish hate the Irish;
It's Arab versus Jew;
You're cactus if you're Kurdish,
And by Christ I'm sick of you.
There's bullets to be sprayed about,
There's grenades to be chucked;
There's two of us left, so watch out:
"You and your race, get fucked".

There's nothing more to race relations
Than a bit of the old push and shove;
No need at all for the United Nations
When we've got death behind the pub.
Black, white, yellow - we agree about
Why our hands are clutched -
We want to punch each other out:
"You and your race, get fucked".

Don't call me nigger, whitey.
Don't call me wing-nut, gippo.

Don't call me faggot, yobbo.
Don't call me rapist, leso.

Call me Harold, call me Earnest -
Just don't call me late for breakfast.

Give Up For Australia
May all our young Aussie swimmers
Be resigned to failure;
May all out T.V. stations
Be like other nations' -
"Give up! Give up! Give up! for Australia."

May Timorese fishermen
Evade the Aussie sailor;
May we do as history teaches -
Die on Middle Eastern beaches -
"Give up! Give up! Give up! for Australia."

May this nation's flag
Carry another's regalia;
May our nation state
Be always second rate -
"Give up! Give up! Give up! for Australia".

We produce a Norman May
Not a Norman Mailer;
May this land's vast distance
Always treat us with indifference -
"Give up! Give up! Give up! for Australia".

All lyrics written by TISM (control).