Monday, June 27, 2005

COLLECTION: Mini-me Times Three

Sorry, I know it’s been a while and all… this week though, this is the week I get back to my twice a week schedule. Really.



Anyway, I’ve been a busy little bee recently. I went to the Maxim All Access weekend at the Borgata in Atlantic City.




Fat Joe, Bam Margera, Jet, Carmen Electra, David Lee Roth, the guys from Entourage… famous people were everywhere. As you can see, it was pretty exciting.




The view from my room was pretty cool too (and not just cause I like my own reflection).




Yup, breathtaking. Like I said, I was more than a little excited.




Then I went to Avalon (it’s a beach town) to visit my aunt and uncle.




That was cool too, but I left the weiner in the bag.




Wait a minute, you didn’t think…. Come on, this is a family show.




See, I was psyched to get the AC invite, but you can’t go to Atlantic City without a little dough in your pocket. Seeing as I’ve got no job and all, I figured it was time to clone a bone and find out what these things don’t fetch on the open market.









I mean, sure, I like saying “I’m the busiest guy in no business,” but the kid’s got to eat too, right?














I made two.




Then it was time for some chemistry.




24 hours later, my second and third wieners were born.




The only problem? I wouldn’t sell these guys to my worst enemy. Not only don’t they properly capture my true likeness, they’re all lumpy and porous like the bologna my high-school cafeteria used to serve. Gross.




One even had a foreskin…




Obviously I took care of that.




Forget sexy though, these things are kind of useless.



They make terrible chopsticks.






I’d envisioned using them to land planes, but that seems equally unlikely.








And I don’t think you could fend off an attacker either (I mean, maybe if the whole thing had come out right, but not like this).



Yeah, I know, too much free time, right? And I’m still a bit stuck in the money/career department.



Anyway, I’ve got a fun internship or two lined up for next week (can’t wait to share them with you—thanks for your emails)… keep an eye out, but I’m still waiting for someone to call saying they work for the morgue, or that they’re a mascot and I can come down and hang (Tessa you didn’t leave me any way of getting in touch)… Keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck.

PS—I just realized (well, someone just told me) that IF YOU CLICK THE "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" AT THE TOP, IT TAKES YOU TO THE MAIN PAGE. Cool.

50 Comments:

Staci said...

Book ends or salt & pepper shakers maybe? ;) Thanks for today's laugh Jake!

2:12 PM  
Anonymous said...

1 word: ebay.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous said...

New reader here...
I can't decide whether you're disturbingly gross or refreshingly uninhibited. Either way I think I love you.

2:47 PM  
vargy said...

Welcome back Jake, great post. Although I think that if you don't create some way for people to buy those penii, there will be many pissed off nancy-boys who will find a way of rioting online until you release the dildii. Porous or no pores.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous said...

how much for one...hah

3:49 PM  
Anonymous said...

I agree about eBay Jake. I think you'd be amazed at how much they would go for! I myself would pay a pretty penny. You could clone your bone all day and do fairly well I'd imagine. Give it a try and let us all know when they post!

4:15 PM  
Anonymous said...

Jake it sounds like your penis should start its own blog! HAHA

4:40 PM  
Ibiza said...

OMG. I thought it was... I mean... oh my, what to say.

I'd buy one and use it as a paperweight.

That's really hot. LOL.

4:43 PM  
Christine said...

You know it's pretty bad that I recognized your penis in the very first photo. I've seen it so often that even though I knew it was a fake, I also knew that it was YOURS. I could pick your dick out of a line-up and I've never met you!

Okay, I want to see a picture of you with one of those in your mouth, please??

6:07 PM  
joecarey said...

dudw i saw u there i was by the slot machimnes u walked bye. i told u to stop shiowering in nyc fountains and u laughed but the girl u were with said i was the one who took those opics pretty funny let me know if u remeber

6:19 PM  
Anonymous said...

you are FUCKED up...and i love it. keep the twisted shit coming. or is it cumming? hmmm...something to ponder.

6:23 PM  
Anonymous said...

dude, you rock...100% hot!

7:31 PM  
Jon said...

start making these and sell them on ebay - the money-department will take care of itself :)

8:14 PM  
marisa said...

LMFAO! Another great post, keep 'um cummin!

9:11 PM  
Mark in Huntington Beach said...

You are nucking futs! Send them to me, I'll sell them!

10:21 PM  
Smartypants said...

That's just fantastic.

I bow down before your fake pee-pees.

10:56 PM  
SlickShadow X said...

... somehow it looked like cakes.

Oh Geez, cakes will never look the same anymore. Thanks for that!

:)

12:35 AM  
Anonymous said...

you should seriously consider selling those. there are some sick bitchs out there. and i should know we smell our own kind.


keep it up.....haha....keep it up

6:27 AM  
Kimberlycun said...

i really want to hold the camera for you. maybe then they'll turn up better.

6:38 AM  
Jodi said...

This post has been removed by the author.

6:57 AM  
Jodi said...

Obviously if you haven't gone blind after all this, then what they say really isn't true!

6:57 AM  
Anonymous said...

You could totally DP me with both of those.

7:08 AM  
Anonymous said...

you have the best blog.. mostly i hate blogs... but yours is actually funny and I check it every day for a post... most people just think they are funny and they are not... you are actually funny.

7:47 AM  
Rebeccashane said...

Okay - So I agree with everyone's Ebay comments. - if you set up an auction - you have to post the link! (it would be fun to watch the bids)

8:06 AM  
Anonymous said...

what a fuckin narcissist. imagine if you actually did something worthwhile with the time you spent taking pictures of yourself. you ever find yourself kissing the mirror with your pants at your ankles, fully aroused? i thought so.

8:22 AM  
JenJen said...

Why do I find that last comment such a turn-on?

8:36 AM  
David said...

You've got some nice equipment there! Do they vibrate? Just think how much more effecient you'll be in your next three-way.

11:33 AM  
Anonymous said...

I LOVE IT!!

Sell them on EBAY. I would so bid!!

You need more stroies about your penis. It is so hot. I love seeing it!

11:33 AM  
Anonymous said...

Hmmm....I'm a 21 year old college student hard up for cash too...I wonder how much money I could make using my blog to sell my willys?!?!

12:38 PM  
Anonymous said...

will it work with your ass?

1:00 PM  
Anonymous said...

Was it hard or flacid when you made the mold. if it was hard, wow that's pretty small.

1:10 PM  
PaRis said...

YO Jake. I will take one of those! I dont want the spongey copies though I want as close as the real thing as I can get...umm yea. See ya

4:36 PM  
Jeff said...

I'll buy one if you cover it with gold glitter.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous said...

three words: yummy fat cock

7:13 PM  
L said...

waaaaaaay too much free time! =P
still, i gotta admit i never thought someone would have the courage to post such pictures =D i give you an extra point for that!

8:21 PM  
Raspil said...

classic

2:05 AM  
Anonymous said...

Oh my god jake. I love it... and I miss it. still taking the bets on me? I am going insane.!!!

1:56 PM  
Corinne said...

Give me one of those - I'll get your cock in the ass of every middle aged sodomite in NYC / boston / UK.

come to Motherfucker w. me and Raffaelle on Sunday - really - when else will you get to hang out with the original Cycle Slut from Hell? Plus she loves you!

1:41 PM  
Puck said...

May I be your fluffer for the next ones?!

6:43 PM  
Anonymous said...

Hey my name is Kelly, Im a 21f from Ohio, and i think your totally hot, Id buy the real thing if it was on ebay.

8:38 PM  
Anonymous said...

i agree thats definatly HOTTT!!

5:38 AM  
dillaboi6 said...

jake, u gotta nice fat weiner, u need 2 show it off more!!

5:55 AM  
Viviane said...

*Everyting* everybody else said! Can I hold the mold and get the air bubbles out next time?

9:25 AM  
dude123 said...

Dude, you can see your real wanker in the top center photo when you are holding up the two containers!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:43 PM  
GirlyGirl23 said...

That was an extremely entertaining post. Here are a couple alternative uses for your 2nd and 3rd weiners:
Get a chain and take the two weiner and make them into num-chucks (sp).
Get a headband and put a weiner on each side and walk around as a dickhead for Halloween.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous said...

I feel so bad for you. That's really small. I hear there are women who like really small dicks -- but man, I think even one of those chicks might be upset. There's nothing there! By the way, razors are your face's best friend. :)

7:52 PM  
Anonymous said...

I was first reminded of that song which came out in the early 1990's, "Detachable Penis." Then I was reminded of why I stopped having sex with men years ago -- ewww, gross. And why I stopped working in med-surg nursing: having to handle too many nasty penii.

Needless to say, I dig girls.

divinegracie

(Great website, BTW. In spite of my comments, which aren't personal to you at all, I like your openness, your originality, and your chuzpah! Keep it up! so to speak)

12:47 AM  
arousingphone said...

I could sell many of them on my blog, do I get one for free:)

8:09 AM  
youcantletgo said...

Jake, that is very hot. You're quite the exhibitionist. If you're ever bored email me back. I'm serious! I think you are so damn hot and I know you will like me too! email me back at youcantletgo@yahoo.com

11:26 PM  
Vividcat said...

Nice knob

4:38 AM  

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