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10% of all parking spaces should be reserved for use after 10 am.
The hours between midnight and 6:00 am shall henceforth
be officially annexed to the preceeding day.
Every late sleeper would recieve an offical (and asthetically pleasing) "Late Sleeper" membership card.
It would be used for tardy work appearances, validated parking (like mentioned above), AND when placed the owner's headboard, everyone would be required to shut up and let them sleep.
Every late sleeper shall be entitled to a special alarm clock that magically turns its alarm off 5 seconds after it comes on. This eliminates the need for the late sleeper to wake up.
Hereforth, the men and women of the Order of the Reasonable Hour shall not be discrimintated against in lieu of race, creed or the fact the snooze button is taped down on the alarm clock.
"Prime time" television would be pushed back to start at 10. After all, how am I supposed to watch Newsradio if I'm still at work?
On the back of the "Late Sleeper" membership card, underneath the Toyota ad, is a special chip that allows late sleepers to access a special door at the back of department stores, movie theaters, computer retail chains, etc., where the late sleeper can do their shopping at a reasonable hour, say 1 or so in the a.m.
A special skool will be built to accomidate the late sleepers of the world. It will seperate them from the early risers, and it will not be opened until, at earliest, 10am.
Every store, restaurant, movie theater,
and commercial establishment of any kinds
stays open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
So what if I shop for groceries at 3am?
No meetings before 2 p.m. Ever. Emergencies included. No meetings
after 4 p.m., so as not to interfere with prime
productive time. Snickers upon late morning arrival will be punishable
by making those chipper morning people stay up past their 8:30 pm bedtimes.
At age 18 everyone gets to choose for herself; sleep late or get up early.
Parents cannot put weight on this decision.
All workspaces be equipped with La-Z-Boy recliners; and employees be allowed to sleep whenever they get tired (not limited to frequency or duration). Oh crap! This is the Late Sleepers Bill of Rights? I thought this was the Frequent/Involuntary Sleepers Bill of Rights.
The knifing of basketballs that the kids nextdoor use before 2PM shall not be illegal but mandatory. This may not be a felony offense but the three strikes rule will demand the removal of the court in their backyard!
all goverment agencies that deal with the public shall be forced to adopt "shadow" agencies, which will function for the eight hour period that exists 12 hours after their normal operating hours. this is a critical citizen right, as late sleepers are especially discriminated against in this area -- everyone knows that the dorks who get to DMV before it opens are outta there in 10 minutes while those of us who roll in mid day are stuck in a line-ful of 15-year-and-8-month-olds for 2 hours. this is certainly not an efficient solution, thereby making it a logical new policy for the govt.
You have to sleep late when you can, and all your bad days will end.
Whether or not a Late Sleeper sleeps in by choice, any Late Sleeper has the right to claim victimhood of his or her sleeping patterns, and no punishment shall be wrought upon them, be it work, school, or legally related.
And from this day forth we, the late sleepers shall be known as the chosen ones; and new fine 24hr businesses shall be established at the early risers' expense that the chosen may enjoy their conscious moments. Further, all early risers shall be required by law to pay homage to us with a daily moment of silence ending only after the chosen have gained full coherency and the sun has begun it's descent. Amen.
Days of the year should be split 50/50
wherein some days are for late sleepers
and others are for the dweebs that waste
your money on rental movies that they
sleep through. None of this 24 hour/day
open store convenience...let everyone know
how it feels to be discriminated against.
My neighbor upstairs will be forced to work outside of her apartment.
In the event that this is not possible, she will have bedroom slippers surgically attached to her feet.
All furniture will be rooted to the floor to alleviate it sliding across the ceiling above my bed (and head)
and she will cease to exist until 11am daily. She will leave town Friday night to return late Sunday evening.
a national late sleepers appreciation
day should be instituted. starting
around 6:00pm and continuing
on until around 6:00am. card carrying
late sleepers should be issued special
"up all night" t-shirts for
identification puposes, and
for one 24hr period be treated
with the respect they so deserve
for the spirit and creativity
of the night owl. (all
activities the following day will be
postponed until nightfall)
Sleeping late is a right, and should be treated as such. (Are you listening kids?) Any and all violations of said right should be treated swiftly and severely. Late sleepers are people too!
Scheduling classes to start at 11am shall be regarded as a sign of extreme intelligence, not sloth. Roommates attempting to wake such an intelligent person before 10:00 shall be beaten severely with whatever objects are at hand.
i'm not one of you.
i get up every morning at six and
go through your stuff. you'll never
get up soon enough to catch me. hahahaha!
Let it be noted! All late sleepers shall have the full right to yell at, throw their pillow at, and generally abuse all and
sundry who have the amazing lack of courtesy to try and awake them before noon. 4 pm if they've been on the web all night!
All late sleepers shall reserve the right to thwap all unsuspecting, boring morning individuals over the head before the first cup of coffee, as most of us get completely irritated by too much chatter from those chipper morning types.
Early risers shall cease to ridicule and criticize late risers immediately. If they wish to retire at 10pm and arise at 6am-or I want to sleep at 2am and arise at 10am---what the heck is the difference?. Anyone with any sense at all can see that we are both getting eight hours of sleep, merely at different times. Get off our backs already, and get a life !! Maybe you early risers ARE lazy since you can't stay up for the 11pm.news !!
True born and Alcohol Induced late sleepers should not be discriminated
against in Late Sleepers Society. It is good when an early riser tries hard
to join the ranks of the blessed.
The use of the vacuum cleaner shall be banished at the very
least until the afternoon. This should also be applied to all
and sundry house improvement tools. Offenders to this rule may
legally be assaulted with said object.
A well regulated militia being necessary for the common defense,
the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.
On second thought, no, that will be too controversial in a couple of hundred years.
Try this: No early riser shall sing in the shower, under threat of serious maiming.
All neighbors in apartments, condos or townhomes shall be arrested without prior notice for attempting to use the vacuum cleaner before the hour of 1:00 PM. In addition, little yippy neighbor dogs will not be permitted to bark continuously until after 1:00 PM.
If neighbors feel the need to use loud yard equipment, or play stereo systems, the late sleeper may confiscate all property until he/she fills the owner can handle it's proper time useage!
At least once per year the world will operate on the Late Sleepers Schedule. Places of business will not allow employees to enter until 10 a.m.
Lunch will begin at 2p.m., and no one will be allowed to go to bed until at least midnight...
All who do will be taunted and ridiculed by us Late Sleepers, and told they are ruining their health, and that Late Risers get the Worm!!!
If a late sleeper is caught unawares, and is forced to wake up early for work, he/she shall be re-imbursed twice and a half his/her regular salary for 'hazard' pay that day.
All pets of Late Sleepers shall be behaviorally modified to neither bark nor require "ourdooring" until after 10:00 A.M. Said pets shall also be trained to silently kill anything noisy before said time.
All barking dogs shall be removed from the Late Sleeper earshot.
Dog caught barking will be detained until further notice. Onwers may
have to pay a penalty to get their dogs out of detention.
From this moment henceforth:
"Morning" shall commence at 10:00 a.m. and continue until 3:00 p.m.
The period from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. shall be known as "afternoon".
7:00 p.m. until 1:00 a.m. shall be designated as "evening".
1:00 a.m. until 10:00 a.m. shall be "night", with 7:00 a.m. officially disignated as "the middle of the night", and no human shall be required to awake at such an obscene hour.
Any and all neighbors who re-roof their
garages at any hour before noon shall
have no right to complain when I commence
remodeling work on my basement at midnight.
Perky behavior by morning persons shall not be inflicted on Late Sleepers, especially before the administering of coffee, and said behavior will be greeted by grievous bodily harm, including, but not limited to yse of blunt instruments about the head and shoulders.
All late sleeping Guys shall not be called by their 8:00am working Girlfriends before they go to work just to say hi and to hear your voice and ask "Are you listening to me,..you sound like you don't want to talk to me!".
Late Sleepers are not to be forced to work ungoldly hours sucgh as
This is not only unhealthy but unproductive for us.
Early riser friends shall not call before 12:00 p.m. on weekends unless SPECIFICALLY asked.
Pre-noon conversations should be brief and to the point. If they are not, late risers reserve
the right to call at 10:45 p.m. to ask the early riser to repeat the conversation again!
» Never go to bed while it's light
» Never get up while it's dark
Should any Late Sleeper come into a position of power and authority, full rights laid out in this document shall be accorded to all Late Sleepers over whom said Late Sleeper exercises control.
Why are everybody buggin' us Late Sleepers, we have rights too!!!
We should have a legal right to be late(for work, school and stuff)without threatening remarks from the boss.
And on weekends, don't knock down our doors before WE get up!
Late Sleepers are without a doubt the most overlooked ethnic group.
Snoring is okay, as long as it's not the person next to you, who's doing it!
Access to the Internet should be denied to any North American
citizen before noon, thus Late Risers of Europe will have a fair
chance to download American Web sites within a reasonable span of time.
The day don't begin until any early morning dream you have is over.
Article 1: Clause 1: The early riser shall not infringe upon late sleepers any manner of perkiness, chipperness, brighteyed bushytailedness, nor any other form of reprehensible behavior which would cause undue duress and suffering.
Clause 2: Any perpetrator of the aforementioned offenses shall be bludgeoned forthwith, by those late sleepers who have been brought offense, by whatever means necessary to carry out said bludgeoning without delay or redress from supervisors.
Clause 3: Late sleepers shall, by guarantee of executive authority, be disposed to receiving due respect from the aforementioned early risers, having no mockery nor defamation set upon them for any cause, and shall not be omitted from the priveledges of advancement in rank and recompense.
Clause 4: Late sleepers shall be afforded the absolute, God-given right to impose physical harm upon any early riser who, by action or decree, shall set about his or her business to put these Articles asunder. So let it be.
I have no business here. The leaders of your revolution will undoubtedly take me out and have me shot as soon as I have finished speaking my piece, but please, listen to what I have to say. Yes, Late Sleepers, I am one of the enemy. I never sleep past five a.m. Six on a bad day, if I haven't been to bed until 4, perhaps. But listen...I can't help it. And I support your cause, because despite my shameful tendency to rise early, I cannot for the life of me get to work before 11. My energetic, creative hours are between 6 a.m. and noon. Why on earth would I waste those hours on work? Those hours are for writing, gardening, exercising, and rearranging the furniture. I could not possibly settle down at 8 a.m. and start reading the mail and returning business calls. I can do all that at 3 p.m. when I'm half asleep anyway.
Before you condemn me, I beg you to go to the URL here and read my Day in the Life of a Morning Person. How can you judge another before you have trudged a mile in her fuzzy slippers?
Early risers are not allowed to talk about how wonderful it is to watch the sun rise, how wonderful it is to go to the gym (!!) after watching the sun rise, going to work (at 8:30 AM) after watching the sun rise and going to the
gym. Anyone who does this will be shot.
Early Risers that call Late Sleepers prior to 10 am shall acknowledge when the Late Sleeper is not making any sense as they have answered the phone in their sleep. Early Riser will then tell the Late Riser to go back to bed, and the contents of the garbled conversation shall remain private and not discussed with fellow Early Risers. Substantial penalties will be incured if the still-sleeping-but-mumbling-on-the-phone Late Sleeper is put on a speaker phone for the amusement of Early Risers.
Late sleepers have the right to call early rising employers at 10 PM to negociate parking privileges.
Sunrise should be postponed to occur no earlier than 11 a.m. The sun should then black out for an hour between, say, 6 and 7 p.m., allowing beautiful starlight dinners. When it reappears, you could then still have time to rent your daily movie in daylight!!!
All laterisers shall be given special phone service which automatically mutes your phone ringing and answering machine before 10:30am. Callers are to be provided with a special message letting them know that you're out working at the gym and are NOT oversleeping again, thankyouverymuch.
Psychologically oppressive and misleading medical products such as melatonin should be sold as a prescription only drug; knowing full well that it is not the solution.
There should be a research facility, that researches in the wonderfull effects Late Sleeping has on people. And Late Sleepers should get paid for their contribution to this research.
YES! You are all to be commended for standing your ground! Don't give in to the fascists with alarm clocks, like I did! They told me to adjust to their schedule, and I did like a stupid, cowering sheep. But you folks can save yourselves. Fight the power, and sleep as late as you damn well please!!!
Weekends shouldn't end before tuesday after lunch!
Just as the morning should be reserved for
us, so should the night. When I go to an
all-nighter at Chugu, I don't want to stand
in line for the lift for fifteen minutes at 2 AM.
That's not why I go when less than half the mountain's
open. I don't need to freeze my ass at the top of
the halfpipe, waiting and waiting for everyone else
to GO and wondering if I should ask to cut ahead.
If the night is not ours, then why sleep in?
Late Sleepers, after registering with local law enforcement and the appropriate RBOC, will be given special phones for use at home. These phones will have the capability of sending a non-lethal but substantial electrical shock through the phone lines to the handset of the person calling at any inappropriate hour (before 10 on weekdays, before 12 noon on weekends). With a soldering iron and a little ingenuity, these phones can be hacked to up the shock voltage (useful for telemarketers and pollsters).
If, for any reason, a late riser is forced to be at work any earlier than 11pm. , there will be a special lane designated to them. All other cars on the road will stay out of our way, for if not, we have all the right to plow their cars onto the shoulder. Their insurance goes up, not ours..and they pay for all damages. This is law, and not questionable in any area.
Late Sleepers, I say, get the last laugh. Get the best begals, and the best parking spots. Stay at work until the begals and all the early risers arive, then go, and don't return until 4ish.
P.S., What is up with this starting work at 9AM that people keep referring to? The jobs I've held have entailed being at the proper location (which is up to a 45 minute drive away) at 8AM. Those who don't have to be at work till 9 and lucky.
In my country, where I am a most benevolent
dictator, there is nothing reasonable
about getting up at 10 am, especially when
I've just uploaded all my work a few hours
ago. Now if I could only get those bulk
health food snacks when I felt like
going shopping, I wouldn't feel nutritionally
Telemarketers who disturb slumber shall be stripped, covered in honey & sesame seeds and hung by the thumbs.
(tip: you can get some pretty -schweet- parking spots around 11:45!)
another thing-There's a special corner of Hell saved for managers who call early morning meetings, then "get busy" and reschedule for 1:00...
All lawn workers (including those using lawn mowers, leaf blowers, or any existing unspeakably LOUD noise making lawn equipment) shall be required to wait until well after 1pm to complete any jobs they may have.
I'm not sure that I quite fit in with the lot of you.
As I see it there is an awful lot of catting of letting the day begin at 10am in the night, whereas I am of the clear impression that it should be forbidden to be awake before 12pm in the morning.
Also there is som talk about not getting up when it's dark - I don't get it, usually when I get up in the week-ends around 5-6pm. in the morning it's getting dark in the wintertime.
Furthermore some talk has been on the subject of letting the official morning in the week-ends start at 10am. I oppose this greatly, since this would be a far more adequite time to let the official week-end evening stop , hence causing the official week-end night run from 10am to 6pm.
From this day anyone that is required to work before the hour 12pm will receive compensation for what shall be known as undertime(opposite of overtime). The minimum compensation for undertime will be 50% extra for the first hour of undertime, and 100% extra for each of the preceding hours.
A bed with build in "breakfast", lunch and dinner.
All neigbors who practice the same piano scale every saturday morning for months shall have cucumbers jammed up their asses - unless they like that sort of thing, in which case the cucumber goes up the urethra.
If a restaraunt stops serving breakfast before 3pm, they shall be proclaimed unclean!
If hot water in the apartment building is depleted by dish doers and early risers, thereby destroying the noon shower- whosoever touches them shall be unclean!
Those who ask "Are you Ill? What's Wrong?" upon sighting the late sleeper unshowered, unshaved, still jammie clad in the noon hour and after shall be proclaimed unclean!
Those who tease, play, chatter, and cavort before noon shall be spat upon, UNCLEAN!
If a restaraunt stops serving food after 9 pm, they shall be shut down, Unclean!
This is the law of slumber, the land of late rising- to speak when it is clean and when it is unclean.
I just want people to stop looking at me oddly when they say "wasn't that a gorgeous sunrise?" and I say "yes, it was....the light felt good on my face as I fell asleep.
Yeah, It's good to sleep in 'cause hell, I'll have plenty of days to get up at 3 a.m. when I'm past 65 with a prostate the size of a bowling ball hangin' with my AARP homies at the Donut o' Dunk wired from 5 gallons of Java.
This is wonderful!!! I'm typing from Brazil and finally I found a lot of fellows around the world. COOL.
I'm in total agree with the "late Sleepers of the world", fuck the people who can't wake late. When all
this fuckin' early sleepers are sleeping we will beat them.
More 24-hour WalMarts! Only keep the vision center, the little snackbar (with Icees!) and everything else inside open with it, too.
Maybe they could add a hair salon, but who would want their hair done by a WalMart beauty technician.
Hrmmnnn. Maybe I should just go back to sleep.
It's bad enough that we of the Reasonable Hour are expected to be present at work at 9:00 AM, but it's insult added to injury that we are expected to be clean, kempt and alert as well. Let it be henceforth be that any Late Riser who has to be at work at an unnatural hour may show up, without being subject to any criticism, in whatever state of dress and hygene (or lack thereof) they feel is appropriate, be it shaven or unshaven, washed or unwashed, or in work clothes, pyjamas, a robe, or butt naked. And if the boss wants to see what's under the robe he/she/it is obligated to give you a raise!
From this day forth, any person or per-
sons that feel the need to scamper into
any Late Sleepers bedroom at 7am <shudder>
announcing "Wakey Wakey! Rise and shine,
it's a beautiful day" or the like, in
the characteristically shrill voice of a
'morning'person shall heretofor be tied
to a chair and tortured with power tools
for a period NOT to exceed 10 minutes.
(since we've gotta get back to sleep as
soon as possible ya know)
-also- any birds found chirping before
10am will be taken out with pellet guns.
It's not just work. I'm on holiday just now and
hotels around here want me to check out by 10am.
It will henceforth illegal for hotels and similar
to set check out times before 3pm. Any attempt to
push guests out of bed early will be punished by
not allowing the hotel staff to go to bed until the
getsts have checked out.
Doctors working unreasonably long on-call shifts, often into sleeping hours, should be given the next day off. They should not be expected to function outside of their body clock hours...zzzz...zzz...as they often sleep on the job.
CHURCHES shall not cause their bells to be rung on a Sunday morning. At all. Ever. Instead, priests/vicars/etc should phone their clergy members personally to summon them to mass.
The US Army slogan "We do more before 6am than most people do all day." shall, henceforth, also be applied to those of us on the graveyard shift (whether or not we do precious little after 6am).
Keep that in mind all ye early birds that think you may catch us unaware. We're up all night getting the jump on you, not trying to catch up.
Hell, if i gotta go to school, how could i sleep in. close 'em schools and let all students be happy in their dreams at 11am!
Early sleepers will be made to stay up until WE SAY THEY CAN SLEEP. Why should we let them be lazy?
Remember nap time in kindergarten. For 30 minutes we had to lay down on those little mats and try to sleep. But we would toss and turn and want to talk and be shooshed by the teacher. WHAT were we thinking? I propose that nap time be instituted in every work place. For 45 minutes (we're older now) every afternoon each employee will place their mat on the floor and sleep.
Late Sleepers Motto: "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
Garbage collection is forbidden before 2pm. The backup signal on garbage trucks are noise pollution and should be treated as such. Thank you.
Late sleepers should not be held accountable for anything they say before noon. This includes, but is not limited to, insults and promises that they may make tio anyone who has the nerve to speak to them before noon.
Late sleepers should have a phone that would not ring when they are sleeping. They can put a man on the moon but they can´t make such a phone ?
I move that a new "no-sleepers" Bill of Rights be created. Ever try a 32 hour-day? You should, it's fun. You lose all sense of time and start forgetting things that happened to you only hourse before. The human mind wasn't meant to handle that kind of stuff. You should do it, if only as a way of flipping the bird to Mother Nature.
Does being Hung over count for sleeping
I't should be allowed to turn in your essays, reports e.t.c. at 6 A.M., when you finished making them, by E-mail, so you don't have to show up at early sleepers school until noon.
Everyone must be confined to their secluded room until noon and not retire there until at least midnight.
All TV stations that sign off at night will be forced to give shows to Late Sleepers so they can host shows like "insomiac theater" and "the three AM hacker" and they will teach Late Sleepers How to do the "dance of 2am surfer"
Late sleepers shall all be granted extra-comfy blankets and bedlinens, and super-soft pillows to snuggle their smiling heads into. The government should provide, of course, as payment for all of the injustices placed on Late Sleepers of America. Unite!
In the Fall, the change to Standard Time, which stupidly tacks an hour of daylight to the front end of the day, shall be abolished. Daylight Addition Time (DAT) shall be substituded in its place, tacking that extra hour of daylight at the end of the day, where it rightly belongs and has some use, like saving on electric bills and not having it get dark at 4 in the afternoon when we're just getting going.
All late sleepers should still be entitled to the three meals a day. Therefore, next time you are annoyed by midnight snackers just remember they have a right to be nurished too...dear god I would hate to think you would denie us of that...
On college campuses all TV's/radios cannot be turned on by roommates until after 11am, nor can the roommate make thumping noises with the dresser drawers when getting up before 11am. Doing so would result in them sleeping in temp housing for a week.
a quien madruga .... le ayuda THEY SAY!
All banks shall stay open til 9 pm, so Late Sleeper's banking can be conducted.
Failure to provide coffee on demand is punishable by death.
Any and all apartment neighbors who complain at 8:00 p.m. that your kids are making too much noise and they can't get any sleep shall be dragged out of their sorry bed and whipped publicly and be forced to stay up till midnight ad infinitum.
Henceforth, all museums should be open *at least* till midnight, since when was the last time you managed to get inside one before the grievously unfair 4 p.m. closing time?
Also, any and all decent TV must be replayed at around 1 or 2 a.m., since who wants 70 channels of infomercials right when it's time to sit down and have a nice early dinner?
Since early riseres, and semi-late sleepers have invented a meal called brunch, which is served at normal sleeping time for us late sleepers. I hereby suggest that we late sleepers take use of another type of meal: "Brunner" which is BReakfast, lUNch , and dinNER in one meal.
This gives us the advantage of not having to try and figure out what time of day it is for the early risers before having a meal.
Brunner is thought to contain mainly Burgers, Buritos, Pizzas, and other such Power Foods. All beverages served with brunner shall contain large amounts of caffeine, and other stimuli.
<rubbing his burning sleep-deprived eyes, trying for the third hour to wake up for another macabre night of pain-infested, dozing, slow, painful, groggy, pseudo-paranoid, hurting, glacially excruciating, administration of tens of thousands of other peoples' web sites in disharmonious mission-critical oneness>
In the event of an emergency, Late sleepers may be awoken to handle said emergency no longer than is reasonibly necessary to conclude said emergency.
Emergency is constituted by events such as but not limited to house fire, flood, end of world.
Any person or persons who would abuse this emergency waking procedure will be punished severly.
In the event that any Late Sleeper is forced awake by previously outlawde noise creating devices or non-emergency event
said Late Sleeper shall retain the right to be as grouchy as said sleeper feels necessary to any and all early risers until the conclusion of said Late Sleepers normal day.
You have the right to sleep until there's 4 digits on that bloody device sitting on your shelf, named by mental torture specialists "clock"
Late Sleepers shall have the right to hit their snooze buttons as many times as they wish, no matter how much their early riser roommates complain about it....if I have to get up at the crack of dawn to appease "the man" at work, i should get the right to all alarm clock privileges. Also, all overly happy humming roommates can be shot by Late Sleepers without suffering any penalty of the law.
All home appliances, telephones, landscaping and construction equipment, and children shall be equipped with devices which prevent their operation between the hours of 6 AM and 1 PM. Door-to-door sales and religious solicitation shall be limited to leaving to quietly leaving the junk at the doorstep; knocking is strictly prohibited. Girl Scouts in particular are encouraged to leave behind several boxes of Thin Mints and a payment envelope.
Late Sleepers shall have the right to flexible work schedules, in order to work at a time to which their bodies are most well-suited.
Late Sleepers who compete in sports events will be allowed to compete at times that are decent like 7pm, 9pm, or 11pm instead of ridiculous hours like 6:45am or 7:30 am. (I once had a skating competition at 7:30am, with the official practice at 5:45am just before... needless to say, I skipped the practice, and did not wint he event...)
If you are a night owl, you are welcome to join the Niteowl support group/mailing list; to join, e-mail email@example.com, and on the first line of the body of the e-mail, type:
Then you will be able to commiserate with the rest of us Chosen Ones, posting at 4 am.
A program to exterminate all breeds of birds given to living near any sleeping quarters will commence at once. This program will not start before noon, however.
All time zones will be adjusted such that Daylight Savings Time will be abolished and clocks will be synchronized such that sunset will coincide with noon.
I do not get up because I do not want to.
My best thoughts occur late in the day. I can not
nor will I sacrifice the potential for my thoughts
upon a regularly scheduled day.
A.M. to P.M. is my day. Hours make no senses.
Drue would be elected president! Someone out there needs to stand up for the rights of insomniacs (and geekgirls too). Come on, chant with me... "Drue 2000, Drue 2000"...
It shall hearby be made illegal for "morning" co-workers to start shutting off office equipment at 4:30pm, forcing you to reboot an entire office in order to complete your own 8-12 hours of hell.
change pi from 3.14 to 10:59
Daylight savings time shall be abolished, as 'losing' an hour of sleep is unconscionable to late risers.
All friends and ESPECIALLY relatives shall be expected to wear one of the following (for bodily protection)earplugs, catcher padding, helmets or any protective gear ( peferably all of these )of their choice IF THEY EVER UTTER any of the below stated questions or just nonsences jibberious
1.EVERYONE is suppose to get up a 7am (says WHO ,not my bodily clock)
2. You are wasting a perfectly good day (PSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH to that I say, what am I suppose to do till all the good things start happening in a day)
3.Come onnnnnnnnn I got breakfast ready! (HA ,Tell me when you have a nice sandwhich in a few hours)
4. hey you sleepy head, how can YOU sleep sooooooooooooooooooo long? ( well when you go to sleep between 1 and 3 I am sure you will think 9:30 to 10am is a perfect time to start your day)
5. Come watch the sunrise with me (Yeah I just saw it , I am headed to bed OR it is just a pale sunset backwards)
6.(on a day when I actually HAVE to get up) WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA your alarm clock is way tooo loud , It would give me a heart attack if I weren't already up (SHUT UP! You complain when I sleep the way my bod wants to THEN YOU COMPLAIN WHEN I GET UP ON YOUR TIME ,.... Wanna new rope *wg*)
Any and all street crews who commence to tearing up roads outside of Late Sleepers bedroom windows, before the decent hour of noon, shall be instantly set upon by a pack of angry, starving, rabid wolves!
sIleNcE tIlL 15:00!!!
If, for any reason, a LateSleeper is found awake in the hours of the EarlyRiser due to their biological clock resetting or mass ingestion of caffine or other stimulants, said LateSleeper shall not be 'congratulated' for rising early. Said LateSleeper also retains the right to irritate, in any manner, any EarlyRiser as may have been done to them previously. See also: LateSleeper Golden Rule.
It is necessary that we hold and defend the rights of our late sleeper forefathers by abolishing tacky late night commercials to fill them with good shows. We must be advocates for primetime during a late time! We can not just sit back and allow for these infomercials and dispicable party line commercials to rule our late night tv viewing.
Award medals for sleeping, like the Olympics. Go for the gold!
A program will be instituted where any late sleeper who wishes may have any East-facing window near where they sleep covered to sufficiently so as to prevent light from entering. This program will come at no expense to the late sleeper.
Mothers will not get up in the middle of the night (or morning) while you are having a fun time on the Net, sneak up on you, and drag you back to bed.
The fore-mentioned "Late Sleepers" card will henceforth reserve special rights for all users still in high school or for any one else under the age of 18.
These will include...
The holder of a Late Sleepers card has the automatic right under law to have any charges for crimes committed between 3am and 11am to be 'demoted' by two orders of severity. Thus murder becomes assault
with a deadly alarm clock, attempted murder
becomes actual bodily harm, and defenstration
through the window from which you can see the
dawn becomes naughty boy *smack* don't do it
again. Then our rights will be secure.
Schools are to start, not at 7 am in the morning, but at around 10 - 11 am so that the late are early risers can be acomodated. All the shoppping areas are to be open until 12 am - 1 am every "so called" morning, so that the late-sleepers can complete their shopping. Late sleepers will be allowed to use all their rights under the law which have been chalked out for the early risers. These rights shall not be biased based on race, creed, religion, etc. These rights should stand or else, we'll be known as the most sorry and the most unfeeling race of beings that ever existed in the history of this huge universe. So, brothers and sisters, let's be a part of this movement and fight for our rights. We deserve them and its our birthright. Mail me if you find any ambiguities in this message.
And let us not forget the right of siesta....
Late sleepers are to be issued an air-cleanner to
provide the white noise to cover any early morning (before 1PM)
sounds. They are also entitled to an appartment large enough
so that the phone (with answering machine) can be put out of hearing range.
All small dogs shall be equipped with special "yippy" cancellation technology so as not to wake me at an indecent hour. should the owners of previously mentioned dogs decide not to invest in the previously mentioned noise cancellation technology, late sleeping neighbors have the express right to place their foot under the middle section of the small dog at a high rate of velocity while utilizing a long sweeping motion of the entire lower leg, thereby expediently placing the pooch in orbit.
Any "Late Sleeper" should have an alarm clock that doesnt have the hours 3 am to 9am!!!!!
All animals shall at night be locked in a room with all other annoying stuff at night to let the late sleeper sleep.
Those people who do wake up in the morning should not leave their telephone ringers on so those of the noctural world can feel free to have rambling conversations with their answering machines.
No boss, or co-worker shall ever utter the mentally unstabling words of 'Good Morning', upon
arriving anytime for work. No morning is good (unless the inivitable has happend the night before, which only in this
case it may be a bearable morning).
The standard earth day is made 32 hours long, night and day would cycle differently with each waking day, adding a dynamic quality to our waking time. This would increase efficiency at work, and would allow late sleepers to get the rest everyone takes for granted. Make life a bit more interesting as well.
September reverses and the equinoxes flip. Winter slides into Fall. When glimpsed in leaps of nine months or more, the seasons reverse. They spring back & fall forward.
1) IT IS NEVER tomorrow until you wake up.
2) IF THOSE EARLIBIRDS SMUGly give you flavor about all the
work they did in the morning while you were finding your momentum,
then you should blow it back their way about all
the work you did after they got outta yer hair last night.
It is hereby stated that all university lectures
henceforth shall be timetabled to begin no
earlier than 2pm.... Access shall also be granted
to all facilities up until 4am....
late sleepers will simply be assigned a list of things to do on monday, which is when they will turn in the previous assignments. no questions will be asked as to when it was done, just as long as it was done.
No person or persons rising before the hour of ten a.m. may infringe, inflict, or otherwise expose an UNHEALTHILY PERKY ATTITUDE upon any Late Sleeper of the World (hereafter referred to as LSW), under penalty of fingernail remover with a pair of particularly rusty garden shears. This includes, but is not limited to, smiling excessively, bouncing, giggling at decibel levels that only dogs can hear, maintaining for more than three (3) minutes a positive attitude, or singing songs that have the words "Good Day Sunshine" in them. If these rights are infringed, the injured party's repercussion is granted without prejudice or the bother of due process (in the United States of America only).
No one that has to gets up before 10 to go to work,has no right to complain.
State-run liquor stores are henceforth required to stay open 24-7.
Parents ringing before the hour of noon (4 on Weekends) will forfeit any rights to see the offspring at inconvenient times like weekends and public holidays, when we could really be doing something better (like getting drunk, catching up with all those taped Melrose eppisodes weve missed, etc)
All businesses shall, by law, be required to be open 24 hours a day henceforth from this day forward. This shall allow late sleepers to enjoy the quality of life that is granted to all of the demeted and sad early risers in the world.
All blinds or shades on any bedroom window must not allow any trace of sunlight through when closed.
Daylight Savings Time will be a move of 6 hours instead of 1.
Late Sleepers are now covered under the "Americans with disabilities act" and will henceforth be provided all protections under the law. Please report anyone/thing disturbing you to the proper authorities.
Late sleepers, if working in early risers work environment, should be provided with beds in the office, so that they become more productive by working their own way.
Late sleepers, on the occasion that they go to work earlier than normal, are allowed to administer a beating to anyone who looks the least bit shocked or says something like, "Turning over a new leaf?" or "Now you've thrown my whole day off. Usually by the time you get here it's only 30 minutes until lunch."
All younger male members of the Late Sleepers shall be granted access to a fragrant assortment of potpourris and/or scented candles to rid their room of that pesky "Teenage Boy Smell..."
There will henceforth be only ONE timezone,
Pacific Daylight Time, so I don't have to get up
early to deal with the East Coast!
Late sleepers' telephones shall be rigged with a powerful joybuzzer which will be set to playfully shock any such person who deems it needful to CALL ON THE PHONE before the hour of 10 a.m. Grrrr!
Professionals and tradespeople alike shall offer appointments beyond the discriminatory nine-to-five that's offered at present. This rule shall be enforced by the regulating bodies and/or professional associations involved. If the AMA can recognize sleep disorders as actual disorders and ergo bona-fide reasons to stay in bed late, then they can surely demand that a portion of their membership accept late-evening appointments to provide appropriate care. This would also undoubtedly give legitimacy to the silent legions of plumbers and the like who arrive on the job appearing "surly," when they're merely rightfully angered at being out of bed before noon.
As an evening person, you will be able to get a good cup of coffee at any time of the day. Be it 3pm or 3am. No late niter should have to suffer the indignation of stale, burnt, 4 hour old coffee because somebody does want to make a fresh pot.
By Papal Decree, Sister Mary's of the Mattress will be a recognized place of worship by the Catholic Church, so that we don't have to feel guilty about sleeping through sunday morning mass.
FAST FOOD BREAKFAST ITEMS WOULD REMAIN ON THE MENU ALL DAY AND NIGHT...
Genetic counseling shall be available to avoid offspring of late sleepers (who inadvertently mated with early risers) from turning out as ealry risers. Because who wants to live with that?
Any and All Clients that Call me at 7 am expecting me to be in the office
will die a slow and horrible death.
By being awakened.
On the hour.
With my knee connecting with their cranium.
At around 6am, all people awake should die. End of story.
All late sleepers get to shoot Early Birds with M-16's when they are noisy and when they die we get their money and possensions.
We need another Sunday added to our weekends!!
All late sleepers’ school age kids will be able to make their sandwiches, morning hairstyle and all other school preparations all alone.
Actually, we should easily be able to work our will, since we can always stay up later than early risers, since we eagerly embrace staying UP far too late... We can ALWAYS outlast those wimps who go to bed before 9 PM without fail....
Everyone should be entitled to 8 full hours of sleep, regardless of
the time they choose to take it. In addition, anyone who is called
lazy for waking up at 10, despite having 4 or 5 hours sleep, should
have the right to beat the speaker repeatedly about the head,
preferably at a reasonable hour. ;)
Friends, Family and Significant Others who insist upon waking the
late sleeper before his or her preferred waking hour shall be forced
to stay up an amount of equal hours later that night.
Any and all appointments or engagements, such as work, school, or lunch, shall have the option to be postponed by at least half an hour to allow the late sleeper time for a shower.
No-one should be required to work while they can still taste their toothpaste.
Our brains are hyperactive when dreaming. Why disturb some of our brightest thoughts by waking up early?
Any east coast resident who gets the
direction of the time-zone difference
wrong and therefore phones the west
coast at 6am Pacific Time, shall have
an electric clock inserted into his
or her most tender orifice.
All beds should be fitted with a solid bedhead contaning a small niche. This niche is for keeping a 2-by-4 with a large, rusty nail through it. Any Late Sleeper has full legal right to use this plank to bludgeon anybody wakening them before 10am in emergencies, 11:30 on a normal day. Legal enforcers will turn away from any seriously bruised puncture marks on an early riser. People who choose to rise early (not children watching Thunderbirds, that's acceptable if on low volume) will be forced to embroider "kick me" on the seat of their pants. All times on the internet should be synchronised so that people in Australia don't have to get up at 7am to talk to people in the US on the Internet. Can't think of anything else at the moment.
Every late sleeper should avoid arising before ten o'clock at all circumstances because this is a way to keep the good work done by our society!
I HAD A DREAM
where all Late Sleepers and Early Risers lived in Peace and Harmony, where there was no snooze discrimination of any kind...where coffee was dispenced redily and the sun shone softly till a reasnoble hour...but i cant remember how the dream ended, as i was woken up by a facist Early Riser...but this Dream made me realise what we should be striving to do! build a world that has the capacities not only for people who rise at 7am but for those who go to sleep at 7am! it is our destiny! we must learn to live together as one nation, as one world! so i say we take all the Early Risers and cram them on to Tasmania so the normal people can stretch out and luxuriate in the morning sun. why must Early Risers rule the world, anyway? i think its time for a revolution (coffee and biscuts provided). we shall arise at a late hour and catch them unawares! we shall strip them of all they hold dear! we shall make beer a national drink! we shall not be forced to have mirrors in workplaces, homeplaces, schoolplaces, any places! we shall never have to hear the words 'WAKE UP YOU LAZY PEICE OF FLATULENCE-DISLODGED RECTUM ITS MORNING TIME!!!' no - instead we shall wake up the Early Risers at midnight by flashing the neon lights 3cm away from their sticky-taped open eyes!! YES!!!!! WE WILL NOT BE SILENT ANY LONGER!!!!!!!
University classes should not start until at least the noon hour, and last until midnight. All university services need to be open until 3 AM, and on-campus student "hangouts" should be open 24 hours.
Sleeping til 10 or 11 a.m. is not necessarily a sign of depression. We all need our zzzzzs.
Hereafter, anyone calling my home before 10 a.m. will contact my perky answering machine, but not me! No one ever said we had to answer a ringing phone until we're ready...
Small children of non-school age in close proximity of the late-sleeper shall be restrained or drugged until such time which the nearest late-sleeper to the child arises.
All persons shall be made to see the total illogicalness of being awake during daytime. hmm, stare at one star or stare at millions, which do u think is better?
I dont work on a farm; therefore, I should not have to work during the conventional daylight hours established long ago by the farming industry. My computer doesnt need to be fed or sun to grow. My body on the other hand cares if it has to get up at 6am to prepare for work.
1. All restaurants shall henceforth be required to remain open between the hours of 2 PM and 5 PM, as well as 9 PM to midnight.
2. Public transit systems shall be required to remain open until no earlier than 2 AM.
3. Under no circumstances may a retail or professional establishment close before 9 PM on a weekday.
4. A special use permit must be acquired from the appropriate city, county, state, or federal agency for any construction project, public or private, that is planned within a residential area and involves use of heavy equipment before noon. This permit can only be issued after an impact study has been completed which determines how this project will affect late sleepers within earshot of the site.
Late sleepers have the constitutional aforementioned rights NOT to take phone calls just because your roommate is awake and doesn't feel like taking messages.
All legal contracts must be signed between the hours of full consciousness of 1 pm and 7 pm.
To assure late-risers get proper service, all businesses be required to offer services for at least 2 full hours between 5 pm and 9pm daily.
Public transit authorities have a mandatory increased service period between 11 pm and 1 am for those returning home beyond the early work day period (4-6 pm).
All recycling trucks that transport glass be rescheduled to operate not before 11 am and not after 11 pm.
City garbage trucks should not operate between 11 am and 11 pm. On Mondays, the earliest time should be extended to 12:30 am.
All telephone companies allow discount rate calling until at least 11 am, so as to not penalize late sleepers not otherwiser able to take advantage of prime time rates.
Anyone who thinks that 10AM is a "reasonable" hour for a true nocturnal spirit to awaken should have a long talk with a REAL night owl, or else stop making any kind of judgements about when others should go to bed or get up.
Late sleepers hereby have the right to grow unkempt beards**.
** This is of course entirely opitional (especially for females, most of whom will probably want to keep their beards in good condition.)
Late Sleepers should be allowed to call in Tired as well as Sick. This would usually be on a night in which you were discovered a really cool chain of websites or had to finish the entire book you were reading. Since you were therefore unable to force yourself into bed until you noticed the birds chirping, the sky turning blue, etc. etc. you should be allowed to call in Tired. The Employer would be required to be suitably concerned and sympathetic, much as they would be if you called in Sick. Yeah!
Finals should not be scheduled at anytime where a Late Sleeper might risk sleeping through them. I mean come on! If i don't schedule anyclasses until after 12:30, what makes the "O Mighty Finals Schedule Maker" all be able to wake up at 8am for a final!!!! In the event that a later sleeper should sleep through a final, or any test scheduled too early for that matter, should be awarded a make up test without question.
Late sleepers should have the right to ignore all telephone calls, on the premise they do get back to those who make them in the 1st hour of waken-dom. This only works if you have an ansa-phone, though.
He/she who sleeps late, sleeps last.
No place of work shall be allowed to hire people living more than ten minutes drive away. By corollary, no-one shall be allowed to apply for a position more than ten minutes drive away, ensuring that we all get to sleep later, and doubtless that we all have to work in a newsagents or a burger king. But c'est la vie.
Courts shall have later times available for jury duty, or
nocturnals shall be exempt.
All should have the option of shifting the workday from say, Noon to 8pm. This would make the world a much better place.
All late sleepers who have to be at work at an insane hour like 8am should get free unlimited access to all porn sites
A special Late sleepers day will be reconized as an Oficial Holliday requering all employees to sleep late and all non-late sleepers to stay up LATE that night (lets say 5A.M) and still report to work at there normall non-late sleepers time.
No boyfriend/girlfriend should be able to mess with you before 10. I hate early risers if you know what i mean!!
All late sleepers should be entitled to stay up all night with the radio blasting on high; they should be able to go to the video store at any time to rent as many videos as they desire; all liquor stores shall stay open for late sleepers 24/7; every restaurant shall be open all night for the late sleepers of the world!
All late sleepers should have the right to call all early riser friends and families at their most convienient time..say midnight
On election day, the polls shall stay open until 2am.
We shouldn't have to leave work early just because the polls close at 8pm.
Delivery people (specifically FedEx) should not arrive before noon, and if they do, they should check back later in the day when I'm probably up. I need my packages, dammit!
50% Jobs should be earmarked for late sleepersin all government departments.
how about the discrimination of Night Clubs?
anyone who gets there before 11:00 walks right in
but if you show up after, like, 11:30, you have to
wait in line for up to an hour! i think clubs should
have a VIP line for Late Sleepers, and also extend the
drinking hours!!! sure, it might be 1am to everone else,
but its breakfast time for you!!! late sleepers should be
able to drink, till say, 7am.
All family members,friends,teachers,employers,medical professionals,etc. who fail to appressiate the implications of night owl metabolism on "normal" morning person favoring lifestyles shall be sentanced to a night person empathy program.
-official bedtime will be no earlier tham 6:00 AM offenders must stay in bed whether they can sleep or not until at least mid afternoon
-all will be provided with alarm clocks programed to go off just as thier bodies reach the deepest stage of the sleep cycle at which time said person will be required to"rise and Shine"
-Persons will be required to report to work/school promptly at midnight, and be expected to be alert, energetic and performing at full physical and mental capacity for next 6 to 8 hours
-noone shall be allowed to go back to bed before at least 7:00 AM
-anyone who complains or shows signs of impared functioning will be told simply to GET USED TO IT
Maybe that will give "normal" earlybirds some idea of what life is like for the rest of us.
All employers who require an employees shift to start at 5:30 a.m. shall be required to pay said employee triple overtime and give them a large container of their favorite caffinated beverage upon arrival.
Alles des Welt sollen am feir in der Morgan aufwachen. Die Zeitzeug soll ein "Snooze" nicht haben.
Wir mussen schlaffen am neun Uhr
school hours will be changed to noon and shall get out at 4. no one can do any school work that early.
Government agency managers shall award late sleepers for their contribution to reducing rush-hour commuting traffic and lowering peak energy consumption in their communities.
Late sleepers shall be issued a universal restaurant card allowing them to have breakfast items until 2 pm.
A) Any and all final exams shall be distributed in the late afternoon. If this is not feasible, we'll just have to fire all the teachers by force.
B) Late sleeper students late to class at 7:45 in the morning shall hereby be exempt from "Lunch Duty" (aka slave labor - picking up after slobs in the cafeteria) as well as detention. Any teacher who comments on showing up late will immediately be made to see what a night person living in a day person's world is like!!!
(I'm sleepy from recovering from finals week, so excuse me if that didn't make sense - I'm traumatized that I'm actually tired at 10:30 - it's so EARLY!)
1) Lock up the above lunatic "The Phiz", she's trouble 2) Have a curfew so that NO ONE is allowed to awake before 3 in the afternoon 3) Make Don McLean come to New Zealand and 4) Make schools not start until four in the afternoon, if they have to start at ALL. The oracle has spoken.
I sean , feel by adding to the list of late sleepers, Bill of Rights that, I sean, shall wake up when ever I feel I should arise. Thus meaning that nothing or noone comes before my first Java(coffee), in the morning say 10am. There fore meaning I don't begin till I am fully ready/.
The standard punishment for all early birds shall be a 12 hour role-reversal whereby they must remain awake from 4PM to 8AM and must go to a math class in a quiet chamber at 9PM to 5AM. If they fail a test, they must stay up an hour later. Any incidents of the early bird passing out from sleep loss shall be dealt with by means of a cattle prod. Coffee nor any other stimulant drug shall be allowed until bed time. In said math class no programmable calculators would be allowed as they automate math, reducing errors.
Crimes warranting said punishment shall include but limited to harassment by any means, imposition of their schedule onto any late sleeper, the use of loud apparatus of any type before noon, The ownership of any pet that is not trained to be nocturnal, the opening of curtains or any other attempt at waking a Late Sleeper, advocacy of Ritalin, and so on.
Bars, as well as all businesses shall be open 24/7. We have a need to be social too, despite our status as nocturnal.
Sleep research shall be aimed at making early risers nocturnal, not the present state of research to make us nocturnals diurnal. The morning is good for one thing: Sleeping. It is no good for anything else.
All younger siblings/roommates/parents, especially those who are loud, are hereby banished from the bedrooms of late sleepers before eleven AM. Also, they are never ever allowed to comment on the appearance of a late sleeper after they appear at noon.
Any shooting of construction workers operating loud equipment such as jackhammers and the like prior to noon, if such shooting is done by an irate and temporarily mentally incompetent Late Sleeper, shall be declared a misdemeanor and punished with a fine not exceeding $200.
I would also like to remind everyone here this affirmation: you pay for a phone for your *own* convenience, not anyone else's. Especially with answering machines and voice mail, there is no earthly reason to *ever* feel obligated to answer it if you don't feel like it. Particularly, of course, when you're asleep.
Late Sleepers should receive discounts on parking, restaurants, hot water, electricity, etcetera, etcetera, in acknowledgement of the pressure we take off all service providers by using these services during non-peak hours. And I agree that any hours worked before noon should be subject to the same pay increase that some graveyard shift workers get (the assumption being that graveyard shift workers are going against their natural body clock to do so. 'Tain't necessarily so.)
That all military personnel aboard US navy ships who need to sleep late because they only got 4 hours anyway, will not have to get counseled on the importance of "Being on time" when they are late, err,,decided to sleep late!
A business affiliation shall be formed, comprised of organizations promoting flex-time. Those holding Late Sleepers cards shall be given preferential consideration for any job opportunities available within said affiliated companies. Any resulting interviews shall not be scheduled prior to 1:00 pm, naturally.
Early Riser "friends" are strictly prohibited from calling Late Sleepers at work, until after 2:00 pm if they desire to bitch about their day. After having awoke at the unreasonable hour of 8:00 am, a Late Riser does not need assistance in the negativity department.
It should be understood that it is just as detrimental to the Late Sleeper's state of mind to receive phone calls prior to 10:00 am, as it is for the Early Riser to receive calls after 10:00 pm. As such, the Late Sleeper should advise the Early Riser of the potentially negative consequences of such calls on their relationship, whatever it may be. The Early Riser shall be expected to 1) apologize, 2) empathize and 3)adjust future calling behavior accordingly.
In addition to extended fast food breakfast hours, there shall be restaurants who provide breakfast delivery service. This serves as the "morning" counterpart to late night pizza delivery. Pizza delivery hours shall be extended to 4:00 am. After midnight, said delivery services will also include alcohol and tobacco delivery. Delivery hourse for Chinese and other varieties of deliverable food will also be extended. Said companies will be a part of above business affiliation for Late Sleepers. Perhaps a "one stop chain" will be established, providing all stated services, including video deliveries. Rentals due back no sooner than 5 nights after delivery.
All Apartment Swimming Pools should be open 24 hours, allowing graveyard workers time to swim and use the hot tub also. Yard work will be done at Dusk so graveyard workers can sleep during the day!
any morning person found guilty of disturbing a late sleeper before noon shall face a sentence of no less than 10 days 'sleep in' detention.
That early risers shall be made to understand that sleeping late is not a moral failing...as long as we still get everything done.
Babies and small children of Late Sleepers will not be allowed to enter the parents' room, cry, ask for breakfast cereal, or make any other request before the hour of noon! Also, neighborhood children may not knock on the door of a Late Sleeper's house until at least 6 pm on weekdays, because the Late Sleeper had to get up early to get their own children to school and is most likely napping in the afternoon.
Lastly, all roosters and loud birds must all be killed!
Every town in every country in the world should have a Late Sleepers Zone of a 5 to 8 miles radius, covered by a giant dome where the morning starts at 10am. No early riser will be allowed into the dome ever and every living creature whitin the dome should have an altered sleep phase to accomodate life there. (i.e. no chirping birds at 6a.m.)
For the person who gets up at 6am to go through all my stuff.. I WILL catch you! For 6am is not that unreasonable a bed time.
who says i'm not a morning person! for sunrise marks the end of another productive day
Is 10am considered "sleeping in?" what kind of horrible society do we live in where 10am is sleeping in!
Fom now on 10am is considered EVIL and early, for a true night owl knows that breakfast begins after the lunch menus are gone and the expensive and discriminatory 'dinner' menu is out.
(Mmm eggs at 5pm)
My body clock is the complete OPPOSITE of "normal people"... bed at 5:00-6:00am and awake at 2:00-3:00pm... all shops, doctor's offices, schools, workplaces, cinemas, fast-food places, supermarkets, and so on will incorporate night shifts and will be open ALL NIGHT for those of us who fancy doing our shopping or eating a hamburger at 4:00am... also... I will give £500 to the first person to kill the dustbinmen (trash collectors) who roam about outside my bedroom windows with their noise machine at 8:00am on Friday mornings... also I will give £600 to the first person to kill all "yippy" little dogs, who bark every morning, especially when the aforementioned binmen arrive on Friday mornings at 8:00am... thank you.
Allow late sleepers to have an excuse card from Formal Day or any other day that requires a capitilization except from Pajama Day. Which should be the everyday requirment for the dress attire for the average late sleeper. They should also have an excuse card that allows them to have numerous bad hair days.
Every individual has the right to choose their own time-zone. (I would choose Central-European Time which is 6-7 hours later than here, Asia.
Morning Set and Lunch-Time service should be available according to their time-zone.
From this day forward, all stores shall remain open 24 hours a day and all items shall be on sale for 50% off between the hours of 8PM and 4AM.
The average work day shall henceforth be shortened to four hours,not to commence prior to noontime in order to accomodate the right to sleep late while also not infringing on the inalianable right to rent movies in the evening.
The manufacture of any product not essential to living or contributing significantly to the enjoyment of this newly acquired free time shall henceforth be banned and employees formerly engaged in the production of such worthless junk shall be transferred to assist those engaged in neccissary commerce in order to ensure important business may be concluded in a timely manner.
Wages shall be adjusted to reflect lack of need to purchase non-essential junk which is no longer manufactured while allowing for the essentials and enjoyment of life.
School hours shall be adjusted in a like manner to reflect the lack of need to train in the art of producing said junk.
Since I'm the only Insomniac in my idiotic seventh grade class: All those who smile within ten feet of me before 12:00 PM shall recieve corperal punishment.
It should be a duly noted fact, that there are late sleepers among us. And they should be recognized in today's society, and there rights as a human recognized, with respect which is rightfully theirs, no criticism to be given ever, under any circumstances. Especially school children, whose parents happen to be late sleepers, and cant help there parents disabilities.
Late sleepers should get a tax credit for not being in rush hour traffic, this will help get this economy up and "running."
Late Sleepers have the right to do laundry and dispose of trash after 11pm. Access to laundry and garbage facilities in apartment buildings shall not be denied to Late Sleepers.
2.Dim Sum should be served at least til 6pm. 3.City busses and subways, should run as frequently when Late Sleepers are trying to get to work as they do during "rush hour." 4. Early Rising shall be recognized as a sleeping disorder. 5. Late Sleepers shall serve as sleeping trainers to the sleeping-impaired, providing strategies and guidance on sleeping later and longer.
You should be able to sleep in class without having "I love Pamas" stamped on your forehead.
Breakfast will officially be the Meal After One Has Slept and not dependent on some ludicrous am/pm nonsense...
And sunrises are great - if one is still up... but out of line if one has to get up...
Don't touch anyone when sleeping!
Simple: Nothing scheduled prior to noon... EVER!
Sleepers have the right to bear arms - against early wakers in order to protect these rights.
All shows on T.V. in top fifty on the ratings list shall begin only after 11:30 AM
it should be a capital offence to mention tardiness to any card holding memeber of the late sleepers club. No appeal, no remission, quick and painfull execution!
There will now be two divisions of the day instead of three. The distinction known as "morning" will be removed. It will become part of evening. This leaves: afternoon and evening.
Early morning risers should never be allowed to sing "Wake Up" songs, especially ones that involve clapping to the later risers. They should know that these so-called "tunes" could result in unconsciousness by a fiercly thrown pillow.
Thou shall not drive down the street during daylight with ye car stereo thumping so loudly that mine window panes rattle.
First off, all TV stations should rebroadcast the days best programs starting at 1am running until 7am when they can show church shows and whatever else morning people like to watch. Second, every late riser should be able to tell his/her boss that they are a late riser and that they will not go to work before noon, they will however happily fill their 8 hours as opposed to unhappily filling 8 morning hours. There will be no consequences for this. I have been fired from a few jobs for showing up late but seriously I can't help it, it's been this way my whole life. I have 3 alarm clocks, I have recieved noise complaints from my alarm clocks but they still don't wake me up. Even if I go to sleep at 11 pm I still cannot wake up before 10am on my own. I remember (well that's not true I can't remember but I've been told) my mom physically ripping me out of bed and getting me dressed for school and I had not waken up during it at all.
Late Sleepers shale have their own territory and economy depending on time frames of sleepers.
Late sleepers shall NOT be called crazy by the early birds!!! There is NOTHING "wrong" with us!!!!!
Regarding the traffic sign "No left turn 7am to 9am": Ha, what a joke!
It will henceforth be socially acceptable to respond to the sadistic phrase "good morning" with "shut up don't talk to me!"
It will henceforth be socially acceptable to respond to the sadistic phrase "good morning" with "shut up don't talk to me!"
Sorry for the double post, everyone--It was before 2pm when I posted it.
Response for us owls who are ridiculed by smug larks: "As far as late sleepers being 'weird' and early risers 'normal,' I ask you, what hour did 9/11 take place? Now who's calling whom crazy."
Actual quote by Ben Franklin: "Early to bed, early to rise...aah, screw it."
All early risers shall be transported to the west coast and late risers to the east coast. Normal work hours on the west coast shall not begin until 9 AM so that east coasters will not need to arrive at work until noon. This completly ignores both early and late sleepers other than in this hemisphere, but I'm American so you expect me to ignore the rest of the world.
Parents did this to us. We had conflict, outright WAR as infants. GO TO BED DAMNIT! they said. Well, that prompted us to NOT BE SLEEPY, to resist sleep as oblivion! Parents have got to con the kiddies. "Want your magic story?" Then tell us the most peaceful parable which they make up, witty, from their own soul, not a book, in a soft voice until we doze off. With liberal Dr.Philisms like'How'd I get so lucky to get a kid like you?" apparently that makes kids grow up to crack books at dawn and get PHD's at college.
It shall be illegal for the early risers to address late sleepers as "sleepy head" or any other stupid name that they find cute, but just makes us want to dance the polka on their face.
Henceforth, all interesting college courses shall not be scheduled before noon.
-Parents shall keep their cool each time their son or daughter waketh up at a late hour. If one or both parents loseth their cool(s), the parent(s) must humbly appologise and leave the premissis until mid afternoon.
-Cold water is illegal, when used as a lethal weapon to wake up the late sleeper.
-If any teacher embarrasses, or is hostile to the late sleeper, due to a late morning walk in, the late sleeper may prank call the teacher at 3:00 AM for 3 weeks without detention or suspension.
-Late forms will be replaced with sleeping permits. Marks will be given for subconscious brain storming and dreaming.
- Annoying morning people must not talk to anyone wearing a night person logo on his/her shirt, until mid afternoon.
- If anyone condemneth a night person for no good reason other than bigotry, he/she will be taken by the night owl police to the 24:00+ club for a convertion process to the nocturnal side.
The designation "a reasonable hour" will not be limited to the objective alentours of 11 am, but rather defined subjectively by the individual Late Sleeper, thereby recognizing times like 3 pm as existing and very real hours of awakening.
A designated "Late Sleeper Appreciation Week" will happen once every month, and to celebrate the greatness of the late sleepers, the early risers shall wake up late too. In the process, early risers may realize that they like sleeping late and will depart from their evil ways and join the ranks of the enlightened.
anyone who wakes a late sleeper from this moment on shall be punished with forty snaps to the rear with a wet towel!!!!
Any early riser parent of a late sleeper should never comment on the aforementioned late riser's "wasting of the day". The early riser parent has no right to talk when he or she can't stay awake through prime time television and falls asleep on the couch at 8pm.
The only creature allowed to wake a late sleeper is something warm and fuzzy that requires only a half-asleep pet on the head before it allows the late sleeper to fall back asleep for another five hours.
Those who insist on listening to their music before 3pm must wear headphones.
All people have the freedom of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness(sleep)
Sunsets shal be officially recognised as being as refreshing & wonderful as sunrises.
there should be schools for after 10p.m.
As a LS i feel your right of self indulgence should be honored by all that you come in contact with and if not, you as a LS should place your energy in a localized zone that fits your personal beliefs. peace LS
I am amazed that there is a web site for people that have had people call them a late sleeper. For the person that would like to say to someone your late implies that they have no concept of time or life.For humans will wake after thier bodies have had enough time to rest. ANYONE that ever says that to you again ie:BOSS,FRIEND,WIFE ect.,you should explain to them that they need to learn a lesson about life, mine aint up 2 u.
All the people who work for little money and long hours of traffic and bitching should get free porn, free sex toys and free gasoline. Oh yeah and a different guy a week, for free! Just to take the edge off. You know, it's all good. [Looking, message me]
All fast food chains will be required by law to provide breakfast at reasonable Late Sleepers Awakening times, such as, 12 P.M. to 12 A.M.
He who sleeps is allowed to whack his prickmeat in doing so
I am so tired right now cause I can't go to sleep early, I go to sleep late and have to wake up at 6 to be at work at 8. 5 or 6 hours of sleep is not enough, companies should be flexible, i need to start later or die, ZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZ Z
no one should call till after 12am,because they know we dont get up till then,if a tell marketer call they should be put in front of a firing squad
People can't perform well when they should be sleep, so grading someone's performance based on what they do @ that time is discrimination
There shall be two shifts for students attending school;the second shift classes starting at 300 P.M. directly after the first shift ends. This will include bussing and teaching which will give an opportunity to any Late Sleepers wishing to pursue a teaching degree. This bill will reduce tardiness and school skipping, and will also aid late sleeper parents that work at night from having to have a babysitter, as their kids will be in school while they work.
In Australia, McDonalds have woken to the fact that Breakfast should be served laters, and although we can not get the hotcakes, we are able to have Bacon & Egg Muffins at anytime of day. Full Congratulations to McDonalds Australia!
Early risers, should be penalised for making smart-arsed responses about "getting more work done before you woke up". The correct terminology "We have completed the same amount of work. I just completed mine before you woke up".
Late Sleepers, and NightOwls enjoy the priveledge of not having to run noisy air conditioners so hard on hot nights, as there is not the extra heatmaker in the sky.
number one i believe the late sleepers card should have the card holders regular sleeping patterns printed on them thus no one has to wake at another late sleepers time
number two your parent/our legal gaurdian is not allowed to question you on why you are "just getting up" as long as you are a card carrying member. number three if your job requires that you be at your jobsite before the designated hours on your card and you work in a place where you have contact with the consumer you will no be able to be fired for being rude to said consumers before the wake up time designated on your card. number four after registering with your local phone company stating that you are a card carrying late sleeper and showing the hours on your card they will flag your phone number with the hours you have provided them and anyone who tries to call you during your registered sleeping time shall resieve the tri-tone and a message of "we're sorry the person you are trying to reach is a registered late sleeper if you would like to get ahold of them please call back at (registered wake up time)"those are my requirements thank you for listening
Shops will stay open after 8/10pm and will stock the same produce as they do in the morning. People coming out of late rehearsals have just as much of a right to a pint of milk as business people popping in before work.
Excessively cheerful morning people would have to undergo sensitivity classes so they could realise what they lay on later rising people.
If morning people insist on phoning too early then they should expect to get called when we feel ready to call, preferably at 3:30am.
When I am insomniac I do not wake people up so when I am in bed depressed I expect the same courtousy.
It is overstepping the bounds to tell your lodger's mother that zir sleeping patterns are not the 'right ones' or do not conform with your idea of decent.
In consoderate early risers will be sent to Peterborough and have to live there until they learn their lesson.
There is no rush to wake up to do things you have all the time in the world. There shouldnt be a time limit on anything.
There will be an all insomniac channel! Thanks Dave Attel represent!
All late sleepers forced to wake up early to go to classes or work shall be hereby entitled to take a nap of up to four hours upon returning home to let them get the sleep they need and enable them to be alert in the time they function best!
I raise my glass of grape juice and amend that the hours between 12 midnight to 4 a.m. are shrined, and encircled, with continued masterpieces and works of art, created by the late sleepers.
I raise my glass of grape juice and amend that the hours between 12 midnight to 4 a.m. are shrined, and encircled, with continued masterpieces and works of art, created by the late sleepers.
We must come together, in the spirit of unity, to accept and proclaim our inherent right as nocturnal individuals to a nocturnal existence. We must build more sites for the nocturnal community, more resistance to current chronophobic attitudes, and a greater respect for the world that comes with being one associated with the night. I believe we have this right, and we should assert it as a responsible, dignified, and valuable community! One day, our children, and our children's children, will be able to roam free in the night, regardless of occupation or nocturnal leanings, will be able to live their lives the way they were meant to - as nocturnes.
All college campuses nationwide should be put on Permanent Triple Strength Daylight Wasting Time. Thus, when you go to your 9 AM class, it's really noon. :)
School should be set up like a "well come if you want" kind of thing. Just get here when your awake and we will catch you up on what we went over before you got here.
You should be sleeping not deleting posts! Go back to bed.
Those of us late sleepers who might naturally sleep in until anywhere from 9:00am to 1:00 pm on a weekend, should not be clock-watched by other employees,including management. Especially if those employees start work before 7:00am, when the late sleeper starts at 9:00am and takes the bus. I cannot clock watch them & have no way of guaging if they arrived on time, while the manager that is still there when I leave (there luckily ARE a few fellow late sleepers on the management side) thinks those late sleepers are great because they often loose track of time at work & leave late.
Asking a late sleeping transit taker to simply "try for the earlier bus" should be hung drawn & quartered. In cities this may require waking & leaving the house a full 15 minutes to 1/2 an hour... or even an hour in some rural areas.
No manager should schedule a meeting for a late sleeper's start time. Especially if that late sleeper is at the mercy of the transit system. Some of the transit workers are also late sleepers and the bus never comes... Nor shall the other company members in the meeting all stare pointedly, & become quiet & look embarassed like the offending late sleeper has done something disgusting like let out a ripping f*rt. This is a gross injustice, especially if it is in part due to a tardy or absent transit employee. The victimized late sleeper then customarily blushes a beet red, wonders what is wrong with or his her outfit, hair etc and becomes so flustered that any verbal input they may have been about to impart comes out as gibberish and the entire day is hence ruined. Thia type of dicrimination should be reported immediately to your union if you have one, if not with this bill of rights in hand obtain a lawyer ;-)
Late sleeping people who work 9-5 (which are regular banking hours btw) Shall not be thought of as lazy. If the late sleeping person has had their hours of work approved to 9-5 those who prefer to work 7-3 (That's right.. in our office the majority of workers begin their work day at 7:00am. Most of them live in the suburbs & are at least a half hour's drive from work. Some of these people get up at 5:00am and brag about everything they've already done. Then they get to leave at 3:00pm when such important places as post-offices and banks and liquor stores are still in operation. From hereon in all post-offices shall operate from any time they want to in the morning but shal close no later than 11:00pm. Those who do not leave work until 5:00pm and take transit that does not get them near their post office until 6:00pm which closes at 6:00pm shall be reimbursed for every e-bay item purchased that has gone back to the original owner even though the sorry late sleeping person has already paid for it in full. Ditto when the seller does not take paypal/credit cards and forces the unwary late sleeper to search for a bank or money mart that will do a money order in UK pounds during the hours that I (or any fellow late sleeper) do not work.
If you work late you should be able to sleep in as late as you need... Shift work is not a great idea... What else can one do? Stick to 9-5?! Self-employed?
The weather reports shall include warnings about so-called Nice Sunny Days. Each Nice Sunny Day will receive a designated name (akin to the system for hurricanes) with an appropriate warning, watch, and evacuation system developed.
The motives of any person referring to the hour of 10A.M. should be treated with great suspicion due to the close proximity of "10A.M." to it's evil cousins 9,8,7 & 6 A.M. No Late Sleeper should consider 10A.M. a viable hour for anything, except sleep!
I want to see a list of famous people in history who were late sleepers. I am looking for a job and all the @#$$ network groups meet at 6AM. I did not even have to be at work that early!!! WHY??? I guess the 2nd and 3rd shift people looking for work should adapt to the "Normal" schedule of the obviously right huh?
Oh yeah, 6AM is only Acceptable IF you are already up from the previous day!!!!
SChool shall not start until 1 P.M. and School Buses shall wait outside until the student gets on the bus.
Neighbours' small children should be gagged and dogs should also be muzzled or kept in between the hours of midnight and 10am weekdays and midnight to 1pm on weekends and bank holidays.
at work there should be a nap room like in kindergarten
It should be against the law to get up before the sun does.
Dealing with critter's "minds"...
Scenario: I was living in a townhouse, in a university housing area...
Every morning at 6:30AM the sparrow colony, in the vines next door, would all wake, and become active as hell, making such a ruckus that it woke nearly everybody in the area...
I had to do something to quiet the 200 noisy birds in the mornings...
A bluebird attacked their nests every few days, seizing the odd baby sparrow from a nest, and would bash the baby against tree branches till it was still, then would swallow it whole... It gave me an idea.
I painted a hen's egg the same color as the blue jay... and built a large nest in the vines... and placed the egg in the nest... That night, I slammed an empty garbage can to the cement, at midnight... waking all the baby sparrows... who squawked and squawked for about an hour, waking the whole colony... to show the sparrows that noises wake babies...
The next morning the sparrows saw the huge "blue jay egg"... and were all as quiet as they could be... They obviously didn't want to wake that egg... And that was the end of the sparrow noises in the morning...
I expect this formula will help a few late sleepers, in the area of them darm noisy birds...
Anyone caught mowing there lawn before 12pm on weekends shall be shot on site.
whichever character* on tv sends kids to bed, should say goodnight at 11:30, not 7:30.
(* it's "prime possum" in parts of australia)
let it be known all meetings held early AM will also be held 12 hours later, good night
Golf courses shall be required by law to provide lighting for rounds after sunset.
i have sucessfully managed to train my dog to be a late sleeper. she now eats when i do and refuses to go for walks until after sunset. which is absolutly find with me ;)
Thy neighbours young daughter shall not sing in the shower opposite Late Sleeper's window religously every Sunday morning at 10am.
Any neighbour caught singing anything by the likes of Britney Spears and Avril "IM-A-FAKE-PUNK" at any time between 12am-12pm should be forced to shoot thyself. I dont care if she's 8 and sounds cute..ITS SUNDAY F#$@ING MORNING YOU FU%$ING PSYCHO!!!!!
On Late Sleepers National Day, all noisy neighbours shall be baught forth to the Tower of Shame and shall be stoned and shamed till all Late Sleepers are tired and alas! Ready for sweet slumber.
There should be a bong packed magickally for the time you wake up
All TV and radio networks will be required to put on interesting programs between 2am and 5am so we later risers have something to watch just before we go to bed.
Employers shall make no rules respecting an establishment of reasonable hours, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of sleep.
A well rested employee, being necessary to the productivity of a profitable company, the right of the people to sleep and hit snooze, shall not be infringed.
No early-bird shall, in time of morning, call a meeting, without the consent of the late risers, but in a manner to be prescribed by equal consent.
The right of the people to be secure in their beds against unreasonable wakeup calls, shall not be violated, and no alarm clocks shall ring, but upon the crack of TEN, supported by oath or affirmation.
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury after the hour of TEN in the morning; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or sleep, without due process of law.
No construction work or garbage pick-up before 10am.
All persons not able to keep their snoring to a reasonable level, shall be banished from living in apartment buildings, condominiums, or any other multi-family dwelling. Further more, any person who's snoring can be heard outside of their own dwelling shall be exiled or jailed indefinitely.
first - 10 or 10:30 is too early! (at least 12, and that's pushing it)
Employers and teachers will no longer scoff in indignation and contempt at late arrivers and unfocused students/employees before noon; if they fail to do so, we will point and laugh at them after noon, when they, as many of us have pointed out, are falling into their midafternoon snooze.
Furthermore, doctors will no longer assume your inability to be awake during the early morning hours has anything to do with sleep depravity. They will first and foremost ask about your sleeping habits, and will be henceforth relieved to find out that you do in fact, get enough sleep when work/school schedule allows you to do so, and that you are in fact, a HEALTHY, AGILE human being. (Just a bit more so at night)
But maybe it's onlhy me that's had this particular problem....
Ah well...must go begin the night!! (we joke, but seriously, demand some fuckin respect!! write letters encouraging later school bells, meetings, etc...keep them anonymous if you're terribly embarassed...although shame is your enemy...be proud of your lot!)
anyone who saids gawd you sleep so much tell em to shuddup and say dummy that's cause you dont see me when i'm awake DUMMY!
Early risers are forbidden to use a spouse/partner/friend's late sleeping as an excuse for their own unacceptable behavior. "Well, I had to take my old girlfriend to the investment seminar weekend instead of you because, because, well, you can't get up in the morning, and all those great classes start at 8 AM, and I didn't want to have to deal with trying to get you out of bed, whereas she's up and perky and cheery and bouncing around at 5AM, so it was just easier." Miserable creep.
I have a dream...I'd like to keep that way.
Late-sleepers Shall NOT...under any circumstances...be held responsible for any appointments made for us by Non-late-sleepers (NLSs) withing the earlier specified times. Any late-sleeper has the right to refuse any given task at any given time...especially when on the way to take a nap.
I have a dream...I'd like to keep that way.
Late-sleepers Shall NOT...under any circumstances...be held responsible for any appointments made for us by Non-late-sleepers (NLSs) withing the earlier specified times. Any late-sleeper has the right to refuse any given task at any given time...especially when on the way to take a nap.
Garbage trucks will have huge silencing devices and garbage men will no longer yell but speak softly into wireless headsets to communicate, garbage cans will be encased in large rubber sheaths to protect them from causeing racket when thrown down.
No man, woman, or child shall utter the words "You sleep your life away" without swift and painful retribution.
The so called "morning people" should never say unto late sleepers, "happy monday", "smile it up its tuesday", "lucky ducky it is wednesday", "closer to friday, thursday", or "it's friday yay!!" unless the late sleeper is in a perfect mood with coffee mug in hand.
Official coffee break at 8.30-9.00pm.
I have found my kind of people here :)
Henceforth! Any time you wake up is hereby proclaimed "OK". There will be no discrimination against ANY sleep period. period. NOTHING at work/school/ (insert oppressive influence) is important enough to need be taken care of "RIGHT NOW".
I want to sleep until I'm no longer tired, I want to do this every day. I want the room service. We have broadband, cell phones, and all the implements to make actually showing up for anything unnecessary. And think of the money we'd save on gas!
All Late-Sleepers shall be given a compulsory firearm, which will be loaded and readied at the side of the bed. Any fools whom should dare try to wake the Late-Sleeper shall be shot. (If preferable, I'd like a silenced one, so I won't have to wake up while doing the deed).
Also, no men may ask for sex before midday. God damnit.
Any neighbour who believes that because they've been awake since 7am, at 9am it's plenty late enough to blare their music through the wall should be shot. Without question. Repeatedly.
Mailmen, delivery men, gardeners, and repairmen are not allowed to ring doorbell/knock repeatedly anytime before 3 pm. Mail is to be brought directly to the door at a reasonable hour (5 pm) in order to avoid werewolves/goblins/ghouls near the mailbox at 2 am. Lawnmowers/chainsaws/hammers are not to be used prior to 2 pm, and neighbors with loud cars will be subject to late night bludgeonings if they don't respect the 2 pm "loud noises" rule.
Hungry cats are allowed to be shot with tranquilizers upon first meowing offense anytime between the hours of 3 am and 2 pm. People calling on the phone between those hours will be subject to the blast of an airhorn.
All late sleepers are aloud to sleep late.
All late sleepers who are parents and responsible for small (early risers) whos job it is to stay home will be assigned a responsible older (early riser) to do the early shift....amen
Garbagemen shall come to get the garbage in the alley after 2 p.m. Any violators of this shall be tossed into the back end of their garbage truck
An addendum to the annexing of the hours of 10pm to 6am as being part of the previous day:
It is never tomorrow until the late sleeper goes to bed and wakes up again. Everything else is still today!
All persons calling a late sleeper before 2pm shall be shocked through the phone line.
its now 1.40 in Briatin and i'd just like to say all good and valuable comments- i personally have only one grudge, housemates at uni are not allowed, even if i have my t.v or music on late at night to tell me to turn it down, because if i turn it down anymore its off and thats not an option as i am a person too and get lonely at night. Therefore if i have to stay up, why should they sleep? So in response i will turn the bloody tv or sterio up as loud as i like as they make as much noise as me only in the morning!!! Equal Oppotunities For All!!!!
We could just all go around and knock every clock backward a few hours. then, when they all think its 7am, and its time to get up, we're all getting up because its really 10am. badda bing badda boom, problem solved. we just need to syncronize a time and date when this will occur, so nobody notices...
No risers of the reasonable hour shall be forced to wake up at all on the week end, in fact any such waking actions should be seen as hainous crimes against humanity! Alarm clocks shall be henceforth BANISHED FROM THE LAND! Also i would like to point out tha- snzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... *unconcious sleep like state*
Once an equal status in the society is achieved for late sleepers, there should be a planned campaign to convert all early risers to late sleepers. People not complying should be arrested
late sleepers wiil here by not have to attned school work our other occasions where they have to leave befor 11:00
Any one found quilty of using a Lawnmower befor noon shall be shot on sight.
NO ONE shall be allowed to make stupid comments like, "Gee, you look really TIRED!", or, "Did you have a long night?", when the late-sleeper has been forced to get up and deal with the insane schedules forced upon us by morning people!!!!! There will be minimum FINE of $500 for every offense!
Anyone that has a dog that barks before sundown will be forced to spend the weekend at neverland ranch.
All infomercials will now be shown between the hours of 7am and 3pm instead of when late sleepers are awake and looking for something to watch. All late sleepers will also be granted Tivo for life at birth to offset this horrible scurge of infomercials.
Forcible yet humane relocation of every last be-winged noise maker, including chronologically challenged roosters crowing at two in the morning, which has taken up residence in my back yard.
As a morning person, I am also an advocate of late sleepers rights. To suffer the wrath of of a late sleeper earlier than 9:30 is a fate that I wouldn't bestow on my most hated of enemies. So, for the safety of all people, late sleepers and early risers alike, may all the late sleepers of the world have a separate but equal undesignated 8 hour time frame to rest their tired bodies, and weary minds.
I would add a rule, but I start work at 5 in the morning 5 days a week and I CAN'T THINK STRAIT!
I got wrote up for bing late the other day and told not to let happen agin so i did not go in today i was not late cant be late fine i wont go maybe we should all try it
The rights of the late sleeper should stop where the rights of others begin; i.e. you should be allowed to sleep in church as long as your snoring doesn't wake others.
There is hardly any reason to believe prayer is incompatible or better than sleep!
The rights of the late sleeper should stop where the rights of others begin; i.e. you should be allowed to sleep in church as long as your snoring doesn't wake others.
There is hardly any reason to believe prayer is incompatible or better than sleep!
I demand the right to sleep until whenever I see fit without fear of ridicule or reproach, even if I happen to still be in a state of golden slumber when everyone else is coming home from work. We were not all made to dance to the beat of the same drum. Sleep on !
Any activities that prevent early risers from sleeping at the hours between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. shall no longer result in the early risers, a: calling the cops to complain, b: calling the sleepers to complain, or c: banging the ceiling/floor with soemthing obnoxious thereby preveting the previously mentioned activity.
Any Late Sleeper required to wake up before 11:00 a.m. shall be paid double-time for all hours he/she is awake before 11:00 a.m. Functional status will not affect the aforementioned pay. He/she will likewise be excused from any coherent conversation/discussion prior to 1:00 p.m. Any conversation/discussion directed at the Late Sleeper before 1:00 p.m. will not be acknowledged.
Late sleeper is nocturnal creature naturally, in this bill of right, it should include a legislation that makes us a special citizenship (Late Sleeper Organization) LSO will have the same right as any worldwide organization exactly like WHO or WHOwhat so ever. We will have a council that will create equal rights and see justice over early riser. Banning the term the early birds get the first worm to the bird who are good enough will get the worm no matter when they wake up. The world will be in new order as shops will no longer has to work 9-5 clock but a multi hours. This will not only be better for the economy cause, shops will be profitable due to lower competitors and when this legistation is enforce, mankind will live in a new life where late sleepers RULE!!!!1
i love this sit
Should have a special event of the year when there is a late sleeper contest. The 500 who sleep longest get a special sleep related prize.
The the terms "full spectrum", "daylight", and "sun" lamps shall be amended to include the orange sodium street lamps. One man's night light is another's day light.
It is unreasonable and unrighteous for ANY construction/destruction work of ANY kind to be allowed before the time of 3pm, nor after 7pm.
Any offedners will be set upon by Big Nigel and his knuckledusters so I can sleep from 8am-4pm after a 7 hour night shift lugging heavy soft drinks around probably snapped up by people such as themselves. Then, only then will i rest in happiness.
during summer months especially daylight will now be known as the quiet time of day....and anything so much as more than normal speech noise created during the hours of light must be met with swift action, from Big Nigel's little grother and his toe tectors, in the gut.
am and pm shall switch their positions in the clock, all above alterations in this particular amendment like wise, so we piss on the early people's plans.
all management shall be replaced with late sleepers and anyone clocking in before the management shall be duly deprived of his or her sleep by down trodden 'late' sleepers with whatever instruments of decibilisation they so choose.
no man or woman is allowed, BY LAW to have anything less than 8-10 hours sleep, for whatever reason and WHATEVER their proffesion may chose to clock in whatever time, so long as they have a valid excuse such as star trek marathon or broadband kicks ass....
All cereal companies are to hereby withdraw all statements claiming that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" before January 1st, 2006.
Early risers are to understand that it is dangerous to their health and late sleepers can and shall not be held responsible for any forthcoming actions that take place due to the waking of said late sleeper.
No telephones should ring before noon!
"The time" will no longer be relative to the position of the sun, rather, what time it is will be determined by your personal circadian rhythm. The day begins when you wake. This way we can ALL be morning people.
Total soundproofing shall be a part of the building
code, thus eliminating the problem of yappy dogs,
morning neighbors, etc. Portable acoustical
structures will be placed around construction,
roadwork, etc., so as to not disturb sleepers.
Should someone decide to do yardwork before 1
pm or after 8 pm, they shall use non-power tools -
rotary mowers, hand rakes, etc. That annoying
"backup beep" shall be eliminated from all vehicles,
to be replaced with a device which sends a silent
signal, which can be picked up by a special device
by those unable to see said vehicle. Speed bumps
shall be eliminated (ever hear a truck take on of
those things at 7 am - wakes up the whole
neighborhood; and makes the folks already awake
jump a mile.) Neither morning nor night people will
receive any special treatment, however, all people
will have the same rights. There are enough people
awake at any given hour to accomodate staffing in
order to keep stores, churches, schools, etc. open
24/7. Heck, we could even each have our own
neighborhoods, with folks who don't get up *really*
early as buffers. It could work. We might all have to
brush up on manners, though.
All hotels and breakfastservices should be open until AT LEAST 13:00. Everytime I wake and want to get me some breakfast somewhere, it's NOT possible to order some because it has been 10:00 -.- Discrimination? yes!! Manipulation? yes sir!!! They make us get up early because else there isn t any food for us left!!!! how mean is that???? k, I go sleep a little bit further now, it isn t 12:00 yet...zzzzzz
Complaints for loud music should always be denied if the the "suspect" owns a late sleepers card.
In all relationships consisting of a early riser and a late riser, the early riser must buy the following for the couple; one gigantic, non vibration bed, so as to allow the late riser a decent nights rest, undisturbed by the jarring motion of the early risers awaking as well as their tossing turning and kicking!
All Late Sleepers should receive Loyalty Cards in which you gain points for the number of hours you sleep. These points shall be redeeemabale at all stores worldwide.
Anyone working to at least 10 P.M. shall officially be givin the right to not have to deal with anyone until 10 A.M. the following day.
Federal Truth-in-Labeling laws shall be amended as follows: No over-the-counter medication designed to induce drowsiness shall be permitted to include the designation "PM" (ex. Tylenol PM, Excedrin PM), as the PM hours are a time to be active and the proper time to go to bed lies firmly in the AM. (All of my sleep occurs in the AM hours, not PM. On second thought, sometimes I do sleep past noon!)
all early riser should be shot...and castrated. the world would be so much more peacefull
September shall be named late sleeper month, and schools shall have to provide a late sleepers history class, after noon of course.
I have been trying for many years to try to be day person.Now at 36 I give up I now follow my naturAL BODY CLOCK I am a night person and proud of it
Info-mercials will all be band so that TV will be forced to have something worth watching on past midnight. All grocery and department stores will be open at least once a week for twenty-fore hours as well as banks and post offices. Before dialing the phone people should have to check to see (maybe a N for night and a D for day code next to the # in the phone book or any phone list)before dialing and waking me up, this means YOU DAD!!! No calls to us night dwellers until noon or better. Moon worshippers should get equal time with the Sun worshippers of this world.
school mustn't start before 11 o'clock! taxis have to drive you to school when you call'em for free!
You have the right to sleep during boring lessons (e.g. history)! It's your education and so you have to care for it by yourself and have to decide whether you want to learn or whether you prefer to sleep ;-)
If your husband expects you to be up with your makeup on by 9am, you shall be granted an immediate divorce. No questions asked.
All people who live right next door to a pub that closes at 1:30am, which uses the dumpster RIGHT below your bedroom window for all its trash INCLUDING bottles, definitely should be exempt from any morning activity. Morning should start at 12 noon, when everyone who was at the pub the night before is waking up with a massive hangover.
All fast food restaurants will be reguired to serve their breakfast food 24 hours a day. This goes for all restaurants in general: late sleepers have been deprived of quality breakfast food for way too long!! (except for those who can cook it themselvs at 4am.)
loud scousers arent aloud to be loud before 12 noon
Property managers and landlords will be forced by law to provide the following clauses in the leases of their renters.
(A) All trash pick up and landscaping of rented properties shall take place after 11 A.M. on any given day.
(B) Noise pollution from Families and Children will not be tolerated before the 10 A.M. on any given day.
(C) In the event that neither of the clauses A or B can be reasonably enforced in an area, apartments or houses must be retrofitted with sound proof windows and siding at no cost to the tenant.
All Late Arisers shall, at no cost, have the all-new "Anti-Hearing Aide" surgically and painlessly implanted in one's ears. Anti-Hearing Aide is a tiny device that, when activated,blocks out ALL non-emergency noises for 12 hours, or until de-activated. Activation and de-activation are accomplished by gently tugging on one's earlobes. G'nite!
© Drue Miller (drue.com)