By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
  Today the prison psychologist gave me a poetry assignment, she thinks I need to get my emotions out on paper and maybe then I’ll accept my new life here and start fitting in with the other inmates. I keep telling her I don’t want to fit in because I’m not George Sr., I’m Oscar Bluth! I’d like to see her survive ping-pong night – I’ve learned to do it with a smile…A SMILE! And she’s just one more person I can add the list of people not reading my blog. What does it take to get people to read my f’ing blog?! What’s more interesting, an innocent man in prison blogging for his life or “Snuppy” the first cloned dog? If anyone out there in cyberspace is listening – I’m Oscar Bluth and here are two haikus.


The damage is done
Should I try to run? No, no.
I have a boyfriend
“Bitch no more”

Mister rapist be wary
I been working out
  By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
  It’s been a week since my last entry. I can explain. Last Thursday, I was counting ants in the prison yard and it
was a scorcher but I remember, I started killing the ants with my feet, yelling “Die you little black bastards, die!”
I got stabbed – a whole lot.
When I woke up in the infirmary, I was surprised to find
out that my stabber was the leader of an equal rights
gang called: RAVIOLI or Rapists Against Violence Against Insects. When I went to apologize for killing the ants, I pointed out that ravioli doesn’t work as an acronym and they stabbed me again. Please God get me out of here! I think that’s blood on the keyboard. Yep, it is. I’m Oscar Bluth and I need medical attention!

  By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
  After several weeks in the “big house” I’ve come to accept
I might be here for a while. Although this is the most horrible experience to date, I’m growing accustomed to
the pain. I do all that I can to keep my chin up. The other night before lockdown, just after my sweet mate (I don’t think that’s the term used) finished, I said to myself, “It’s getting better, you didn’t weep this time.” In this
acceptance I’ve decided to give myself a nickname…I
haven’t thought of it yet but I will…what else do I have
to do all day?! Well, when I’m not being gang ban…anyway
a nickname in prison is like a real name on the outside, it’s what people call you. I’d like to have a name that garners respect or at least stops me from being someone’s bitch. That’s where you readers come in…I’m Oscar Bluth and I’m taking nickname submissions.

  By Oscar Bluth
Inmate #24601
  Well, since no one submitted any nicknames I was forced
to give one to myself. In retrospect choosing the nickname “Doobie” wasn’t the best choice.