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Famous Conversation: Cyber Sex

 

For those of you who have been subscribed for awhile, you might remember this famous conversation I had with a subscriber who wanted to cyber sex with me.  Being the Joke Man that I am, I decided to to toy with her a little bit.  Below is the full conversation, but it doesn't get good until the end!

************:    hey wussup
Spicy Jem:    Nothing much
************:    i am one of your subscribers...and your jokes are awesome
************:    i just think somtimes..they get alittle corny
Spicy Jem:    Thanks! I appreciate that!
Spicy Jem:    Yeah...some of them are stupid
************:    do you get it out of a book
************:    or do you get it out of your head?
Spicy Jem:    No...I have other sources! =)
************:    can we get to know eachother..??
Spicy Jem:    Sure! What would you like to know?
************:    male or female??
Spicy Jem:    male
************:    i am female...
************:    how old are you
Spicy Jem:    22
************:    wow....where do you live?
Spicy Jem:    In California
************:    oh...
************:    can you give me a descreiption of yourself
Spicy Jem:    Hehehe I had a one in fifty chance of living in the same state as you! Those arent great odds!
************:    haha
Spicy Jem:    Well, I dont know if this will work, but try clicking here : My pic!!
************:    ok...
************:    you aren't half bad~~~
Spicy Jem:    Gee thanks!
************:    do you have a girlfriend?
Spicy Jem:    No I dont
************:    oh...
Spicy Jem:    Are you disappointed to hear that?
************:    nope..actually quite delighted
Spicy Jem:    =) Where do you live?
************:    NJ
************:    alot of states away from you
Spicy Jem:    Thats far
************:    i know... :(
************:    :-(
************:    are you busy
Spicy Jem:    I got a phone call from a friend...I am still here, just talking
************:    oh
************:    a guy or a girl
Spicy Jem:    my best friend
************:    meaning...
Spicy Jem:    Hehehe does that matter? =)
Spicy Jem:    Guy
************:    ok
************:    do you want to cyber
Spicy Jem:    excuse me?
************:    do you want to cyber
Spicy Jem:    Whats cyber??
************:    .
************:    sex online
Spicy Jem:    How can you do that? You send me pictures?
************:    nope...verbal sex...
************:    for example...
Spicy Jem:    You mean like, "Ooohh" "ahhhh" and stuff like that?
************:    well...more graphic than that
Spicy Jem:    Give me an example
************:    let's see...
************:    we are both naked...in bed..that's given
Spicy Jem:    uh....ok
************:    i take out a bottle of whipped cream...
************:    spread it all over you...
Spicy Jem:    really?
************:    then i take strawberries...
************:    lots and lots of them
************:    and go aginst the whipped cream.
************:    i put it in my mouth...and share the rest with you...mouth to mouth
************:    then i take two grapes...stick it to your nipples...
************:    then i slowly nibble on it...
Spicy Jem:    My skin has an allergic reaction to whip cream...I get hives all over my body
************:    oh
************:    fine...
Spicy Jem:    I think one of the grapes rolled off my nipple and into my mouth...now I'm choking <Gaaghgahgh>
************:    i peel a banana...then stick it to your dick...
Spicy Jem:    Is that necessary?
************:    i start from the tip...and work my self up....
************:    then start kissing all over you....all over baby!
Spicy Jem:    Hey this is kinda fun!
************:    isn't it...
************:    you try now
************:    i can't be doing all the work
Spicy Jem:    Ok..enough of this fruit crap...lets get into dairy products and meat...I'm talking chicken, steaks, even pig feets if you have em
************:    wow...
************:    you are good for a beginner~~!
Spicy Jem:    OK your laying there right?
************:    yeah
************:    all over the bed sweetie!
Spicy Jem:    And your all hot right?
************:    too hot...i am boiling..
************:    you put an ice..
************:    all you see in water SEXY!
Spicy Jem:    Good...Im hungry....I place a steak on your stomach, and watch it start to cook!
Spicy Jem:    Then......
************:    OH>>>>good baby
Spicy Jem:    I take out a fork and knife...a very sharp knife, and I slowly cut into the meat, ever so gently....
************:    and cut into me...
************:    ??
Spicy Jem:    With each bite of the steak, I eat it very slowly, playing with it with my tongue, while you lay there, watching
************:    well baby... i am very tired...after all this...are you on often?
Spicy Jem:    Still hot?
************:    yeah...
************:    but baby...i gotta go...
Spicy Jem:    Oh no...I didnt get to the appetizer yet! And your already leaving!
************:    sorry sexy...
************:    you are on often..right
Spicy Jem:    Its okay....thanks for our first session! I look forward to many more!
Spicy Jem:    I am on all time
************:    i will talk to your later...baby!

After this incident, which I sent out to all the subscribers, I received an angry email from this girl:

"how many people did you send this to...? did you know that this was private???? i cannot believe you...."

So I wrote her back and told her that I tried to talk to her after our first conversation, but she wouldn't respond.  I wanted to get her registration number to unsubscribe her but she wouldn't talk back to me. So then she wrote me this e-mail:

"first of all...i don't even know my registration number...second of all..the reason you didn't get the response is because i said i was going to sign off...and by the time you sent me your *IM...i had already signed off..you should have asked me before you did anything..."

**Note: An IM is an Instant Message, where two people can talk in real time through the internet, much like ICQ.

And if that wasnt enough......she IMed me again, and I think its safe to say that this is going to be our last conversation. I am only sending it to you, my beloved subscribers, because you have been following the situation so attentively! Enjoy the last and final "Cyber IM" episode!


************:    the conversation was private
Spicy Jem:    I am suprised that you were taking me seriously
************:    i was
************:    everyone did
Spicy Jem:    Tell me, what kind of person takes cyber sex seriously?
************:    everyone else except you
Spicy Jem:    Everyone else? WHo would that be?
************:    everyone else that i know
************:    get a life
************:    bye
Spicy Jem:    I'm sorry, but I dont see how you can off playing with yourself while typing
Spicy Jem:    Maybe I should tell everyone your name then since THEY all take it seriously, right?
Spicy Jem:    Hey thats not a bad idea!
Spicy Jem:    Hmmmmm......<thinking evil thoughts>
Spicy Jem:    Listen...dont type to me and and tell me to get a life......I dont know where you have been, but cybering is the latest thing for losers.
Spicy Jem:    I am willing to hear what you have to say, but the more you act paranoid about the whole issue, the more funnier it is!
Spicy Jem:    So do you wanna cyber now or what?
Spicy Jem:    Hehehehe

And that's all she wrote!

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