From Critical Reflections to Forward Progression
Greetings. My liberated name is Mangwiro Anyabwile Sadiki. im de middle child of five siblings. i have two younger brothers and older brother and sister. We all have different fathers, with the exception of my two younger brothers. It was somewhat difficult for me growing up because de condition(s) i was subjected to as a child. A major impact in my life was coming into de knowledge that my biological father had left me before i was even born. For years i was under de impression that my younger brothers father was my biological father. My Queen Mother never sat me down and explained de situation or internal contradictions that led to them separating until a much later date. And even then de dialogue wasnt extensive or clear to me. It was as if she was hiding things from me and intentionally denying me knowledge of him. Was she trying to protect me, or was she trying to protect herself? De need for me to know my biological father, as well as de desire, is overwhelming! i have so many questions in my mind: Who is my father Queen Mother? What about uncles, nephews, nieces? Does my biological father have any more children?
After finding out that my brothers father wasnt my biological father, i began to withdraw from my Queen Mother because i felt a sense of betrayal from her. i felt that she consciously misled me and kept me from de knowledge of my father. Although my brothers father was/is a good man ~ one who never let us go without food, clothing, shelter, good advise or a good butt whipping if we violated de rules of de house, i still felt betrayed. This began my first real stage of rebellion. For many New Afrikans (Blak Peepoe in Amerikkka),krime is our first stage of rebellion.
My mother was a Christian at this time. You couldnt pay my brothers father to go to a church. After he and my Queen Mother divorced, times got real hard for us. Times got so hard that my Queen Mother was forced to work long extensive hours just to make ends meet. i recall times when our hot water was cut off because my Queen Mother was unable to pay de bill. It was really embarrassing for my Queen Mother. There was also times where our heat was cut off in de dead of winter! De hours that my Queen Mother had to work inevitably resulted in various forms of neglect, because my Queen Mother would be too tired to spend adequate time with us after work. So we found ourselves raising ourselves through alternative means, e.g., street life.
Due to de economical situation of my family, my Queen Sister was forced to go live with my Queen Grandmother, and me, my blind rage went unchecked. i dont blame my Queen Mother for how i turned out, nor de problems we as a family experienced. Because as a conscious New Afrikan, i have a concrete overstanding of de socio-economical and political repression that my Peepoe are forced to contend with.
i overstand what a single New Afrikan wymyn raising children on her own in a racist and sexist kkkountry such as this, has to go through to survive. Being an Afrikan in Amerikkka is hard. Being an Afrikan Wymyn in Amerikkka is even harder. De nature of white supremacy is to politically oppress, economically exploit, and socially degrade de Afrikan Nation in this kkkountry in particular, and other oppressed Peepoe of color in general.
We went to church a lot. One thing i could never overstand it that why my Queen Mother would go to church and put all her monies into de church offering, when we were hungry! i also couldnt overstand why de church never came to our assistance when we were in need.
Queen Mother sung in the choir. She can sing too! i luved hearing her voice on Sundays. It was real distinct and you could hear it despite dozens of other Peepoe singing in harmony with her.
i was baptized when i was 9 or 10 years old. i believed in Jesus: as de creator and God of de universe. Although i believed in Jesus as God, i really didnt overstand de Christian beliefs. i did get a deep joy and good feeling from praising this God i was trained to believe in, but feeling good wasnt enough. It didnt change our material conditions: we were still poor, dysfunctional as a family unit, and still giving thanks to God for our misery. These types of things began to impact de way i thought about this God i was trained to serve. i began to feel like either God dont exist, were praising de wrong God or this God just dont care about de conditions of my family
In 1990 i was incarcerated for a gang related shooting that left a 12 year old girl ~ who was an innocent bystander ~ dead. This incident would be de most profound impact ever, in my life. i was completely innocent of my involvement in this incident what-so-ever. But here i was, a 17 year old facing murder charges. Laying there in de cell i began to think about God and how this God could allow me to go to jail for something i didnt do. But more importantly, how this same God could allow this beautiful lil girl to die! i became outraged at this God, to de point i began to seek after a new religious belief. My Queen Mother would say, Just trust in Jesus. If your innocent he wont let you down. But i just couldnt believe. No matter how hard i tried; de God of my Queen Mother had never gave me much reason to believe in him. This God was suppose to be all luving and full of mercy, he was suppose to be all knowing. So i began to think that this God knew what he was doing when he created de devil, but he created him anyway. That made this God directly or indirectly responsible for all this madness. Where im from, if you know that someone is going to commit a felony and you do nothing to stop it, youre just as guilty. In de court of law, this God would be charged with conspiracy!
Over de course of my life, ive experienced extreme forms of racist oppression. As a conscious citizen of de Republic of New Afrika (de name given to de Blak Nation here in North Amerikkka), i now overstand that there has never existed a time in our social development in this kkkountry where we as a Peepoe have not been subjected to racist kkkolonial violence. However, there was a time when i was ignorant to how this violence is applied through government institutions, religion, and social programs, etc.
i was involved in several race fights in my youth. To be more politically correct, ill identify those encounters as wars between citizens of two opposing nations. We identify de Blak Nation as New Afrika and de white nations as North Amerikkkans. This doesnt mean that we are at war with white Peepoe in this land, however; we are at war with de system of white supremacy. Not all North Amerikans support this racist system. Many are one with us in de war to overthrow racism, imperialism (international kkkapitalism), kkkolonialism, sexism, patriarchism, fascism, etc.
We arent out to fight some so-called race war. Ours is a struggle to end our oppression and oppression where ever it shows its ugly face in de world. When we use kkk in our writing, we identify a particular racist mentality, and de mentality of de Peepoe who own and control de world resources... those who dominate de world and those who support their domination.
Anyway, i was in a riot against some North Amerikkkans when i was in high school. It was a real ugly battle that forced many North Amerikkkans to relocate to a different school. They were far out numbered and far out gunned. i recall that this riot happened because North Amerikkkans allegedly raped a New Afrikan sister. Out of all this madness, only New Afrikans went to jail for fighting!!! We were all labeled as gang members, but de racist skin head we were fighting was identified as victims of a gang attack.
Here in prison de contradictions between North Amerikkkans and New Afrikans are de same. At every level of this society our lives are being controlled by this alien state power. Prison is a place where these racists carry out extreme forms of genocide and menticidal violence against us, and get away with it ~ most of de time. Many souljahs have been forced to take justice in their own hands. Police sick K-9 dogs on us, beat us to death, spray us with poisonous chemicals, and they take our time away from us systematically through conduct adjustment boards, prolonging our return to our family and friends.
We are forced to live next door to kkklansmen, neo-nazis Aryan nationalists, etc. Which has been known to create real hostile environments. So not only do we have to worry about police brutality and kkkolonial violence, but we are forced to contend with these elements. New Afrikans have been burned to death by these hategroups, stabbed, and beaten to death.
When we defend ourselves or retaliate, we end up with de most outrageous charges from prison officials. De North Amerikkkans get a slap on de wrist - a year or two lock-up time, while New Afrikans get forty years to life!
Even de chaplains have been racist. These things havent hampered my ability to trust in God (now that i know who God is). i just dont trust de God of Eurocentric Christianity. i mean lets face it, de whites of Europe, mainly de aristocrats who invaded Afrika in 1444 were professed Christians. One of de slave ships that was used in 1555 to bring Afrikans to de Turtle Island (now called Amerikkka) was called Jesus. De so-called founding fathers were professed Christians, and those U.S. Government officials who create such racist policies as proposition 209, anti-drug laws, war on gangs; who did away with welfare, those who would dare to build prisons before theyll build adequate schools to properly educate our children, those who denying de poor de right to adequate healthcare, are all professed Christians. Those who put crack-cocaine in de new Afrikan communities in de early 1980s to finance their contra revolution, those responsible for de FBIs counterintelligence program (cointelpro), those who dropped de bomb on de New Afrikan MOVE organization in Philly, those who are denying my Peepoe, and other oppressed nations de right to self-determination and national independence are all North Amerikkkans who profess to be Christians!
My relationship with de God and creator of de world is a wonderful relationship. Because now i overstand who and what God is. i dont believe in some God based upon idealistic notions of spookism, i dont believe in some God sitting in outer space on a throne dictating de affairs of man and Wymyn. i spent half of my life searching for God in a book. i spent years letting intellectual pimps (preachers) tell me what i should think and believe about God, instead of being taught how to think and let God in me work through me. i learned that God is not one man called Jesus. De only place one can truly find their God is inside their very own self.
It was only through this true knowledge and overstanding of self, or better yet, de right and correct overstanding of self did i come to know God. To know ones self is to know ones God. My God is a God of peace, but if necessary she will be a God of war. We engage in war only as an act of self defense from an aggressive enemy. She is a God of revelation, and of revolution. She is a God of luv, and hate. We hate what is evil and unrighteous, and luv what is good and upright. My God is de God of all Peepoe who wrote inspired writings in order to correct Peepoes reactionary ways: de original Torah, Koran, Words of Buddha, etc. Shes not the God of King James Version of de scriptures or any other revised version(s). King James was an oppressive homosexual who authorized 46 of his reactionary subjects, including de poet Shakespeare to translate de words of righteous men and Wymyn causing much of its original meanings to be lost and distorted.
i trust de God of de oppressed because history teaches me that de true God has always been on de side of de oppressed, and against de oppressor. We are our own liberators because God is in us, and if God be in us, who can stand against us!!!!
Due to de historical and antagonistic relationship Afrikans worldwide have had with Europeans, im real skeptical at denuding myself and trusting them. im not anti-white. i have many North Amerikkkan and European comrades who are Revolutionaries seeking to overthrow oppression in all its forms. They dont have to label themselves as Christians or Muslims, etc. to have de one true God living in themselves. All they have to do is have upright actions. My God is not de God of religion and sects no way. Man/Wymyn made these devisive institutions. De one true Creator made a divine way of life that included all Peepoe everywhere working as one for de good of Humanity: Blak, white, red, yellow, and brown. Thats de nature of God in us. Thats what de Revolutionary message Yahshua (whom de world calls Jesus out of ignorance) brought, was all about.
De only thing that could make me trust Europeans, or anyone for that matter, it makes no difference what their nationality, is their actions!!! If ones are destroying themselves, their Peepoe, communities, not taking care of their children, carrying out violence against Wymyn, etc., im not to trust them.
i trust God because i trust myself, me and God are one. And yes i am trustworthy. My very name Sadiki in Swahili means Truthful and Trustworthy. i hope that all reading this message will come to know de God in them. De God of Freedom, de God of Justice, de God of Equality ~ de God of Liberation!
Mangwiro A. Sadiki #913752
Political Prisoner at de Indiana State Reformatory
PO Box 30
Pendleton, IN 46064