Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Bullittproof 



bullittproof

Porchsleeper & The Hard Lessons will all make out with each other onstage.

"Dibs! I call Korin! ...Or Christophe... aw hell, they're all so danmed cute...

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This video is life-changing. The Grabowskis?? Anyone?? I see Ditka, and some of the Village People(?) and some floozy with big cans... Is this a rap? Or an exercise video? And why are Mike Ditka's shoes on fire? Is he a motivational speaker?
What on planet Earth is going on?

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At least this Riverdance version of The Legend of Zelda is Japanese, so I understand why I don't understand it.
But that Ditka thing, I just can't get my brain around it...

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Careful, it's slick out there...

1. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
3. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
8. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
9. I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
10. I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
11. I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
12. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
13. As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
14. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
15. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
16. An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
17. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
18. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
19. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
20. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
21. In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
22. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.
23. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

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Pretty terrific Spike Jonze Gap ad.
Perfect viewing for after a long day of Christmas shopping.

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Pretty bizarro. The entire movie Serenity acted out by hand puppets.

Simon: Emergency naptime procedures implemented!

River: Extreme Kickass Mode Switch: OFF.

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Outstanding Optical Illusion.
While I was looking at it, I totally made the Spicoli-esque observation of "WHOA!"

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Shocking in only like a billion ways:

First of all, This is what Tonya Harding looks like now.

Secondly, her official website contains 60 pages of fantasies that fans have written about her.

Finally, the site contains one lonely page of rejected fantasies.

Once there was a boy who lived at the foot of a very large? scary mountain. It was called Tonya Harding Mountain and it was haunted. One day the boy asked his mom if he could go up there. She said "Okay." So he went up there. Then he began to get afraid. And he wished he didn?t go up there but now he was lost and he couldn?t get down from there. Then Tanya Harding started chasing him and she tried to eat him. But he was too quick for her. Then he got home and his mom asked what happened and he told her all about it. And how do I know?

I WAS THAT LITTLE BOY.


There are a bunch of other gems in there, some with comments by the webmaster.

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'Member that page with all of the bands hidden in the picture? 'Member? Here are all of the answers.
Ohhhhh, Sex Pistols. I get it.

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suit rock
This is what we'll be wearing Friday

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Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Steve
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Chris
Thanks Lee


Sunday, December 04, 2005

Oh man, he got so Stapped last night... 

Sorry about the lack of posts, busy as a mofo.

couplea twinkies

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Think you've got the worst job evar? This video will make you reconsider.
A little long, but the payoff is worth it. Language about three quarters of the way through NSFW.

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Another hy-larious movie. Tony likes to get on his webcam and lipsynch. In this clip he interprets "Superfreak" in a way that makes me think:
a). he's really lonely,
b). he may be from another country, and
c). that he's never heard the song before in his life.

Another one of him singing "What Is Love?" here, but it's less funny because he actually knows some of the words.

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Remember Wendie Jo Sperber from the Back to the Future series and the movie Bachelor Party? She was the one who really put the Bosom in the show Bosom Buddies? 'Member? She's D.Y.K.
I remember being a kid and finding pages ripped out of a girlie magazine in the bathroom of my Mom's work (it was just after the '70s, so I guess this kind of practice was acceptable in the workplace) and one of the girls in front of the fireplace on a bear skin rug in soft focus looked exactly like Amy Cassidy from Bosom Buddies. So this news makes me sad.

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Auteur/Freakazoid Vincent Gallo is selling a bunch of stuff...y'know like movie props, his Nixon campaign pin from when he was a kid, an 8-Track tape with his autograph on it, oh and his sperm:

"Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar."


Yes, it's pretty amazing.

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As mentioned earlier, Mal's Browncoat from Firefly is up for sale on eBay and is currently up to $5100.
The auction ends next Sunday the 11th at 3 EST, and I can guarantee that the last hour will be a very interesting and geeky thing to watch.

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I think the new term for getting really drunk and being annoying and wanting to fight people should be called "Getting Stapped" from now on.

Oh man, did you see Steve the other night? He got so Stapped, he started wandering around saying "that he loved to fight. So he started doing shots and breaking the glass on the bar, almost hitting one of our crew guys. My wife and I moved to a table and eventually [Steve] made his way over and sat down. He was looking for attention. Even before that, he had wadded up a napkin that he lobbed in our direction. It was pathetic, and we tried to ignore him, but it was impossible. Then he made a pretty disrespectful comment to my wife, which I'd rather not repeat, but in no uncertain terms, the word 'fuck' was used."

with arms wide opennnnn....

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According to GoldenFiddle, Jennifer Garner "pooped the world a female Affleck" and PJ and I were saying that the name "Violet Affleck" sounds like something you'd go see a specialist for.
"Oh man, I had a violet affleck, I couldn't even stand up. My doctor wasn't available for the whole weekend so I had to wait until Monday to see him. That violet affleck, it really messes you up, man..."

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TS
truffle shuffle y'alls

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Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Aaron
Thanks PJ
Thanks Lee
Thanks Greg Lakes Myth Society
Thanks GoldenFiddle
Thanks Derek


Monday, November 28, 2005

Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. 


Apparently This Image has the names of 75 bands in it.

Uh...matchbox 20?

I found four or five, then got really distracted by the Queen shooting the Prince with dildos.

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Funny memo from The Onion attributed to the CEO and President of The Gillette Company called "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"
"Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades."

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Yacht Rock 5
How Michael Jackson got his smooth back. Hint: Michael McDonald has something to do with it.

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Matt Tobey goes another round with the Swedish Nike salesman (or robot, depending on who you ask).

Matt says:
word around the campfire is Nike's come out with a limited edition Brian Dennehy shoe.
what are the chances I could get my hands on about half a gross of those? just the left ones of course.

Hunter says:
your english is very good ,and my english is so poor ,so i can't catch your meaning

Matt says:
did you ever see the movie FX?

Hunter says:
no

Matt says:
hmm

Matt says:
did you ever see the movie FX 2?

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18 interesting medical tips and tricks you can use on your very own body.
If your hand falls asleep while you're driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side. It'll painlessly banish your pins and needles in less than a minute.



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dong
The Phallic Logo Awards

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Thanks Mary Parkis
Thanks Double Viking
Thanks Matt
Thanks Fark


Sunday, November 27, 2005

Stupid Pet Trick 



From the day we got our dog, our mission has been to teach her to say "I Love You" and today all of the training and hard work finally paid off:

Daisy Saying "I Love You"

Rai Ruv Roo
MP3 :55 seconds


Friday, November 25, 2005

It's so cold in this...house -- Bloc Party  



Had a good thanksgiving, good to see the fam and what-not. Came home, read for a while, went to bed. Woke up at 2 in the morning with the household at a crisp 55 degrees. Sleepy PJ says: "We need to fix the house. It is broken." 2:15 = Pull apart the furnace, hunt online for a PDF of a Lennox Elite G23 User's Manual. HVAC How-To forums all point to a broken blower motor or a busted BCC Board. Give up at 4:00. Leave water running so the pipes don't freeze. Wake up, call the furnace repair guy (day after thanksgiving, lucky to find a guy who's willing to come out). He says the BCC board's burned out. Shows it to me, looks like a motherboard that somebody's used as an ashtray. $350 later, our furnace works.

This is a week to the day that we had to pull our entire toilet out to find a leak that was dripping all the way down into our basement (through the walls of the first floor).

Y'know, maybe renting instead of buying is a better idea...

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Bam!
Farts are Awesome!

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Looks like they're auctioning off many of the costumes from Firefly including Mal's Browncoat.
Bidding starts at $1500 and Christmas is right around the corner.

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Some choice Bill Bonds audio clips on his site.
Big fan of his Radio intros, especially the classic rock one.

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Like it or not, here's the new INXS single.
Thoughts: PJ says one of the Farris brothers looks like Jim Morrison in his "Large Mammal" phase. The new lead singer is doing his best to do a Michael Hutchence impression, and isn't quite hitting it. The band still sounds good, and when the chorus kicks in, it does kinda sound like INXS. And I like the bridge.

The whole album is a different story (available Here streamed from VH1's site). Each of the songs seems perfectly tailored for the eight second bumper right before the kids go out to the club on The Real World Austin. Little snapshots and catchphrases like "Hot Girls!" and "It's the Devil's Party!"...just right for coming out of commercials, or footage of those wacky Road Rules coeds gearing up for a challenge.
Not exactly transcendent, but certainly marketable.

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Mr Miyagi? He's D.Y.K.
The Girl Karate Kid: What's going on?
Mr. Miyagi: Nothing. Just monks having good time.
The Girl Karate Kid: I thought they were supposed to be spiritual
Mr. Miyagi: Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.

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I dunno why I didn't know this before, but Borat has a website where he responds to the accusation that "We do not rule out that Mr. Cohen is serving someone's political order designed to present Kazakhstan and its people in a derogatory way. "
Women are now allowed to travel inside of bus.

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I dunno how many of you grew up on the Richard Scarry childrens books, but this site illustrates some of the changes between the 1960 edition and the 1991 edition. Like lots of gender equality: Mrs. Farmer is now out in the field, and the Father is now in the kitchen. And the Milkman? What milkman?
Besides, even if he did exist, he would be a "Milk Delivery Carrier" and probably drawn as a woman.

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fade

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Matt Knee and I are going to see Rogue Wave at the Blind Pig on Saturday.
Maybe we'll see you too.

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Thanks Goody
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Break.com
Thanks Metafilter
Thanks Lee
Thanks PJ


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Encyclopedia White 


Remember that kid from the Encyclopedia Britannica commercials?
Encyclopedia White
Turns out he's Stan Freberg's kid!
He also was the voice of Linus and Charlie Brown in the mid to late '70s.

He also has a mostly NSFW blog.

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Enrique Iglesias To Launch Line Of 'Small' Condoms.
No, I'm not making that up! How could I possibly make that up?!?

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iTunes music store earned more money than Tower Records in Q3 of 2005.
Although according to some people, the iPod is just like a Walkman that holds more songs.

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Digg+Slashdot+Del.icio.us = diggdot.us
Kinda like Metafilter, but somehow even nerdier.

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Some really amazing Nature photos.
Requires Flash.

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Laptops and Shirtsleeves are the order of the day at Strongbad's space academy. Space Captainface has to escape the Earth's Tenacity!
Much Coach Z hilarity if you click on the tire at the very end.

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DataWhat fans have been requesting, nay demanding more boobs, so here goes:

Got the hots for youthful Fleur Delacour from the new Harry Potter movie? Don't cane yourself in Vietnam just yet, turns out the actress is actually 21 years old and is way naked in this French movie.
NSFW

Grambo has almost a wardrobe malfunction from Keira Knightly.
Not as good as this one from Esquire (the magazine, not the gay rapper).

Lindsay Lohan's boobs are slowly returning from scrawny grossitude.
Not back to their previous fighting weight, but at least she doesn't look like a piece of string cheese with Vendi sunglasses anymore. Plus, in picture 4 she's reading some kind of teen girl Choose Your Own Adventure book.

Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson kinda making out.
Or drunk...one of the two.

For the ladies, here's a birthday cake with a big penis on it that says Happy Birthday Mom.
NSFW...and the frosting balls are really grossing me out.

Finally: Sarah Silverman's cleavage from the awesomely titled Heeb Magazine
I love chinks, who doesn't?
if you are unfamiliar with Sarah Silverman's "I Love Chinks, who doesn't?" joke, it's in this first paragraph.

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Thanks Goody
Thanks Justin
Thanks Metafilter


Monday, November 21, 2005

Jesus Sandwich 


Ha Ha! Look at that funny Face!
Exit Strategy
Boo Hoo! We elected him President of our country.
More photos Here:

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Rockabilly guitar legend Link Wray?
He's D.Y.K.

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That one guy from Ok Go talks about D.R.M.
Nerds only.

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Technorati and some other smart dudes put together this little applet:


My blog is worth $31,614.24.


How much is your blog worth?

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My life changed this weekend when I ate at Slows BBQ in Corktown. Brian & Derek shared a slab of baby-back ribs (kinda like in Lady & the Tramp) with cornbread and Mac & Cheese, and I had a Jesus sandwich. It was called the JP Special or something but I call it the Jesus Sandwich because it tasted just like our lord and saviour. Pulled pork with an onion marmalade and a mustard something something sauce served on Texas toast with a side of cornbread. Holy God. It was the only time in my life when I wanted to instantly have eaten everything already, and I also wished that I could keep eating that Jesus Sandwich forever.
Nice review at the Metro Times.

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Nerd panties.
Chastity Belt Y2K

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ass
Left the building.

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Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks David
Thanks Goody
Thanks A.Warshaw
Thanks Donkers



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