.:DataWhat?:.

Cool new body modification:



and by "cool" I mean "Merk... I just threw up in my mouth."

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Trailer for The DaVinci Code now online.
At the end it highlights the letters T H S E C D E O in the credits...any ideas?

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Anybody know why the frat house on State and Hoover has the word "TAMPON" spelled out in Christmas lights on their front porch?
Or is it just because they're frat boys?

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The chief executive officer of electronic voting company Diebold who once famously declared that he would "deliver" Ohio for President Bush has resigned after reports of fraud litigation.
Why not, he already did his job.

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Hmmm...Reese Witherspoon + Dolly Parton? Yes please.
Minus the huge singing career and theme park of course.

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Jenna Bush accidentally left her ID with a coke dealer.
Oopsie!

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The folks at Google Video have an interesting concept of what "Hot+girls+making+out" means.
Uh, sweetie? I actually legitimately found this link on CollegeHumor.com (which in itself is actually inexcusable).

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Good overview of the Star Wars Holiday Special.

The kid goes to prove my hypothesis that a wookiee is nothing more than three ewoks taped together.
FINALLY after five minutes of this crap they watch a holo show of some weird dancers and jugglers.
Dudes, if this is all the Holiday Special is going to be, well, you're eating up my dreams here.

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Thanks Fark
Thanks GoldenFiddle
Thanks Double Viking

The Sausage Ring is just one of the many highlights from The Company Cookbook which I guess is a cookbook thrown together by a company that does a lot of potlucks (and from the look of most of these recipes, the company actually may be a shredded cheese manufacturer).

I can't even look directly at this one after knowing the following:

1) It's from the breakfast section.
2) It contains two pounds of sausage.
3) And apples.
4) And mustard.

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New bro for the AMG Blagroll: David Serra gets on teh blogwaggon with some Dadid-style hilarity.
Episode 4: Buttercup and the Datafarm. Goot Schtuph.

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I reminded Dave Below who reminded me about this Spike Jones short called "How They Get There."
It's only like a minute long and takes such a bizarro turn, it's like The Sixth Sense with only two people and none of 'em are Bruce Willis.

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Stumbled across a truly spectacular panoramic photo of Paris that is 15,000 pixels wide.
Also 1.8mb but worth it.

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Charming Craigslist post about trying to find your lost gaydar.
"I'm so damned good, I knew Mr. Brady was gay before he did, and that's when I was 6 years old."

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A rapper named Jelly Doughnut? Who freestyles in a full jelly doughnut and white tights?
I'll believe it when I see it.

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Here are photos of a bunch of people wearing "The Clown Sweater"
Like thousands of people.

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Sco-Jo and two of her friends squeezed into the Match Point premiere over the weekend.
Please note: Here is a post where they compare here cleveland to an infant's bottom. Must be seen to be believed.

Speaking of boobs, how on the planet is it possible that the topless photos of Jennifer Aniston seen in thumbnail form Here thankyouverymuchGoogleCache have not made it onto teh innarweb yet?
I'm not even that big of a Rachel fan, but ... well, I'll say it: The pervs are really slacking on this one. Sorry, it just needed to be said.

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Zombie Claus reports that an undisclosed shopping district in Ann Arbor will be the site of a Zombie protest on December 16th, 2005 (this Friday night).
Could be a larf...

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I am stealing this post whole hog from DudeManPhat because the whole thing made me laugh.

What happens in the urinals stays in the urinals...



Except for when it's as freaky as what just happened to me. I was in our office floor's restroom doing my business when some random dude I've never seen before sidles up to the urinal two down from me. About five seconds in, he lets out the most ginormous fart I've ever heard inside a public restroom. Very gross, kinda wet sounding, but with intensity. Truth be told, I hadn't heard something this grotesque coming out of stalls. And this was standing up at a urinal.

So what did I do? I tried my best not to laugh. But the fact that you don't normally hear dudes tearing ass cheeks while they're standing up at the urinal (unless you're at the trough at a football game) made me lose it. And as I did, I looked sideways (breaking the unspoken dude rule of eyes straight ahead) and, I guess, gave him the WTF glance. Scariest thing? He looked like T Bag from "Prison Break." And what did he do? He stopped, zipped up and pointed at me as he was walking away. "Merry Christmas," he said. And he didn't wash his hands on the way out.

I will be 70 telling this story to my grandkids some day. I just know it.

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Thanks David
Thanks K
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Goody
Thanks Lee
Thanks Dustin
Thanks DudeManPhat
Thanks Ryan

What It's Like to Be In a Band

Three hours a week is all you get
To breathe some life into a tired set
It's a whole new world on the second fret
Three hours a week

               The local paper's wanting more
               From two relics and a dinosaur
               Playing to another empty floor
               For five dollars at the door

               Another four band bill
               Full of wanna-bes that never will
               Take the stage like it's a fire drill
               Try and move 'em while they're standing still

               I should be happy...but I'm not

Three hours a week, that's all
Scraps of paper on a kitchen wall
Failed relationships and alcohol
Three hours a week

               Try to paint a masterpiece
               On bank envelopes and store receipts
               Or in the margins of magazines
               Hurry up or miss the next release

               Trade your sweat and tears for a couple beers
               And a half tank of gas
               And your claim to fame is a painted name
               On an overpass


House lights up as the music dies
Tear-down handshake exercise
"Hey Great Set" but it could be lies
They look you right in the eyes

               The local paper's wanting more
               From two relics and a dinosaur
               Playing to another empty floor
               For five dollars at the door

               Another four band bill
               Full of wanna-bes that never will
               Take the stage like it's a fire drill
               Try and move 'em while they're standing still

               I should be happy...but I'm not

                                                                    - D. Vertin



Thank You Good Night!

Porchsleeper & The Hard Lessons will all make out with each other onstage.

"Dibs! I call Korin! ...Or Christophe... aw hell, they're all so danmed cute...

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This video is life-changing. The Grabowskis?? Anyone?? I see Ditka, and some of the Village People(?) and some floozy with big cans... Is this a rap? Or an exercise video? And why are Mike Ditka's shoes on fire? Is he a motivational speaker?
What on planet Earth is going on?

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At least this Riverdance version of The Legend of Zelda is Japanese, so I understand why I don't understand it.
But that Ditka thing, I just can't get my brain around it...

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Careful, it's slick out there...

1. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
3. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
8. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
9. I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
10. I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
11. I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
12. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
13. As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
14. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
15. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
16. An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
17. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
18. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
19. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
20. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
21. In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
22. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.
23. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

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Pretty terrific Spike Jonze Gap ad.
Perfect viewing for after a long day of Christmas shopping.

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Pretty bizarro. The entire movie Serenity acted out by hand puppets.

Simon: Emergency naptime procedures implemented!

River: Extreme Kickass Mode Switch: OFF.

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Outstanding Optical Illusion.
While I was looking at it, I totally made the Spicoli-esque observation of "WHOA!"

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Shocking in only like a billion ways:

First of all, This is what Tonya Harding looks like now.

Secondly, her official website contains 60 pages of fantasies that fans have written about her.

Finally, the site contains one lonely page of rejected fantasies.

Once there was a boy who lived at the foot of a very large? scary mountain. It was called Tonya Harding Mountain and it was haunted. One day the boy asked his mom if he could go up there. She said "Okay." So he went up there. Then he began to get afraid. And he wished he didn?t go up there but now he was lost and he couldn?t get down from there. Then Tanya Harding started chasing him and she tried to eat him. But he was too quick for her. Then he got home and his mom asked what happened and he told her all about it. And how do I know?

I WAS THAT LITTLE BOY.

There are a bunch of other gems in there, some with comments by the webmaster.

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'Member that page with all of the bands hidden in the picture? 'Member? Here are all of the answers.
Ohhhhh, Sex Pistols. I get it.

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This is what we'll be wearing Friday

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Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Steve
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Chris
Thanks Lee

Sorry about the lack of posts, busy as a mofo.



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Think you've got the worst job evar? This video will make you reconsider.
A little long, but the payoff is worth it. Language about three quarters of the way through NSFW.

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Another hy-larious movie. Tony likes to get on his webcam and lipsynch. In this clip he interprets "Superfreak" in a way that makes me think:
a). he's really lonely,
b). he may be from another country, and
c). that he's never heard the song before in his life.

Another one of him singing "What Is Love?" here, but it's less funny because he actually knows some of the words.

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Remember Wendie Jo Sperber from the Back to the Future series and the movie Bachelor Party? She was the one who really put the Bosom in the show Bosom Buddies? 'Member? She's D.Y.K.
I remember being a kid and finding pages ripped out of a girlie magazine in the bathroom of my Mom's work (it was just after the '70s, so I guess this kind of practice was acceptable in the workplace) and one of the girls in front of the fireplace on a bear skin rug in soft focus looked exactly like Amy Cassidy from Bosom Buddies. So this news makes me sad.

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Auteur/Freakazoid Vincent Gallo is selling a bunch of stuff...y'know like movie props, his Nixon campaign pin from when he was a kid, an 8-Track tape with his autograph on it, oh and his sperm:

"Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar."

Yes, it's pretty amazing.

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As mentioned earlier, Mal's Browncoat from Firefly is up for sale on eBay and is currently up to $5100.
The auction ends next Sunday the 11th at 3 EST, and I can guarantee that the last hour will be a very interesting and geeky thing to watch.

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I think the new term for getting really drunk and being annoying and wanting to fight people should be called "Getting Stapped" from now on.

Oh man, did you see Steve the other night? He got so Stapped, he started wandering around saying "that he loved to fight. So he started doing shots and breaking the glass on the bar, almost hitting one of our crew guys. My wife and I moved to a table and eventually [Steve] made his way over and sat down. He was looking for attention. Even before that, he had wadded up a napkin that he lobbed in our direction. It was pathetic, and we tried to ignore him, but it was impossible. Then he made a pretty disrespectful comment to my wife, which I'd rather not repeat, but in no uncertain terms, the word 'fuck' was used."

with arms wide opennnnn....

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According to GoldenFiddle, Jennifer Garner "pooped the world a female Affleck" and PJ and I were saying that the name "Violet Affleck" sounds like something you'd go see a specialist for.
"Oh man, I had a violet affleck, I couldn't even stand up. My doctor wasn't available for the whole weekend so I had to wait until Monday to see him. That violet affleck, it really messes you up, man..."

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truffle shuffle y'alls

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Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Aaron
Thanks PJ
Thanks Lee
Thanks Greg Lakes Myth Society
Thanks GoldenFiddle
Thanks Derek

Apparently This Image has the names of 75 bands in it.



I found four or five, then got really distracted by the Queen shooting the Prince with dildos.

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Funny memo from The Onion attributed to the CEO and President of The Gillette Company called "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"
"Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades."

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Yacht Rock 5
How Michael Jackson got his smooth back. Hint: Michael McDonald has something to do with it.

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Matt Tobey goes another round with the Swedish Nike salesman (or robot, depending on who you ask).

Matt says:
word around the campfire is Nike's come out with a limited edition Brian Dennehy shoe.
what are the chances I could get my hands on about half a gross of those? just the left ones of course.

Hunter says:
your english is very good ,and my english is so poor ,so i can't catch your meaning

Matt says:
did you ever see the movie FX?

Hunter says:
no

Matt says:
hmm

Matt says:
did you ever see the movie FX 2?

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18 interesting medical tips and tricks you can use on your very own body.
If your hand falls asleep while you're driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side. It'll painlessly banish your pins and needles in less than a minute.



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The Phallic Logo Awards

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Thanks Mary Parkis
Thanks Double Viking
Thanks Matt
Thanks Fark

From the day we got our dog, our mission has been to teach her to say "I Love You" and today all of the training and hard work finally paid off:
Daisy Saying "I Love You"


MP3 :55 seconds