As bad character model number one, also known as Tre, you'll jump right into the action as a new recruit for The Outlawz. Along the way, you're joined by other bad character models, such as Darryl and Koruptt, and they tail you on your travels. Your main purpose is to restore all of the gang's former glory, although you'll be pressed for a reason to care. According to the bios you see during loading times, these outlaws have rich histories, but none of this plays out with any meaning in the game proper, and wretched attempts at humor are as funny as your grandfather's invitation to pull his finger. If you're hoping that strong performances will rescue the lame script and generic playas, you may wish to expend your energies elsewhere: the voice acting is hardly expert. Barbershop informant Smally Biggs sounds no more like a grizzled gang veteran than Vin Diesel sounds like Hamlet.


Melee fighting is the bulk of the business, and you start with nothing but your bare fists. Eventually, you grab other melee weapons like knives and bats, but the system remains the same: mash your buttons. Tre's got a light attack and a heavy attack, and as he fights his adrenaline meter climbs, which then allows him to perform special attacks and brutal attacks. Once your opponent's health gets low enough, you may then perform a fatal maneuver with a single button press, and even though the fatalities are awkwardly animated, they're easily the highlight of the game. Tre pulls off dozens of different moves this way, and they all result in a bloody finish and a brief moment when the screen's colors invert like a photo negative. String together enough successful hits, and you can also enter "Rage" mode, which temporarily speeds up your movement and increases your damage.

In practice, this fighting method is a frustrating mess, since you may get into scuffles featuring a dozen or more gangsters onscreen at once. Targeting is decent enough, and you can jump into free-roam mode at any point, but there are times you can't get to your victim thanks to your posse, who will conveniently jam you in place. You can issue them a few basic orders, like "hold back" or "assist," but sadly, "get out of the freaking way!" is not one of the options. Eventually, you won't even be able to figure out which model you are, so all you can do is press buttons and hope for the best. Not that the unresponsive control scheme helps all that much; you block with the X button rather than a trigger, which lacks both fluidity and common sense. Even worse, the Y button is tied to a number of tasks, such as picking up a weapon, performing a fatal move, and triggering a special attack. We're pretty sure a smooth criminal wouldn't be setting his weapon on the ground in lieu of turning one of the Headhunterz into pimp soup, but this must be the way in Grand Central City.

But consider this: in Crime Life, you're better off with a board or a baton than you are with a piece. Used against you, they're annoying, but in your own hands, guns are a recipe for disaster. The isometric camera angle and yarnballs of thugs will have Tre spewing clouds of tear gas in his own eyes, although we wouldn't be surprised if tears had welled up in the player's eyes by this point. In most games, the ability to carry only a single weapon of each type would be a drawback; here, you'll happily leave the ranged slot free.