December 29, 2005

The Best Film of 2005

I just got done watching R. Kelly's hip-hopera Trapped in the Closet. Mother of God. It's by far the best movie of 2005, and the best film I've seen since the Turkish Star Wars.

December 28, 2005

College Republicans: The Most Oppressed Group in America Today

OK, this is just too funny:

Though Christopher Flickinger calls himself "dean" and poses in parodistic photos waving a small American flag and looking stern, he says he's never been more serious about eliminating what he claims is pervasive anti-conservatism on college campuses today.
First of all, that's the most poorly-written lede I've ever seen.

Second of all, you guys may remember Mr. Flickinger from his gig regular columnist for Renew America and Human Events Online. This op-ed best exemplifies the quality of his work:

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Monkey see, monkey wanna do

Christopher Flickinger
April 6, 2005

Bare butts, plenty of drinks and wild animals — no it's not spring break, it's a science experiment. Researchers at Duke University just released a study that shows monkeys like to watch pornography.

When given the choice between a highly rewarding behavior or sex, the monkeys chose sex. Each male Rhesus monkey was offered a choice. It could view photographs of another male primate low in the chain of command, and as a reward, receive an abundance of its favorite juice. Or, it could look at a female monkey's behind and receive no juice. The choice was easy. Each monkey preferred staring at the female's butt.


And really, who wouldn't prefer to stare at hot monkey ass? OK, so most of us wouldn't, but this sort of thing really seems to get Chris off.

Continue reading "College Republicans: The Most Oppressed Group in America Today" »

What's this thing that everyone's doing?

The 'meme of four?' Well, I guess we'd better get in on the ground floor here.

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Also cormorants in high blare.*

Four jobs you got fired from, or quit under a cloud: Bagel maker, Toys 'R' Us retailer, carpenter's apprentice, social worker.

Four places you've lived that aren't in New Jersey: Brooklyn.

Four movies you'll never watch: Serenity, that other one, Ang Lee's Hulk thing, the Narnia whatsis.

Four bands that people say are great, that actually basically aren't: Pavement, the Beastie Boys, Nirvana, quite possibly Bright Eyes.

Four bands that nobody likes much, that are often superb: The Damned, The Sound, Metro, Secret Syde.

Four foods that you like, that other people are appalled by: Pork rinds, natto, raw octopus, squid jerky.

Four TV shows that you're vaguely familiar with, from folks talking about them all the damn time: 24, The West Wing, Buffy, that new HBO thing.

Four blogs that you don't understand why a lot of people read them: Dooce, Instapundit, Kevin Drum's whole thing, Andrewsullivan.com.

Four places you've been on vacation: Um... If 'vacation' means 'not working while you're there,' I've pretty much never left the NYC metro area.

Four wonderful kinds of oyster: Fanny Bay, Kumamoto, Malpeque, Belon.

[*] Four beautiful things: Ocicats, Bannerman's Castle, tone of Stratocaster at full overdrive, Stomatopods.


New Media: 10 trillion. MSM: Zero

WorldNetDaily's latest headline says it all: "L.A. Times Admits False Claim About Falwell."

A column by a rabbi published in the Los Angeles Times falsely asserted Rev. Jerry Falwell claimed lesbian actress Ellen DeGeneres played a role in the 9-11 attacks and Hurricane Katrina because she was the host of the Emmy Awards before both events.

The Times ran a correction explaining the Baptist minister "made no such claim."


Yeah, only a nut would say something that crazy! Sane people, on the other hand, say things like this:

I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians... the A.C.L.U., People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say, "You helped (September 11) happen."
Yeeesh, shape up, L.A. Times. The Reverend Falwell's got a reputation to maintain.

Or to put it another way: "OMG ROFLMFAO MSM PWN3D LOL!!1!!"

December 27, 2005

This is Good News

Escaped Miami rape suspect caught.

And is it just me, or do all sex offenders have skeezy-assed mustaches?

Incidentally...

I picked up a used copy of Madden 05 for ten bucks last week (I'm too cheap to get the new one). Good God what an addictive game.

Cigarettes Bad, Gayness Worse

Man, I've had a weird morning. I stumbled home from the local bar at around midnight (I was watching the Pats dismantle the Jets). I then proceeded to fall down in the bathroom. I'm not sure how long I was there, but I eventually crawled back into bed. And now I've sobered up and can't get back to sleep.

At any rate, I've decided to kill some more brain cells by reviewing the latest piece by WorldNetDaily columnist David Kupelian. It's called "'Brokeback Mountain: the Rape of the Marlboro Man." Let's check it out:

"Brokeback Mountain," the controversial "gay cowboy" film that has garnered seven Golden Globe nominations and breathless media reviews – and has now emerged as a front-runner for the Oscars – is a brilliant propaganda film, reportedly causing viewers to change the way they feel about homosexual relationships and same-sex marriage.
Mostly because it portrays homosexuals as actual people with real emotions, rather than the debauched, decadent horn-dogs they are in real life.

Continue reading "Cigarettes Bad, Gayness Worse" »

Dial "O" for "OMG LMFAO!!1!"

Here is some genuinely good news from Iraq:

Unexpectedly low support from overseas voters has left Ahmed Chalabi -- the returned Iraqi exile once backed by the United States to lead Iraq -- facing a shutout from power in this month's vote for the country's first full-term parliament since the 2003 invasion. [...]

With 95 percent of a preliminary tally from the Dec. 15 vote now completed, Chalabi remained almost 8,000 votes short of the 40,000 minimum needed for him or his bloc to win a single seat in the 275-seat National Assembly, according to election officials. Without a seat in the assembly, Chalabi would presumably be unable to obtain a post in the resulting government.


And keep in mind, this is the same guy the neocons wanted to install as Iraq's leader after the invasion.

December 26, 2005

We Yield to the Representative from Elementropy

While we waddle off the effects of last night's hillocks of roast beef and oysters (in our new pair of Docs), 'Tardo's in great game, mushing Mark Steyn into a bloody paste.

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Steyn: If human, now afraid to leave the house.

December 25, 2005

I'm Gonna Make This the Gayest Christmas EVER!

I've decided to take a quick break from my Christmas festivities to bring you this article about gay television from AgapePress:

Officials with the American Family Association say they expect a massive public outcry to erupt over the recent announcement that two homosexual cable networks will soon be widely available, compliments of some major cable carriers that provide services to millions of American homes. As a result, homosexual-oriented programming will be available around the clock for the first time.
"One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock- GAY!
Four o'clock, five o'clock, six o'clock- GAY!
Seven o'clock, eight o'clock, nine o'clock, GAY
We're gonna GAY around the GAY toGAY!"

Continue reading "I'm Gonna Make This the Gayest Christmas EVER!" »

December 24, 2005

My Grades This Semester

One A, two B+'s and a B. While this might not seem spectacular, it's pretty impressive when you consider that I really suck at accounting and managed not to fail it. I guess I'm smart enough to get through grad school after all.

Pastor Swank Asks an Interesting Question

Tha' Swanksta asks:

Once one defends the unborn child in the womb on a moral base, how then could an ethical individual ever change to becoming a defender of slaying a womb infant?
It's a really good question, and I'd answer it if I knew what the hell it meant.

Bonus Swankism (emphasis mine):

Today if one stands up in a secular classroom to debate against Darwin, he is derided. Mark it down that liberals are not liberal-minded. They are extremely closed-minded. If you do not agree with their nomenclature, conclusions, linguistic styles, postures and so forth, you are classified as an ignoramus.
Y'think the Pastor's upset that we've been laughing at his syntax? Yeah, me too. Merry Christmas, bitchez.

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Luda Clauz sez, "Ho, ho, HOOOOOOOOO!"

December 23, 2005

O Canada! Our home and native land!

Thanks to reader Tim, we find out it was a big erreur to leave Canada:

Group sex among consenting adults is neither prostitution nor a threat to society, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Wednesday as it lifted a ban on so-called “swingers” clubs.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

December 22, 2005

You can't judge a blog by looking at its wanker

Take it away, Bo Diddley John Hinderaker:

You can tell it's a good deal because Harry Reid is furious. He is threatening to filibuster the defense appropriation bill that includes the drilling provision, and to block all of President Bush's pending nominations. This quote from Reid is unintentionally revealing, as well as hilarious:

We've become like the House of Commons. Whoever has the most votes wins. It hasn't worked that way in 216 years.

Of course, it's always good to cut out the bits you don't like to make someone look like an ass. (Of course, Power Line is special because quoting more doesn't help.) Anyhoo -- what Reid said:

The Republican leadership now is attempting to impose the most cynical and I believe abusive practice in this pending conference report that, if successful, has the potential of changing the way this body operates forever. We will become another House of Representatives. [...]

In the Senate and the House, the rules are that the conferees are not allowed to include in the conference report any matter that was not submitted to the conference by either House. This avoids the possibility of conferees including legislation that would not pass either one House or the other on its own and forces the Congress to reach a consensus on controversial legislation. This process has served the Senate well for more than 200 years. [...]

If this practice is allowed to stand, then the Republican majority, or any majority, can change the rules in the Senate procedure prospectively in a conference committee without any say by the minority party by a simple majority vote on an unrelated conference report. [...]

We become the House of Representatives. The Founding Fathers didn't want two House of Representatives. They wanted a bicameral legislature. But we become the House of Representatives, and the possibilities are endless in an institution that exists to forge a consensus and not act on the whims of whichever majority party is in control at the time. We become similar to the House of Commons . Whoever has the most votes wins. We haven't worked that way for 216 years.

This abusive practice will allow any majority to alter any rule at any time for the consideration of any measure to advance its short-term political interests and will change the very nature of the Senate. [link]

Maybe a small round of Sadly, No! for everyone? Merry Christmas!

Home School Nation

Sam Weaver is one of Renew America's most exciting new talents. In the first place, he looks like a C-grade '70s porn star:

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"Howdy ma'am! My name's Slammin' Sam Weaver and I'm here to bring you a very special package! Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"

And secondly, he writes columns like this one, called "Conventional Wisdom."

Conventional wisdom

Sam Weaver
December 21, 2005

"Education: The bringing up, as of a child; instruction; formation of manners. Education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and to fit them for usefulness in their future stations. To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable; and an immense responsibility rests on parents and guardians who neglect these duties." — Noah Webster's original definition of education, as it appeared in the first edition of his American Dictionary of the English Language (1828).


As you can see, Sam has already mastered one of the wingnuts' all-time favorite tactics: quoting the dictionary. And not just any dictionary, mind you- a dictionary that's more than 175 years old.

Continue reading "Home School Nation" »

PZ Myers es en Fuego Hoy

Heh-indizzle:

Science practices methodological materialism or naturalism. We test material explanations of the world because that's all we can do—we don't have a supernatural toolkit. Christians can practice methodological materialism all they want without damning themselves to hell. Even non-scientists do this all the time, when, for instance, they thump a melon at the grocery store to see if it's ripe, rather than praying to god to send them a sign.