Howdy doo Mr. Pooter-face,
     OK, sorry, I know that didn't make any sense. I know you guys have had so many questions about Banjo recently that you'd probably like to blow your brains out. I have access to guns if you need to borrow them by the way. Anyway, I have one more, and then all of them will stop, I promise I'll take care of anyone else who asks you anything about the game. You heard my little bit about the guns right? Well, my question is this: WHY WOULD YOU TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS! You have now got a website www.banjothreeie.com set up that takes us to your main page. Now, how is that fair. If you are going to be doing that, then either you've got the game under wraps, or you are all just a bunch of arseholes. Right now I'm leaning towards the second choice, but praying for the first. And I pray to Zeul, dark lord and master, he only needs the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster to be set free amongst our world!
     Alright, this is getting long so I'll wrap it up with this, give me an honest answer and I'll send you some candy.
     The Sad Panda

I'm fairly sure that particular domain name was registered a long time ago, after Tooie came out, purely on a 'just in case' basis. I suspect it's only come to light again because the process of transferring ownership of Rare-related domains from Nintendo to Microsoft wasn't fully completed until earlier this year (suffice to say there were a lot of them). So no, we're not toying with your emotions. When we make sarcastic cracks about Stop 'n' Swap, then we're toying with your emotions - this is just business.
     If you haven't picked up the sweeties yet, can you try to find us some of these?


Dear Scribes,
     I have a fight with friends about the Kameo's cinematic.
     I think they are made with the game's motor in real time and my friend think they are made with precalculated CGI.
     Where is the truth, who is the liar?
     Ghislain Quesnel

Blimey, that's a bit dramatic. Now I feel compelled to take this one straight to the team leader.
     "The cinematics are actually produced with a mixture of both. Many gameplay-related shots that show where to go next or what happened when you did something are generally produced using the engine and in-game camera editors. There are also story-based scenes such as the opening of the game that are rendered CGI but still use all in-game models and textures. There are also a few special scenes that actually combine in-game and pre-rendered composited together."
     So that basically nullifies your argument and removes any reason for one party to assault the other with blunt instruments. Yay us!


Dear Scribes,
     I was so glad that Perfect Dark Zero came out! I thought it would never come out since it was cancelled on the Gamecube. Why exactly did it get cancelled? I was also wondering if PDZ would be coming out on any other gaming consoles besides the Xbox 360. There's the Nintendo DS which could have a little version of it and Sony is coming out with a more powerful console and I was wondering if would be possible to release it on that.
     One more thing. Is the real life PDZ model of Joanna that you see on the TV commercial the same as the previous model from the first PD with slightly longer hair or is it someone different? If so, who is it? That question has been pickin' at me the past couple weeks.
     Continue to do the great work!
     Joe

Um, PDZ never came out on the GameCube because we were bought by Microsoft and releasing exclusive titles for rival platforms would be fairly poor business sense. That's about all there is to it. For much the same reasons (bar the exclusivity) it's unlikely you'll ever see it on the PS3.
     No, I'm fairly sure it's not the same Joanna model this time around. Let's just check that with the team: "Different lady. Totally. No shared relatives for fifty generations. The lawyers were very specific about that."
     I've just noticed I didn't specifically deny a DS edition of Perfect Dark while I was banging on about the PS3 and GameCube - I could easily rectify that, but it'll be fun to watch the conspiracy theories unravel.


Dear Scribes,
     Thank you so much for the JFG landing sequence MP3. Now the only unreleased music that I can think of is the cutscene music, specifically the intro. It's really amazing that you and Robin spent the time to figure out what music the guy was talking about. Few developers would do that.
     Robin, this is an excellent way to distribute your music. I'm thankful for whatever more you can give the community.
     PJGasca

Would that be this one? Seems the most likely candidate from the scant remaining unreleased stuff. If it is, great! If not, we've probably lost it down the back of the settee or something and you'll never hear it again (unless you just, you know, play the game).


Dear Scribes,
     A) Back around last X-mas I was introduced to Halo, which was fun. That in turn led me to Halo 2, which got me hooked. I've snooped around bungie.net and I had a brainstorm. Apparently, your fellow MGS subsidiary Bungie holds a weekly "Humpday Challenge" where some group plays three matches of Halo 2 against Bungie. United under Microsoft, I would think it would be easy for Rare and Bungie to face off one week. I say send the PDZ team, they probably could use a day off. Needlers are underappreciated, but work wonders when used properly.
     B) I had to comment about this eventually. Jet Force Gemini was probably my favorite N64 game, Mizar's drones were a blast to blast, the third-person view = excellent, and the Tri-Rocket Launcher was the icing on the cartridge. I've played through it twice, and I have to know: As cute as they are, why do Tribals have blockheads? I just want to jam the little fella's skull into my old VCR. While we're on the subject: Why is that one Tribal render, the one in the manual (pg. 17) holding the staff-thing, so ugly?! They were so cute in the game...
     C) I think that Mr Pants should be exalted as the greatest new artist of 2004, and that I really enjoy his scribble masterpieces. Is there a reason I can't enlarge these great works to be seen in greater detail, or have I missed a button pressing combo that allows me to do so? My personal favorites are "Chilly Pants" and "Robo Pants". Give Mr Pants my regard!
     Now to recap: Rare vs. Bungie would be a legendary clash of Titans, Tri-Rocket Launcher > Needler but is still nifty, I got a platinum trophy in Marathon mode (whipped Crayon Snake's arse!), and Octoman could take Master Chief in a Covenant Ghost race.
     Zenek

Three questions, three teams, three answers. This company - it's like a finely-tuned machine.
     A) PDZ MP designer DB: "All too busy doing DLC. Plus we’d only complain about the total lack of roll or cover moves in Halo 2. Tch, what an oversight, etc."
     B) JFG artist and stream-of-consciousness specialist Steve: "OK Zenek, let's put this baby to bed. Yes you're right, the heads on the Tribals are lacking in copious amounts of polygons compared to the here and now but I did make up for this by making them very cutesy-wutesy (they didn’t seem so blocky when I did them). These furry guys were cutting-edge at the time and were actually loaded with polygons, pushing the N64 onto its back burners after the thrusters burnt out... you know what I’m saying... even if I don’t. Anyway, the reason they were quite grotesque in the manual was because I didn’t do them, somebody else did, I wasn’t good enough at doing nerbs, so my babies were taken away from me... my... what did they do! It’s OK, I’m over it now. I'm glad you think JFG is Max."
     C) Pants programmer Paul: "Mr. Pants is very proud of his art so he allows you to view it again in the gallery. Unfortunately Mr. Pants also realises that he is in fact proud of some pretty dire scribbling and so he doesn't want anyone to scrutinise it too closely. His embarrassment is covered up in the games by having lots of blocks scattered all over the mistakes and rubbish colouring that he's inflicted. Wipeout Special was his ultimate attempt to stop you seeing his pictures at full size as he completely covers them up with random blocks. The reason he doesn't cover the pictures up much in Wipeout Easy is because he suffers from attention deficit disorder and forgot what he was doing halfway through. Now, for a magical secret prize: just how many different pairs of Pants are shown throughout the entire game? Answers on a postcard to..." Oi, cut that out. However, as a special present to Pants fans wanting to see some of his finest scrawlings in close-up, check out the It's Mr. Pants Downloads page for a spanking new wallpaper commissioned from the game's artist for this very purpose. Are we good to you, or what?

Dear Scrubs- er, Scribes,
     Sorry, I was just wondering why you censored the word 'sh*t' in Live and Reloaded and not in Bad Fur Day. From the screenshots I've seen, that commonly used word was replaced by those asterisks and skulls. Why skulls? Why censored? Why is there braille on the drive-thru windows at banks?
     Well, g'day, mate-- no, damnit! That's Australia, isn't it? Oh, well...
     BATzerk

We were asked/told to censor the extra bits by the Big M. You should know we wouldn't have chosen to do it ourselves. But hey, could be worse, it could still be called Live & Uncut.
     Why skulls? Because swearing is BAD, like skulls are BAD. If you see a skull in real life it either means that all the flesh has been stripped from someone's head, which is BAD, or all the flesh has been stripped from someone's head and its body has reanimated and attacked you like in Jason and the Argonauts, which is WORSE, or you're in the Scandinavian heavy metal section of a record shop, which is just STUPID.

Dear Scribes,
     The vicious wounds that resulted from your Microsoft takeover have just about healed. When I say wounds, I don't mean I slit my wrists or anything, I mean mental wounds. What was I saying again? Oh yes, Monster Munch Roast Beef flavour - aren't they tasty! Or do you prefer the Pickled Onion flavour? Or maybe you're a Spicy Hot kinda man? Nevertheless, you can't beat a bit o' Monster Munch.
     So Nintendo Revolution has been revealed in part. What's exciting for us 'Rare fans of the Nintendo years' is the possibility that we might be playing Rare games on a next-gen Nintendo console. Who would have guessed that two years ago, eh? I'm pretty sure we'll be getting the DK games, but it's the Perfect Darks and the Banjo-Kazooies that we're really hoping for. It's these Rare-owned games that you guys are entitled to charge for, so the question is - will you money-hungry, yet very talented Monster Munch Spicy Hot lovers be charging for aforementioned games if the situation arises?
     Love and kisses,
     Luke

I didn't know who to ask about this, so I asked Duncan. Duncan said: "Why do I get this question? How the would I know? Yes, actually, yes, we're going to be charging so much that the Sultan of Brunei will say 'Ooo, that's a bit steep'."
     Mild probing elsewhere reveals that we don't really know much about Nintendo's plans for Rare-related Rev downloads. The head of the Ghoulies/Banjo team says: "I'm afraid that this situation is (probably) completely out of our hands. At a vague guess (which I'm not going to say is true because I don’t know and I don’t want to get my knuckles rapped), I'd say that B-K on the Revolution will be the same as B-K on the N64, so you can already play the Revolution version of B-K right now!
     "Personally, I don't like Monster Munch - the flavours taste nothing like what they say and they make your fingers smell. I'd recommend Frazzles, Skips or Wotsits."


Dear Scribes/Leigh,
     Do you get fewer letters the longer it's been since the last edition of Scribes? I'd imagine so. I suppose I just wanted to brighten your day by writing this.
     While I haven't been much into Rare's offerings lately -- I don't have any kind of Xbox, and my college budget offers little wiggle room in my choice of GBA games (I'd pick up It's Mr. Pants if I ever saw it, but ever since its vague release date I've never come across it anywhere) -- I still look out for reviews for your games, hoping for the high scores I was always used to during the Nintendo years. You're like an estranged son whose actions I watch from afar, quietly cheering you on even if we never really do anything together. The upcoming DS projects, with any luck, will reunite this young father with this far-gone video game company family member, and provide the closure and healing that is so desperately needed.
     I hope you're not too overwhelmed with manuals and plots and e-mail and whatever else you do there. Hang in there! If I can't aid you and your company monetarily, I can at least offer my sincerest moral support. I could offer RPAs too if I hadn't been too busy drawing a dog in a Klan outfit riding a horse (personal reasons).
     I went to my British math professor's house a few weeks ago, and one of his exotic food items had the monicker "Jammie Dodgers." This discovery has left me more cultured than I'm comfortable discussing.
     Fangs for the memories,
     Aaron Goodier

Jammie Dodgers are a proud staple of the British junkfood diet, just like Maltesers and Hula Hoops. I'm pretty sure I've got some at home right now, although I'd be the first to admit I do eat like an eight-year-old.
     Yep, the old Inbox has been in snooze mode for a while. Obviously it perked up a bit with the release of PDZ and Kameo, and maybe the influx will spike again when this goes out and people respond, but on the whole, pretty quiet. Work-wise, things did get tense for a while back there with the simultaneous convergence of three manuals, but that's past us now (and I'm playing catch-up with everything else, including this)...
     As for It's Mr. Pants, we've basically come to the conclusion that it was never released to retail in the US - Canada maybe, but we've yet to see a single report of someone picking it up in the States without eBaying or importing it. What about the other four GBA games we've released in the past couple of years - they not good enough for you, eh, Mr. so-called Mark Goodier off the UK Radio 1 chart show?

Dear Scribes,
     I am hoping you can provide me with the info that I'm seeking regarding Donkey Kong Country's original soundtrack. The credits list three people working on the soundtrack (Mr. Wise, Mr. Beanland, and Ms. Fischer). I was wondering if you could please list who did which song, individually. Although most of the songs have those memorable and distinct Wise-style melodies, some are leaving me scratching my head.
     Yours truly,
     Jean-Marc Goulet

Let's see. Once he'd polished off the new DKC3 GBA score Dave found the time to dig up a full list, and it looks like this: Robin did Funky's Fugue, Eveline did Simian Segue, Candy's Love Song, Voices of the Temple, Forest Frenzy, Tree Top Rock, Northern Hemispheres and Ice Cave Chant, and the rest was the doing of Mr. Wise. Hot damn! It always makes me feel empowered when we can provide actual, genuine, non-fabricated information.


Hi guys,
     First off, I'll get rid of the creeping by saying I have been a big fan since the N64, keep up the good work. This may seem like a silly question, but I can't help but feel it is being overlooked by some of your people. With multiplayer, in PDZ and any other games, will you once again be opting for the red and green teams that you went with in Conker (Xbox)? I only ask because after being a massive fan of Conker on the N64 and really looking forward to it on the Xbox, only to find that absolutely no consideration for colourblindness had been taken into account. I was gutted to have to take back Conker over such a silly matter, and am now dreading the same thing happening again with PDZ. Please feel free to put my mind at rest!
     Adam

No worries, chief. Over to the PD Zero boys themselves...
     "In PDZ you can customise the colour of the defending team. Enemies are always Red, but you can choose from different intensities of blue or green or even neutral (no overcolour, just normal character models) for the friendly players. The colourblindness issue caused us some headaches to sort out, but we think it works. If it doesn’t, let us know because we want to get it right."

Dear Scribes,
     I've supported your company for a long time and I have to say that I'm disgusted and disappointed in your ripoff of Atari's Crystal Castles! No doubt that Banjo-Kazooie is very similar! The main character Bentley in CC is facing an evil witch Berthilda, in your case though Rare named the witch Gruntilda! Bentley Bear was the first video game bear hero to my knowledge and Gruntilda was the first video game witch! There are also bees and honey throughout your game and once again that was all first in Crystal Castles! I think that you should have given a special thanks to Atari for making Crystal Castles in the credits of every BK game! Similarities? Ripoff? Or is it a tribute to an arcade classic? Time to reveal the truth! You got a lot esplainin' to do!
     One last thing to add. That's the box art between Banjo-Kazooie and Crystal Castles. On the Atari 2600 box Bentley is reaching for a gem with a sack of gems over his other shoulder with Berthilda the witch in the background. On the BK box Banjo is reaching for a Jiggy with a Jinjo under his other arm with Gruntilda in the background! That's too similar! What's going on here?
     I'll keep supporting your company with the games on the GBA and hopefully with a miracle on Nintendo's next gen console one day! I just want to know what's going on with the similarities between these two games! Yeah I use a lot of !s because I'm one hyper ADHD saturated dude!
     Tnix813

"Oh no, we’ve been rumbled," frets the head of the Ghoulies team, chewing big strips off his nails in an exaggerated cartoon fashion. "We tried to disguise it, but Banjo is obviously based on this single screen classic. Why, we even called it Banjo-Crystallie but thought that would be too obvious.
     "Actually, to be honest I’ve never even played Crystal Castles; I looked at it in an arcade once and then went to play a ‘proper’ game that involved fighting, shooting or driving. I think you’ll find that Grunty has more in common with Emu’s Grotbags and anyone can see that Banjo is really just Winnie the Pooh who can’t speak properly."
     He might not have played it, but I like totally got the high score on the Crystal Castles arcade machine (with trackball and everything) at the 2002 Game On exhibition in London. I like, so totally did - and Ms. Pac-Man while I was at it. Got my arse handed to me by Asteroids though. A pox on them tricksy boulders!


Dear Rare,
     I purchased an Xbox with Grabbed by the Ghoulies. I shall purchase a 360 with Kameo and may even grab Perfect Dark at the same time. I am a fan from way back to your Z80A days.
     As your Upcoming Games page is a blank sheet I think a prod is in order. Please make Conker's Worse Friday. Conker is, of course, the best game ever.
     Blank Steve

It's not a blank sheet, it's got a logo and some unfunny text on it. And even if we had started work on a new Conker game, it'd be ages yet before it was in a complete enough state to parade around the Upcoming Games section and pimp to games sites in general. Give it a few months, we'll have something nice and shiny and new in there for you.

Dear Scribes,
     Thought you might like to have this whipped-up-in-thirty-minutes-and-made-in-Paint-but-still-spiffing box art I did for the presumably never-to-be Banjo-Kazooie/Tooie DS.
     I know you guys are cryptic in your answers, to say the least, and I know my last e-mail (regarding Banjo-Threeie... I must have been drunk off whatever Blackbeard was drinking) was laughable at best, but I'd like to ask a slightly more answerable question: I heard that Microsoft said that you guys don't even have the right stuff to be making Nintendo DS games, and that Nintendo doesn't have plans for you to make any games for this new console either. Can you confirm or deny this?
     I got to listing all the games I'd like on the DS, and most of them were N64 ports. And about 98% of those were Rare games. DK64, the Banjo series, Perfect Dark... all these games would be awesome on the go. And the two screens would make it even better! Um... well, the touch screen can help with Jiggy puzzles, anyway (in BK/T).
     My point is that if you guys are planning on making DS games, just let it be known that there are gamers out there who don't get angry when companies re-hash old games. They enjoy it.
     Let's hope you can hold off on being cryptic just this once,
     Rage Trebonius Bat
     PS Make Banjo-Kazooie and Tooie on one game card. Please?

As you already know by now, we are actually on board the DS wagon and we do have a little something underway - nothing's happened to change our plans since that particular cat got out of the bag back in July. Not sure about making all the games you suggest though, might be a bit impractical - official response from the handheld team! Let's have it! Now!
     *drum roll*
     "Yes, we are going to remake all of them, and put them on one cartridge and give them away free."
     *drum roll ends on unceremonious farting noise*
     Whoa there! Can the 'official' bit!
     That Banjo DS box art's a bit ropey, although I do like the impression it gives that Banjo and Kazooie are on their way to visit Mumbo in his new profession as a prostitute.


Hello Scribes =)
     I have two questions that are gonna burst out of me like a premature baby kangaroo birth if I don't get 'em off my chest.
     1) If PD0 is set before PD1 then I'm guessing she ain't workin' for the Institute as PD1 was supposed to be her first mission?
     2) In the N64 masterpiece GoldenEye why the hell did you guys choose to kill off Jaws on the Aztec level? He rocks!
     3) Are you seriously considering bringing back Uncle Tusk? The guy who made younger NOM readers cry? If so why didn't you do it sooner?
     Yours painfully,
     The Joker

That's not two.
     1) Well spotted. I can see how you achieved the rank of criminal mastermind.
     2) Duncan kindly explains: "It’s only a game, you know." Anyway, he wasn't dead, the vicious skull-puncturing hail of bullets just knocked him out and made little dancing pink stars float around his head.
     3) Did he really make NOM's readers cry? Even after they refused to publish anything more intimidating than "you smell a bit like a fart"? Honestly, kids these days. If I call my kids names, they kick me in the kneecaps.


Dear Scribes,
     KI3 IS GOING TO BE MADE! Now that I have your attention, I'd like to mention that Conker Bonus Disk. I've noticed it includes a cutscene of Enter the Vertex. Well it's nice to know those weasels have gotten rid of their teeth-clenching problem, but the cut-scene itself. Just how old was that build of the game when the cut-scene was made? I mean, it doesn't even come close to looking finalised. Conker's only holding one machine gun/Uzi, he loads it after he pulls it out, and there aren't as many bullets flying or guards being wasted as there were in the 64 version. It hardly resembles the orginal scene by any margin compared to the other cutscenes which do show plenty of resemblances to their original 64 counterparts. I'm hoping the final version of the Vertex scene will have more carnage in end. That is all.
     Signed,
     Falcovsleon20
     PS: Also how does it feel to know that Conker's made an impression on Whose Line star Ryan Stiles?

Over to animator Louise from the Conker team with a finger-on-the-pulse whiplash response, even though it's actually one left over from the last edition of Scribes way back in the Dark Ages, just like your email. Shameless? Me? Yes.
     "ZzzZzzz... hmm wha? Oh, you lost me on 'KI3 is going to be made'.
     "Anyways, all the cutscenes in Conker are the originals! They've just been tweaked. There were some funky problems to begin with, due to it being ported, but all the creases have been ironed out and now they ROCK! (I can get away with saying things like that, 'cos I'm cool and you're not, 'cos you've watched The Matrix waaay too many times.)
     "Oh, and yes, it feels very nice to know that someone of Ryan Stiles' calibre actually likes Conker. All that overtime and those sleepless nights almost seem worthwhile because we know that we’ve made Ryan happy."


Hello Rare!
     I am a large fan of their Games, particularly Banjo & Kazooie. I bought and am also content before 4 years a Xbox thereby. For a long time I heard waited around only one sentence: Rare works on Banjo 3 for the Xbox!!!! Unfortunately I wait still. I wanted to now ask whether a Banjo game for the Xbox360 in work am. If they may not say it also, I hope them give me at least a small tap. Only in order to satisfy my curiosity. Many greetings from Switzerland!!!
     Shaner Asanovski

Nice to hear from another far-flung outpost of Rare fanboy goodness, but are the Swiss always this excitable? It's like trying to make sense of Yoda after his ninth double vodka.
     We're still keeping quiet on the subject of future X360 projects, but the head of the erstwhile Banjo team offers this bit of generosity for now: "I think we should give the poor lad 'a small tap' as he wishes - possibly even take him by surprise and offer him a mixer?" And dammit, yes, we are always this funny.


Scribes,
     While watching the Kameo videos, I realized that with her abilities, she would make an amazing fighting game character. Then I started thinking, "Who owns the Killer Instinct rights?" A new, next-gen KI game featuring Kameo would be supreme. And then I realized something equally if not more marvelous: "If Rare doesn't own the KI rights (or even if it does), how about a best of Rare fighting game a la Super Smash Bros?" You could have 4, 8, maybe even 16 player battles featuring characters from Kameo, Conker, Perfect Dark, Battletoads, Grabbed by the Ghoulies, etc. And you could have unlockables like Mr. Pants or Jonathan Silverman. If you ever make this game, I get some kind of credit and a free dinner at the local greasepit (all day breakfast preferred).
     Charlie McCarrick
     PS What's wrong with Geri Halliwell?

Every time we do a "What would you like to see from Rare?" type of thing, this comes up. Doesn't automatically mean we should do it, though: many have tried to replicate the Smashy formula, none have succeeded. Also, why does any all-star outing have to be a fighting game? Can't we all just get along? How about a heartwarming community game where our characters have to redecorate each others' houses within a strict budget? What's wrong with that? I bet Jolly Roger could work wonders at Baron Von Ghoul's place with a rose damask tablecloth and some chiffon throws.
     The final, fatal flaw in your reasoning is the relegation of headline act and mainstream press favourite Mr. Pants to mere 'unlockable' status. I can only assume you don't really want this game to sell any copies at all.
     PS Are we talking about the same Geri Halliwell?


Dear Scribes,
     You know, one of the disadvantages of writing a lot is that you often run out of things to say-- --kind of like how daredevils run out of functioning body parts after a few years. But really, that's besides the point.
     Another summer vacation, another two months full of lovely temperatures over 100 and none of your brilliant games to play--what's a girl to do? I dont believe we've had any RARE games released in the summer for a while--not since BT if I remember correctly (though anyone who knows me would tell you that my word is really no good when it comes to remembering--much thanks to the lot of them).
     I read once in a past SCRiBES that RARE's working on other games that we have no idea even exist--are you ready to announce any of these to the public, or are we gonna have to wait until E3 2025?
     I hope my luck holds and you don't make fun of me--the two times you've answered my queries you've been unbelievably tolerant (you really don't remember the first time now, do you?).
     BK GiRL

Um, no.
     Live & Reloaded was released in June, what are you complaining about? The months of deep summer are reserved for taking it easy as we go out and enjoy the legendary British sunshine. You should see us when we get back to work in late September, we're like a bunch of mobile charcoal briquettes.
     No word on upcoming games yet, but hopefully there'll be a bit of a 'blowout' sometime prior to E3 '06. And I do apologise for being so tolerant - NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP SENDING IN MEANINGLESS TAT AND MAKING ME FEEL OBLIGED TO PRINT SOME OF IT.


Hi there,
     I was watching Nintendo's E3 Press Conference and I noticed something Reggie said. He said, "NES changed the game. Game Boy changed the game. Donkey Kong Country changed the game. Super Mario 64 changed the game and Nintendo DS changed the game."
     Now of course he was listing ways that Nintendo has changed the 'game' of the industry, but Nintendo didn't make DKC - you guys did. I was wondering what your opinions were on that.
     It occurred to me that while DKC was itself of course a groundbreaking title, some things about its existence involved smart ideas from Nintendo - i.e. lending big-time first-party IP to a third party (well, second-party I guess, but the principal is similar), and also putting serious effort, money and skilled teams toward supporting a system which was on its way out. I'm sure that went a long way toward establishing customer trust for Nintendo. Either way I'm interested in Rare's and your own thoughts on the comment.
     Tulmult
     PS - So very tempted to make clear to the readers that I'm talking about the *2005* E3. Ha ha ha. Sorry. Thanks if you read this far.

Let's ignore that unsportsmanlike dig (bearing in mind the vintage of some of the other letters in this edition) and put the question to one of the key people who worked on the Country series.
     "Rare will always be proud of creating DKC, but as you say it wouldn’t have happened without Nintendo. They gave us the Donkey Kong IP when we were just a third party (i.e. they owned none of Rare) and asked for a game (if I remember rightly) ‘that has better animation than Aladdin’. They provided equipment and support but Rare had a massive stake in there too, if the game had been a failure the company almost certainly wouldn’t be where it is today. Looking back I think it was just one of those rare situations where everything came together at the right time in the right package (helped of course by the crazy amount of work required to get it done - but we were young then!)."


Scribes - I flipping hate you all.
     That's right, I hate you for not making KI3 and I hope you go flipping bankrupt. You deserve to go bankrupt for how you treat us gamers. We deserve to know if you are ever even going to make another KI3. We deserve to have something to look forward to. I hate every last one of you and England sucks, big time!!! USA!! USA!! USA!!
     TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO WITH MY BELOVED KI SERIES!!
     Justin Drysdale

And the irony, of course, is that your fellow Americans will be cringing at the damage you're doing to their international reputation. We deserve to go bankrupt for not making Game X that some people want rather than Game Y that some other people want, or one of the hundreds of other potential games we could be making? Marvellous. Also, any new plans for the KI series would be announced on the website rather than a) kept secret until after the game's release or b) hand-delivered direct to your door. Again though, having said that, I'll talk to the tech people and see if we can ban your IP address from the site to stop you from finding out, because we have a firm policy of not negotiating with toss bottles.


Scribety Scribety!
     Firstly, I wish to thank you guys for the spawning of the Banjo series. As I write this, myself and a large group of N64-nostalgic artists have been throwing a two-week celebration coming down to the anniversary of Banjo-Kazooie's release in the U.S. That game particularly has touched us (namely us cartoonist wahoos) like no other with its bright characters and comical scenes and all that other spazztastic junk that made it so great. You guys know what it is! So anyway, I just wanted to say that. We love you guys! And I anxiously wait for It's Mr. Pants!
     Secondly, with the growing appearance of random family members in all of the Banjo games, I couldn't help but speculate that Banjo-Threeie is going to have the appearance of... Banjo's Evil Brother! Spooky, yes? His name will probably be "Bagpipe" or something and don a bright green kilt! Kinda like this attachment!
     I just wanted to share that with you. Wahey indeed.
     Cammiluna

That looks more like a teatowel than a kilt. In fact he doesn't look very Scottish at all, but I'm not about to get into the realms of offensive stereotyping by trying to come up with things you could have added to make him more Scottish (I believe we've been there before, many years ago). Nice work though, and cheers for the kind words - it's nice to know that our dedication to filling games with spazztastic junk hasn't gone unnoticed. But I still think you should jump off the 'evil yet previously unmentioned family members named after instruments' train of thought before you accidentally expose the entire story arc for the next six Banjo games.


Dear Scribes,
     Hi there, I've just finished playing Grabbed by the Ghoulies on Xbox, brilliant game by the way, played it solidly for over two weeks, anyway my question: at the end they walk off towards another spooky-sounding town followed by Baron Von Ghoul, is there a sequel in the works?
     Also has any decision been made as to whether you'll produce any DS games, I hope so.
     Regards,
     Rob

DS games: yes. Do keep up. Ghoulies sequels: probably not. From the horse's (designer's) mouth: "Thanks for your kind words about our Haunted House-a-thon, but I'm afraid that Ghouly fans (all six of you) will be unlikely to see a sequel, due to its relative lack of success compared with our other games. Although the performance of a game at retail is the ultimate indicator of success, Ghoulies was perhaps not the right game at the right time on the right platform. The team was disappointed by its performance, but we have lost none of our desire to create exciting new IP and experiences, the results of which will be announced within the next few months. But in my eyes, Mr. Ribs is one of the best characters we have ever created and his role as a cheap cameo (á la Mr. Pants) is guaranteed for years to come. Maybe we'll create a one-off Mr. Ribs Xbox 360 faceplate, get it signed by a few bigwigs at Microsoft and then try to flog it for £500 on eBay."


Dear Scribes,
     I've recently bought Conker: Live & Reloaded, and I think both the multiplayer and the single player are totally awesome. But one thing bothers me. In the multiplayer level "A Bridge Too Narrow" I can't find the uplinking point to bring the stolen plans to. I've looked on various sites, and wandered around in the level, but I couldn't find anything. I even saw a map that was supposed to show me where it is, but it led me to nothing (and since I'm male, I can't blame that one on my gender). It's probably just right in front of me, and I will probably find it about 10 minutes after I've sent you this, but please, do answer my question. I will probably get verbally slapped about the place with one or two witty phrases, making fun of my searching skills, but hey, I'm desparate, and I'm Dutch (not that it's so horrible, but you can make fun of that, and still answer my question). Thanks in advance.
     Iain

Apparently "It’s outside, above your own base. Just to the side of the main base entrance." So there you go. Of course, considering you sent this at the end of June, it's just possible that you may have found it yourself by now.
     Far be it from me to make fun of your Dutchness, although I can't help noticing that the name 'Iain' errs a bit more towards Scottish than Dutch - you should talk to Cammiluna and see if you can come up with some kind of maniacal Dutch-Scot hybrid anthropomorphic coin-collecting ferret or something. New Video Game! New Cartoon Character! Ooo, I've come over all Dennis Greenidge.


Yo Rare!
     It's good to see a decent British development company still producing decent games in this day and age, what with the fall of so many development houses to soulless corporations who absorb the company's identity and turn their games into crap (and not the singing stuff). It's good to see that under MS you're producing as great, if not better games than ever. As is customary for the majority of people who write to Scribes, I've got a bunch of questions you may or may not want to answer, and to make sure most have never been answered before, I'm making all but one as obscure as possible.
     1) Is it embarrassing being owned by MS? I mean, it means that people can say 'MS 0wnz0rz j00', and as embarrassing as it is for them that they're using 1337 and supporting MS, it's completely true in your case.
     2) How come Kameo's taking so long?
     3) If I claimed that Ghoulies has made me unable to operate in normal society because I'm absolutely petrified of corridors full of mounted animal heads, then would you give me free games?
     4) Talking of Ghoulies, what do ghost pirates have to do with mansions?
     5) Do you want any Gmail invites? I've got 50 of these damn things, and I just can't get rid of them.
     6) What do you guys do with your 5 BAFTA statuettes? Ever tried jumping out at people from behind stuff with them, or perhaps using them as an improvised audience when practising for picking up even more awards?
     So yeah, answer those, and I promise I'll buy Conker: Live & Reloaded, vote for it in any game of the year polls, and lick your shoes clean if I ever see you in the street. Not that I'm desperate for you to answer these questions or anything. Dear me, no.
     Yours Indesperately,
     Markusdragon (Mark Cope)
     PS: 7) Why do so many people insist on writing a PS? Couldn't what they say afterwards generally be discussed in the main body of the letter?

Big fat mail requires big fat response. Let's see how much of it the Ghoulies team leader will take care of for me.
     "Cheers for the compliments Mark, we're still driven to creating the best games we possibly can. When the day comes that I don’t enjoy what I do any more then it will be time to retire, but until then we’ll just ignore the ‘you are crap now you are with Microsoft’ comments and just get on with trying to entertain gamers such as yourself. So, in response to your questions:
     "1) Not at all, I think most people are proud. Rare has retained its culture almost 100% and any changes that have been made are for the better. We have a huge resource we can call upon when required and cut-price games in the Microsoft Store go down very nicely, thank you.
     "2) It’s not, it’s finished! I’m sure there are now many interviews around that will answer your question.
     "3) Yes, so long as they’re copies of Ghoulies. Last count I think we had 2,153,667 unsold ones spare. If you're scared of walking down a corridor full of stuffed heads, imagine what it would be like walking down our corridor at work and seeing the bowel-loosening sight of the grotesque heads belonging to the team working on our secret, as yet unannounced game that isn’t KI.
     "4) Not a lot, I just like pirates and do my best to get one into every game I’m involved in.
     "5) Being a technical buffoon, I don’t know what a Gmail is. I suggest you send it on to 50 more people like some kind of pyramid scheme. Tell them they'll get rich if they do or suffer bad luck forever if they don’t.
     "6) They're on display in our Reception area, guarded by a full-size Banjo costume and various cardboard cut-outs. Occasionally we fetch them out of their cabinets and hold them aloft Zelda-style while a fanfare plays and stars swirl around.
     "PS: 7) I think they must think it’s clever and original. It isn’t - which is why we don’t do it."
     Right then, now to deal with all your questions he didn't answer... oh. Next!


Dear Scribes,
     Why in God's name did you replace Conker's weapon with a nailed bat? The frying pan was a ludicrously hilarious weapon, and now it's gone. Also, why all the censoring? Microsoft's idea? Not funnier, just aggravating that I'm not getting a BETTER experience than I did on my N64.
     There, now I've gone and berated your game. I feel like a sod.
     Also, any chance of another Banjo game for the Xbox? Or is Nintendo going to get p*ssed about that?
     Jared

It's unlikely that Nintendo will get pi- er, agitated if we release a Banjo game on a non-Nintendo platform, as the Banjo franchise was one of the big ones left to Rare in the Great IP Negotiations of '02 and it was always a safe bet that we'd be aiming to revisit it at some point.
     Already dealt with the censorship issue - not our idea. Clarification on the bat/pan dilemma from a C:L&R staffer: "Conker had a bat because we felt like giving him a bat, gave him a bit more of an edge as a character. Plus you can do some combos with it." True enough. You ever tried pulling off an effective combo with a frying pan? Tip: don't try it in the middle of a mugging.


Dear Diedre,
     In light of the recent Hideo Kojima signing event, and two years ago, a Miyamoto signing, both in the UK, is there a possibility that maybe at some point in the future, anybody at Rare might consider doing a similar event (in the UK)? I attended both the Kojima and Miyamoto events, and I get the feeling that a Rare signing would be a lot more fun, since you lot seem to have a stronger relationship with fans. What with your humour in games, your website, and the very fact that you released It's Mr. Pants (a game made almost exclusively for hardcore Rare followers), you seem less of a typical heartless corporation, and more like a bunch of guys that players can relate to and identify with. I'd love to have any of my Rare games signed by any one of you. Even my copy of It's Mr. Pants would become even more of a Rare geek's dream (if that's even possible) with "L. Loveday" plastered across the front of it.
     I understand that it wouldn't really be a possibility for quite a while (there's no denying that Rare has slipped into obscurity somewhat in the eyes of mainstream gamers), but perhaps when you have a few more Xbox games under your belt, or even after a few Xbox2 games?
     Monkey Mischief

The only time I ever went to ECTS, I turned my pass over to hide my name just in case anyone accosted me (which didn't work, as that sod Botwood kept introducing me to people). Generally I tend to assume that anyone I meet in public who recognises my name will probably be some kind of mentalist, and I like to think that the same is true of many Rare staffers. And Brits in general. It's probably not, of course - it's probably just me.
     The bigger issue is that Miyamoto and Kojima are seriously big individual names within the industry, whereas Rare, like most developers, is still known as a largely faceless group entity. You know those sad little bookshop signings by local history authors where absolutely nobody turns up except for a couple of demented old ladies? I reckon that's how it'd go with a Rare signing. Minus the old ladies. Maybe in the future, though, you never know - I'm sure MGS would love us to be a bit more proactive on the publicity front, but at the end of the day we're a bunch of habitually reclusive natives of an insular and faintly sociopathic island nation, what can you do?

Scribbleman Pork-Flavoured Love... Thing,
     It has come to my attention that Dude, Where's My Toad? is the best game to ever be mentioned into existence. All I need to know is: is this game a knockoff of Blaster Master, are Marth and Roy in this game, how many Kremkoins do I have to collect to make Mr. Pants, Mr. Trout, Mr. Arse and Tiptup playable, what superpowers does Pimple have, and is there going to be some attractive frog female for no other reason besides publicity? I'm not even asking for a serious answer, I just want entertainment!
     Making the World--wait, since when do I make the world safe at all?
     Paul M. Pasquella
     P.S. Is it safe to eat Chewits whilst drinking A.R.S.E.? (Artificially Reconstructed Seaweed Extract)

No to everything except the attractive frog females, and even then they'll only be attractive to the same fearsome minority of people who had a thing for Candy Kong. And Pipsy. Maybe. Pimple has Orchid's 'indecent exposure' finishing move, while Marth can drop cars on people. Sorry, I've just been down for the big Rare Xmas dinner and I'm too bloated to be any more entertaining. Also, your rendition of a Chewit is more like a Spangle, and that's really distracting.


Dear Mr Pants,
     I just want to say thank you for taking so much time and trouble creating off-line multiplayer content for Conker Live & Reloaded, you guys could have easily released Conker without off-line settings, finally it’s great to see someone take into account that the Xbox has four controller ports, plus Rareware now caters for the online & off-line community, your guys obviously take notice & listen to your fans, for that reason we all thank you.
     Microsoft has said certain Xbox games will be backwards compatible with the Xbox 360, will Conker be one of them?
     I first read a preview in the Official Xbox Magazine about Perfect Dark Zero and its multiplayer settings. I really hope that the co-op missions are off-line enabled as well as online, which would cater for a wider audience, please could you put AI bots in PD0’s multiplayer settings, imagine how clever and how deadly the AI would be on 360.
     Matthew Antonia

Uncle Dunc says of PDZ: "Co-op story mode is offline enabled. There are bots in the DeathMatch scenarios of PDZ, the DarkOps bots were too large an undertaking at the time. Maybe later…"
     As for Conker, no, thank you - makes a nice change from the "you took out the old multiplayer, you are teh suck" complaints (sheesh, we just didn't think many people bothered with the N64 multiplayer and naively expected them to be more excited about something brand new and more ambitious). We're pretty sure Live & Reloaded will become X360-compatible somewhere along the line, hopefully sooner rather than later - we know the team at MS have been looking into it but there are no solid dates for these things.

Hello there Mr. Face,
     First off, I'd like to thank you guys for making the best games in our heliocentric solar system. "Keep up the good work," I say in a hardly discernible, incredibly gruff voice. Secondly, I find that the previous generation of game titles (N64 generation) in my opinion still stand as some of the best games of all time. With that in mind, I was wondering/hoping/praying if a compilation game could be crafted from those previous generation games. I got the idea from reviewing a Mega Man collection for a newspaper. I have noticed that the trend of releasing classic games in a compilation is becoming rather popular these days. The time seems deliciously ripe for a Rare collection. Whether the collection is broken into several games or not I do not care. I just want to see a compilation that will end all compilations (not really but really). Lastly, is Rare developing any additional games for the Xbox or is all development focus on the GBA and Xbox 360?
     The Pathetic Fool with Hopeful Eyes,
     Nic M.

Another old favourite. I'm not sure where we stand on N64 compilations, in terms of either rights or motivation: as an example, we could probably do a Banjo double pack if we wanted to, but I'm not convinced the team would rather spend their time on that than on something legitimately new (similar to how the Conker boys and girls didn't want to just port Bad Fur Day). I'm not ruling it out though, because then I'll look like a total spam javelin if someone tells me tomorrow we're doing exactly that (unlike the real Mr. Face, I am occasionally wrong). Not that I expect to find out much of anything tomorrow because almost everyone has gone home for Xmas - spending a large chunk of the year in crunch time meant that half the staff still had weeks of paid holiday left to take. And here's me still here doing this rubbish. Leave me alone, all of you! Just leave me alone!
     Xbox games? We did two, what more do you want? Three? Madness.


Hey there,
     Here's a question about the upcoming Japan release of Perfect Dark Zero on Xbox 360: Does the game come with a language selection option (like DVD movies)?
     I'm an Ex-Pat Aussie now living in Tokyo and I'm buying a Japanese Xbox 360 and a copy of PDZ on Dec. 10th. As I understand, the Japanese version of the game has been dubbed and most of the on-screen prompts are also in Japanese.
     If the game doesn't come with this option, this is definitely something that should be considered for future releases as not everyone in every country speaks the language of that country.
     Thanks in advance and best regards,
     Travis

You should be alright, Trav (why did you change it from Pat? Sorry) as the team says: "The game has been localised into a handful of different groupings. When you get your machine, set your Xbox 360 language to English - I’m sure you will anyway - and then the game should pick up the setting and run the correct localisation. There’s an English language version on every localisation version of the disc; at least, there is at the moment, but things may change in the future."


Dear Scribes,
     Is there a track list for the sound test in Star Fox Adventures? It would be easier to find the right tune if there was one.
     I also want to request the Vampire Chickens tune, from Grabbed by the Ghoulies. I love that tune! Too bad there isn't a soundtrack for the game. Grant really did a fine job on that game!
     Erik

We've had the SFA tracklist question before, and I don't think we've actually got one to give out. Just as well, then, that the soundtrack to your average everyday Vampire Chicken onslaught proved a bit easier to get hold of. "Cluck cluck, etc." says Grant.


Scribes,
     How dare you not include Velvet in Perfect Dark Zero, it would have even been OK if you used the 64-bit version from the original Perfect Dark but no, she was wiped from the universe of Perfect Dark forever. I have composed a poem in remembrance;
     ODE TO VELVET
     OH VELVET, YOU GAVE ME SUCH FUN ON THE NINTENDO,
     AND I LOVED CAPPING YOU IN THE HEAD AND BLOWING YOU UP WITH REMOTE MINES
     AND I NEED YOU TODAY OH VELVET
     NOW RARE LEFT YOU OUT OF THE SEQUEL
     AND I MISS YOU TODAY OH VELVET.
     That's all I have to say, and in the words of Velvet; "I'm wounded" or the President; "I can't believe this is happening".
     Rae & Rob Tonkin

If we're being picky, we left her out of the prequel. She may well be in the sequel one day.
     "One of the multiplayer bots is called Velvet," offered Mr. Botwood when I showed this to him. Sadly I couldn't press him for more information because he was already backing away at some speed. So to finish in the words of Christopher Lambert, "I don't like boats, I don't like water. I'm a man, not a fish." Yeah, so it doesn't make any contextual sense - don't blame me, blame the Lambert.

Just wondering... if you die in Perfect Dark Zero does the N64 game cease to exist Back to the Future style?
Martin "Alf-Life" Badowsky

No, because they're not real people and these things aren't really happening, see.


How long before Conker's Bad Fur Day did the Chapter X missions take place?
Mr. Moyle

Time paradox overload! The team say: "What’s time when you have a time machine, it means nothing."


scribes what will happem for bladt corp??
Ichigo Kurosaki

OMG i domt nkow!!?


Would it be great if you made an all new Banjo Kazooie game for the DS called "Banjo Touchie"
get it ^^ because the DS has a touch screen.
Christian Royer

Imagine an impatient man giving you a flat, unfriendly stare. That's your answer.


Thank you for the launch day love!!! I can't wait to see what's next! Now get back to work.
Verne Lotts

Only if you're Big Vern from Viz. Get dahn Ernie! He's got a piece!

Were you aware, that there's actually a professional boxer, living in Manchester, named Chris P Bacon?
Peter Meldgaard

I think I see why he became a boxer (and underwent years of psychiatric treatment).


What U-PTG game is hidden inside Kameo then? I bet it's Pssst! Hehehe. Or nothing. :(
CB

We're saving them all for Xbox Live Arcade OHNO TERE GOSE TEH NAIGHBURHOUD#!~!!?

You lot are a gang of lying cagey gets who have kept the video gaming community eating out the palm of your hands for years and years with the “oh we have no plans to release perfect dark” or “were just concentrating on platform 3d games at the moment” I think you got a kick out of lying to everyone
ADAMSEF

And you, sir, are off your face on hallucinogens. Come back when you're more coherent. Or don't.


Let me guess your next game to be announced now that Kameo and PDZ are out on the shelves. Is it going to be Banjo-Threeie?
Aaron Dinkins

Some Banjo team members are certainly involved in the next game we'll announce. How's that?


I know it's a tough request to fufill, but could we please see a picture of the illustrious "Recreational Staircase" as explicitly labelled in a "Tour of Rare HQ"? It sounds very exciting! Oh, and that Aussie Ben who works at Planet GameCube is quite the handsome devil, isn't he?
Not Aussie Ben

Dunno about recreational, but here's the staircase right next to my office. Warning: it's pretty Xtreme.


You don't NEED tickets for Tamworth Jazz club. You can pay on the door.
Chloe Lane

That'd make me look stupid and ill-informed if anyone remembered why you were saying it. Merry Xmas, all!