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| "This is a good blog. This is the best blog. It is about god and the universe and those horrible screaming monkeys and that time I made a pizza out of an old tire and a can of whip cream. It is the Fafblog." - Fafnir on Fafblog |
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Saturday, January 31, 2004
all our prayers our with you alex trebek
Please recover soon. Love, Fafnir. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 9:04 PM Friday, January 30, 2004
doctor who could take out lord hutton
So a buncha people have been askin me "So Fafnir what is your opinion of the decision on the Hutton inquiry." Well buncha people normally great opinions must be stewed slowly over time, like an ox, or a large grapefruit. But this time my opinion leapt up at me right away. I just was slow to express it on account of I was busy 1. bein lazy and 2. stewin grapefuit. I have a great deal of grapefruit. Allow me to lay out my argument as follows in the case of Tony Blair, the exaggeration of intelligence leading up to the Iraq War, and the coverage of the BBC as it relates to the inquiry of Lord Hutton. 1. Tony Blair looks like a monkey. 2. But not an ugly monkey. More like one of those funny weird-lookin monkeys who jumps on branches and eats leaves and goes "ook" a lot. Thus I am predisposed to liking Tony Blair. 3. The BBC has provided the world with years of fine programming such as BBC World News and Doctor Who. 4. Doctor Who has a huge scarf and a robot dog which can shoot lasers out of its nose. 5. Lord Hutton is a mean old cranky-pants who totally lets Tony Blair off because of his monkeyness but hates the BBC because he is jealous of Doctor Who's ability to effortlessly traverse time and space. 6. Objective people should stay objective even if they are easily charmed by amusing monkeys. 7. Doctor Who has defeated the Daleks 13 times. Lord Hutton has never defeated the Daleks at all. It is clear through my reasoning that Lord Hutton did not conduct an objective inquiry into governmental manipulation of war intelligence but was instead swayed by politics, understandable monkey fetishes, and a fiendish desire to destroy the Doctor most likely aided by one of his old nemeses such as the Master or possibly even the Cybermen. For shame Lord Hutton! For shame! You will never get away with this, the international press and the Time Lords will not stand for it. Why did I buy so many grapefruit? I will be stewing these forever. Hmmph. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 12:26 PM Thursday, January 29, 2004
Giblets apologizes for nothing!
Giblets does not apologize for his brilliant edict that the Pope should die to make things more interesting for Giblets! In fact Giblets now decrees a new Gibletsian feature, the Pope Death Watch, wherein we will continue to look for signs of aging frailty in the Pope. Is he getting older? Sicker? Is that a new liver spot? Who knows? Giblets will keep you informed with the Pope Death Watch! Giblets bows to no one! ¶ posted by Giblets at 11:32 PM
papal apology
On behalf of Fafblog I would like to apologize for the "dead pope" post made by Giblets some time ago. It was horrible and mean-spirited and again it was made by GIBLETS. Not Fafnir. So please stop sending Fafnir your angry emails because there really is no need to do so. If I knew how to put Gilbets's email to the end of all his posts - which is giblets@fluble.com by the way - I would do that but I don't know how to do that. I am not computer literate. I have a talented gorilla to do all my typin and codin for me. Say hi to everyone gorilla! I love the pope. He is my favorite pope right up there with Paul VI and in Blessed Innocent XI in my book. Fafblog apologizes to the pope and to everyone who might have been offended. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 10:11 PM
The Pope: Not Dead Yet
Things like this really cheese me off. They upset me. They raise my ire. They do not please Giblets. In case you are too lazy too click on the link - and you know you are, you are lazy people, which is why you are on the internet, isn't it - here is the picture, blogged by Giblets:  Look at it. There you go. Take it in. The Pope and Dick Cheney. And the Pope is not dead yet. Giblets was told many many times that the Pope was near death by excited reporters who went on to talk about all the different popes who would replace this old Pope. Would it be a black Pope? An hispanic Pope? A cyborg Pope? Giblets has been hoping for, if not Pope Giblets, a Moonish Pope, as the Church of the Moon has long been slighted by the Vatican and is viciously, viciously angry. I can only imagine the Moonish Pope's first act would be to unleash atomic-powered Moon Dogs upon the populace in a grand scouring. That is some old-time religion Giblets can appreciate. But instead it is the SAME OLD POPE, day in and day out! Not even an aneurism or a mild stroke for the guy! And he has been Pope forever, or years, even! You'd almost think he had some kinda God on his side. Well Giblets for one is tired of it! Bring on the new Pope, with a new cool set of Pope stuff! Giblets is calling for some serious Pope Death starting here and now and if you love Giblets - and you must because Giblets has ordered it many many times - you will too! For emailing the Pope in this regard, try: john_paul_ii@vatican.va. Oh, and be polite, he is after all the Pope. ¶ posted by Giblets at 4:59 PM
John Kerry: the Fafblog interview
Well John Kerry has won Iowa and New Hampshire and Howard Dean has run out of money it looks like. And John Kerry is now the frontrunner for the Democratic nominee. Sigh. Well there is no use going "harumph" and "fooey" and "bleh" and "Aw nuts aw crap I really dont like John Kerry" over and over and over again. Best to hitch up our Fafbelts and get used to him right. So Fafblog has decided to interview John Kerry and here goes, here it is. FAFBLOG: So here you are. JOHN KERRY: It's great to be here. FB: So why should we vote for you John Kerry? What's your deal? JK: Well, America is in a crisis of leadership right now. We have a president who has failed as commander-in-chief, who has lied this country into war, who has launched the most reckless and irresponsible - FB: Yeah yeah yeah we know all that John Kerry! But why should we vote for you? Instead of like Dennis Kucinich or Lyndon Larouche. JK: I've been fighting for ordinary Americans for three decades. I fought for them in Vietnam and I fought for them against that war, and I fought for them in the senate for twenty years - FB: Yeah I got the war hero thing. JK: I'm sensing some hostlity here. FB: I am not hostile at all. Faf is full of love. JK: Anyway. If elected president, I'm going to repair the damage George Bush has done, to the deficit, to international relations, to - FB: Oh I'm sorry John Kerry I can't do this! My heart is not in it! Here, Stuffie the octopus will conduct the rest of this interview. JK: Uh... FB: (in Stuffie voice) "Hi John Kerry I'm an octopus! Wheeee! What do you say to critics who say that yoooour health care plan is toooooo expeeeeeensive!" JK: Do I really have to talk to the octopus? FB: Yes. FB: (in Stuffie voice) "I'm a daaancin fool!" JK: Well... Stuffie... it's long past time that every American had access to health care. What I'm going to do is repeal the tax cuts George Bush gave to his friends at Enron and Halliburton, and ensure the health care of every child in the US, and give - FB: (in Stuffie voice) "Boooooooring!" FB: Stuffie! Be polite! JK: (leaving) This is absurd. FB: Howard Dean would have given Stuffie a fantastic interview! For shame John Kerry! For shame! FB: (in Stuffie voice) "Let's get John Edwards Fafnir! Heeeeeeeee's pretty!" ¶ posted by Fafnir at 10:08 AM Monday, January 26, 2004
you suck, beach
I am back from a week on vacation from the internet. I sat on the beach and stared at the sun and waves and the fish and it was all very relaxin. Too relaxin. By Friday I was repeatedly clickin a horseshoe crab with a seashell and yellin "Load faster, horseshoe crab! What is wrong with you! Grrr!" Then I spent most of the day writing a post in the sand in response to a piece of driftwood's very scurrilous argument about how Howard Dean was gonna lose the New Hampshire primary. I kept having to repost it on account of the tide. Saturday I attempted to IM Giblets on my seashell but Giblets did not respond. Giblets has been so weird lately. Anyway I decided to go read some of the fish but they were mostly mean and loud and did not allow comments. In conclusion the beach did indeed suck. It was too sandy and linear, with too much garbage and not enough hyperlinks. I prefer the internet, which is sunnier, warm, has a conscientious sanitation crew and a responsible lifeguard, and numerous fruity drinks. I am sorry I left you internet. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 11:00 PM |
I'm Fafnir! Are you Fafnir? No? Look closer. There! You were Fafnir all along. Here is Giblets. "Giblets demands satisfaction!" says Giblets. Giblets is a very demanding Giblets. The Medium Lobster is a higher being with superior knowledge from beyond space and time. To your limited perception, he appears to be just another medium lobster. To your limited perception.
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