Here’s a regular “Friday Feature”: “How Do You Get to Rittenhouse?”

For readers not familiar, this is a “Friday Fun” feature serving up just a sampling of searches that recently brought visitors to The Rittenhouse Review.

And, so, here we go, from the ridiculous to the sublime and back again.

manoj night shyamalan fan club
Actaully, what I recently learned from devoted reader, B.F., that the real name of M. Night Shyamalan, was actually Manoj Night Shayamalan, wasn’t quite correct; most-devoted reader C.F.C tells me his real name is Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan.

Reader C.F.C. still plans to see to “The Village,” which starts in theaters today, Friday, as do I. But knowing C.F.C., she will go see it with a bunch of “the girls.” Knowing me, I’ll go alone.

Martha Strewart skylands address
I know where it is. It’s in Maine. Actually, I have the very exact address. Just don’t, really. I mean, come on. [Full disclosure: I once went to a party at which Ms. Stewart was one of the most famous guests. She would not remember me.]

Jonathan Steinberg
Why, why, do I see this one so often? Are you baiting me? Yes, he’s my former supervisor. My co-supervisor, actually. All in all, a decent man. And I’m not picking up on this one again. We’re done with this, okay?

Meg Whitman lesbian
I don’t know, maybe. Whitman, the head honcho of trinket-vending eBay kind of looks it. But who cares? Now, tell me she’s giving big money big time to the Bush/Cheney freaks and I’ll be back with another story.

wet shirts contest
Which one? Which one, I mean, at which I performed? Because there several, and there were prizes.

ann coulter embarrassed republicans
Self-definition, personified. If personified is the right word.

scandals sex holly wood photo
Holly Wood? Wasn’t she in my geometry class? I’m going to have to ask Cora.

afghan throw dance in the city Renoir

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

newspaper review a black woman civil war memoirs by susie king taylor

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

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I don’t what they’re doing, or what think they’re doing, with the op-ed page at the once-great Philadelphia Inquirer, but what they’ve been doing recently on that page is a disgrace and an embarrassment, to all of those who work at or for the Inquirer, and to those, new to this city or otherwise, who remember when, not so very long ago, a time I remember, when you could buy the paper, on weekdays, for 20 cents, when the Philadelphia Inquirer was without doubt one of the greatest newspapers in the United States of America.

Those, as they say, were the days.

Today as a mere blogger, though one with a little bit of experience as a writer, I offer you just one example of the manner in which Philadelphians have been exposed, on that once thoughtful page, to some of the worst examples of publishers’ “cost cutting,” in this case by the Inquirer’s parent company, Knight-Ridder Corp.

Not long ago, on Friday, July 23, to be specific, the Philadelphia Inquirer devoted nearly half of the day’s op-ed page to a piece entitled, “Flavors We Constantly Change For Ice Cream Makers,” a pathetically entitled essay about a local brand of ice cream, with a few cute remarks about strawberries and jalapenos thrown in, one produced by Turkey Hill Dairy of Lancaster, Pa., a few doodlings that only became worse when the author, who happens to be named Lisa Gochnauer, who is employed as “a marketing associate” for, one guess only, Turkey Hill Dairy, of Lancaster, Pa., put pen to first word.

I am using, here, the phrase “op-ed” with the utmost and most guarded generosity, for this 722-word piece, the very one that was published by the Philadelphia Inquirer, by any reasonable evaluation, was nothing more than an advertisement -- a free and unpaid (more acurrately, paid-for) commercial -- a glowing, all-but in-house produced promotion for, from, and by the Turkey Hill Dairy.

I know a few people who work at the Inquirer. I can’t imagine they were anything but horrified by this blatantly commercial behavior; this advertisement disguised as opinion; this creativity posting as journalism.

Unfortunately, the writers I know at the Inquirer are too good, too smart, and too talented even to be read, just occasionally it seems, by the men and women in the offices upstairs. Too many times, I have seen their work -- the work of so many talented writers I’ve decided to leave unnamed today -- ignored by the Inquirer’s editors, publishers, and salespeople; their brilliant articles, research, and hard work, overlooked, downplayed, and possibly suppressed, all in order to sell a few more ads in Center City, South Jersey, and the nearby suburbs; or just a couple of more home-deliveries in Society Hill, Chestnut Hill, or on the Main Line.

Whether or not those who labor hard and long for the Inquirer, and for the Philadelphia Daily News, which happens also to be owned by Knight-Ridder, are as outraged by the July 23 “op-ed”/advertisement from Turkey Hill Farms, I do not know. But they should be. And if they aren’t, they damned well out to be.

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Just as the NBC television network this evening ended its Thursday-night coverage of the Democratic National Convention, Tim Russert, who has here or there earned a totally unwarranted reputation as “an expert,” “a tough guy,” or “someone to be feared” –- unless, or course, you’re a Republican, if which, case, well, the show’s all yours because you or somebody like you or somebody who likes you, somebody like the General Electric Co., or the Halliburton Co., or the Archer-Daniels-Midland Co., probably paid for the whole damned thing anyway –- though, getting back to [And not on!] Russert, the big-media guy who, in a more decent and honorable world, would still be writing wire copy, or maybe a blog that ranked somewhere below 500 on Blogstreet.com, had this stupidity to say tonight (I’m paraphrasing slightly): “As we head forward I expect you’ll see all the Bush children campaigning.”

Oh, so, Tim? You really-big-shot-kind-of-NBC-well-past-its-glory-days-kind-of-fake-fair- coverage, you. Who, exactly?

Which Bush children are going to do all this massive campaigning?

Jenna Bush? Possibly Barbara Bush, Junior, a/k/a merely, and I mean that, Barbara Bush, the one not, as best I can yet gather, nearly as snotty and nasty as Barbara Bush I, a/k/a, née Barbara Pierce, Rye, N.Y., degree from Smith College uncompleted, the cuckolded wife of former President George Herbert Walker [That “Walker” part was his mother’s name. The house in Kennebunkport, Maine, is named after the Walkers.] Bush?

Or are you, Big Influential Tim Russert, the one with the father about whom we couldn’t care less, casting about a very wide dolphin-killing net, one that includes such Bush-family luminaries as. . . Neil Bush? Or, Jeb Bush? Or, Noelle Bush? Or, Prescott Sheldon Bush? [Ed.: Oops, sorry, he’s expired.] Or, the much-lamented, so-felt-sorry-for-kind-of-hasn’t-accomplished-anything-in-her-life-except-a-nasty-divorce, Doro Bush? Wait, don’t let me forget Colonna Columba Bush! Nor any or “the little brown ones”!

What a sad, sorry little bit of so too overgrown a family.

There’s lots of them, yes, and so it’s in reality “a sad, many family,” but still so very, very sad.

And so small. So very, very small.

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It’s Not Getting Better in Florida
I’ve started to wonder whether voters have a better chance of having their choices accurately counted in Guatemala or Venezuela than they do in Flordia. Glenda Hood: the new and unimproved Katherine Harris.

Mixed News From Jersey
Fairleigh Dickinson University yesterday released a poll showing Sen. John F. Kerry leading President George W. Bush by only two points in New Jersey (an important state: 15 electoral votes: 45 percent to 43 percent, with 10 percent undecided. (Poll specs: conducted July 20 to 26 of 834 registered voters; margin of error of +/- 3.5 percentage points).

The good news is that neither party has yet put much effort in to New Jersey, in no small measure because of the state’s extremely late, and therefore irrelevant, primary date (June 8). The better news, or that which can make Kerry-Edwards supporters optimistic, is that former Vice President Al Gore whipped the knickers off now President Bush by 17 percentage points.

On the Matter of “Undecided” Voters
With respect to the strange, almost inexplicable phenomenon known as “undecided” voters, take a look at Jill Porter’s column in today’s Philadelphia Daily News, “How Odd to be an Undecided.” Pull quote:

It boggles my mind that in the midst of the most polarized campaign in memory, with starkly defined issues and candidates who are opposites, some people can't make up their minds.

How can that be? Do these people get stumped at the newsstand about whether to buy the National Enquirer or The Wall Street Journal?

Vacillate in the shoe store between Birkenstock sandals or Blahnik spikes?

Linger at the liquor store over the competing virtues of grain alcohol or Cristal champagne?

Because this election is not about nuance, folks. It's not about gradations in policy. It's not clouded with areas of gray.

From tax cuts to stem-cell research, the camps are as well defined as a two-lane road with a yellow stripe down the middle.

Not to mention that rancor runs so high that both sides see the other's candidate not as the lesser of two evils but as the incarnation of evil himself. […]

I can’t help but think that in this election, the undecideds are the lunatic fringe.

It’s a clever piece, and one that’s particularly interesting to me because while I know several Bush-backers, not a single person has told me he or she is undecided.

An Op-Ed Worth Reading
From Theodore C. Sorenson, a speechwriter to former President John F. Kennedy, writing in today’s New York Times (“Meant Well, Messed Up”): “Our nation cannot go on like this -- squandering brave young lives and hundreds of billions of dollars on unnecessary war, losing old friends and creating new enemies, abandoning the middle class while making the rich richer and saddling our children with unsustainable debt and pollution. The Kerry-Edwards administration, unlike the Cheney-Bush agenda, will invest in jobs, health care and education, not Halliburton and other corporate cronies. We will practice transparency, not evasion. When trouble comes, we will find solutions, not scapegoats. We will protect our borders without bending our Constitution.”

Another Op-Ed Worth Reading
From Douglas Pike, a speechwriter for the late Sen. Paul Tsongas (D-Mass.), writing in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer (“Kerry Needs Style as Much as Substance”): “Good: Dropped Gs, Bad: Oui, oui!; Good: Mekong Delta, Bad: Mozambique; Good: Two wonderful daughters, Bad: Two rich wives; Good: Swift boat, Bad: Switzerland; Good: Forgetaboutit, Bad: On the other hand; Good: 100,000 more cops, Bad: Protesters’ rights; Good: I will never..., Bad: I shan’t...; Good: Let’s roll, Bad: Let America be America again; Good: Bring it on, Bad: Shove it.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) yesterday addressed the 2004 Democratic National Convention in Boston. The full text of Rep. Kucinich’s speech can be found at his former campaign web site:

Among much else, Rep. Kucinich told delegates, Democrats, American citizens, and people everywhere:

Iraq had nothing to do with 911 or with al Queda’s role in 911. There was no “gathering threat.” There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. […]

I tell you have seen weapons of mass destruction -- in our cities. Poverty is a weapon of mass destruction. Joblessness is a weapon of mass destruction, homelessness is a weapon of mass destruction, racism is a weapon of mass destruction, fear is a weapon of mass destruction.

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Theresa Heinz Kerry is on the cover of today’s Philadelphia Daily News, which means she is the cover of today’s Daily News.

Inside: “She’s My Kind of Wild Card,” by John Baer. Pull quote: “[F]or operatives, pundits and others weighing whether she’s a liability in the heartland, let me note that she’s not a candidate and the heartland isn’t stupid.”

And “Her Greatest Hits,” a collection of Heinz Kerryisms assembled by Will Bunch.

Also worth reading “10,000 Brave Storms to Cheer for Kerry,” by Chris Brennan, if only to get the real story -- before the “Gaffe! Gaffe!” screamers jump on it -- about Sen. John F. Kerry calling the Philadelphia Museum of Art a “library”: “‘It’s getting late, you know,’ Kerry said as the crowd roared and then started chanting his name. ‘I just walked through it and saw all the art. So I’m not completely dopey.”

Similarly, in the Philadelphia Inquirer today: “Kerry, in Phila., Vows Better War on Terror,” by Thomas Fitzgerald and Ira Porter: “At one point, Kerry stumbled verbally, calling the museum the ‘library,’ laughing as he corrected himself a moment later. ‘I just walked through it and saw the art, so I’m not completely dopey,’ he said.”

There’s a cool Kerry photo by John Costello on the same page.

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We needed dish towels, so I went out and bought dish towels, at Kmart, from the Martha Stewart Everyday collection, seven of them at once, seven because that’s the way they sell them, because, I think, there are seven days in a week, and from the MSE collection because I’m a loyal fan and follower, and though Miss Stewart’s reference to Nelson Mandela was stupid to the point of ridiculousness, she isn’t half the idiot Larry King is.

(One sentence; 78 words. Take that, Joan.)

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Oh, please. I can’t even be bothered with this latest nonsense.

Imagine: A first lady who’s not a valium zombie.

I can’t wait.

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I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding this, but my friend Atrios has been outed.

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Overheard, on Sunday, at Cosí, South 2nd Street, Philadelphia:

Precocious Five-Year-Old: “Mommy, did you know that Ben Franklin invented the hospital in what I was borned?”

(Her reference: The Pennsylvania Hospital.)

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Earlier today I received an e-mail from the management of the Ritz Theaters chain in Philadelphia with respect to “The Hunting of the President,” the brilliant documentary currently showing across the country:

We have been seeking a date for this film and hope to play it in the early fall. Thanks for your interest.

I think the thanks really go to you, readers of The Rittenhouse Review, those of you who called Ritz, sent e-mails to Ritz, and filled out cards at Ritz Theaters.

You know what this means, don’t you? When Ritz shows “The Hunting of the President” in Philadelphia, you’re going to go see it.

Buy the book.

Or, buy the other book.

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Did you know, because I didn’t until early last evening, that in this house, the house in which I am now living, there is something that some people call, or at least one person calls, a “rinsing sink”?

I’ve never heard of such a thing, but about sinks, well, I probably should know more. As a matter of fact, the second house in which I ever lived, a house located in Bergen County, N.J., had two kitchens, a rarity at the time. And, thus, the house had two kitchen sinks. We’re talking forty thirty-five thirty years ago, people, so I can’t remember whether the sinks were split or not, but, just let me say for now, for today: I know from sinks. (That’s a Philadelphia dialecticism.)

And yes, it was my fault that last night I neglected to carry a glass, a single glass made of glass, from the dining room to the kitchen, and I shamefully left said single glass, made of glass, on the dining-room table (the dining-room table that belongs neither to me nor my happy chastiser), for all of three minutes, I having been distracted as I escorted my bulldog Mildred from the first floor to the third of this house, she, Mildred, already exhausted after a lengthy and friendly chat with C.F., a pleasant and pleasing act of neighborliness for which I, we, have, at least here “at home,” been punished, rather than rewarded.

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Reader B. H. writes:

Just so you know, the “M” in M. Night Shyamalan stands for “Manoj,” which is his real name.

What can I say, I have an amazing memory for absolutely useless information.

Me too. And thank God for the blog. Where else would I deposit all the useless stuff on to which I’m hanging?

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A favored, a beloved, reader, L.H., recently sent me two books from my Amazon.com wish list: Candy Freak, by Steve Almond; and Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, by David Sedaris.

Thank you, L.H., for this relief, this opportunity to read something not related to President Finger Painting.

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My hilarious friend B. sent me an e-mail today in which, get this, she said, “I hope your packing is going well.”

My “packing”? Going well? It’s not “going” at all.

What are you talking about, B.? The move is three weeks away. Do you really think I’ve started packing already?

We’re not moving until August 15.

Rest assured, B., I have put “Packing” on my calendar.

In the little box reserved for August 14.

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I’m thinking of changing my name. Or, more accurately, restyling my name.

What prompts this rather teenage notion?

Two things.

First, the incessant battering of my ears by advertising for “The Village,” the new film from M. Night Shyamalan. (A Philadelphian!)

What an interesting name M. Night has. So stylized.

But what does the “M.” stand for? What does it replace? Some secret so horrible? Or just something unpronounceable?

Second, and for this I have no documentation, I recently encountered a writer whose name I cannot recall exactly, but it went something like this: J.-E. Stephens.

What a name is that! J.-E. Stephens.

Two initials and a hyphen!

And isn’t that hyphen just precious?

Gee whiz, the guy’s just dying to be invited to write for the New York Review of Books. And with a name like that, he probably will be. The Epsteins (Jason, Barbara) are and always have been notorious suckers for such affectations.

So for me, from now on, no more James Capozzola, no more Jim Capozzola, nor James Martin Capozzola. Call me J. Martin Capozzola, or maybe J.-M. Capozzola.

Serious writers know one doesn’t submit to the Review. One is asked; invited. Perhaps this new style -- hey, Susan Sontag played that gray streak of hers to completely unwarranted eminence -- will get me a little closer.

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What follows is a little bit of ketchup blogging, so, please, if you will, bear with me.

Last Tuesday, July 20, the Philadelphia Orchestra performed one of its free community concerts -– I understand they’re doing just three this year -- the latest at Penn’s Landing.

Near as I could tell, and I’m open to correction on this, several of the orchestra’s best players, our real stars, were not in attendance. That is, they were not performing Tuesday night. Naming names, which I kind of like to do, and as best I can, among the missing: David Kim, William de Pasquale, Roberto Díaz, Jeffrey Kahner, and Ricardo Morales.

Oh, and by the way, Christoph Eschenbach was nowhere to be seen. And do you know what? Nobody cared, least of all me.

The orchestra’s program began with the first verse of “The Star Spangled Banner.” (We stood, hands over hearts; politics be damned, in Philadelphia we love this country, and Pennsylvania has lost a disproportionate number of its citizens to this senseless war.) But ask any singer, and a singer I am not, the “SSB,” beautiful as it is, is a tough one.

Also on the program Tuesday night: Mendelssohn’s Hebrides Overture (Op. 26), Tchaikovsky’s Serenade in C major (Op. 48); Rossini’s Overture to The Silken Ladder; and Mozart’s Symphony No. 31 in D major.

Then, to conclude the evening, the Philadelphia Orchestra played “America the Beautiful.”

The orchestra performed but two verses, and the audience was asked to sing along.

Most of you know the first verse, but it was the second stanza of the second verse that truly brought tears to my eyes and the proverbial choke to my throat.

And here it is:

America! America!
God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.

The lyrics, as I’m sure you know, are by Katharine Lee Bates (d. 1929).

Miss Bates has been away from us for 75 years, but those four lines are words worth committing to memory today.

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As I’ve noted twice before here at Rittenhouse, on July 15 and, previously, on June 16, there’s a fascinating documentary playing in theaters around the country -- no, not that amazing film, “Fahrenheit 9/11,” which you should, by all means, see early and often, and take friends and family -- but another film, “The Hunting of the President.”

Banned in Boston?

No, not at all.

In fact, “The Hunting of the President” has or will hit the screens in Boston (Coolidge Corner Theatre), Cambridge (Kendall Square Cinema), Falmouth (Nickelodeon 5), and Waltham (Embassy 6), Mass., and possibly other locales, before now or between now and early September.

But nowhere is “The Hunting of the President” to be seen in Philadelphia, the fifth-largest city in the United States of America, that great and too often overlooked city, all but trapped, it seems, between the dump and the swamp.

One would think that with “Fahrenheit 9/11” still playing to sizable crowds at the Ritz East, the Ritz Theaters chain might be able to find at least one screen somewhere within the boundaries of the fifth-largest city in the United States of America to show “The Hunting of the President.”

Unfortunately and apparently not.

I called, asking, and was told this: “The guy what makes those decisions, his mind is probably already made up.”

“Well, perhaps I might I use this phone call to indicate my interest in seeing the film in a Ritz Theater?” I asked.

“I dunno know.”

“Maybe you might write something down?” I responded.

“I dunno know. Right now we’re rollin’ quarters. [Ed.: Actually, this particular sentence was unintelligible. That’s my best guess.] Maybe you could send an e-mail or somethin’, but the best thing you can do is to stop by one of our theaters and fill out a suggestion card.” [Ed.: Emphasis mine.]

Duly noted, Mr. Tolstoy.

And so, as a public service, I publish the following information regarding Ritz Theater locations in the Philadelphia area:

Ritz Bourse:
Fourth Street, between Chestnut and Market Streets.

Ritz East:
Second Street, between Chestnut and Walnut Streets.

Ritz Five:
214 Walnut Street.

Ritz Sixteen:
900 Haddonfield-Berlin Rd., Voorhees, N.J.

I’ve seen the film. It’s terrific. I would see it again. I would pay to see it again.

You should see “The Hunting of the President,” too. And whether or not you live in or near Philadelphia, all you need to do is ask for it.

Just drop a note in the box.

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The latest weekly Rittenhouse reader poll was supposed to have ended on the evening of Wednesday, July 21. Due to technical difficulties on this end, i.e., my PC, however, voting was extended in Bush-régime-approved fashion, through this morning.

In case you missed it, the question Rittenhouse readers were asked was this: “Who is worse, the more offensive, odious, or objectionable, and limit your thought process not to the inexplicably popular, ‘Mad About You?’” Readers were asked to choose between the co-stars of that insipid television series: Helen Hunt or Paul Reiser.

Now, if ever there were a Rittenhouse reader poll in which I would be predisposed to shout, “Tie, tie!”, this would be it.

It was a close call, but I chose Reiser. Both Hunt and Reiser are terrible actors, neither possessing nor displaying any talent whatsoever, both are unbearably not funny. Both are unceasingly unentertaining.

But Reiser “wins” my vote for no reason other than his authorship of Babyhood.

Here’s a tip, Paul: You’re not the only man who once owned a spermatozoum that found its way to an ovum. And that very, very short “swim” of your spew spawn, doesn’t make you unique. It doesn’t even make you particularly special. Least of all does it in any way render you interesting. (For more on this see, for example, Solomon Jones of PW: Philadelphia Weekly on the subject of his daughter Eve, and James Lileks, of the InstaLinker fan club, on the subject of his pest daughter, Gnat.)

Rittenhouse readers agree with me, though probably for different reasons: In response to the poll, 71 percent of readers chose Reiser, while 29 percent chose Hunt.

Oh, and, Helen, don’t go chuckling into the night. The number of e-mail messages I received from readers who selected Paul “over” you, while simultaneously lamenting your concomitant lack of talent, and the number of readers who wince regularly at your horribly uninflectable voice, ought to make you think, once again, about taking a few more acting lessons.

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Yesterday I bought the report, the book: The 9/11 Commission Report: Final Report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States.

It wasn’t easy. The Barnes & Noble store at 1805 Walnut Street, on the north side of Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia, had already sold every copy from its first stock of the report.

Fortunately, Border’s Books, at 1 South Broad Street, at the corner of Chestnut and just south of City Hall, isn’t so far away.

Even better, Qdoba, the somewhat upscale version of Taco Bell located at 1528 Walnut Street, lies between the two stores.

I’m glad I only ordered a few tacos at Qdoba, and that I ate them quickly, because by the time I got to Border’s the store had on hand only two copies of The 9/11 Commission Report.

I bought the next-to-last copy.

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Thanks to the hard work of my friend J.G., my PC is up and running again . . . and better and faster than ever.

I realized this morning that I haven’t blogged in a week. Do you have any idea how painful that is?

More, much more, tk.

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Blogging remotely this morning . . .

I'm not sure what's wrong with my PC, but it doesn't look good. The message that greets me upon restarting reads, "Error loading operating system," and I can't get beyond that point.

It's a four-and-a-half-year-old PC, so the day of reckoning, if that's what this is, likely was overdue.

Wish me luck. I'll be back as soon as I can.

I'll be checking e-mail occasionally if you have any suggestions or advice.

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Judith Martin, the author and syndicated columnist also known as “Miss Manners,” doesn’t take kindly to blogs.

Martin, who is at home today in the Washington Post (“The Key to Discreet Gossiping”), begins her essay, condescendingly, with this presumably worldly-wise observation: “Yes, children, we did used to have blogs. We called them diaries, and they got us into almost as much trouble as yours will get you.”

Her exposure to blogs obviously confined to the salacious, with-whom-I’m-sleeping type for which Rittenhouse readers have no use, Martin, she of the blue-black ink, then chides bloggers with a misplaced nostalgia for the personal significance and literary value of the traditional, handwritten diary (Anaïs Nin, anyone?):

[The diary] had an insatiable appetite for grudges, gossip, love affairs, cultural pronouncements, social criticism and whatever else one chose to put into it. It was the ideal companion, an eager and sympathetic listener who would never betray you in the present but hinted at helping you to fame in the future.

Web logs have a similar lure for those who keep them, with what seem like additional advantages. It is not only that they work faster technologically. They are supposed to supply fame and hordes of eager and sympathetic listeners in the present.

With a diary, the danger was that someone might sneak a peek at it or even steal it and expose one’s secrets. With a blog, the fear is that nobody might do so.

(Okay, I’ll admit that last sentence applies to every blogger.)

In the end, and appropriately, Martin’s primary concern is with bloggers blogging about people they know. She concludes:

The polite person at least gossips discreetly and without malice. Blogs do not qualify as being discreet. For those who must write down their critical observations about people they know, Miss Manners recommends a small blank book that comes with a lock and key and can be hidden in the sock drawer.

Good advice, particularly since by my interpretation of these words, Martin would allow bloggers to continue to post critical observations about people they don’t know.

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Possibly Worthy Book I
In his review of New Republic book reviewer Dale Peck’s Hatchet Jobs, “Smash Mouth Criticism,” John Leonard pummels the pummeller with aplomb:

Scratch a commissar and you get a philistine. . . . It’s the relish on this hotdog that turns the stomach. He promises never to do it again, but the very title Hatchet Jobs reeks of market niche, an underground service like fumigation or garbage recycling. His alibi for being unfair is that he’s a novelist, and they lie a lot. But his reputation would have long since earned him the right at his various pillboxes and lemonade stands to review any book he chose, out of hundreds of good ones needing discovery among tens of thousands cynically published, and yet he almost always seems to pick a punching bag, or draw his own bull’s-eye on the passing chump. This is lazy, churlish and even demagogic.

Leonard is correct is ascribing to those, including me, who enjoy an occasional bit of Peck, as possessing an interest in literary criticism that is not necessarily pure at heart: “[W]e are none of us immune to malice, envy, schadenfreude, a prurient snuffle, and a sucker punch.” Peck: A guilty pleasure?

Possibly Worthy Book II
If you never read the book, the book being Shadow Divers, by Robert Kurson, be sure to read the review, “Das Boot,” by Mark Bowden, national correspondent of The Atlantic, because this is how it’s done.

Although Bowden ultimately questions the intensity of the U-boat-seeking divers at the center of the story, the review, read in its entirely, is quite positive. For example, an early chapter is called “a masterpiece of explication” that “is artfully written.” And Bowden commends: “Kurson’s account of their dives, and those of others who accompanied them and never came back, are the best parts of the book. At times they are literally heart-pounding.” But it’s an observation like this that makes for a great review qua review:

It’s a good story, marred only by moments of jejune men’s-magazine sagacity: “A shipwreck gave a man limitless opportunity to know himself if only he cared to find out.” Kurson writes for Esquire, a fine magazine that has published some great writing, but at its worst peddles a simplistic, adolescent notion of “manliness,” usually equated with risk-taking. Kurson treats this notion much too seriously, and occasionally reduces his otherwise fascinating main characters, the divers John Chatterton and Richie Kohler, into cartoon figures: “16-year-old Richie pummeled the grown man until he cried.”

Until the 16-year-old cried or until the grown man cried?

No-Doubt Worthy Books
Also in the Sunday Book Review: A three-book round-up review by Ryan Lizza, including: Why Lincoln Matters: Today More Than Ever, by Mario M. Cuomo; The Fourth Power: A Grand Strategy for the United States in the Twenty-First Century, by Gary Hart; and The Essential America: Our Founders and the Liberal Tradition, by George McGovern.

Also, a two-headed review by Will Saletan of Reason: Why Liberals Will Win the Battle for America, by Robert B. Reich, and Stand Up Fight Back: Republican Toughs, Democratic Wimps, and the Politics of Revenge, by E. J. Dionne Jr.

[P.S.: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks. And there’s always the Wish List.]

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In a post published here earlier today, “Lady Lynne’s ‘Lost’ Lesbian Lyricisms,” a post directing your attention to “Throw the Book at `Em,” a recent feature story in PW: Philadelphia Weekly by Steve Volk, I noted, as had Volk, that Dick and Lynne Cheney & Co. had done an extraordinarily effective job at suppressing Mrs. Richard D. Cheney’s mutually bodice-ripping (and I mean that) novella (and though I haven’t read Sisters, I feel safe in saying, I mean that), to the point where it can scarcely be found in the United States.

After posting “Lady Lynne’s ‘Lost’ Lesbian Lyricisms” I spent some time hopping around the web looking for a used copy. First stop: eBay, of course. No luck. Then it was on to Amazon.com, Powell’s, and Alibris, and so on, and I got nowhere and I got bored and it was getting hot in here (inefficient air conditioning, not mutual bodice-ripping, I assure you) and so I gave up and went for a walk and to the local library and such.

When I returned home I found, as always, that a Rittenhouse reader had come to the rescue.

Reader S.F., of Washington, alerts me to a used copy of the Second Lady’s dirty book, available for sale at AbeBooks.com.

I would tell you the price, but wouldn’t it be more fun to take a wild guess and then go look for yourself?

And it’s not even signed. Nor is it stained.

[Post-publication addendum: S.F. was destined to be a Rittenhouse reader. S.F.’s e-mail to me included the phrase, “holy moly,” as in “Holy moly. What’s that cost per word, I wonder?” And I thought I was the only person in the (English-speaking) world who said things like that, Batman and Robin excluded, of course.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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I’ll bet you thought I forgot. No, I just had to get out of the house for a while this afternoon, so, I’m sorry, “How Do You Get to Rittenhouse?” is a little late today. For readers not familiar, this is a “Friday Fun” feature serving up just a sampling of searches that recently brought visitors to The Rittenhouse Review. And, so, here we go, from the ridiculous to the sublime and back again:

brie pictures cheez
Please, please tell me this search didn’t originate within the kitchens of Kraft Foods.

brian boitano moonie
I believe the preferred term is...I don’t know what the preferred term is. Unificationite? I haven’t a clue about Brian, beyond the obvious, but I’ve heard his brother, Mark Boitano, is a member of the church.

peggy siegel [sic] allure magazine
Oh, wait, I get it now. Someone’s looking for “Peggy Siegal + Allure magazine.” For a second I thought s/he was searching for “Peggy Siegal allure + magazine.” That was a close one.

condoleezza rice reference to bush as “husband”
Ah, pillow talk as Google search. We have entered a new age.

i can kill a whole hennessy fifth some say its a problem i call it a gift
Um, I’m just guessing here, but most likely it’s a problem. Even if inherited.

jessica savitch meltdown
The tragedy that won’t go away until someone (and I mean me) gets his hands on a videotape of the incident. (I saw the meltdown myself when it happened, but it’s been a while.)

adam bonin jennifer weiner photographs
First, I’m assuming the searcher is interested in something sweet like wedding photos. If not, forget it. If so, I’m supposed to pop in on Adam Bonin next week. I’ll ask, but I’ve heard they’re rather low profile generally. (And why not? She’s already got a backlist that would drive F. Scott Fitzgerald to drink.)

rules of juvenile behavior in shopping malls
Take it from a grouchy old man: Just leave them at home and forget about the rules.

peter bacanovic croat
It’s that tricky ending “c” without the “h,” isn’t it?

peter bacanovic serb
Second try, I’ll bet.

peter bacanovic ethnic
Third try, I’m sure, and this time working from the specific to the general.

rittenhouse hospital
Rittenhouse Hospital doesn’t exist, unless of course you have trouble in your mind distinguishing television from real life. (No smart cracks directed at me, okay?) Instead, it’s the name of the hospital in the LifetimeTV series “Strong Medicine,” a pretty good show (I just said that? I’ve got to move off Channel 18, and fast!) set in Philadelphia but filmed elsewhere. (And how lame is that anyway? Oh well, they do it all the time, and NBC is doing it again this year with its summer series “The Days,” set in suburban Philadelphia but filmed in Vancouver, B.C. At least CBS had the guts --and I mean that -- to film “Hack” on location in Philadelphia.)

where to go for happy hour in rittenhouse square
Pretty much anyplace. If you want to be miserable.

rogue in rittenhouse square
No doubt the same inquirer who engaged in the preceding. Tip to the searcher: If you’re wandering lost around Rittenhouse Square this evening, ask for Rouge, not Rogue.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No, thanks a few bucks.]

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I just caught a television advertisement for “20/20,” airing tonight at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern time, of course) on ABC. According to the commercial, Barbara Walters will be sitting down with (her friend) Martha Stewart in the first feature-length interview of Stewart since this morning’s sentencing (of Stewart, not Walters).

It should be an interesting show, if only to see if Walters goes all full disclosure and everything and tells her audience she and Stewart are longtime acquaintances/friends.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No, thanks a few bucks.]

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This is how the VRWC operates. Look, listen, learn.

Just over a week ago I posted a brief item here, “The Count Begins: Tarring and Feathering,” in which I took notice of the sudden propensity for pundits and bloggers of a certain disturbed inclination to call Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John F. Kerry “the most liberal senator.”

Knowing a bit about how well the right wing can stay on message, if only through repetition and regurgitation, I thought it might be interesting to perform a little study.

A simple Google search of the web employing the phrase “most liberal senator” and adding the word “Kerry,” on that day (July 7) yielded roughly 1,600 hits.

“Let’s see where we are a week from now,” I wrote, fully expecting the number to grow as the mimeographs that populate much of the media and the fringes of the blogosphere stayed on message and found new recruits in their little game of reiteration.

Well, here we are on July 16, and performing the exact same Google search -- “most liberal senator”+Kerry -- yields 3,280 hits.

The numbers speak for themselves, I think. They may as well, since right wingers obviously cannot think or speak on their own.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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PW: Philadelphia Weekly, one of this city’s alternative publications, fairly consistently offers interesting reading, including the paper’s cover stories, some offbeat but not weird feature stories, and its regular columnists (on this last point, I’m thinking here Jessica Pressler, among others, and not Solomon Jones, the Buppie James Lileks).

In this week’s issue (July 14-20), PW treads on what is, for most Rittenhouse readers, familiar ground. You see, Second Lady Lynne Cheney, English major turned amateur and childish historian, once wrote a lesbian-themed historical novel called Sisters, a book long since tucked away out of embarrassment -- literary or political, I’m not sure. Steve Volk, in “Throw the Book at `Em,” reveals a few new details (new to me, at least), includes excerpts from the banished book, and wins a pull quote for this passage:

While Cheney’s books get prominent play in her official White House biography, there’s no mention of Sisters, a decidedly feminist, pro-lesbian screed. When the Canadian book publisher announced plans to rerelease the book, which has long been out of print, it received a call from Lynne Cheney’s lawyer.

Alas, Sisters exists now only in used bookstores and on the Internet in excerpts posted to the White House parody website WhiteHouse.org. Whether Sisters also exists in Mrs. Cheney’s heart is an open question.

Cheney’s efforts to distance herself from a novel she presumably spent much time researching and writing casts a sad reflection on the state of modern American politics, where blood is evidently no thicker than water.

As is well known by now, the Cheneys have an openly lesbian daughter, Mary. Dick Cheney’s famous declaration during the 2000 election that he would not support a constitutional ban on gay marriage was seen as a demonstration of loyalty to her.

Then the world turned, and a political equation played itself out. […]

Suddenly Dick Cheney changed his mind: Gay marriage was no longer an issue for states to decide. Cheney was for an amendment. Over the weekend Lynne Cheney announced she still thinks states should make their own decisions on gay marriage, putting her in public disagreement with her husband. One can only wonder what conversation is like around the dinner table in the vice president’s household when Mary stops by for a visit.

But why does Mary need to stop by the house for a visit? She’s actively working for pop’s reelection. Presumably Mary runs into Dick at the office from time to time.

One more question: Strange as all this appears to normal people, is it possible Mary has been promised an ambassadorship for her cooperation in this farce?

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Obfuscating the Obvious
Jeff Jacoby, self-styled “fiscal conservative,” laments the lack of choice for his ilk (ilk, in this case, meaning “fiscal conservatives”). Jacoby today sweeps it all under the rug:

For fiscal conservatives, the choice this election could hardly be more depressing.

In the Republicans’ corner is George W. Bush, who presides over the most bloated federal budget in U[.]S[.] history. Bush’s profligacy has left in tatters the traditional GOP claim to fiscal rectitude. He has uncomplainingly signed into law every pork-stuffed appropriations bill sent to him by Congress. He has flooded the government’s books with red ink. And he has embraced new schemes for draining the Treasury, including the largest expansion of the welfare state in decades -- the prescription-drug entitlement, which will cost, over the next decade, more than half a trillion dollars.

And the war, Jeff. Don’t forget the war.

Sen. Clinton Speaks [*]
Despite her previous omission from the lineup, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) will be speaking at the Democratic National Convention later this summer. According to the New York Times (“Mrs. Clinton Gets Speaking Role at Convention, After All,” by Raymond Hernandez):

Party officials said that Mrs. Clinton, the junior senator from New York, would introduce her husband, former President Bill Clinton, who will kick off the four-night event in Boston with a speech in prime time on Monday, July 26.

Previously, her only role was an appearance with other Democratic women in the Senate. Mrs. Clinton’s aides said last night that she would not be giving a full speech, but rather making a brief address before introducing her husband.

As reported, other speakers at the convention include former President Jimmy Carter, former Vice President Al Gore, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.), Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-Mo.), and other rivals from the campaign season.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Just hitting the airwaves (via CNBC*): author and publisher Martha Stewart has been sentenced to five months’ prison time, two years of probation (including home confinement to just one home), and a comparatively modest fine.

The sentence was handed down moments ago in a New York federal court by U.S. District Court Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum.

Earlier today, CNBC, citing an attorney for Stewart, reported the publisher planned to read a brief statement before her sentencing.

Peter Bacanovic, the former Merrill Lynch & Co. broker tried with Stewart, will be sentenced this afternoon at 2:30 p.m.

*CNBC-TV, not the web site. Rittenhouse beat every major web site with this post.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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In mid-June I watched a review copy of “The Hunting of the President,” a new film based on the best-selling book of the same name by Joe Conason by Gene Lyons, recounting the 10-year campaign to destroy the presidency and reputation of former President Bill Clinton and his wife, now-U.S. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.).

In brief comments on the film, which I highly recommend, I mentioned the film’s distributors were seeking additional outlets to show the documentary this summer and fall.  While checking out the film’s web site today I noticed quite a few more cities have been added to the line-up, as follows:

JULY 16
Berkeley, Calif.: California Theatre; Mill Valley, Calif.: Smith Rafael Film Center; Palo Alto, Calif.: Aquarius Theatre; San Francisco: Roxie Cinema; and San Jose, Calif.: Camera 12 Cinema.

JULY 23
Boston: Coolidge Corner Theatre; Cambridge, Mass.:  Kendall Square Cinema; Long Beach, Calif.: AMC 16, Pine Square; Los Angeles: Regent Showcase; Orange, Calif.: AMC 30 at The Block; Pasadena, Calif.: One Colorado Cinemas; Seattle: Harvard Exit Number One; West Hills, Calif.: Fallbrook 7; and Waltham, Mass.: Embassy 6.

JULY 30
Minneapolis: Landmark Uptown Theatre.

AUGUST 6
Healdsburg, Calif.: The Raven Theater; and Santa Rosa, Calif.: Rialto Cinemas Lakeside.  

AUGUST 13
Chapel Hill, N.C.: Chelsea Theater; Chicago: Music Box Theatre; Memphis, Tenn.: Ridgeway Four; and Tucson, Ariz.: The Loft Cinema.

AUGUST 20
Hot Springs, Ark.: Carmike Central City 10; Kansas City, Mo.: Tivoli Manor Square; and Palm Desert, Calif.: Cinémas Palme d’Or.

AUGUST 27
Ann Arbor, Mich.: Michigan Theatre; Cleveland: Shaker Square Cinemas; Fayetteville, Ark.: Mall Twin; Norfolk, Va.: Naro Cinema; and Sacramento, Calif.: Crest Theatre.

SEPTEMBER 3
Arcata, Calif.: Minor Theater; Boca Raton, Fla.: Mizner Park; Columbus, Ohio: Drexel Grandview; Denver: Starz Film Center; Falmouth, Mass.: Nickelodeon 5; Fort Lauderdale, Fla.: Gateway; North Miami Beach, Fla.: Intracoastal; Portland, Ore.:  Regal Fox Tower; St. Louis: Tivoli Theatre; Sunrise, Fla.: Sunrise 11 at Pine Plaza; and Tampa, Fla.: Old Hyde Park Village.

SEPTEMBER 10
Atlanta: Midtown Art Cinema; Sarasota, Fla.: Burns Court Cinema; and Dayton, Ohio: The Neon.

As they say, check local listings.

(Note also that Conason’s latest book, Big Lies: The Right-Wing Propaganda Machine and How It Distorts the Truth, is now available in paperback.)

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Stewart Sentencing Tomorrow
The Christian Science Monitor today has an interesting story about Herb Hoelter, a sentencing consultant hired by author and former publisher Martha Stewart in preparation for her scheduled sentencing Friday. (“Martha Stewart Preps for Pprison, Consultant in Tow,” by Ron Scherer and Sara B. Miller.)

Studies have shown that such advisers have had an impact in reducing sentences and finding alternatives to incarceration.

In Stewart’s case, Hoelter has been involved with her proposal to do community service at the Women’s Venture Fund, which teaches urban women entrepreneurial skills. […]

If Stewart does get jail time, Hoelter will be instrumental in trying to convince the court to send her to a minimum security facility close to where she resides in Connecticut. At a federal “camp,” Stewart would live in a dorm, would walk to a dining hall, and could get a job working outdoors.

“A white-collar criminal with no prior arrests, convicted of a nonviolent crime, scores out to a minimum facility,” he says.

As for the New York Times, the paper takes a strangely soft tack, with a sometimes snide touch, fixated on Stewart’s social life, and misplacing the paper’s 1,850-word piece by Constance L. Hays and David Carr, “Before Facing Judge, Stewart Is Out and About,” in its business pages, rather than in the Sunday Styles section. Pull quote:

Far from going into seclusion after the outcome of her trial, Ms. Stewart is making the rounds of all the best parties in the city and at the beach, rubbing elbows with Tom Brokaw or Paris Hilton’s parents, lifting a glass, nibbling a canapé, chortling at an A-list joke. She remains involved at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, where the August issue of her flagship magazine, Martha Stewart Living, has “Relax and enjoy!” as its cover theme.

She might as well. We all might as well.

Times Have Changed
Bohemian Grove, where old white men like Henry Kissinger, George Shultz, and William Safire reportedly wander the woods in the altogether, engage in urinating sword fights, dress up in drag, and gawd only knows (and I mean that) what else, now includes, as members or at least guests, the likes of musicians Bob Weir and Steve Miller(of the Grateful Dead). Poo-pooing the seeming incongruity (and presumably doing so behind a tall tree), The Wall Street Journal reports (“Bohemiam Rhapsody: One Thing in Flux At the Grove Is Music,” by George Anders; subscription required): “Mr. Weir's spokesman did point out that the former Grateful Dead musician grew up in Atherton, Calif., one of the country's wealthiest communities. ‘Bob knows how to handle himself around fancy people,’ the spokesman said.” And the tie-dye set, too, don’t forget the tie-dye set.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T;” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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Media Takes Notice of the Parties’ Taking Notice [*]
More articles today about bloggers getting credentials to cover the Democratic and Republican National Conventions: “Conventioneering.com,” by the editors of the New York Times; and “Conventions Make Room for Bloggers,” by Beth Gillin, the Philadelphia Inquirer. (The Rittenhouse Review is mentioned at the end of the Inquirer article.)

DeLay’s Strategy: Delay, Deny, Denigrate [*]
Rep. Chris Bell (D-Texas) says e-mails between officers of the now-bankrupt Enron Corp. boost his allegations that Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) illegally solicited and accepted political contributions. The Associated Press reports Bell will ask members of the House Ethics Committee “to review the e-mails before deciding whether to launch a formal investigation of the Texas Republican based on the complaint Bell filed last month.” Jonathan Grella, spokesman for Rep. DeLay, who has denied Rep. Bell’s charges, responded to the latest news: “The last sign of a defeated and intellectually bankrupt party is a hate-filled strategy of caricature assassination.”

MoreOn DeLay [*]
The Houston Chronicle reports (“Outside Counsel Suggested for DeLay Ethics Complaint,” by Gebe Martinez) two organizations, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) and Common Cause, are seeking appointment of an outside counsel to examine corruption charges against House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas). A DeLay spokesman, no not spokesman Jonathan Grella, mentioned in the item above, but this time one Stuart Roy, called CREW and Common Cause “Democratic front groups,” adding, “We can expect nothing but foul attack politics from these sham organizations.” (The statement issued by Common Cause can be found here. CREW’s release can be found here.)

Ditka Dumps
Former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka has withdrawn his name from consideration for the Republican Party nomination for the U.S. Senate from Illinois, the Chicago Tribune reports (“Ditka Punts on Possible GOP Run for U.S. Senate,” by Rick Pearson and John Chase). By the way, the best I can determine from these eloquent remarks from Ditka -- “What’s the matter with right and wrong? Talk about right and wrong. It’s either right or wrong. There’s no in-between. And I’m not going to change, and you’re not going to change me, no matter if some judge in the state of Massachusetts or the Supreme Court says it’s right. It’s not right. Wrong is wrong.” -- the kinda-wanted-to-be-senator won’t be attending the wedding, should one ever occur, of high-level Republican Party operative Mary Cheney.

Keynoter
A little late taking note of this here, but the keynote address at the summer’s Democratic National Convention will be delivered by Illinois State Rep. Barack Obama, the Democratic Party’s nominee for the U.S. Senate. An outstanding choice.

In the November general election, Rep. Obama will face Jack Ryan, Jim Edgar, James R. Thompson, Ron Gidwiz, Bob Thomspon, Judy Baar Topinka, Mike Ditka, Andrea Grubb Barthwell . . . I don’t know, maybe they’ll go with that guy down at the Amoco station in Peoria.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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In the last, the final, I think, weekly poll at The Rittenhouse Review about the hit NBC television series “Law & Order,” a poll ended earlier this evening, readers here were asked to choose which were the better Manhattan district attorney on “Law & Order,” having been offered a choice between Michael Moriarty and Sam Waterston.

In this particular poll you, my Rittenhouse readers, chose, and I say this at the risk of current and future traffic, foolishly chose, and that by a margin of two-to-one, the tiresome, the overdone, the I’ve-had-it-with-him, ’60s refugee/leftover Waterston (and I’m speaking here about the character not the actor, I think) over the obviously superior dramatic genius, Michael Moriarty.

Pul-leeze! This one wasn’t anywhere near difficult.

Regardless of your misguidedness, or not, thank you for your participation in the weekly reader poll.

A new poll was posted here at Rittenhouse earlier this evening.

Popular culture, again. And when I say “popular,” I mean it, because, well, there’s just no other explanation for these two.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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As noted here previously, the house in which I’m currently living, in Society Hill, Philadelphia, is on the market for $1,600,000.00. (N.B.: I get none of this. I’ve earned none of this. I deserve none of this. I’m what’s best called a “hanger on.” And if you say “moocher,” well, I’ll cut you off. But I can’t really do that, can I, this site being free and all?)

Since there’s no exclusive, the customary six-percent realtors’ commission, normally reduced to five percent in what these people like (or get really, really excited about) calling “the upper brackets,” typically is reduced to five percent.

Now, my bulldog, Mildred, during the numerous (multiple, constant, ongoing, seemingly unending) showings of said “million-six” property, has proved herself to be a major selling point among more than a majority of prospects.

(Hint: Once you get above “a million two,” you encounter a large number of doggie people. Mostly on the wifely side. Today’s prospect proof in point.)

I didn’t say anything at first, and I still haven’t, but as we approach closing, which I expect will occur before or by mid-August, I’ve always known Mildred could be, would be, a major asset. She has not done me wrong.

And so I’m writing up a little agreement. In the event a prospect, or more important, the buyer, gushes at closing or previously has gushed about Mildred, we’re asking for a 0.25 percent finders’ fee.

You don’t like it? See you in court. (And we’re open to a modest settlement.)

Before I get sued, file under: humor; see also: parody.

[Post-publication addendum: Have you hit the Rittenhouse tip box lately? It’s sitting, awfully lonely, in the sidebar at right, under the heading “Summer Drive.” Thanks a million. No . . . thanks a few bucks.]

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J.C. (That would be me.): Have you called [Sen.] Arlen Specter yet?

S.A. (That would be my housemate.): No, I haven’t.

J.C.: You should.

S.A.: Specter never listens to anything I say.

J.C.: Sen. Specter never listens to anything anyone says, that’s why he still has that accent (cf. Henry Kissinger). Specter listens, though, if the speaker is from the Bush White House, the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee, or the latest poll he bought and paid for, or most important of all if and when his constituents, most of whom he can name by name, including, I suspect, cranks like me, take the all of two minutes it takes to contact him about issues that really mean something to you . . . them . . .us.

S.A.: I know that.

J.C.: I know you know that. So call him. First thing tomorrow morning. The Senate vote on this travesty, this bizarre and heinous stomping on the graves of our founding fathers and mothers, which they, the stompers, have the gall to call the “Federal Marriage Act,” this abomination, is scheduled for tomorrow. [Okay, I’m paraphrasing slightly in this sentence. I have a point to make, and in this house we paraphrase even during normal conversation.]

S.A.: I know.

J.C.: Call him.

And so to S.A., and other Rittenhouse readers in, or from, or at least vaguely familiar with Pennsylvania, here’s how you can reach Sen. Specter by telephone: in Washington, at (800) 839-5276, or at (202) 224-4254; in Philadelphia, at (215) 597-7200; in Pittsburgh, at (412) 644-3400; in Allentown, at (610) 434-1444; in Erie at (814) 453-3010; in Harrisburg, at (717) 782-3951; in Scranton, at (570) 346-2006; and in Wilkes-Barre, at (570) 826-6265.

And here’s how you can reach Sen. Specter by fax: in Washington, at (202) 228-1229; in Philadelphia, at (215) 597-0406; in Pittsburgh, at (412) 644-4871; in Allentown, at (610) 434-1844; in Erie at (814) 455-9925; in Harrisburg, at (717) 782-4920; in Scranton, at (570) 346-8499; and in Wilkes-Barre, at (570) 826-6266.

Now, as one who still believes, quaint as I am, that a well-written telegram, one kept brief and relying entirely upon one’s own language -- and believe it or not, you can still send these things -- you may reach Sen. Specter by telegram: at Washington, 711 Hart Senate Office Building, Washington, D.C., 20510; at Philadelphia, 600 Arch St., Suite 9400, Philadelphia, Pa., 19106; at Pittsburgh, The Federal Building, Suite 2031, Liberty Ave. and Grant St., Pittsburgh, Pa., 15222; at Allentown, The Federal Building, Suite 3814, 504 W. Hamilton, Allentown, Pa., 18101; at Erie, The Federal Building, Room 107, 6th and State Streets, Erie, Pa., 16504; at Harrisburg, The Federal Building, Room 1104, 228 Walnut St., Harrisburg, Pa., 17101; at Scranton, 310 Spruce St., Suite 201, Scranton, Pa., 18503; and at Wilkes-Barre, The Stegmaier Building, Room 377M, 7 N. Wilkes Barre Blvd., Wilkes-Barre, Pa., 18702.

And here’s how you and your friends and family can send Specter packing: By supporting, encouraging, talking about, talking up, and contributing to the campaign of Sen. So-Long Specter’s opponent, the distinguished and honorable Rep. Joe Hoeffel. And then, when you’re done, call Rep. Hoeffel’s campaign office, in Philadelphia, at (212) 789-3700, and tell them you did so, because The Rittenhouse Review so suggested.

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Condolences
Condolences are in order to Susan Madrak of Suburban Guerrilla on the tragic murder of her South African friend, Yvonne Welman.

Stewart Sentencing
Kmart today is advertising a in-store sale on Martha Stewart Everyday bedding. Meanwhile, in case you haven’t been keeping track at home, or in the event you’ve forgotten all about it, publisher Martha Stewart’s sentencing hearing is scheduled for Friday in federal court. Observers apparently expect Stewart to be sentenced to 16 months in prison.

By comparison, Ruthann Aron, a wealthy real estate speculator from Potomac, Md., and once considered a rising star in the Maryland Republican Party, in 1998 was sentenced to three years in county jail for hiring a hit man to kill two men: her husband and a political opponent, and that after putting the state of Maryland through two trials (the first a mistrial).

To me the comparison between Stewart and Aron is just another example of justice mumbling.

Things Move Slower Out There
Gee whiz, I thought things moved, or at least are completed, slowly here in Philadelphia, but it appears Chicago is giving us a run for our money. The New York Times today reports (“A Prized Project, a Mayor, and Persistent Criticism,” by Steven Kinzer):

Even in a city with a worldwide reputation for innovative urban design, the opening this month of a spectacular new park and performance center near Lake Michigan promises to be a huge event.

The site, Millennium Park, is opening four years late and at three times the original budget, but few here are complaining. The park boasts an outdoor music pavilion designed by Frank Gehry, complete with his signature swirls of shiny metal; an underground theater with 1,500 seats; elaborate gardens with 250 varieties of plants; and other attractions that include an ice skating rink and a shower room for bicyclists.

I blame Frank Gehry. But then again, I blame Gehry for many things.

Where in the World is Palau?
The Los Angeles Times Sunday Travel section reports on Palau:

Despite its popularity with divers -- Jacques Cousteau was among its boosters -- Palau is relatively undiscovered. It’s off the radar of most Americans, with fewer than 3,000 visiting last year. Only about 70,000 visitors arrived overall, the size of the weekend crowd at a U.S. theme park.

Actually, Palau I’ve heard of. Not from staring at maps or anything; only because “Palau” often appears just above “Pennsylvania” on drop-down menus across the web.

“Your Ad Here”
Here’s an idea, one by way of Germany, for churches facing financial crises, or even bankruptcy. The Christian Science Monitor reports today (“First the Church, Then the Steeple,” by Isabelle de Pommereau):

Throughout Germany, churches are renting their facades for commercial messages. Supporters hail the development as an ingenious fundraising tactic. But critics argue the move dilutes the sacredness of churches. . . . The first controversial case arose in Berlin when an oversized portrait of German model Claudia Schiffer, promoting lipstick and shampoo from the French cosmetics company L’Oréal, wrapped the scaffolding around the 167-ft. bell tower of Germany’s best-known church.

Perhaps the Archdiocese of Boston could have avoided mortgaging the Cathedral of the Holy Cross.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T;” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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Stating the Obvious [*]
The General Accounting Office, the investigative arm of the U.S. Congress has released a report calling the federal government’s color-coded threat system too vague and confusing to help many local and state law-enforcement officials prepare for possible terrorist attacks. According to the New York Times Press Service, “A survey sent to 84 agencies, states, and U.S. territories as part of the study found that vague and inadequate warnings had ‘hindered their ability to determine whether they were at risk’ and what protective measures to take in response, the report said.”

Rep. Jim Turner (D-Texas) said, stating the obvious, “I’m afraid if we don’t make improvements in the system, the public’s going to lose trust and confidence in that system and won’t pay any attention to it anymore.” The Times press service reports a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security defended the color-coded alert system, countering with unintential (I think) obfuscation: “The homeland security system is a good system. Over the past year, it has continued to evolve into more of a risk-based system because we are farther along in our assessment of the nation’s critical infrastructure, allowing us to determine the impact an attack would have.”

Because Politics Ain’t Beanbag
Illinois Republicans still haven’t found a U.S. Senate candidate to replace Jack Ryan. The latest name being tossed around: former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka. The Chicago Tribune reports (“Ditka Tells GOP He’s Game,” by Rick Pearson):

[T]he 64-year-old Ditka . . . is causing a commotion among Republicans, who have been despairing over finding a replacement for Jack Ryan as their U.S. Senate nominee. . . .

The dearth of well-known names interested in replacing Ryan resulted in a draft Ditka for Senate movement. It was an offshoot of what had been a publicity-seeking effort by Illinois House Republican leader Tom Cross’[s] staff to tap Ditka to replace state Treasurer Judy Baar Topinka as leader of the state GOP when she steps down after the Nov. 2 election. […]

But talk of a Ditka candidacy also has been viewed by some Republicans as a reflection of desperation for a once-proud political organization that has seen its credibility damaged by scandal and infighting.

And so the Illinois Republican Party implosion continues.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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File Under: Why Should We Care? [*]
Why should we care what Second Lady Lynne Cheney thinks about anything, let alone what she thinks about amending the Constitution of the United States of America? These always carefully timed stories of wifely Republican disagreements, let alone the daughterly Republican disagreements became trite and tiresome more than twenty-five years ago.

Which Kind of Liar: Congenital or Pathological? [*]
Whenever the term “Bush Republicans” comes up in conversation (and it really does), I reach for my wallet. The junta’s latest trial balloon has me -- or should I say them reaching for my ballot box. The Associated Press is out with this story:

The head of a new federal voting commission suggested to congressional leaders Monday that there should be a process for canceling or rescheduling an election interrupted by terrorism, but national security adviser Condoleezza Rice said no such plan is being considered by the administration.

Yeah, right, Rice says so. The only person is the Bush administration with less credibility than Rice is Vice President Dick Cheney.

Swing State Watch [*]
Huh. I didn’t know Idaho was a swing state. From the Associated Press:

The Bush administration Monday proposed lifting a national rule that closed remote areas of national forests to logging, instead saying states should decide whether to keep a ban on road-building in those areas. […]

Under the proposal, governors would have to petition the federal government to block road-building in remote areas of national forests. Allowing roads to be built would open the areas to logging.

The rule replaces one adopted by the Clinton administration and still under challenge in federal court. It covers about 58 million of the 191 million acres of national forest nationwide.

The Bush administration heralded the plan as an end to the legal uncertainty overshadowing tens of millions of acres of America’s backcountry.

Philip Clapp, president of the National Environmental Trust, called the administration proposal the biggest giveaway to the timber industry in history, arguing that many western states would likely press for development to help struggling rural economies.

Timing is everything: “The new plan will be published in the Federal Register this week, and will go into effect after a 60-day comment period extending into September and subsequent departmental review,” the A.P. reports.

Reckoning DeLay
The Washington Post lays out to latest on par-for-the course Texas Republican Tom DeLay (“DeLay’s Corporate Fundraising Investigated,” by R. Jeffrey Smith):

DeLay’s fundraising efforts helped produce a stunning political success. Republicans took control of the Texas House for the first time in 130 years, Texas congressional districts were redrawn to send more Republican lawmakers to Washington, and DeLay -- now the House majority leader -- is more likely to retain his powerful post after the November election, according to political experts.

But DeLay and his colleagues also face serious legal challenges: Texas law bars corporate financing of state legislature campaigns, and a Texas criminal prosecutor is in the 20th month of digging through records of the fundraising, looking at possible violations of at least three statutes. A parallel lawsuit, also in the midst of discovery, is seeking $1.5 million in damages from DeLay’s aides and one of his political action committees -- Texans for a Republican Majority (TRMPAC) -- on behalf of four defeated Democratic lawmakers.

DeLay has not been named as a target of the investigation. The prosecutor has said he is focused on the activities of political action committees linked to DeLay and the redistricting effort. But officials in the prosecutor’s office say anyone involved in raising, collecting or spending the corporate money, who also knew of its intended use in Texas elections, is vulnerable.

For background, see excellent long-running commentary on the TRMPAC scam and other sleaze, see Texas Scandal Blog, published by Austin-based Campaigns for Texas.

Times Square Ad Controversy
The New York Times today reports “Antiwar Group Says Its Ad Is Rejected,” by Raymond Hernandez and Andrea Elliott) that members of Project Billboard, an antiwar group, claim Clear Channel Communications Inc., a media megalopolis with close ties to Republicans, have rejected an advertisement proposed for in New York’s Times Square during the Republican Party the billboard. Clear Channel says the billboard requires the approval of the New York Marquis, a Marriott hotel.

See also “Bay Area Group in Flap Over Anti-war Billboard,” by Demian Bulwa and Leah Garchik, the San Francisco. )

Terror Alert Status Photos Down
Access to and publication of the terror alert status photos and other images at Rittenhouse has been interrupted temporarily. Photos will return as soon as practicable.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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So how cool a name is Eleuthera anyway?

What I can’t believe is that Mrs. Hugo Gurdon hasn’t already staked a claim to it.

I would put “Eleuthera” in the file of future bulldog names, but around these parts, bulldogs’ names begin only with the letter “M”: Mildred, Mona, Montgomery.

So far it’s working for us, and we’re sticking with it.

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Happy birthday to my father’s sister Margaret.

For those not keeping track at home, she’s two hundred and twelve.

Or maybe it just feels that way.

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Call 1 (800) 839-5276.

Ask for Senator Arlen Specter (R-Pa.).

They may tell you his line is busy.

They really might. I know it’s 2004 and everything, and nobody ever gets or gives a busy signal anymore, so ask them to keep trying.

Here are some Pennsylvania hometowns, one of which you might want to adopt before you call: Allentown, Altoona, Bethlehem, Bird in Hand, Easton, Economy, Egypt, Erie, Fairchance, Harrisburg, Intercourse, Jim Thorpe, Jersey Shore, Johnstown, King of Prussia, Lancaster, Lover, Mexico, New Hope, Oil City, Paint, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Scranton, Spry, Stalker, State College, Walnut Bottom, Wilkes-Barre [Careful! Tricky pronunciation.], Williamsport, Wyoming, York.

Just pick one. It’s fun. And if you think right wingers don’t do this every day . . .

[Post-publication addendum: By the way, as of 2:15 p.m. (Eastern time, of course) today, “the senator” still hadn’t decided how he will vote on the Federal Marriage Amendment. Go ahead, click through to the link. It’s not what you think.]

[Post-publication addendum: I just called the office of Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.). I was informed Sen. Mikulski is opposed and will vote against.]

[Post-publication addendum: Yeah, I lied. I said I was from Towson.]

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Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) today took a moment out of his no doubt busy day to write to Rittenhouse:

Thank you for contacting my office regarding the proposed amendment to the United States Constitution to define marriage as only a union between a man and woman. I appreciate hearing from you on this matter.

I appreciate the goal of this amendment. In 1996, I joined my colleagues in passing H.R. 3396, the Defense of Marriage Act. This Act, signed into law by President Clinton, federally defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman. The law also allows a state to refuse to honor a same-sex marriage performed in any other state.

Although I supported a statutory solution, amending the Constitution is a more serious step, and one we should never take lightly. This is a very difficult issue that requires careful consideration and thought. I will definitely keep your thoughts on this issue in mind should the Senate consider this or any other similar legislation. Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact my office or visit my website at HYPERLINK "http://specter.senate.gov/"http://specter.senate.gov.

So, may I ask again? How will you be voting, Sen. Specter?

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It’s Friday, again, and so I give, and bequeath to, you the details of just a sampling of searches that recently brought readers to The Rittenhouse Review:

Condi Rice is she gay
Whoa, I’m not touching that sh stuff.

maria bartiromo jonathan steinberg jewish
Okay, I know both of them. Full disclosure: Jonathan, husband of Maria, was once my boss. Jonathan, or “Jono,” is Jewish. Maria is Italian American, and thus, presumably Catholic. She may or may not have converted to Judaism upon their marriage. I don’t know. I never asked. They never said. And it never came up in conversation. Not even when she was clobbering me at the blackjack table.

rep. curt weldon whose office maintained he did not attend the event until i provided photographs of him there -- spoke beside a photograph of himself pinning an american flag on libyan leader moammar khadafy
Wow. Activism at its best.

cheney dark prince bush cocaine freak
That just about says is all, doesn’t it?

conservative in pa who will run against arlen specter
What’s the thought behind this search? The absurd notion that Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) isn’t a fanatical right-wing Republican? I mean, really, who thinks that anymore?

jobs that now hiring for 17 years olds in camden
Good luck, buddy. I’ve got a resume that would, in its impressiveness, scare the hell out of you, and I’m doing no better. In fact, I suspect we’ll be competing for the same jobs.

picture of laura ingraham in leopard skirt
You know, I get this one a lot. I’ve seen the photo. And if you haven’t, stop searching, because it’s very disappointing.

jessica savitch meltdown
I’m dying for a video clip of this. A little help please?

andy capasso hortense gabel
Oh, wow, the Bess Mess. (The search neglects to mention, no doubt to her great shame, its ultimate subject, Bess Myerson.) And here I thought I was the only one obsessed by this story. On this, see When She Was Bad, by Shana Alexander. I would offer to lend it to you -- and you’d like that, if only because the book is out of print -- but my copy of When She Was Bad currently is in the hands of Suburban Guerrilla Susie.

why do friendships break up over money
Oh, man, open a wound, why don’t you? The larger question: Why do relationships break up over stock options? Only Idiot Boy knows the answer to that question. (God, is that so ’90s, or what?)

konak restaurant 228 vine st. Philadelphia
What those people, by which I mean the Turks generally, can do with eggplant, you can scarcely imagine. It was at Konak to which I treated a favorite New York blogger to dinner during her visit to Philadelphia. (And that like never happens.) I’ll be back. Someday.

where did jon stewart tend bar in new jersey
I don’t know, but I hope he did better than two bucks an hour plus tips.

Laminate “North Philadelphia”
Gee whiz, that’s a lot of plastic.

tiffany midgeson
Tiffany Midgeson? Oh, that would be the drag name of New York Post performer -- and I mean that -- John Podhoretz, daughter son of neoconservative cranks Midge [Rosenthal] Decter [Podhoretz] and Norman “Have you seen my medal?” Podhoretz.

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Okay, so it’s, what, 2:05 a.m. (Eastern time, naturally), and, as usual, I can’t sleep, and so I’m watching, what, “Masterpiece Theater”? No, “Suddenly Susan.”

You know, after a nasty dispute with the apparently cash-starved Comcast Corp., I lived, survived, thrived even, for more than a year without cable television, which, as we all know, means I lived for more than a year without television of any kind.

And now here I am watching “Suddenly Susan.” And I’m laughing. No, no, no, it has nothing to do with Siena College-reject Brooke Shields, and everything to do with Kathy Griffin (let me just say, genius with red hair) and the late David Strickland, he of his own variety of genius, a man whose death, by his own hand, served as a painful reminder of how hard it is for some of us to just hold on, one day after another.

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Yes, we’re leaving. We’re moving on. We’re departing Society Hill. We’re going elsewhere. The house is for sale. It’s on the block. The homestead will pass on.

What’s with the “we” crap? What the hell am I talking about? I’m only here through the kindness of a former stranger.

But it’s official. There’s now a sign out front.

And so if you can afford it, and if you’re thinking about buying a six-bedroom, 1815-era house with a private garden in Philadelphia, come take a look.

A million six.

That’s one hell of a former stranger, isn’t it?

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As previously noted here, the Miracle Whip Open, the Capozzola family’s annual gathering, will take place this weekend in Chadds Ford, Pa.

Despite the confab’s proximity to Philadelphia, this year Mildred will not be attending. And that means that for the first time since October 2002, Mildred and I will not be sleeping together. (And don’t get all dirty with that, okay? Senator Santorum, please call your office. Senator Santorum.)

She’s in the hands, so to speak, of my housemate S.A.

Good luck, S.A. I don’t know who will cry more, Mildred, me, or you.

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Not long ago I heard a spot promoting the broadcast of a film starring Max von Sydow.

Pronounce that. Sydow, I mean.

Are you saying “sigh”-dow or “see”-dow?

I’m saying “sigh”-dow, but I could be wrong. The announcer said “see”-dow. But who knows? It’s not a word you hear every day.

By the way, at 7:00 p.m. (Eastern time, of course) tonight, Lifetime is showing “An American Daughter,” starring Christine Lahti. (A Finn!)

Highly recommended.

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The coming family gathering and its attendant assignment, the reading of Hungering for America, has led to a preponderance of food-related e-mail traffic in and out of Rittenhouse, including correspondence with my cousin L.M. about, among other things, pasta e fagiole, known more colloquially among my people (Italian Americans, I mean) as “pasta fazoole”:

It’s not “my” pasta fazoole recipe. It’s my mother’s. Which really means it’s Grandma Capozzola’s. But I know for sure and for certain Grandma Capozzola never wrote down a recipe in her life. She didn’t need to. With her very being she imparted great cooking. A pencil and a 3-by-5? I don’t think so.

By the way, the recipe is yours for the asking.

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And you know you’ve really lost it when you blog about it before answering your mother’s e-mail.

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You know blogging has taken over your life when your mother sends you an e-mail (who telephones anymore?) asking for the details about your recent accident, her first knowledge of the incident arising from her reading the site.

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“You’re beating a dead horse,” my critics tell me.

Who could blame them? For the third consecutive week, the Rittenhouse reader poll asks your opinion of the actors on the hit NBC television series “Law & Order.”

This week’s question is one I will admit I’ve been holding in my back pocket, if only from fear the poll’s limitation to just two possible responses, Michael Moriarty or Sam Waterston, might lead to a nationwide outbreak of fisticuffs. (And longtime Rittenhouse readers know how much I appreciate that word. Fisticuffs.)

I promise, this is the last “Law & Order”-related reader poll Rittenhouse will publish, at least in the foreseeable future.

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Requiescat in Pacem: Marlon Brando
The Rittenhouse Review on occasion has published separate posts noting the passing of accomplished people, e.g., Mary McGrory, Uta Hagen, Elia Kazan, Althea Gibson, Jack Paar, and Faheem Thomas-Childs. For Marlon Brando, however, I’m just putting the notice in “PP&T.;” Call me unmoved. Call me surprised by the effusive outpouring of enthusiasm and emotion. I’m not mocking or anything, I just don’t get it. For those affected by Brando’s decease, may I offer this item from the latest Village Voice.

Random Thought
Nobody comes to Philadelphia. I’ve written about this before, but I still find it interesting. I forget where I heard this line, but it’s pretty funny (I’m paraphrasing here): “Yeah, I know, ‘In the event the title holder cannot fulfill her duties, blah, blah, blah . . .’ That never happens.” Similarly, on December 6, 2003, I posted this: “[I]f the woman behind WOC ever finds herself in Philadelphia, and that like never happens, dinner’s on me.”

Along the same lines, yesterday I was thinking that one thing that makes living in Philadelphia different from life in Washington or New York (both former domiciles of yours truly) is that one never suddenly sees here a friend or acquaintance from one’s past. The number of times, while living in Washington or New York, that I encountered with surprise someone from my past, often in the most unlikely of situations, cannot be counted. Such has yet to happen in Philadelphia. And, do you know, I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

Postscript
Not that anyone would care, but there recently was yet another automobile accident on my block. Nobody died, but in terms of vehicular damage it was no less ugly than the last incident here, and it made me realize, once again, that too many people drive far too fast on this block.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T;” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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Rarely have my readers let me down at all, let alone so hard as they did this week in voting in the latest Rittenhouse reader poll that ended at seven this evening (Eastern time, naturally).

In that poll I asked readers which actor you thought was best in his or her role in the New York Police Department as portrayed in the NBC series, “Law & Order.”

Upon launching the poll a week ago, I thought that having offered you 10 choices this might be the first survey for which a follow-on, run-off poll might be appropriate. After all, I couldn’t imagine any of the 10 actors I listed garnering a majority of your votes.

What do I know?

Jerry Orbach, my own 10th choice among the 10 offered, ran away with it, picking up 58 percent of the vote.

Just as surprising, perhaps even more surprising, the incredibly untalented Chris Noth, my 9th choice among the 10 published, ended in second place, albeit a very distant second place, with a 16-percent share.

What are you people thinking? I know this poll is all about character actors and thus there’s even more room for disagreement among reasonable people than the previous “Law & Order” survey conducted here, but really, Jerry Orbach?

Character actor, or character?

In the event you care, after having narrowed down my choices, and excluding immediately Orbach and Noth, I pondered a selection of either Benjamin Bratt, Carolyn McCormick, S. Epatha Merkerson, or Paul Sorvino.

I voted for McCormick, the actress who portrayed Dr. Elizabeth Olivet, a psychiatrist with the New York Police Department whose therapy I would kill for.

Just kidding. Not kill, kill. I mean, I just think she would be better than any shrink I’ve ever talked to. Not that I’ve ever done that. Talked to a shrink, I mean. Beyond the most superficial of social niceties, of course.

The complete results of the poll are presented below:

1. Jerry Orbach (Det. Lennie Briscoe), 147 votes, or 58%
2. Chris Noth (Det. Mike Logan), 40 votes, 16%
3. S. Epatha Merkerson (Lt. Anita Van Buren), 27 votes, 11%
4. Paul Sorvino (Sgt. Phil Cerreta), 13 votes, 5%
5. Jesse L. Martin (Det. Ed Green), 10 votes, 4%
6. George Dzundza (Sgt. Max Greevey), 7 votes, 3%
7. Dennis Farina (Det. Joe Fontana), 4 votes, 2%
8. (tie) Benjamin Bratt (Det. Reynaldo Curtis), 3 votes, 1%
8. (tie) Carolyn McCormick (Dr. Elizabeth Olivet), 3 votes, 1%
10. Dann Florek (Capt. Donald Cragen), 1 vote, negligible

Thanks for your participation.

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Each year, every year, my family gathers en masse -- and I mean that -- for what we call “The Miracle Whip Open.” (Long story; another day. I’ll just say that tennis of the round-robin sort is or was involved, as was, when we were younger, beer, more specifically, Dinkel Acher. Surprisingly, though, the dimwits at Kraft Foods Inc. couldn’t care less. But, really, did you ever work for a firm where the marketing people weren’t your most uninspiring colleagues?)

This year’s Miracle Whip Open (MWO) will take place this weekend in nearby, from my perspective anyway, Chadds Ford, Pa.

Among other activities and amid much talking (and I mean that, and you would know what I mean if you knew J.P.C. and C.C.P.), we will have the annual pie-eating contest, a competition my beloved and since-deceased bulldog, Mona, was disqualified from future participation after she wiped the floor with the best of them, her competition comprised of my (now) 16 nieces and nephews.

Anyway, in preparation for MWO 2004, my siblings and I have been given an assignment of sorts: the reading of Hungering for America: Italian, Irish, and Jewish Foodways in the Age of America, by Hasia R. Diner. (Fitting, given that we are Italian and Irish Americans.)

Earlier today our taskmaster sent an e-mail reminding everyone that we would be discussing the book this weekend, time to be determined.

What the brilliant (and I mean that) professor didn’t and doesn’t know is that in preparing for the MWO, I wrote my own version of “Cliff Notes,” a slim volume designed to assist family readers of Hungering for America.

Eight bucks a copy. Prepayment required. Discretion assured.

You wouldn’t believe the demand!

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Finally [*]
This just in: “A federal grand jury in Houston has returned a sealed indictment against Kenneth L. Lay, the former chairman and chief executive of Enron, people briefed on the investigation said today, and the indictment is expected to be unsealed on Thursday.”

Watch “Nightline” [*]
I can’t remember the last time I watched “Nightline.” I mean, please, look at the line-up at 11:30 p.m. (Eastern time, of course): The show competes with “The Golden Girls” on Lifetime TV. Where do you think I am at that time? (Hint: Not usually watching ABC.) But reader R.D., domicile unknown, today writes to relay the show’s daily e-mail tease:

Tonight’s Focus: For many Americans, hospital visits bring happy endings. You or one of your family members need immediate medical attention. You are taken to a hospital, receive fantastic treatment, perhaps even life-saving treatment, and are on the mend. That probably happens thousands of times a day across the country. But for the 44 million Americans who don’t have health coverage, their woes can begin after they leave the hospital.

As you know, I’m one of the 44. Million.

Daily Howler Makeover [*]
Thanks to Suburban Guerrilla I see Bob Somerby’s blog site, the Daily Howler, has undergone a makeover. And he still doesn’t have a blogroll.

Get a Bumper Sticker! [*]
I’m sorry, but shouldn’t they be giving these things away in bulk?

Hide the Shame
Richard Gephardt, meet Tom Dewey. New York Post, meet the Chicago Daily Tribune. (See “Ooops,” by Joe Strupp, Editor & Publisher, July 7.)

I’d post the Post’s front page from today if I could, but, well, I can’t.

[* Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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Welcome to Blogospherix, a new feature at The Rittenhouse Review intended to draw readers’ attention to the day’s best post in the blogosphere. (Okay, one of the best, since nobody can read the entirety of our collective output every day.)

Today Blogospherix sends readers to TBogg, written, edited, and published by my friend Tom -- faithful husband, soccer/softball/football dad, multiple [B]asset hound owner, Peggy Noonan stalker, God-less atheist, English major (I’m guessing), that guy -- of San Diego -- nice weather, no culture, lots of military men, that city -- and his post “Wanna See Pictures of My Kids?”

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The latest spin, origin unknown but take a wild guess, has a growing number of pundits and bloggers calling Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John F. Kerry “the most liberal senator.”

Notably, this attempt at tarring and feathering Sen. Kerry is often accompanied by a snarling reference to Massachusetts, that being a code word in certain circles. (An inexplicable code word, by the way: Mitt Romney, anyone? Anyone?)

And so today, at least at Rittenhouse, the count begins. The count is a simple, unscientific, and totally unreliable survey based on a Google search of the web employing the phrase “most liberal senator” and adding the word “Kerry.”

Today the search yields 1,600 hits.

Let’s see where we are a week from now.

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In a recent entry, one entitled “Remember to Itemize,” posted here July 3, I asked Rittenhouse readers for a little help interpreting an itemized bill I recently received from a nearby hospital for treatment related to a bizarre -- and I mean that -- accident I recently experienced here at home. (So bizarre, in fact, that not one member of my immediate family has asked exactly what happened.)

I thought I knew a great deal about medicine, physiology, and pharmacology, at least enough to make my regular physician freak out. (Tip: Throw around terms such as pruritis and hyperhydrosis, and see what happens.)

More recently, however, it was my readers, the “freaks of the blogosphere,” recent affiliates of Rittenhouse, some of them doctors, some of them R.N.s, P.A.s, and N.P.s, and some of them, in their words, not mine, “lowly billing/coding clerks,” who have taught me more about the practice of medicine -- and the odd, but blitethly accepted, billing practices for services -- that occurs in this country today than I think anyone might learn in nine or more years or classroom or “clinical” training.

And so, without acknowledging their specific contributions to my ever-growing knowledge base, let me here extend my thanks and appreciation to the following readers of, and correspondents to, The Rittenhouse Review: S.A., Henrietta, N.Y.; A.C., Creve Coeur, Mo.; E.C., Bronx, N.Y.; R.C., Columbus, Ohio; C.D., Mount Kisco, N.Y.; E., Berwyn, Pa.; F.E., Unknown; S.E., Villanova, Pa.; H.F., Unknown; K.F., Philadelphia; G., Wynnewood, Pa.; R.H., Greenwood, Colo.; K., Unknown; J., Wellesley, Mass.; J.I., Manhasset, N.Y.; P.K., Skokie, Ill.; J.L., Philadelphia; J.L., Unknown; M., Fullerton, Calif.; A.P., Scarsdale, N.Y.; G.R., Unknown; R.R., Edina, Minn.; C.S., Columbus, Ohio; J.T., Kumamoto, Japan; and T.T., Loudonville, N.Y.

These women and men are amazing, the only word I can conjure at this moment given what I have learned from them individually and collectively. (My apologies here to those readers and writers whose knowledge and assistance I failed to note above.)

Let me conclude by adding that I am convinced, if simultaneously delusional, that someday, one day, nurses in this country will be treated and compensated with the respect they deserve.

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“Susan Sontag I knew only from the sound of her enormous feet stomping into the Museum of Modern Art screening room.” -- Author, noted film historian, and blogger, David Ehrenstein.

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It’s official: The once-great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has jumped the shark.

I know, there’s nothing more boring than budget politics, except maybe a discussion of the budget politics of another’s state, but bear with me on this one.

Over the weekend the Pennsylvania legislature enacted, and Gov. Ed Rendell (D) signed into law, the poorest excuse I’ve ever seen for a budget, at least at the state level, in my 20 years of watching politics.

The most noxious feature of the budget calls for the introduction of slot machines at more than a dozen locations throughout Pennsylvania, including in Philadelphia and nearby Bucks County.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reports (“A Political Jackpot for ‘Fast Eddie’,” by Carrie Budoff and Thomas Fitzgerald, July 5):

Backers say putting 61,000 slot machines at 14 locations could generate up to $1 billion yearly from the state take to reduce local property taxes and pay for economic development -- promises on which Rendell staked his 2002 campaign and his governorship.

It is clearly the most far-reaching legislation in Pennsylvania since the early 1970s, when Gov. Milton Shapp ushered in the state income tax and lottery. Rendell plans to sign the bill this morning at Philadelphia Park racetrack in Bensalem, Bucks County. […]

Although property taxes are supposed to be reduced an average of 20 percent statewide -- and Philadelphia will get money to reduce the wage tax -- dissenters pointed out that in many communities, the reductions would be modest. And relief comes only after the state takes in at least $900 million, which is more than Nevada and New Jersey receive annually. [Emphasis added.]

Sounds a little optimistic, doesn’t it?

So, yes, Pennsylvania joins neighbors New Jersey and Delaware, and far too many other states, in turning to a “higher” level of government-owned gambling in an effort to resolve a fiscal crisis. (Note that in Pennsylvania we have already, in addition to myriad “instant-‘winning’” lottery tickets sold almost everywhere, 39 different lottery drawings each week: the bizarrely misnamed Daily Number, twice a day; the Big 4, twice a day; the Cash 5, every day; the Match 6, twice a week; and Powerball, twice a week).

Pennsylvania lawmakers and other opponents of state-owned slot machines put up a valiant fight against this desperate scheme, one that, I guarantee you, will result in at least several of these sites becoming full-fledged casinos within five years.

It gets worse, worse in a way that even supporters of slot machines are likely to agree. As noted by Inquirer columnist Joe Grogan (“Slots Have Cruel, Selfish Underside,” July 5), and I’m not making this up and I have no reason to believe Grogan is either:

Slots revenue . . . is not free money. It’s a tax on the easily duped.

You want to know who will benefit most? Those splitting up the pie: the connected and powerful -- and the politicians who do their bidding. […]

And now we find out that the architects of this fool’s bonanza have quietly written in their own little cash prize. The bill that passed the state Senate on Friday and the House yesterday allows legislators to privately own up to 1 percent in any of the 14 proposed slot venues. [Emphasis added.]

The same people shoving slots down this state’s throat, the ones responsible for regulating and taxing them, we learn only in the eleventh hour, will be able to personally profit from their oh-so-altruistic legislation. In case you’re curious, 1 percent of $3 billion is $30 million a year. But who’s counting?

Does greed get any more brazen?

Grogan’s last point is well taken, though regarding “more brazen greed” he just might want to dial (713) 759-2600.

But Grogan’s larger point -- that state-owned gambling is a tax on the poor and the working class -- is more important. Sadly, however, it dovetails crudely with the purported, and oversold, tax benefits associated with the slot-machine scheme.

More specifically, “tax relief,” when and if it comes, and remember, there will be none unless and until Pennsylvania’s slot machines are taking in more than the one-armed bandits draw in Nevada and New Jersey, states where government-owned gambling has been a fact of life for decades, will be directed largely toward reducing property taxes, as if home owners, ensconced in their comfortably and generously government-subsidized housing (through the mortgage-interest tax deduction) weren’t already the primary beneficiaries of the Commonwealth’s faulty method for financing education.

[Note: The phone number, above, was corrected post publication after reader M.D., Philadelphia, called the originally posted number asking where exactly he might find the most brazen greed conceivable.]

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Ehrenstein on Kael and Sontag
David Ehrenstein, the famous author (Open Secret: Gay Hollywood, 1928-2000) and blogger (David E.’s Fablog), has given me permission to quote from e-mail correspondence we recently shared after I read “The Gay Attacks on Pauline Kael,” (Salon, June 25; subscription or day pass required), an excerpt from Craig Seligman’s new book, Sontag & Kael: Opposites Attract Me, a study of the criticism of Pauline Kael and Susan Sontag:

Though far from a Paulette, I knew Kael. She was a delightful person and a good writer, even if you disagreed with her.

Sontag I knew only from the sound of her enormous feet stomping into the Museum of Modern Art screening room.

Overall I shared Sontag’s tastes in film and culture in general more than I did Kael’s, but Sontag had no sense of humor. James McCourt, in town last month, knew her well in those days and told me Sontag came to him in tears when Esquire called her “the Natalie Wood of the avant-garde.” She had no clue this was an enormous compliment. [...]

Her famous “Notes on Camp” came about as a result of her friendships with Elliot Stein (still with us) and Alfred Chester (since deceased). Sontag got all the references, but none of the jokes.

I suspect David’s memories are filled with material like this. Join me in encouraging him to write it all down.

Could I Get a Price Check in Pharmacy?
It took about half an hour, but it was worth the effort. Following are the price quotes I received from local and chain pharmacies for a prescription based on out-of-pocket payment: Washington Square Pharmacy, $80.00; Eckerd, $76.09; CVS, $74.99; Rite-Aid, $61.99; Walgreen, $49.89; Kmart, $45.00; StatScript, $40.00; and Wal-Mart, $28.68.

Is it any wonder so many people shop at Wal-Mart? Of course, it’s not that easily done here, since getting to Wal-Mart involves a bus trip (two buses in each direction) and an investment in time of something like two hours. For that and other reasons, including an aversion to Wal-Mart generally, I’m going with a more local choice.

Things I Miss
I kind of miss the light-brown M&Ms.; Yesterday, however, I learned one can buy M&Ms; in 21 different colors through the M&Ms; Brand Store. Twenty-one colors, but still no light brown. The closest a customer can get is “gold.”

Random Thought
Aren’t city nicknames among the most irritating of affectations? Bean Town, ChiTown, Philly, D.C., the Big Apple, the Big Easy, L.A., Frisco, the City by the Bay. Is there even a single one of these you can stand?

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T;” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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John, John [*]
Some redundant blogging. Sen. John F. Kerry has selected his running mate: Sen. John Edwards (D-N.C.). But you knew that already. I knew it hours ago. I got the e-mail.

A pretty good choice, I think. Certainly beats the hell out of former Sen. Al Gore’s dubious selection four years ago, though that’s setting the bar rather low. (Of course, Sen. Kerry’s nod to Sen. Edwards requires the approval of the Democratic National Convention. Ha ha, as they say.)

It’s inevitable, so I’ll say it now, just to get it out: “Vote for John John!”

Predictable Punditizing [*]
Sen. Kerry has won the backing of the National Education Association. Prepare for the high priests and priestesses of the right-wing puditocracy, the non-teaching likes of George Will, Hilton Kramer, Phyllis Schlafly, Linda “What Did I Know? I Can’t Speak Spanish.” Chavez, Michelle Malkin and, of course, Paul Gigot, to go berserk. More than usual, I mean.

O.! [*]
New York Times columnist Frank Rich catches Oprah Winfrey engaging in a bit of “index checking” with former President Bill Clinton’s memoirs (see second paragraph).

Tom Tomorrow [*]
Read Tom Tomorrow today. At Salon (subscription or day pass required).

That Barack Obama Article
I finally remembered where I read the article about U.S. Senate candidate Barback Obama, Democrat of Illinois, that I mentioned here on June 22. It was in the New Republic, of all places: “Race Against History,” by Noam Scheiber (posted at tnr.com: May 24; issue date: May 31). [Subscription required. (No, I don’t subscribe to the New Republic; I read a friend’s copy.)]

Nader’s Desperation
Norman Solomon, writing in the Baltimore Sun (“Nader Adrift,” July 1), offers commentary on the desperate and selfish tactics of Ralph Nader without really bashing the Green Party:

Presidential candidate Ralph Nader is standing on a bar of soap in a political rainstorm. Midway through 2004, while his electoral base shrinks, one of the great American reformers of the 20th century is drifting out to sea.

When the Green Party’s national convention refused to endorse Mr. Nader for president a few days ago, the delegates were not rejecting his strong anti-corporate and pro-democracy politics. On the contrary, the convention was acting on the basis of such principles. Greens from every region of the country recognized that Mr. Nader -- proudly unaccountable to any institution but himself -- has steered his campaign into a steadily worsening tangle of contradictions.

Activists struggling to build a viable Green Party with a truly democratic process found that Mr. Nader preferred to remain aloof. Four years ago, he was the party’s presidential nominee but declined to become a member. This time, he ruled out accepting the Green nomination. But he did express a desire for the party’s “endorsement” -- and its ballot lines in two dozen states.

Mr. Nader promised no accountability for his campaign. In the driver’s seat, with hands tight on the steering wheel, he offered to take the Greens for a ride. […]

Mr. Nader’s credibility is at a new low after sinking steadily this year.

“I’m going to take more votes away from Bush than from Kerry," he claims. Yet the overwhelming majority of polls say just the opposite. And by selecting a vice presidential candidate who will be anathema to conservatives, Mr. Nader indicated that defeating Mr. Bush is actually quite low on his list of priorities.

Nearing the conclusion of his essay, Solomon offers his own personal -- and very good -- reasons for turning his back on Nader.

(Thanks to reader H.F. of Daylesford, Victoria.)

[* Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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Comcast Corp., based in Philadelphia and the nation’s largest cable television company, lost what one would have thought, based on the firm’s massive lobbying and public relations campaigns, was a life-or-death struggle during the recently completed annual state budget process in Harrisburg, Pa.

The Philadelphia Inquirer today reports (“No Action on Bill for Comcast Tax Break,” by Henry J. Holcomb and Suzette Parmley):

Unmoved by the cable giant’s pleas that time was running out on its plans to build a headquarters skyscraper in Philadelphia, the lawmakers adjourned for the summer without approving tax breaks Gov. Ed Rendell had offered to make the project economically viable.

Citing rising interest rates and building costs, Comcast has said a delay would probably kill plans for the 60-story building, called One Pennsylvania Plaza, at 17th Street and John F. Kennedy Boulevard. […]

They have been seeking since last year to have their building site declared a Keystone Opportunity Improvement Zone, an economic development program from the Republican Ridge and Schweiker administrations. In such zones, various business taxes -- except for wage taxes paid by employees -- are waived until 2015.

So what were the proposed tax breaks worth to Comcast? According to the Inquirer:

The tax breaks Comcast sought would have been worth about $4 million a year, according to city government estimates. That number that would have grown if Comcast went beyond its initial promise of 800 new jobs and leased more of the 1.5 million square foot complex.

How important is $4 million annually to Comcast’s immediate and long-term financial condition?

By any reasonable standard, not very.

Based on filings Comcast has made with the Securities and Exchange Commission, during the 12-month period ended March 31 (the most recent date for which data are available), the company recorded revenues of $17,738 million, operating income of $2,140 million, and operating cash flows of $2,828 million.

As for Brian L. Roberts, Comcast’s chairman and chief executive officer, the Inquirer, in an annual survey published June 27, reported Roberts “earned” $30.6 million in total compensation (salary, cash bonus, and stock options) in 2003.

It’s not that simple, Comcast and its many allies will argue.

No, but it’s not that complicated either.

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Amendment I: (written in the spring of 1789) Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

The Associated Press (July 4, 2004): “Two Bush opponents, taken out of the crowd in restraints by police, said they were told they could not be there because they were wearing shirts that said they opposed the President.”

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Why Do Conservatives Hate America?
Award-winning documentary filmmaker in today’s Los Angeles Times (“The Patriot Act”):

Those who absconded with our flag now use it as a weapon against those who question America’s course. They remind me of that famous 1976 photo of an anti-busing demonstrator in Boston thrusting a large American flag on a pole into the stomach of the first black man he encountered. These so-called patriots hold the flag tightly in their grip and, in a threatening pose, demand that no one ask questions. Those who speak out find themselves shunned at work, harassed at school, booed off Oscar stages. The flag has become a muzzle, a piece of cloth stuffed into the mouths of those who dare to ask questions.

I think it’s time for those of us who love this country -- and everything it should stand for -- to reclaim our flag from those who would use it to crush rights and freedoms, both here at home and overseas. We need to redefine what it means to be a proud American.

Moore suggests those of us who love America raise questions, a simple act of defiance against the real America haters of the right wing, an act I found myself engaging in this morning while listening to the news on the radio.

The announcer alerted his audience of the importance this Independence Day weekend for all Philadelphians to be “on the lookout” for “signs of trouble.” Well, I knew where this story was going (Or at least I thought I did: I was a little surprised at the level of hysteria and at being told to keep my eyes open for “suicide bombers” at the city’s major tourist attractions. Most useful tip: Be wary of individuals wearing bulky clothing on a hot day.), so in my mind I took it somewhere else, promising to look -- as if it were really all that difficult -- for more pervasive signs of trouble: poverty, hunger, unemployment, crime, shoddy schools, child abuse, and domestic violence. Oh, but there I go again, hating America.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “Political Notes” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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I suspect a good portion of Rittenhousers are too young to remember the song “Look for the Union Label,” lyrics and music by Paula Green and Malcolm Dodds:

Look for the union label
when you are buying that coat, dress, or blouse.

Remember somewhere our union’s sewing,
our wages going to feed the kids and run the house.

We work hard, but who’s complaining?
Thanks to the I.L.G.* we’re paying our way.

So always look for the union label,
it says we’re able to make it in the U.S.A.

Almost quaint, isn’t it?

The song popped into my head yesterday during my first ever visit to Wal-Mart.

No, I didn’t look for union labels on the clothing for sale there. I knew better than to engage in so obvious an exercise in futility.

Oh, how times have changed.

* I.L.G.: International Ladies’ Garment Workers Union.

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Yesterday I revealed the tally of the bill I received following my recent visit to a nearby emergency room: $3,881.00.

This afternoon I perused, with considerable fascination, the hospital’s itemized bill.

One of the first things the E.R. staff did when I arrived was to “open a line,” as they say, that in order to infuse whatever it is they infuse in such circumstances, and that for reasons still not clear to me.

Total cost: $1,228.00.

For a saline drip.

Now if this isn’t some kind of profit center, I don’t what is.

More details:

“Basic metabolic panel”: $548.00.

“US” [Ed.: Ultrasound]: $631.00.

At least I know what those procedures are about. Here are two that have me stumped:

“Red substances”: $20.00.

“Specific gravity”: $29.00.

If there’s a doctor, nurse, or other professional reading this who might shine some light on my bill, I would appreciate hearing from you.

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Hey, guess what? It’s Saturday. And that means your grouchy neighborhood blogger is sitting in front of his PC here in Philadelphia, writing and blogging and seething, and seething and blogging and writing, and, of course, watching cheesy Lifetime TV movies.

You might as well get something out of my sloth, and so today I’m launching a new feature, the Saturday “Lifetime” Hottie Watch, complete with photos!

My intention originally was to feature today Timothy Carhart, who starred in Lifetime’s early afternoon feature, “Before He Wakes.” Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a photo of Carhart on the web that did justice to his hottieness appeal.

Oh well. Leave it to Lifetime to come to the rescue with its next feature film this afternoon, “A Kiss Before Dying,” starring Saturday hottie Matt Dillon.

You’ll excuse me, I’m sure, if the pace of my blogging slows appreciably over the next two hours.

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Worthy Book I
In this week’s New York Times Book Review, novelist Larry McMurtry favorably reviews My Life, by former President Bill Clinton, causing staff reviewer Michiko Kakutani once again to call in sick.

Worthy Book II
In the same issue of the Book Review, Karen Joy Fowler reviews Four Souls, the latest novel from Louise Erdrich, a novel that if the excerpt recently published in the New Yorker is any indication, is a masterpiece, plain and simple.

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It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

I just returned from a walk through the birthplace of America, the cradle of democracy: Independence Park, just a handful of blocks from my house.

Normally I would avoid the heart of tourism in Philadelphia on Independence Day weekend, but it’s different this year. It’s different because, well, as you know, September 11 changed everything, and because this weekend the American Friends Service Committee is at the park showing Eyes Wide Open.

Blow me away. Pass me the handkerchief I forgot to bring along. Knock me over with the reading of the names of the dead: the Americans, an incredible number of whom carry names it is fair to assume belong to African and Latino Americans, and the Iraqis we’re not supposed to care about.

“Eyes Wide Open,” which already has been seen in, among other locales, Chicago, Cleveland, Los Angeles, and Washington, will be in Philadelphia through tomorrow, July 4. On the schedule for the near future: Charleston, W.Va., July 5-7, call (443) 983-2600; Rhode Island/Southeastern Massachusetts, July 10-16, call (617) 661-6130; Connecticut, July 17-22, call (617) 661-6130; Boston, City Hall Plaza, July 22, call (617) 661-6130; Western Massachusetts, August 3-11, call (413) 584-8975; and New York, August 28 - September 7, call (212) 598-0950.

On my way home from Independence Park I encountered a group of four middle-aged tourists with whom I engaged in the following conversation after having offered them an information card about the “Eyes Wide Open” exhibit:

Tourist: No. No. No, thank you.

J.M.C.: You don’t care about Americans dying in Iraq?

Tourist: No. No. No, thank you.

J.M.C.: Americans dying for nothing?

Tourist: The Lord is on George Bush’s side.

She no doubt sleeps well pondering that dementia thought.

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On the Church calendar today, July 3, the first Saturday, is the feast of St. Thomas. But for me this date will forever mark a sad occasion, the passing of my Aunt Nora.

The reading at Mass is from Ephesians (2:19-22):

Brothers and sisters: You are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the holy ones and members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the Apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone. Through him the whole structure is held together and grows into a temple sacred in the Lord; in him you also are being built together into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.

For those playing with the home game, today’s Gospel reading is John 20:24-29.

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What a shocker. What a match. In the just-completed ladies’ singles final at the Championships, Wimbledon, newcomer and youngster Maria Sharapova defeated defending champion Serena Williams, 6-1, 6-4.

And yes, the match was that lopsided. Floor was wiped.

And no, in the post-match interviews Williams didn’t serve up her customary bevy of excuses. Instead, she was incredibly gracious. (Somebody must have talked to the Williams sisters about their reputations as great athletes but sore losers.)

Speaking of interviews, a few quick observations:

What is Bud Collins, like 90? Unfortunately NBC didn’t treat viewers to even a glimpse of what I have no doubt were an outrageous set of slacks.

So if you want a job providing commentary on women’s tennis you have to what, sound like a man? On this see, or hear, Mary Carillo and, surprisingly, Tracy Austin. Yes, they’re smart and intelligent and they put Pat Summerall to shame, but it’s kind of weird to hear Carillo and Austin chatting three registers below John McEnroe.

Nice to see Sue Barker getting work. Barker has been providing commentary on Wimbledon to the BBC and interviewed Sharapova and Williams on Center [sic] Court after the match, an exchange broadcast by NBC. Who she? Go way back here with me, folks: Barker ranked in the world’s top ten in the mid- and late 1970s, aided by one helluva forehand.

Tomorrow’s the big day here at Rittenhouse: The men’s final, pitting my buddy Andy Roddick against Roger Federer.

By the way, when did Wimbledon switch to yellow tennis balls? I’m sure it was long ago, but I can’t figure out why I just noticed this year.

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Last Wednesday I invited Rittenhouse readers to participate in a contest, one asking for your best guess at the total bill I incurred during a visit to a nearby emergency room after a freak accident here at home.

Since the prize I offered -- the winner paying the bill -- lacked a certain mass appeal, there were, not surprisingly, very few entries. Regardless, I stopped accepting entries at 5:00 p.m. today, and so, as they say in the business: No more calls. We have a winner!

The victor is R.P. of Lake Forest, Ill., a longtime and loyal Rittenhouser who chimed in with an estimate of $4,250.00.

It’s a good thing for Miss P. that this isn’t “The Price is Right,” because while the Chicagoan’s entry was closer to the total tab than that of any other entrant, she was a little on the high side: The bill I incurred was $3,881.00.

Thankfully, my health insurance plan will cover . . . Wait a minute, I don’t have health insurance coverage. I haven’t had health insurance coverage for almost three years, a period including my previous, and incredibly stingy, former employer.

I guess I’m just puttin’ that bill on the pile.

(Needless to say, I’m not sending R.P. the bill and I don’t expect her to pay it. That was just in good fun.)

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Susie Madrak of Suburban Guerrilla, the fastest blogger in the West East -- I mean, please, does she have on her desk a red phone installed by the Associated Press? -- took me to lunch today.

We noshed, big time, at Silk City American Diner (435 Spring Garden St., Philadelphia). I can’t remember the name of the dish I ordered but it was a magnificent display: a hot open-face sandwich composed of wheat bread, ham, turkey, bacon, cheddar cheese, and brown gravy, accompanied by a side of sweet potato fries.

Heaven on earth, I thought, though I generally kind of walk around hungry these days anyway. Heaven on earth, I thought, until I ordered dessert: warm bread pudding with semi-sweet chocolate and whipped cream.

After lunch Susie carried me to her car and we made a beeline for, if you can believe it, WAL-MART!

Yes, my very first visit to a Wal-Mart. Do you want my reaction, my observations? Sure you do. But that’s a post in and of itself, and one for a later day. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, I wanted to let you know I have added several sites to the blogroll within the last few months. Today I offer you a belated listing of my newest peers. (Actually, some of these people have been blogging for a while; I’m just catching up with them now.)

Let me add here that if you’ve never blogged, you have no idea the work it takes to produce a site that draws a regular readership amid the cacophony of voices, many of them demented, that constitute the American media. I don’t know why the hell any of us does this -- it sure doesn’t pay the bills -- and so all I can do is recommend to you, my readers, my fellow freaks:

America Blog

Art Blog

BlueGrassRoots

Dohiyi Mir

Freeway Blogger

K Marx the Spot

Michael Bérubé

Musings & Migraines

No Capital

No More Apples

Poison Kitchen

Poor Richard’s Anorak

Sidelights

Sivacracy.net

Welcome to the fray.

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Essie Mae Washington-Williams, daughter of the late Sen. Strom Thurmond (S.C.), Grand Knight of the Orders of the Supreme, Republican Party Council of the U.S. of A., goes all genealogical and stuff (“Thurmond’s Biracial Daughter Seeks to Join Confederacy Group,” by Shaila K. Dewan and Ariel Hart, the New York Times):

Essie Mae Washington-Williams, a biracial woman who stepped forward last year to acknowledge that she was the daughter of the late Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina, now wants to join the United Daughters of the Confederacy, an organization of descendants of soldiers who fought for the South in the Civil War. […]

In a statement, Ms. Washington-Williams said: “It is important for all Americans to have the opportunity to know and understand their bloodline. Through my father’s line, I am fortunate to trace my heritage back to the birth of our nation and beyond. On my mother’s side, like most African-Americans, my history is broken by the course of human events.” […]

Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center, a civil liberties group in Montgomery, Ala., said there was no way to say how many Sons of Confederate Veterans or United Daughters of the Confederacy are black, but, he said, “I think there are precious few.”

“This is the kind of thing that's going to come as a rude shock to the present leadership of the S.C.V., to put it mildly,” he said.

And Mrs. K. “You Don’t See Many Darkies With That Nice White Hair Anymore” T., my racist boss while I was in graduate school at the University of Virginia, fumbles about for the nearest fainting chair.

By the way, in employing such delicacies as “my history is broken by the course of human events,” Ms. Washington-Williams has proved she has mastered the gentle arts. She ought to have no problem passing the membership interview. And she had better not. This time around, people are watching.

[Post-publication addendum (July 3): Another Mrs. K.T. memory. Mrs. K.T. attended and was graduated from Sweet Briar College, I’m guessing circa 1935. She once told me Sweet Briar “girls” were, in her day, required to attend chapel at, if I recall correctly, 8:30 a.m. Relaying this requirement to her father, he responded with shock: “When I was at the University my boy didn’t wake me until ten.” Yes, it’s true. Mrs. K.T.’s father brought “staff” with him to the University of Virginia.]

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“One of my first memories was recognizing the color blue in the sky and appreciating how it looked with my tan pants.” -- Designer Todd Oldham.

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It’s Friday, again, and so I give and bequeath to you the details of just a sampling of searches that recently brought readers to The Rittenhouse Review:

herpes latest accomplishments 2004
Do they give prizes for that?

how can i help my niece with her narcissist environment
Wow, this is too big an assignment even for me. That said, I know plenty of narcissists from my days in Washington, D.C., a surprising number of whom are gay men practicing medicine and, despite their addictions to cocaine and methamphetamine, are even dabbling in psychiatry.

hairy bodybuilder gallery
Andrew Sullivan, please call your office.

Michael Ledeen denied tenure at Washington University
I’m not even going to “Google” this. It just sounds so . . . believable.

philadelphia gayborhood boundaries
I can’t recall having written about this matter specifically, but here’s my best estimate of the, uh, queried boundaries: From Broad Street east to 10th Street and from Pine Street north to Market Street. I no longer live in the “gayborhood,” but I was a resident of the ghetto for nearly 18 months, that until the coke whore who manages the building proved to be just too psychotic for me to deal with.

earth day co-founder ira einhorn
Wait, wait, wait . . . Don’t forget convicted murderer and nude cavorter Ira Einhorn’s first choice of defense attorneys: Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.).

anita hill necromancer
No, Anita Hill isn’t a necromancer. The searcher is probably thinking of right-wing New York Times columnist William Safire, known around these parts as “that nattering nabob of necromancy.” (Just an aside here: Based on my e-mail, Bill, if I may call him that, that wacky FOA, or Friend of Arik -- Ariel Sharon to those who don’t kiss the Likud Party chairman’s butt with Safire’s slavishness -- kind of gets a kick of that nickname.)

blair hornstine bryn mawr (And multiple similar searches.)
I don’t know what this is about other than Harvard no, Bryn Mawr yes. The whole thing reminds me of Brooke Shields preparing to enter college twenty years ago: Siena College: no; Princeton University: yes.

meaning of congenial cyst in the back of the brain
Nothing like a friendly boil, is there?

george will my business is my business
Snotty little Trinity College preppie, isn’t he, George F. Will? You know Trinity, don’t you? Not quite the Ivy League but almost, a place where the sons of sons (and more recently daughters of sons) go to take advantage of being rich, white, suburban, dim but accomplished test takers, and able to pay the full freight when the tuition bill arrives. See also legacy. See also Carlson, Tucker.

israel military homosexuality
Yes, it’s “allowed” there, and last I heard, the world’s fourth-largest military superpower wasn’t having any problems with it.

donald rumsfeld does his famous walk like an egyptian dance
Drinking problem or just a freak? Oh wait, he wrestled in college, remember?

where to buy a whole roasted pig in philadelphia area
Pull that pork and I’ll be there!

pole dancing class philadelphia
As far as adult education is concerned, the course I was recommended had an excellent placement record, not that I ever took them up on it.

real world house in philly
On this see Rittenhouse doppelganger Jessica Pressler, writing about Philadelphia’s “Real World” house in Philadelphia Weekly, the web site of which is again this week(ly) not cooperating.

sam waksal and rabbi friend
Jewish this, Jewish that. Who cares about the rabbi? We want Martha dish!

razor shaving in rittenhouse square philadelphia
Barber or lap dancer?

how to write words of condolences
Keep it simple. Very simple. You might be surprised how well received will be even a one-line quotation from a writer more eloquent than you, or perhaps, when appropriate, just a single Bible verse.

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Whoa, that’s some big-time tax evasion.

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Aha! Something Rittenhouse actually wrote about, or at least cited: “The Sunday Book Review: On Saturday.”

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Small-Town Philadelphia
Earlier this afternoon I ran into a neighbor at our local supermarket. During our brief conversation I bemoaned the high prices affixed to some of the produce, including the tomatoes and the strawberries. Both are out of reach on my current budget.

Not long after returning home I heard the doorbell ringing. Upon opening the door I was surprised to see my neighbor, the same neighbor, kindly having brought me beautiful strawberries and blueberries, a gesture of neighborliness that too many people believe doesn’t or cannot occur in a city so large as Philadelphia.

Let’s see now . . . Whip up an angel food cake, sprinkle with strawberries and blueberries, and I’ll be content to spend all of Independence Day weekend inside, all by myself. Me and my red, white, and blue cake and fruit, and nobody else. Except maybe my neighbor.

[Note: Additional items may be posted to “PP&T;” after initial publication but only on the day of publication, excluding post-publication addenda. Such items, when posted, are designated by an asterisk.]

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Last night I went to see “Fahrenheit 9/11.” Unlike on our first attempt, we actually got in this time, buying tickets online in advance having helped.

Before the movie started I overheard the young (25-ish) woman sitting next to me talking with her friends about getting ready to study for the LSATs.

Shortly thereafter the subject of the “pay to play” corruption charges against Philadelphia attorney Ronald E. White and former City Treasurer Corey Kemp, among nine others, came up in their conversation. (For background, see “Federal Probe Leaves Street Chided, But Not Indicted,” by Nancy Phillips and Maria Panaritis, Philadelphia Inquirer, June 30.)

Here’s the kicker:

LSAT-Preparing Young Woman: “Now, what exactly is an indictment? What does that mean? Does that mean they’re guilty?”

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If you’ve grown tired of your spouse, partner, friends, acquaintances, and even perfect strangers playing Count the Carbohydrates using your plate as a game board, take this notion to heart: The low-carb craze is paying off for those of us happily and healthfully living a high-carb “lifestyle.”

Although I’m not an economist and I haven’t conducted a full-scale study of the issue, it’s becoming evident the prices of high-carbohydrate foods and beverages are declining in the response to lower demand.

For example, a 12-pack of 12-ounce cans of Coca-Cola (468 grams of carbohydrates total, 3.25 grams per ounce) may be had at the nearest supermarket for $2.50, or 1.736 cents an ounce, or 0.534-cent per gram of carbohydrates, or 1.87 grams of carbohydrates per cent. When I was in college a six-pack of Coca-Cola generally retailed for about three dollars.

Prices of breakfast cereals, long a source of gouging by the food marketing industry, also are declining, or at least holding steady. Last week I bought an 18-ounce box of corn flakes, admittedly on sale, for $1.50. And brand-name pasta is sitting on the shelves at 75 cents a pound.

Meanwhile, growers and processors report demand for orange juice is falling sharply as the low-carb crowd spurns the health benefits of a beverage that boasts as many carbohydrates per ounce as Coca-Cola. (Who knew?) In Philadelphia one can readily find 64-ounce cartons of premium orange or grapefruit juice for as little as two dollars.

Thanks, and keep it up, people. Soon my budget will be in synch with my appetite.

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For a few months during the spring “Tina Brown Thursday” was a regular, if sometimes tardy, feature at The Rittenhouse Review. It was, that is, until I lost interest in the endeavor, Brown’s weekly column in the Washington Post’s style section invariably being either too easy a target, too predictable, or just too insipid.

Last week I thought I might revive “Tina Brown Thursday.” Unfortunately, however, Brown’s column didn’t appear in the Post on June 24. And there’s no column in today’s paper. (Brown’s last missive, “Democrats Warm to ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’,” was published on June 17.)

What gives? Or better, who else gave up?

[Post-publication addendum: Rittenhouse reader K.P. writes: “I believe [Brown] is on hiatus because she is in the U.K. for a couple of weeks --- her husband was knighted.” Could it be true? Could that possibly be “for real”? Gee gosh golly, it is true: Mr. Tina Brown, a/k/a Harold Evans, has been knighted. Big deal. Judging from the latest rounds of sword swinging by the freeloading ertswhile Germans of the House of Windsor, these days it’s even easier to become a knight than it is to become a saint.]

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Since trashy language no longer has the capacity the shock or even surprise, most readers probably haven’t noticed there is a general prohibition against the use of profanity and vulgarities at The Rittenhouse Review, a stylistic decision I like to think harkens back to the best idiosyncracies of William Shawn.

It works well for me, if only because I don’t have to cringe at the thought my mother reads the blog.

But today I’m starting to rethink the entire premise. And why not, since I learned from reading Wonkette that Washingtonienne has sold her book proposal for $300,000, news that has right-wing columnist and professional America hater Michelle Malkin swooning in deft 19th-century style.

Of course, there’s more to Washingtonienne than a potty mouth: She competes on fields I’m not willing -- or able -- to play.

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I’ll bet you didn’t see this coming.

Last week I asked Rittenhouse readers to choose the actor who best portrayed the role of assistant district attorney on the NBC television series “Law & Order.” In that poll, which ended yesterday evening, Jill Hennessy won a 38-percent plurality in a five-way contest.

In this week’s poll we continue to plumb the upper brackets of the popular culture by asking which actor you liked best among those portraying members of the New York Police Department on the same series.

Your choices, in alphabetical order, are: Benjamin Bratt (as Det. Reynaldo Curtis), George Dzundza (Sgt. Max Greevey), Dennis Farina (Det. Joe Fontana), Dann Florek (Capt. Donald Cragen), Jesse L. Martin (Det. Ed Green), Carolyn McCormick (Dr. Elizabeth Olivet), S. Epatha Merkerson (Lt. Anita Van Buren), Chris Noth (Det. Mike Logan), Jerry Orbach (Det. Lennie Briscoe), and Paul Sorvino (Sgt. Phil Cerreta).

The poll, posted in the sidebar at right, will take your votes until the evening of Wednesday, July 7, though depending upon the results there subsequently may be a run-off vote.

[Post-publication addendum: Don’t forget to enter the Rittenhouse Healthcare Contest, posted June 30 (see fifth item).]

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Last Thursday I asked Rittenhouse readers to choose which of the five actors who have played the assistant district attorney on the popular NBC series “Law & Order” -- Richard Brooks, Jill Hennessy, Angie Harmon, Carey Lowell, or Elisabeth Rohm -- was best in the role.

This was a tough one. Although Hennessy, who played the role of Claire Kincaid, was the clear winner, she failed to garner a majority of votes, and the bunching of the results reveals just how good all of the actors are.

I had a hard time making a decision since I like them all for different reasons. In the end I voted for Carey Lowell, though on another day I might have voted for Angie Harmon.

I admit I cringed when I first heard Harmon was joining the cast; I was sure she would be terrible. Instead, she was terrific. Harmon’s performances were probably more consistently good than her peers, but Lowell at her best tops them all.

The complete results are presented below:

1. Jill Hennessy: 147 votes, or 38%
2. Angie Harmon: 102 votes, 26%
3. Carey Lowell: 63 votes, 16%
4. Richard Brooks: 53 votes, 14%
5. Elisabeth Rohm: 24 votes, 6%

Thanks for your participation.

[Post-publication addendum: Don’t forget to enter the Rittenhouse Healthcare Contest, posted June 30 (see fifth item).]

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A brief note on the op-ed page of today’s New York Times reveals good news (“Barbara Ehrenreich will be a guest columnist for the Op-Ed page through July.”), good news (“Thomas L. Friedman is on book leave for three months.”), and bad news (The phrase “book leave” means Friedman is writing a book, not reading one.).

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