ASC Rules

Be careful what you drink…

October 28th, 2005

Apparently, I’ve been drinking the wrong water lately. Always read the labels.

ASC's Badness Well

War on Stupidity

October 25th, 2005

Let there be man! Forget the War on Terror or the War in Iraq, the most expensive war is the War on Stupidity. According to a recent CBS poll, 51% of Americans believe that “God created humans in their present form.”

WHATTTTTTTTT! And, there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the most expensive war ever.

Mo’ Money…

October 24th, 2005

Bro. John used to tell this joke:
This guy’s been calling Heaven and leaving messages for god like crazy. Finally, he asks god’s secretary, “where is he?” The secretary replied, “sometimes, he likes to go earth and pretend to be Alan Greenspan.”

Is the joke funny? Not at all. But it does say something about how influential and powerful Greenspan really is. I’m not sure what to think of Ben Bernanke (I’ll have to post when I know more about him). All I know, is that I’m a bit disappointed since my money was on either Mortimer or Randolph Duke…
The Dukes

Protected: I tried…

October 22nd, 2005

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Finally, a weekend

October 21st, 2005

I’ll begin by saying that if another person pokes me in the eye with a fucking umbrella, I am honestly going to flip out. I went to McDonalds earlier. It wasn’t even raining and everywhere I looked these maniacs had these massive/dangerous umbrellas. You walk down the street, and there’s just so many of them. You dodge one, then another, but before you know it one hits you in the face. You turn around. BAM, another! Ugh, thank god for the value meal #2 at McDonalds or I never would have been able to get through that.

If you thought parking and the associated tickets that come with it were murder in NYC, then you obviously don’t know much about parking in Australia. If you die, while you are in you are in your car and then have the nerve to leave it there for 9 days, well then, you’re just going to have to get a ticket. End of the story.

If you’ve ever wanted to steal something and not get in trouble for it, now’s the perfect time to go to Alabama. They accidentally removed 2nd degree theft from the books because no one proofread the new theft bill that was going to be signed into law. Alabama swears that this does not substantiate their current rank as the 43rd smartest state.

I’m not going to post an image or anything, but just check out some of Harriet and GwB’s letters posted on The Smoking Gun. I think it will become quite clear why anyone is more qualified than her.

Delay Mug Shot And finally, Delay’s lawyer’s should just use the “but my client is too stupid to stand trial defense.” I think it might work and here’s some support for this in the form of quotes from Delay:

“I AM the federal government.” – to the owner of Ruth’s Chris Steak House, after being told to put out his cigar because of federal government regulations banning smoking in the building, May 14, 2003

“Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?” – to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 9, 2005

“We’re no longer a superpower. We’re a super-duper power.” – explaining why America must topple Saddam Hussein in 2002 interview with Fox News

Protected: Shadow in the deep…

October 21st, 2005

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Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch

October 20th, 2005

Eric Cartman Thanks to my adorable boyfriend (come on, despite his jewry, you KNOW he’s adorable), my interest in Comedy Central’s hit TV show South Park has begun to pick up (again). If you’re at all familiar with South Park, then you know that Eric Cartman is such a funny character (I try my very best to emulate him). Anyway, this whole situation got me thinking about a song he once sang called “Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch.” It was one of Cartman’s greater moments. It’s right up there with his antics in the Scott Tenorman Must Die Episode. When I get home this evening, I’ll post the video of the song in my videos section (it’s definitely video section worthy). But until then, please enjoy the lyrics and a synopsis of the Scott Tenorman episode… Read the rest of this entry »

Protected: Law & Disorder

October 20th, 2005

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Wilmaaaaaa!!!

October 19th, 2005

You know, frankly, I think the new standard for determining the severity of hurricanes should be based solely upon how much they fuck with Ricky Martin. Like seriously, I mean all the guy wants to do is make a come back and a record breaking hurricane suddenly appears. I don’t take this as a sign from god or anything….

Protected: I must declare…

October 19th, 2005

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