The real conspiracy behind Cheney’s spray pattern

With Dick Cheney’s little blast to the American subconscious, once again all major media outlets and pundits are completely missing the mark. Just as with the Muslim cartoons, no one seems to be focusing on the real meat of the matter. There is a cover-up that is going on here, but it’s not the one that everyone thinks is happening.

As most of you know, I avoid working current events like a Neocon avoids exhibiting compassion. Yet again this week, comes another story, just like the Muslim cartoons, where because of its relevance to what I’m attempting to do with “Less Idiots”, I am compelled yet again to dive in.

For months now I have been beating dead horses further into the ground, regarding the impact of lobbyists upon the American body politic. I have repeatedly reminded everyone who would listen, that the real power brokers in this country are our lobbyists. They control just about everything that really matters, especially anything that might actually affect the corporate bottom line.

Dick Cheney is an avid outdoorsman, and nobody appreciates our natural environment as much as a real outdoorsman does. Nobody better understands the damage that has been done to our environment than these guys do. I know because I’m one of them.

Dick Cheney has something else in common with me. Dick Cheney also has a lesbian daughter. I know many of you have wondered where she is and why we never hear anything about her. Most of you may have assumed that she was locked up in Guantánamo Bay, safely held out of the spotlight.

What you could not have possibly realized is just how well Cheney understands the plight of the American lesbian. Being a father tends to develop extraordinary empathy for one’s own daughter. Standing in his shoes, I know Cheney would love to speak out honestly, about how homosexuals are treated in this country. You must realize this is simply not possible, as the lobbyists for the puritanical right have extorted Cheney, since his very first days in office.

Imagine if you found yourself in what was supposed to be position of great power, but at every step, you found yourself restrained, by the evil hand of lobbyists. In each case, you were not allowed to bring about needed reforms, not allowed to take conversations contained in closets and bring them out into the open, it is inevitable, that you would eventually become quite frustrated.

Cheney has seen the damage that we have done to his country’s environment, and he has personally experienced the prejudices, that his daughter encounters daily. He is well aware of the cancer that has formed on our society, which disrupts the flow of enlightened rational thought. He has been able to restrain his rage and his resentment for nearly five years, but Cheney is human, and like everyone else, Cheney has his limits.

What actually occurred in the woods this last weekend was no accident. Cheney more than anyone else, is aware of what our real problem is in this country, and single-handedly, he decided to do something about it: Kill all the lobbyists.

While I can never endorse any use of violence, I do recognize the stranglehold lobbyists have on our political system. For his initiative, and for his extreme courage, because after all, that lobbyist was armed too, I believe Dick Cheney must be viewed honestly for what he really is. A great American patriot.

Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny words: intestinal fortitude.

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy as well as pseudo politics was brought to you by the NRA, who would like to remind Mr. Cheney, that birdshot is not the best ammo for human targets.

Reverend Billy Gisher is the author of “Less People Less Idiots”, and a guest blogger of "Those Bastards", who aspires to full Bastardom. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.

Finding your soulmate

Father Guido Sarducci, (who is filling in for Reverend Gisher, at the request of the Vatican), will deliver today’s sermon.

Allo everybody, I ’ope you all are doing just’a fine. If you have a been a reading deese a posts, you know I have a been appointed Vatican Special Envoy for a sexual education. My a job, itza to make a sure, that you a people are having as much sexual a congress as you can get, and you a producing tons of a Catholic babies for de a Pope. Today I’m a gonna talk a to you, about a one man’s a quest to a find his a soulmate.

This itza a true a story, itza happened a several years ago, way a down south in a Florida. I won’t a say de a man’s name, as he has a been a humiliated, enough already. But this a event, itza happened at a hotel, in a Central Florida, some a where near de a little town of a Lakeland a Florida.

One a day, de a fire department and de a police department, were a called to a hotel, and they a found a man, trapped in a swimming a pool. He was alive and he was a conscious, but they had to a cut him out of de a pool, as he had a become a trapped, and he a could not a remove himself from de a pool.

Itza seems he had his a tiny (and I mean a tiny) Johnson, caught in a one of dose a pool vents, you a know, dose a things where de a water is a sent through a jets back into de a pool? He apparently had a few drinks, and he a went for a swim in de a pool, whereupon he a found his a one true a love.

This one a true love, somehow he a managed to get a stuck in his a one true love, and he could a not pull his a Johnson, back out of his a one true a love. So you a get exactly de a picture, that de a EMTs a got when a they arrived.

Now a most of a you realize, that you can’t a get a pool a pregnant, and a this does a not help de a Pope out at all. De a Pope, he a needs a bunch of a Catholic a babies to a stay in a business. But a sometimes, when you a find you a one true a love, she a will turn a out to be a infertile, and a that’sa OK.

If a she cannot a get a bun in de a oven, you must a still love a her, and you must a keep a trying to a get her a pregnant. Who a knows, maybe you a get one of those a miracle a babies, you a know? This a would a make de a Pope a real happy a man.

This a story, itza just a goes to a show, that there is a someone for a everyone out a there. And if you a keep a looking, eventually you a will find you a soulmate. She a might not a look like what you a expecting her to a look like, but that, itza okay too.

This a story, also a brings up de a topic of a lubrication, which as you can a see, itza a very important. I will a be talking a more about a lubrication, a next a time.



Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny words : love is blind.

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy as well as pseudo politics, was brought to you by the Catholic Church, who asks you to just keep a thumpin’ and a bumpin’.

Reverend Billy Gisher is the author of “Less People Less Idiots”, and a guest blogger of "Those Bastards", who aspires to full Bastardom. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.

Intimate confessionals part V

Father Guido, had been sitting in the booth for at least five minutes, and not a word was coming from the other side of the screen. He could hear a thing or two, rustling and breathing, and he could tell from the smell, that someone was there, and he knew exactly who the someone was.

“Joey, I a know itza you, you is de only a one, that a still wears a old spice, and a comes to confessional. Joey, what is a wrong? You a not saying anything? What’s a de matter?” Guido inquired.

“I went to this blog, and this jerk was saying things I didn’t like about the conservative right. He really pissed me off.” Joey responded.

“What did he a do?” Guido asked.

“ I kept telling him what I thought, and he wouldn’t respond to me, he just kept asking the same question, over and over.” Joey replied.

“Did a you answer his a question?” Guido asked.

“ I kept trying to tell him what I thought was right.” Joey responded.

“ But did a you answer his a question?” Guido asked.

“ Every time I told him what I thought about what he said, he just kept asking the same questions.” Joey responded.

“Did a you ever answer those a questions?” Guido forcefully inquired.

“ I told him several times, just what I thought.” Joey replied.

“ Did a you ever answer de exact a questions he asked?” Guido asked with a hint of exasperation.

“ I had to go watch championship wrestling, and all he did was keep asking the same questions.” Joey replied.

“So you a finally stop a going to this a blog?” Guido sort of half stated, half inquired.

“ Yes, but he just kept asking the same questions.” Joey responded.

“Did you a go to visit a Billy Bob a Gisher at Those a Bastards again?” Guido inquired.

“ Yes, and he wouldn’t stop asking those questions.” Joey replied

“ Didn’t I a tell you not to a go over to visit de a Reverend anymore?” Guido sternly asked.

“ Yes, but he wouldn’t stop asking the same questions.” Joey replied.

“ Joey, I a want you to a say 300 Hail Mary’s before a next Sunday.” Guido instructed.

“ Okay, but he wouldn’t stop asking the same questions.” Joey responded.

Click!

It made only the slightest sound, as Father Guido, closed the door to the confessional, and headed home for the evening. He figured sooner or later, Joey would let himself out. As Guido reached the side door, he turned around and yelled back, “Goodnight a Joey!”

“Goodnight Father Guido….but he just kept asking the same questions!” Joey wailed.

Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny word: loop.

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy as well as pseudo politics was brought to you by an altar boy with a digital recorder, and a swank new condo in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Reverend Billy Gisher is the author of “Less People Less Idiots”, and a guest blogger of "Those Bastards", who aspires to full Bastardom. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.

Prisoner in your own house

(Gisher trots up to the podium and taps the mike)

Gisher: GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY, nice to see you all back again.
(Crowd says good morning!)
Gisher: Today I’m going to talk about cartoons.
(Crowd moans)
Gisher: You thought I was through with the Muslim cartoons?
(Crowd says yes)
Gisher: Negative. But I am not going to talk specifically about them.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Wow, ain’t that something? No, I am going to start with the Muslims themselves. Most of these Muslims live in their world; they live in their country. They only know what their rules are, they only know what their life is like, and they only know the reality that surrounds them. They do not understand what it is like to be a Christian or an American. That’s because they’ve never walked in our shoes.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Does this mean that we Americans, do not have the right to have our own thoughts, our own ideals, our own laws, and our own religious beliefs?
(Crowd says NO!)
Gisher: Who are they to tell us what we should think, how we should live, and how we should worship?
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: In America, we are granted the right to make these decisions for ourselves, and our Constitution and our Bill of Rights, assure us these rights.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Many Americans would like to see the rest of the world, have the same rights we do, and to possess the same ideals.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Most Americans would like to see that everyone else in the world respected America’s right to exist, and American’s rights, to live the way we choose.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: In America we believe strongly in our freedoms, and we have fought many battles to protect them. Many people have given up their lives to defend this American ideal.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Now let me ask each one of you a question, just exactly who is America’s God? Who is America’s official God, who is America’s designated God? Do we have a specific God appointed in the Constitution? Is there a specific god mentioned in the Bill of Rights? If you can find that anywhere in our Constitution, or in our Bill of Rights, do me a favor and LET ME KNOW WHERE IT IS, because I’ve never seen it. I have read both documents, multiple times, and I’ve never seen a designated God mentioned. The only thing I’ve seen mentioned about God, is an article 1, where it clearly states that Congress shall make no laws, regulating or regarding, religion.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Why is it this way? This country was formed, on the backs of people who had been persecuted for their religious beliefs. The founders did not want this to happen again in this country. So they set up protections, allowing each and every one of us, to practice the religion of our choice, to worship the God of our choice, without fear of retribution. In essence, freedom of religious thought. And that’s a good thing.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: I could not hear you, do we have religious freedom in this country? ARE WE SUPPOSED TO?
(Crowd says AMEN!)
Gisher: Dozens of religions are practiced in this country. Some have different Gods, some have multiple Gods, and some do not have any Gods at all. Do you people know what the definition of religion is?
(Crowds say no)
Gisher: If you’re talking about the English language, then just pick up any English-language dictionary. One of the definitions, in fact, the primary definition, is a belief in a God or Gods. No dictionary specifies which God. Another definition and another way to look at it, is religion is your way of life, how you choose to live. Not how anybody else chooses to live, but how you decide YOU WILL LIVE!
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Let’s talk about the God of Abraham. Does the God of Abraham demand, that nonbelievers worship him? If you find that, somewhere in the text of the King James Version of the Bible, YOU LET ME KNOW! Does Jesus demand that you follow him? Only if you are a believer and the same is true for God. What do God and Jesus ask believers to do, when they encounter nonbelievers? WITNESS PEOPLE; tell the nonbelievers, what will happen to them if they do not accept God or Jesus. Tell the nonbelievers, how they can improve their lives, by adding God or Jesus to their life. Neither God, nor Jesus, EVER ASKED YOU, TO FORCE ANYONE TO BELIEVE IN THEM, to force anyone to follow them, to force anyone to follow their rules. YOU ARE THE ONE who is supposed to follow the rules. You who have accepted Christ, you who have accepted the Lord, YOU ARE THE ONES who are supposed to follow their rules. Not the nonbelievers. If you can find a place in the Bible, where God or Jesus, order their followers, to force nonbelievers, to live a Christian way of life, let me know where it is. CAN I HEAR AMEN?
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: God and Jesus, are whole lots smarter than all of us humans. Do you really want your wife or your husband, to stay with you because you force them to stay with you? That is not love, that’s called prisoner and warden. If you’re a sane person, you want your wife or your husband to be with you, because they love you, and because they want to be with you. If someone’s with you because you force them to be, is their heart really in it? Are they really with you? No they’re not; THEY ARE A PRISONER IN THEIR OWN HOUSE! Do you think God and Jesus, want phony followers, want people who don’t love them, who don’t really believe in them, idly following them? If you read the words actually read the words in the Bible, you will see no place, where forced subservience is asked for. God and Jesus are extremely intelligent. And unlike a lot of humans, GOD DOES NOT WANT TO FOOL HIMSELF! God wants the truth.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Just a few moments ago, you people told me you did not want the Muslims to tell you who to worship or how to live, AM MY RIGHT?
(Crowd says yes)
Gisher: When the God of Abraham, has never ordered Christians to force people to convert to him, why are so many Christians telling the Muslims how they should live? If the Muslims wish to go to hell, God left that to them, for them to make the decision themselves.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: According to your own Bible, God asked you to witness to these Moslems, not to try and force them, to believe, or to live a certain way.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: And what are many of you Christians doing in America? Are you not trying to change the laws of man, so that the laws in the United States match the laws in the Bible? Are you not trying to make abortions illegal? Are you not trying to ban gay marriage? You are the ones, who are not supposed to have abortions; you are the ones, who are not supposed to engage in homosexual acts. Those are YOUR LAWS, the laws of YOUR GOD. These are the laws of YOUR RELIGION!
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: You are trying to force nonbelievers, to live and think as you do. It may be with the best of intentions, but it is not what God asked for, it is not what God wants. God wants these people to willingly follow him, not to be forced into it, by the laws of man. Again, if you can find a place in the Bible where this is asked for, you go right ahead and let me know. It ain’t there people. God is too smart for that.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Even when you change the laws of man, there is ample evidence all around us, that people still break the law. If it is not in their heart, to do the right thing, they will not do the right thing. This is a war fought in every human’s heart, and there are no laws you can pass, and there is no way for you to control that. The best you can do, is tell them of your way, tell them what the Lord asks, tell them what will happen to them, and then pray for them to convert. Passing a law, and forcing them to behave a certain way, doesn’t stop them from behaving a certain way, or we wouldn’t have anyone taking illegal drugs right now. OUR MURDER RATE WOULD BE ZERO!
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: So who told you to fight gay marriage, and try and stop abortions by changing the law? IT WASN’T GOD!
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: All God asked you to do was observe his laws and witness to those who didn’t.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: SHOW ME where God asked you to change the laws of man.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: God wants you to follow his laws, but he didn’t make it mandatory, he gave you the choice of how to live your life.
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: Who told you to take the choice away from everyone else? LET ME HEAR WHO TOLD YOU!
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: You good Christians think about that for a while, while you’re doing it, please remember that you told me you do not want the Muslims telling you how to live, AM I RIGHT?
(Crowd says amen)
Gisher: You want that choice to be yours, and it should be. Let’s forget about the Constitution and the Bill of Rights for just a moment. You want that choice for yourself, God clearly stated he wanted you to make that choice yourself. Why are you going against God’s will, and trying to force others to believe, and to live as you do? Ask yourself why you’re doing this, ask yourself who told you to do this? Are you trying to witness, or are you trying to control? DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WISER THAN GOD?

Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny word: dogma.

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy, as well as pseudo politics, was brought to you by the Unholy Church of Reverend Gisher, and the Evangelical House of Those Bastards. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.

Hot sex, scandelous adultry, and global war

This post today, is in response to a challenge laid down by Omnipotent Poobah, almost two weeks ago to the day. He essentially asked people to put down personal histories on paper. I am complying, but with modifications. I desperately try to protect my real identity, because I do not want this site to be about who I am. I want this site to be about my words. Humans have all sorts of flaws, not that words don’t, but humans are riddled with them, and I am no exception. To comply with his request, I have written a very personal look into my life, and that of my family. It is a very true story; names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Timelines have been shifted a tad, to get this to flow in an essay form. But all the details, and most of the quotes, are entirely accurate. So accurate, that I cried many times, while I was writing this.

Victims of war

I was fortunate to reach my grandfather’s bedside before he passed away. We all knew that he was dying. On this day’s visit, I came with a surprise for him. Three days before the visit, my Uncle Carmine and I, had frantically rummaged through Grandpa’s attic, until we found a very old and rusty lock box. Without any hesitation we immediately broke into it. You might ask why we were doing this, but that I cannot tell you. Let’s just say we knew we would find something important.

Inside we found virtually every medal a soldier could ever earn, you name it, and it was there. There were stacks of letters of accommodation, even one from President Truman. Carmine’s father, and my grandfather, was a bona fide war hero, and none of us had even had a clue before now.

Then we found letters that were clearly written in Japanese. Since neither Carmine nor I spoke any Japanese, we had no idea what they were all about. But then there was a whole other stack of letters, that were written in English, and it was quite obvious they did not come from my grandmother. Words like “ my dearest darling,” were never exchanged between my grandmother and my grandfather. My grandmother was Catholic, and her family had imposed a shotgun wedding. One night of bliss had turned into a lasting relationship of animosity. It did not help, that my grandfather could not stand Catholics, like his grandson, he had a major attraction, to young Catholic women, however unfortunately, unlike his grandson, he had managed to get one pregnant.

Carmine looked at me, and immediately reminded me, that I was Grandpa’s favorite, and if anyone would dare to confront him, it would have to be me. I swallowed very hard, because I knew he was right.

Everyone had left my grandfather’s hospital room, and it was just me and a box, and Pa Pa. God he looked horrible, his arteries were so clogged now that very little blood was reaching the extremities of his body. With all of the tubes coming out of him, he resembled a fish aquarium more than he did a human.

Just as I sat down, he opened his eyes and looked at me and said in almost a whisper,” Hey there little man”.

“ You know what’s happening to you Pa Pa right?” I asked as tears streamed down my face.

He nodded and said, “ I wish it would hurry up.”

“Pa Pa, I broke into your lock box, the one you had in the attic.” I choked out.

“ I knew you would.” He replied.

“Pa Pa, why didn’t you tell us about these medals?” I asked.

“ Because I earned them killing two men.” He replied.

“ I read the letters of accommodation, I know all about what happened to you at Iwo Jima. You took out two Japanese soldiers that were holed up in a cave, single-handedly, who had killed dozens of our men. The only reason you were there in the first place is the Catholic chaplain had been killed, and they called upon you, a Protestant, to come up and perform the last rites for the Catholic boys. You took a bullet in the shoulder, you took a bullet in the leg, and you took one in your eye that stuck in your brain. If you had not found some way, to crawl up that hill, bleeding all over yourself, and take out that machine gun nest, everyone would have died, including you.” I choked out again.

“There are no heroes in war, only survivors and victims. I was mad at those Japanese soldiers, and I wanted to kill them, and for Christ sakes, I was a chaplain, not a killer.” He himself choked out.

“ Why didn’t you tell us about it?” I asked.

“ Because war is hell, and I didn’t want to put people I love through it.” He replied.

“ And you hate Catholics too.” I choked.

“ I love you more than any man I know, and you’re one of those damn Catholics aren’t you?” he said as he laughed.

“Pa Pa, I found letters that you wrote to that general’s wife.” I gently stated.

“ I knew you would, are you ashamed of me?” He inquired.

“Pa Pa, you are a human being just like the rest of us, and you’re still my grandfather. I brought this up only because I wanted to know if you had anything you wanted me to say to her.” I replied.

“ So she’s still alive?” he replied as his spirits picked up a little bit.

“ Yes, I spoke with her this morning. She wasn’t very happy to hear about your situation. She told me she has never stopped loving you.” I replied.

For the first, and the last time ever, I watched this man, my hero since the days I grew out of diapers cry, and then after a moment to compose himself, he smiled as he said to me,“ It’s amazing you were able to find her.”

“ You know my Dad, he’s got connections, he’s the one that got you the private room.” I replied.

“ Please thank your father, he didn’t say a word about it, and that’s just like him. Do me a favor, tell her that I thank her for our time together, they were the happiest moments of my life, and tell her that I wish I’d met her sooner. And you my little man, if you ever find yourself in the same position, chase that woman down, no matter what anybody says, and spend your life with her.” He choked out, and coughed.

“Pa Pa, it is as good as done. What were those letters in Japanese all about?” I inquired.

“ They are from the wives of the two men that I killed that day.” He replied.

“ What do they say?” I asked

“ Basically they forgave me, they seemed to understand that it was wartime, and they expressed sympathies for my injuries. Two very impressive ladies they were.“ He replied.

“ Is there anything else I can do for you?” I asked, now sobbing heavily.

“ I would ask you to preach, but I know that’s not your way. Just do your best to make sure that nothing like that damned war ever happens again.” He replied.


It’s been over 30 years now, but to this day, I still have his medals and letters. I also have the flag that was draped over his coffin. I cannot say that I will ever preach like he did, and I don’t think anyone ever will. He was a human being, a human being with flaws, and he understood how other human beings felt, and he loved God, and tried to share it with everyone he knew. But at least I kept my word to him. I miss you Pa Pa, more than any of my best words could ever say. And I found that lady you talked about, and I chased her down. Thank you for the best advice that I have ever received. And I still do not give a damn what anybody says about it. For either of us Pa Pa.

Muslim cartoons: Part Trois

Hopefully today’s post will conclude my look at the entire Muslim cartoon mess. Let me put this right up front, so many of you can ignore it, and seek out the phrase below in this post, that really bends your twig. I’ll quote myself for you:

“ It is completely okay with me if anyone, whether they be Christian or Muslim, or any other “ism” decides to peacefully protest anything, to peacefully boycott anything, anything that may offend them at all, anything that gets their panties or their burka in a wad. It is all good with me.”

Okay now you can ignore that. And here’s a lovely word for you: duality. Unfortunately, far too many people spend their lives swimming in a cesspool of duality. If you asked someone if they were for abortion or against it, and they told you they were for abortion, and then they told you they were against it, I’m hoping you would be puzzled by this response. Because their response is a duality, you could also call it an outright lie, actually there are worse things you could call it, but for now, we’ll just stick with duality.

You can take both sides of an argument and you can do it at different times, and whenever it’s convenient for you. You can do this all you want, but you will always be a fraud. That is if you take yourself seriously, If you’re just playing with people’s heads when you’re doing this, you’re either a political consultant, an elected official, or one major clown, but now that I think about it, is there really a difference? Either way you go, you still wind up being a fraud. I’ll bet that right now, you’re starting to wonder what the hell this has to do with Muslim cartoons?

Regarding the Muslim cartoons, we have on the right, people that will organize a boycott or protest, when they see a cartoon exhibiting possible gay tendencies, and keep it up until the offending cartoon is yanked, or until they find something more offensive. Oh I almost forgot, these hard right folks tried to tell me when I confronted them about this, that all Muslims are violent. Where do you guys get your research, Bill O’Reilly? He is too busy grabbing his secretary’s ass to care either way.

What did the right do with the Muslim cartoons? Most of them told the Muslims, they should chill out and respect free speech. In other words, it’s OK for the conservative right to protest anything they consider to be offensive, but you Muslims, you guys need to cool it.

What did the left do with the Muslim cartoons? Many liberal newspapers refused to run them because they did not want to offend anyone. The left however is lightning-quick, to attack the right for boycotting cartoons, or Gay days at Disney World, but the left did not want to offend Moslems in another country, or those in the US. This might be smart in some ways, but let’s be honest about this, it isn’t exactly fair. It appears as though for the left, something is politically correct only so long as it does not disturb the left. If it disturbs the right, then the left pipes up and says freedom of speech ought to apply. But where in the hell is the left on this one? Burying stories, refusing to run them, because it might offend somebody? The left is in a duel with the right to see who could be more hypocritical. And they are both playing duality football with freedom of speech.

Either you are for free speech 100%, all the time, or you are against free speech 100%, all of the time. It is so hypocritical to segregate free speech. Once you’ve done that, it is no longer free speech. Am I the only one not sniffing too much airplane glue here? If you pick and choose, then you show a bias, you show favoritism, and you demonstrate a lack of tolerance. You are lying to yourself, and attempting to do so with the rest of us. It’s not going to pass muster with me.

If someone from the far right were standing in the middle road and a semi-truck was about to run over them, I would immediately attempt to tell them a truck was about to hit them. They would almost certainly jump down my throat, call me a traitor, and tell me that I hated roads and trucks. I would have to stand there and watch as the truck flattened them like a pancake.

If the truck was about to run over someone from the left, and I made the mistake of warning them, they would probably tell me that it was not a truck, but it was an 18 wheeled transport vehicle, and that I need to shut up about it, so as to not offend the union driver. I would have to stand there and watch as they were splattered all over the road.

Well folks, there is a truck coming. It may or may not be the result of the Muslim cartoons. It might occur as a result of overpopulation or pollution, but since both sides can only see things from their perspective, which is riddled with dualities, I have only one question for all of them. What do you want on your tombstone?

Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny words: Rosemary’s baby.

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy as well as pseudo politics was brought to you by Courtiers, the clothing store for the king that isn’t wearing any.

Reverend Billy Gisher is the author of “Less People Less Idiots”, and a guest blogger of "Those Bastards", who aspires to full Bastardom. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.