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Friday March 10, 2006
Jokes
What’s she got that I don’t?
A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of Jessie. Holding her hand to her chest, the old lady says to Jessie, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.”
Of course Jessie gives up her seat. The bus is stuffy and hot, and Jessie begins to fan herself with a lovely paper fan from Chinatown.
“If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan,” the old lady tells her.
Jessie gives her the fan. Fifteen minutes later the old lady stands up and says, “Driver, stop the bus, I want to get off here.”
The driver tells he can’t stop in the middle of the block and that she’ll have to wait until he gets to the corner.
With her hand across her chest, she tells him, “If you knew what I have, you’d let me off right here.”
The bus driver pulls over and lets her out. As she trounces down the stairs, Jessie calls after her: “Excuse me, but what is it that you have?”
The old woman flips her wrist and nonchalantly replies, “Chutzpah, dahlink.”
The rabbi’s advice
A man goes to see his rabbi.
“Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The rabbi asks, “What’s wrong?”
The man replies, “My wife is poisoning me, I’m certain of it. What should I do?”
The rabbi says, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
The next day the rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife on the phone yesterday for over three hours. You want my advice?”
The man anxiously answers, “Yes.”
“Take the poison,” says the rabbi.
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