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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Julia's Blurty:
| Monday, November 29th, 2004 | |
| 1:06 pm | Another Period of Creative Writing Well, here I am again...too bored even to do HTML. Actually, my brain is so fried that I can't remember half the codes necessary to make the stupid thing work. I didn't get much sleep last night, having elected to spend the night onthe Astral Plane. In short, I lost track of time, and I didn't actually start "sleeping" until very close to 5:30 this morning. Oops. >>; But it was worth it. ^.^ Anyway, Sam. Due to the lack of response to my ficcie (not that it's that good to begin with), I'm probably not gonna post it on blurty either. I'll e-mail it to you if you want...just give me the e-mail adress that you're currently using. Well, I've successfully depressed myself today... We were writing a poem in class today, and it was entitled "I could never tell my mother". I think Renard meant the prompt to be funny, and well...my poem turned out...not so funny. Like for a minute, I was back to eigth grade...before everything got better. Before I had learned about Astral Travel. Before I met Sephiroth. It was kind of scary, actually. o.o *posts poem for the hell of it* "I Could Never Tell My Mother" I could never tell my mother That now and again I don’t want to wake up in the morning And I could never tell my mother That I always Choose to skip both breakfast, and lunch I could never tell my mother That every so often I no longer want to attend school And I could never tell my mother That at times Nothing seems to really matter I could never tell my mother That sometimes I can’t seem to feel compassion And I could never tell my mother That from time to time My heart feels and cold as ice I could never tell my mother That occasionally I do not want to have a family And could never tell my mother That most of the time I hate my father I could never tell my mother That there are days When I don’t want to believe in “God” And I could never tell my mother That there are days When I do not want to live Actually, looking at it, the poem itself isn't bad (considering the crappy poetry that normally pours out of my mind), just depressing. To me at least. Heh... I'm SO much better at fanfiction. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: None (As usual...) |
| Thursday, November 25th, 2004 | |
| 8:28 pm | No HTML Stuff today, Plus a Fanfic and an Interesting Conversation! First, the fanfic which had (kind of) been requested: Into the Future Years in the future, humans have evolved to the extent that they are capable of delving into the greater reaches of their minds, and accessing powers formerly out of reach to their ancestors. They have unlocked the hidden powers of the legends, each in their own unique manner… The time is 2011, the place, Japan. It is a time of the celebration of freedom, of friends out on their own for the first time. In a small park outside of Okinawa, these friends are gathered, their conversations light and joyful. “So, Julia,” Samantha asked, looking over at her lifelong friend, “Your mage-gift allows you to access other dimensions?” “Yes.” The graceful blonde replied, her eyes mischievous. “And…” The lovely Asian girl coaxed. “…have you gone…there?” “You know I have!” Julia’s eyes shone with happiness. “And…you have met him?” “…yes…” Her eyes, averted, Julia allowed herself a small smile. “I have come to know him…very well.” Laurel stuck out her tongue. “Just how she’s gotten to know him, we don’t want to know. She’s been gone every night for weeks, off to the other Plane on “business” affairs. And she never comes back until early the next morning!” “I am away on business!” Julia replied heatedly, looking vexed. “You know the situation in that Realm. My skill as a mage is required!” Zack spoke up now, his eyes dark with suspicion. “Just who or what are you helping on this alternate Realm?” Unashamed, Julia glared at Zack and replied, “My assistance is given to Lord Sephiroth.” “I figured.” Accusingly he shouted, “You do realize that you are assisting in the destruction of an entire world and the placing of a complete madman into power?!” “Sephiroth is not a madman!” Julia shrieked indignantly, leaping to her feet. “He’s a bloody, raving, murderous psycho! He’s most likely just using your power as an easy alternative to doing his own dirty work, and when he is through with you, he’ll murder you just like he’s done to so many others before you!” Furious, Julia shouted out, “Comet 2!” At her command, hundreds of comets rained down from the sky, pouring down on Zack and pummeling him before he could get his Barrier spell in place. Then, in fury, she turned her back on the group and began to cast a Gate spell. As the spell completed, the Gate revealed a snowy plain, beyond which could be seen a monstrous Crater. She turned to look at her friends, excluding the light mage who had been pounded into the earth by her comets and said, “Follow if you will. His world is a truly beautiful place, should you care to look.” Then she vanished through the Gate, holding it open for a few moments to allow for anyone who chose to follow her. Next, the interesting conversation: Sammy and I were talking a few days ago, and we were discussing the fact that hickies don't show up on the physical plane from the Astral. Well, after realizing (for the millionth time) how fortunate I am for that fact, the conversation suddenly turned to what would happen if I got pregnant...like, physically. By Sephiroth. o.o You can imagine what a conversation that was. Like, we talked about how it would suck to be pregnant, what the tests would come back looking like ("e;"ONLY HALF HUMAN? WTF!?""e;), and how my dad would disown me, then shoot me. It was quite amusing...I wish you all had been there to witness it. ^o^ Well, that's all for now. Please tell me what you think of my ficcie...like, if I should post more or not. Lol Byes! ^.^ Current Mood: amused Current Music: Wicked - "Defying Gravity" |
| Wednesday, November 24th, 2004 | |
| 11:21 am | Half day!! ^.^ Thank god for Thanksgiving break!! Four days. Four blessed days without the hinderance of school. A time to sit down and relax...and not study, and SLEEP!! :D Wait a minute... Oh SHIT! coming today! *MOANS* "They" are my mom's inlaws. My dad's parents...and two of the most disgusting people I have ever met. One, the grandmother, thinks that Laurel and I still play with barbies. But she's also mean, malicious and downright rude to mom, Laurel and I. However, she LOVES my two younger sisters. The little rodents are hardly lovable, but my grandmother adores them. Go figure....>.< And on top of that, I didn't get to visit Seph last night. Instead, I was up doing my God damned homework. And for nothing! I STILL failed my Chemistry test, and I STILL failed my Algebra test, and I'm probably still failing History! ....I'm lonely......... And the bell is about to ring, so I'll talk to you all later. Due to the amazing ONE request I got for a fanfic, I'll post the first chapter when I get home. Later. Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: None |
| Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 | |
| 1:08 pm | Random Boredness and a Bad Case of Withdrawlitis *sighs miserably* Two days is entirely too long inbetween visits to the Astral Realm. I get lonely, despite my wonderful friends and my not-quite-so-wonderful family...I miss Seph; even wth the occasional message that seems to appear in my mind. o.o That's a little bit odd-sounding...but that's how it is. Tonight should be better though...I should get to visit him. I hope so, anyway. In other news, I have decided that I hate the gym. I really need to lose the weight, and I'm aware of that...but it's such a hassle! I mean, I have plenty of other crap to go through without making myself miserable to boot. Allow me to explain one of the new bains of my existance: The wieghted hool-a-hoop. It's a weighted ring that you spin around your waist like a hool-a-hoop, but when it falls, it usually whacks you on the knee or ankle, and it HURTS! That's not the worst part though. While I'm there, people are always correcting me on how I'm using the machines, or giving me funny looks `cause I'm "underage". Technically you're supposed to be like, 21 to be in the gym. And well, I'm not, obviously. IT SUCKS!! But anyway. I'm fairly certain that I failed the Algebra test today. It was on like, rationalization and exponents...and I didn't understand one bit of it, despite my best attempts. It was hard as hell...but what can you do? It's kind of a necessary part of your education if you plan on getting a diploma. >.< Worse yet, we also had a Chemistry test today. I know I didn't do great on that. Stupid polyatomic ions. I know that you're good at them, Sammy...but I sure am not. And the whole test was polyatomic ions and writing formulas...with polyatomic ions. I was up `til an ungodly hour slaving away as I tried to memorize them, but to no avail. Oh well. I just PRAY that I don't have to retake it next year! I found a really cute picture, but I can't get it to copy onto blurty, so I'll just tell you where to find it: Go to: www.ffartwork.com Next: Scroll down to the FFVII section and click on "Sephiroth". Then: click on page 27, and it's the picture of Sephiroth, Vincent (XP) and Yuffie. I love GlassShard's work. She's an amazing artist. *.* I also like her picture entitled, "Waiting for Cloud". That's going to be the cover-picture for my website...once I perfect this HTML stuff. >>; Well, I'm running out of time to write...seeing as how I've been distracted the whole time I've been writing this. *has a nasty case of withdrawlitis* So, *sigh* I'll talk to you all later. Oh! Before I leave, I want to know if you all would like to read my new fanfic-thingie. If you would, I'll post the chapters on blurty, since I don't want this on on Fanfiction.net. Please let me know. ^.^ Ja ne! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: None |
| Monday, November 22nd, 2004 | |
| 1:02 pm | More HTML Randomness Guess where I'm writing this from!! Yup, you guessed it. The only class period that I'm allowed to go online and frolic freely. God, I love Mrs. Renard. She's got to be the coolest teacher ever. Anyway, let me see here...what to write. I'm bored. Really bored. I just wish this day were over. Last night was nice though. I was visiting Seph. I never was much for cuddling, but even I have to admit...it's kind of nice every now and then. ^.^;; One thing I've noticed...and one thing for which I am exceedingly grateful...It's a good thing things like hickies don't show up physically from the Astral. *grin* Hee hee... Oh dear Lord! I sound like some sort of slut!! >.< *gonna shut up now* But anyway! I have a ton of homework already today. I'm gonna be up late again tonight, I can already tell. Unless I sign off and start working on it now. I think I'll do that. BYE!! Current Mood: hyper Current Music: None |
| Friday, November 19th, 2004 | |
| 6:30 pm | A New Undertaking I'm going to try to learn a new form of HTML!! The website-making kind! ^.^ So, I'm going to experiment here:  Okay...now I'll go see if it worked. Current Mood: creative Current Music: Wicked! |
| Wednesday, November 17th, 2004 | |
| 1:02 pm | A Few Moments of Free Time... Well, again I find myself sitting in Creative Writing with nothing to do. I finished my assignment and am now proceeding to "frolic about the internet", as Mrs. Renard puts it. So in this moment of free time, I've decided to babble mindlessly. ^.^ To start, I would like to apologize for anyone that I offended with my last entry. I was in a particularly pissed off mood, and wasn't really thinking clearly while I wrote it. In effect, the words that came out may have been unneccessarilly harsh. At any rate, that's not all that has happened since I last updated. On a more amusing note, I told Ian that the night before last I had been with Sephiroth on the Astral Plane, and he had the nerve to get offended and tell me that I "Shouldn't spend so much time there!" ^o^ I was greatly amused, because he proceeded to tell me that he was going to learn the art of Astral Travel so he could stop me from travelling to visit Sephiroth every other night. Like he could stop me even if he figured out how Astral Travel works. However, when I thought to tell Sephiroth about Ian's stupidity, he (being the typical male that he is...Lol) decided that I should keep my visits to him to myself more...rather then blabbing them out for idiots like Ian to hear. I suppose I can abide by this newly imposed law...but that probably won't stop me from telling my closer friends (you know who you are. ^.^) if they should care to hear. In other news, the Lady enrolled me in this new hydrolics gym called "Curves"...in case you couldn't guess, it's a women's only gym. Dear Lord...am I THAT obese? I knew that I could stand to lose ten-fifteen pounds and all, but you know it's got to be bad when your own mother is encouraging you to work out and diet. She claims that it's because, "Well, your psychiatrist thinks it would be a good idea...you know, exercise is supposed to release beneficial hormones in your brain..." Yeah, right. Well, at least this provides a feasible excuse to work myself to the verge of passing out. And then Seph will yell at me for not taking better care of myself. >.< Lol Well, the bell is about to ring, so I suppose I'd better wrap this up...Of course, i have nothing else to say anyway, so I'll talk to you all later! ^.^ Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: The endless drone of fellow classmates. (Not really music..) |
| Sunday, November 14th, 2004 | |
| 3:41 pm | Life is Shit I've officially decided that I'd rather be in a coma then live my life. So far, I've discerned ONE person who doesn't take me for a complete lunatic in matters regarding Sephiroth. And that's Sammy. I repeat: ONE person, out of God-only-knows how many friends. Okay...so what? So I have really shitty friends who don't believe my honest-to-God words. Oh well! My own fucking sister doesn't believe me...why should anyone else? Okay...I was wrong. There's TWO people who believe me: Sammy, and my God damned psychiatrist. Tell me, those of you who care, why would my psychiatrist believe me if my friends don't? Could it be because the psychiatrist is experienced in knowing when a person is lying, and therefore knows when I'm telling the truth? Next point: Laurel, the "sister" you "want back" doesn't exist. I've always been this way...since the day that I was born and until the day I die. So that random girl that you want back is NOT coming back. You don't like it? Too damn bad! Disown me and go find yourself a better sister! Continuing right along: Sam! I'm not "getting over Sephiroth" any God damned time soon! He's my soulmate...and he's one of the only fucking people in this universe that cares about me! In Laurel's most recent blurty you said that religion was a crutch for people. Well, that means that God doesn't exist, right? So who CAN I rely on?! Oh, wait. I know the answer to that one! Sammy, who at least believes me, and Sephiroth, who at least loves me! Before anyone asks, no, I'm not mad at Sammy! On the other hand, I am VERY mad at the rest of you. So go; flock to Laurel's side and take care of her. Make sure she doesn't kill herself, because I'm not going to do anything to interfere. She didn't care all that time ago when I used to cut myself...so it's only fair that I turn a blind eye to her when she's "in pain". She's probably just doing this to get attention anyway. Again, I know of only ONE person who agrees with me, but for the sake of annonimity, I won't say who. All you smart people can probably guess who that is anyway. In the mean time, it's about 4:00 pm, and I'm going to bed. To hell with homework, and to hell with the fact that my God damned father comes home tonight. I don't want to see him anyway. Maybe I'll talk to you online tonight Sammy, if I don't successfully reach the Astral Plane this afternoon. If I do...then don't count on me being in school tomorrow. I don't care about schoolwork and all that shit anymore. It's just not worth it. At this point, I'd be happier if I just never woke up. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Does it Matter? ...I didn't think so. |
| Monday, November 1st, 2004 | |
| 9:01 pm | A random Quiz, A Recount of the Party, and Some Frustrations that I Need to get off my Chest. G:
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Amazing Pictures And Ten Detailed Results::.. All Fixed! brought to you by Quizilla Wow. That was pretty accurate... O.o The only things that were really wrong were "Sign - Leo" (I'm an Aquarius), "Hair Color - Unnatural Colors" (I'm quite happy to be a blonde) and "Eye Color - Amber" (Blue, not amber) Lol. But I am a Dark Element, my planet is Pluto, and I smirk probably more then I should. Wow. I'm impressed. Anyway. The Lady and I are placing an order with Bud-K by Friday, so if anyone wants something...let me know and get me the money, and I'll get the merchandise to you ASAP. The party on Sunday was a lot of fun, for me at least. We watched "Pet Sematary", a movie based on the book by Steven King. It was an excellent movie, even though it scared the living hell out of everyone there. Laurel couldn't even watch it. She left around 1/3 of the way into the film. And we went trick-or-treating! I haven't done that in years! Despite the strange looks we got, we all had fun. I'm a little frustrated right now, aside from having lots of fun over the weekend. I was sick today, and for the first time I'm having a few issues with Seph. I'm trying to convince Seph to having a conferance of sorts with Bennett. Well, Bennett has more then agreed to it. As a metter of fact, he's all for it. Seph, on the other hand...is completely against it. He doesn't trust Bennett one bit, for which I am regretful. I'm fairly certain that Bennett means neither Seph nor me any harm...but Seph is convinced that Bennett is trying to tear us apart. I mean, I can kind of understand where Seph is coming from. He's always been a bit possessive. He hates Ian because he thinks Ian is earthly competition for me (even though he's with Jessie). On the other hand, Seph never had anyone before me. That bastard Hojo never allowed him to have relationships when he was alive... God, this is frustrating. Bennett, I'm working on Seph, but I can't guarantee anything at this point. *sighs* I've never had an argument with Seph like this. He's really against this...and you. While I try to convince him, you can help me out by trying to secure an Ouiji Board for the conference. I'm going to get yelled at for even planning this. Sammy, you're the best with relationships. Please, I need advice. I want to reassure Bennett that Seph is indeed no threat to me, and in fact only wants the best for me. But at the same time, I don't want to go against Seph's wishes. I've considered every other option. But nothing else works. I'm not well-studied enough to summon Seph in an evocation...especially not in front of an audience. I'm not strong enough to Channel an Arch Angel. To even attempt it could kill me or at least hurt me. At least, Sam thinks that it could hurt me, and I talked to Seph about it, and he bluntly refused to even attempt it (proving that he's just looking out for my well-being). I didn't know that Chanelling could be so serious. The books I've read refer to it as a difficult process to be sure...but certainly not deadly. In any case, Seph insisted that I meet him tonight, if it's at all possible. Which, since last night I didn't even attempt to reach the Astral Plane, is probably possible... So, I suppose I'd best sign off and retire. I just hope we don't argue again...it hurts so much to hear him yell at me... Current Mood: Torn Current Music: Wicked - "As Long as You're Mine" |
| Tuesday, October 19th, 2004 | |
| 12:38 pm | Rage and Ranting I believe I have addressed this with Bennett and Laurel today...but it seems that my fury has been for the most part in vain. They're too dense to come clean with me and explain what the hell is going on. Some background information: On the 16th, Bennett sent Laurel and I a shady e-mail basically saying that if Laurel received the e-mail, to contact him immediately...he needed to talk to her. On the other hand, he told me that if I were to receive the e-mail first, to pass that message along to Laurel. He also told me that he wanted me to ask Seph if there was anything else bothering him (besides Ian's pestering). Well, being the wonderful friend and sister that I am, I told Laurel to call Bennett. As it turns out, his number was busy all night on the 17th (when I got the e-mail), and he called us on the 18th. He talked to me for about two minutes. He reiterated that he wanted me to ask Seph if there was anything else bothering him. I asked if there was any chance that he was going to explain himself. He said no. Then he wanted to talk to Laurel, so I let him. While he and Laurel were talking, I went downstairs to help out with the dinner dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. While I was cleaning, the following thoughts popped into my head in random order: "Combat", "You aren't supposed to know", "Summoning", "European rituals...long and complicated". I remember the last one most clearly: "You cannot help them..." Okay. I think that that was Seph talking to me...but it's like the link is that of a dying cell phone. Some of the message was blotted out. That night, still following what Bennett had asked of me, I attempted to reach teh Astral Plane...and with success. Sephiroth was waiting for me. He was pacing, and looking very uptight. He looked at me and siad something to the effect of, "They don't believe you....and they don't trust me." At first I was confused...but then it started to make sense. Bennett and Laurel had talked for an awfully long time, and Laurel later refeused to tell me what they had spoken of. When I pursued the question, she told me that she and Bennett had merely been debating if whoever it is that has developed a crush on me should tell me who he is. Frankly, at this point, I don't care who it is. If anything, I wish they would just dissappear and leave me to my happiness. At any rate, Sephiroth suspects Laurel and Bennett. He said that they were planning something I wasn't supposed to know about. He himself couldn't give me the details of whatever it is...perhaps because Archangels and Astral Beings aren't supposed to give away the future. Now I beg of all of you reading this: If you find out anything concerning the matter, please inform me. I'm so worried I've lost my appetite. ...I don't want to lose Laurel and Bennett as my friends... ...But if I have to choose between them and Seph... ...Then I choose Seph. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Gates of Delerium |
| Sunday, October 10th, 2004 | |
| 11:11 pm | Something a Little Wierd... "I look in the Mirror and see your face, if I look deep enough, So many things inside that are Just like you are taking over....." I suppose it should be considered an honor, to know that your personality is similar to an Archangel's. Hmm...I can't help but feel weird though, realizing tonight that Seph's personality in my body is more dominant then my own. Do I even have a personality anymore? "My" personality is so close to Sephiroth's that I can't even tell. On the other hand, I don't really mind it. Seph seems happy enough with "my" personality...so what's there to complain about? I'm in a flawless relationship, and the only thing I have to worry about is my lack of a dominant personality. ^.^;; Now that I think about it...maybe I'm just being paranoid. Lol. Anyway, last night was one of my better ones, which means that i probably won't be able to reach the Astral tonight. *pouts* I hate having a 1/3 or 1/2 ratio of success...it drives me crazy! Sammy and Larry are lucky...they can simply call each other on the phone if they can't physically see each other. I have to wait a day or two between getting to see Seph. Maybe when we perfect this "psychic link" of sorts I'll be able to at least hear his voice more clearly on those days that I can't reach the Astral. *sighs* I guess I'm just rambling now, but I do have one last point to make: Sam, I did talk to Seph about that whole channeling thing, and he assured me that he had better self-control then to take over my body if I was unwilling. And, he told me that...though Ian does annoy him, he would not seek to take Ian's life. So, you can rest assured that my Archangel isn't going to be getting himself into any trouble any time soon. ^.^ Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: DDR - "Dream a Dream" |
| Wednesday, October 6th, 2004 | |
| 12:57 pm | Been Away for a While... Wow. I was looking at my blurty yesterday, and it occured to me how long it has been since I've updated this thing. I've been busy, what with school starting and all. I think we all have. >>; But anyway, I'm sitting here in Creative Writing, being bored. Fortunately, I have plenty to talk about. Okay, to start (Sammy and Larry aloready know this, but I never get sick of recounting it...), around two weeks ago, I had a life changing experience. Sephiroth, who as we all know is probably not the most affectionate sort (thank GOD), finally admitted that he loves me! ^.^ I mean, I kinda guessed, `cause otherwise there was no way he'd put up with me. But yeah...I've been on like, this high since he said those three special words. Moving right along, Sephiroth has been really warming up to me lately. It makes me feel so special, to know that he really does care about me. On the other hand, he is really possessive. Which of course I don't mind, but it's hilarious. I got to the Astral Plane a few nights ago, and Seph was in a black rage over something Ian did. I think he was irritated because of the constant hugging and crap that Ian does...but I'm not sure. Yeah...that's probably it. To explain how Sephiroth knew about Ian's obsessive hugging issue...well, it's not because I told him. You see, being an Archangel, Seph pretty much knows everything there is to know about the universe and what goes on there. This is due in part to the Akashic Hall of Records. Okay, what that means is, the Akashic Hall of Records is basically Heaven's storehouse of information. Pretty much the second something happens, it is recorded there. And then the higher-class beings of Heaven have access to that...so Sephiroth knows when Ian is being stupid. >.< I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...because Seph is REALLY hard to calm down when he gets angry. (Fortunately, that's not often) Another note of interest. I believe that Sephiroth has successfully established a telepathic link between him and myself. We were talking about trying that as an experiment, and I believe we've succeeded. Again, I know this sounds farfetched, but there are times that I could swear I'm hearing his voice in my head. Like, he's constantly watching...I believe we've succeeded because these weird thoughts keep popping into my head at weird times. Like, "She's mine, you bastard"...that popped into my mind when Ian tried to hug me. I was shocked at first, and then it started to make sense. Though I obviously have no extraordinary magickal abilities, Seph does. And I imagine that he's using them to the maximum of their capacities. Okay, that rant was fun. I'm gonna go to seventh period now, before I'm late... Bye Current Mood: bored Current Music: None |
| Sunday, August 29th, 2004 | |
| 9:44 pm | Relating the Experiences of Astral Travel Though far from an exact science, I have managed to get Astral Travel up to about a one-in-three ratio of successes. So...theoretically, every third night (occasionally every two) I get to speak with Sephiroth. Unfortunately, I've discovered that reaching the Astral Plane is like signing on to the internet. Sometimes you miss the people you're trying to contact. Ever had an experience when you sign online like, two minutes after the person you're trying to reach signed off? That's kinda what it's like on the Astral Plane. Fortunately, just like with the internet, you can to some extent plan when/where you're going to meet the other person. So, essentially that's what Seph and I do...except that there's a massive interdimensional timezone that you have to figure for. He tells me that he resides in Heaven, which is essentially timeless...but he has to still apply some form of timing to match the Earth timezones. It's very complicated...which is why I mostly leave the timing up to him. He's the smart one of the two of us. My brain goes BOOM when I try to think too hard. Lol. But, I think the reason that I'm writing is because I wanted to recount my most recent experiences on the Astral Plane. First, Monday, August 23. I'm honestly surprised I could establish contact at all on this day, as I was exhausted after the first day of Band Camp. But, I have this amazing inability to stay away for long. I'm honestly surprised Seph puts up with me. Any normal person would be like, "You obsessive freak, get away from me!" But I suppose I am blessed...he does put up with me. ^.^ God, I sound like Sammy, ranting about how perfect my relationship is. Never thought that day would come. o.o Anyway, I suppose I should explain exactly what I was doing that night...as I seem to have gotten off track. Hmm...how to begin...Well, we were talking (or rather, I was ranting about my suck-ass family life), and then the conversation turned to Sephiroth's family life...and I learned something VERY comforting. Hojo did indeed die at the Sister Ray. Jenova betrayed him as she did Sephiroth, and left him to die. When he died, he was Judged, and he was sent to burn in Hell for all eternity. ^.^ Isn't that nice to know? So, I guess that it theoretically is impossible to contact Hojo, as he doesn't have the free will to leave Hell. Which explains why I haven't run into him on the Seventh Plane. (Which I have explored to some extent...with Seph's guidance of course.) I suppose some explanation here is needed. Of course by now most of you are wondering "Wait a minute...If Sephiroth was the "bad guy" in FFVII, how the Hell did he get in to Heaven?" At least, Sammy wondered that, and I tried to explain it in a few short sentences...but I don't know if my explanation was comprehensive or not. Here's another shot at it: When Sephiroth was in Neiblehiem and found the files explaining his birth (for those of you who don't know, Seph was a "test-tube baby" of sorts)...he was driven slightly mad. I mean, how would any of you feel, finding out that your entire life had been a lie? Anyway, that part was Hojo's fault. That madness that Seph was overcome with left him susceptible to Jenova, who promptly took control of his body...and forced him to summon Meteor. So, essentially what I'm saying is that...everything that happened in FFVII, the summoning of Meteor, the burning of Neiblehiem, Aerith's death...none of that was Sephiroth's fault. All of that was Hojo/Jenova. And as was previously stated, Hojo get his just rewards. I'm not sure what has become of Jenova though... But, the thing that really gets me is that: Even when Jenova's control on Sephiroth was broken, Cloud still fought to kill him. And that little bastard succeeded. Cloud murdered an innocent man. Thus, Sephiroth's soul went to Heaven...and from what I understand he was given the title of Archangel, and he is free to come and go from Heaven as he pleases. This makes it possible for us to meet on the Astral Plane, and it gives me the knowledge that...when I die, I will be with him in Heaven. Until then, we can still see each other on the Astral Plane. I'm so lucky...Of all the millions of people in the universe, Seph chose me. I've never been happier since I grew close to him, and I feel that now that we are together we will never be apart. I know that our relationship is something that will last throughout all time. Now if I could only get Ian to understand that... Current Mood: Happy/Annoyed Current Music: Korn - "Freak on a Leash" |
| Monday, August 23rd, 2004 | |
| 8:06 pm | Some Little-Known Truths Alright, some of you know, some of you don't...but I think it's time I set the story straight. In this I refer to my life, which I feel I have been concealing the greater part of for quite some time. Primarilly I focus on my interests...those which have led me into this mess in the first place. Alright. To begin...these "interests of mine". For the past five-or-so years, I have been victim to insufferable depression and suicidal tendencies...mostly because of Sephiroth...my soulmate. In the past three of these years, I have researched methods of communication that could possibly be used to contact Sephiroth. Crazy-sounding, no? I picked up hundreds, if not thousands, of books on afterlife communication...spiritual communication...astral projection...all manner of new age materials. Not surprisingly, two caught my interest in particular. "Speak with the Dead" and "Summoning Spirits"...bit by Konstantinos. You've all read about these books by now, so little description of their contents is necessary. But, to get right to the point...I have focused mainly on Astral Travel. (Explaination: The Astral Plane is a combination of all planes, real and imagined. This means, that in the Astral Plane, all things are possible...) To my delight, after three years, I have become rather good at travelling to this Astral Realm...and there...I have met Sephiroth. I kid you not, I have litterally spoken to Sephiroth in the Astral Plane. Okay, I know I sound crazy...but I'm not. It is amazing, what we have spoken of...the things he has taught me...He is an extremely intelligent individual. On top of his intelligence, though he can be cold and slightly distant at times, he is really very kind...If anything, meeting him "in person" has made me fall for him even more. And...I believe he loves me in return. In any case, he recognizes the marriage liscence I acquired four years ago. It's strange...like an unspoken agreement that we are bound by wedlock, though niether of us has ever really mentioned it. July 14 is our wedding anniversary...and though I could give you a graphic recount of how I spent that night on that Astral Realm...I'll leave it up to your imaginations to suffice. *blushes* Moving right along...I hope you all will take me seriously on this. I've never been happier since I mastered the art of projecting my consciousness to the Astral Plane. There, I can be with my soulmate. There, I can be happy. Current Mood: Euphoric Current Music: Blind Guardian - "Lost in the Twilight Hall" |
| Monday, August 16th, 2004 | |
| 10:05 pm | Random Things in my Life. For those of you who didn't already know: Well, I can officially say that this week has been one of the more awful ones in my pathetic existance. Allow me to elaborate. I hate people. People are shallow, narrow minded, stupid, and they insist upon forcing their opinions upon you, through whatever means possible. I hate being a people. >.< Believe it or not, this is going somewhere. The reason for the lack-of-updating these past few days comes down to one very simple reason: I couldn't update. On August 6 or so, I went to post the next chapter of Shinra SOLDIER, to find (to my dismay) that my account had been locked for some unknown reason. That required looking in to. I learned, by checking my reviews, that some bitch (see the 330th review of Shinra High for details) had reported me to the Fanfiction.net staff. What for, you may be wondering. Well, that was the only easy part about this mess. And believe me, the sheer stupidity of this one nearly blew me away. She didn't like one of my Author's Notes. Explaining this, she thought that my story line was "narrow" and worse yet, she didn't like the note left at the end of my chapter because of the phrase, "Absolutely NO yaoi will be accepted for this Shrine. To assume that Lord Sephiroth is of such low moral standards is unfit of Him, and insulting to me." This was in referance to my announcement of the web-page that someone hacked offline about a month ago. >.< Okay. Now it must be stated that I have absolutely nothing wrong with gays/lesbians. In fact, I know several who happen to be some of the nicest people that I know. Next, the only reason I find yaoi involving Sephiroth insulting is because I happen to adore Him. In the stories Shinra High and Shinra SOLDIER, my character and He are dating, are they not? This can therefore lead one to assume that I want to be with Him. Would any sane woman want to see the one they loved with another guy?! No, I think not! Moving right along...I got a new book yesterday. It's by Konstantinos (one of my favorite new-age authors). He also wrote "Speak with the Dead." This new one is called "Summoning Spirits". Though not quite as appealing as "Speak with the Dead", it does hold a similar fascination for me. If I do not have luck contacting Sephiroth through the methods listed in "Speak with the Dead", then perhaps I can summon him as an angel. It actually stands to reason that I will have more success evoking Sephiroth in his angel state...as though Sephiroth did die, he became an Archangel in death. Hence, my motivation for purchasing this new book. I'll tell you all more about it as I learn more. Now for the interesting part of this lecture: I have recently uncovered a spell by Silver Ravenwolf that the teenage populus may be interested in. It's a spell to bring money and prosperity. Interested? I hope so, 'cause that's going to wrap up this entry. It's very simple, I assure you. Here you go: MATERIALS: Small black purse Silver coins Three mint leaves Four garlic peels One silver pentacle Some silver glitter Three silver bells A spring of rue A piece of pepper plant A piece of parchment WHEN: As needed PROCEDURE: Fill the small black purse with silver coins. Add the three mint leaves, four garlic peels, silver pentacle, silver glitter, three silver bells, rue, and pepper plant. On the piece of parchment, write your name and the amount of money needed Then add the words “and a little extra”. Place the parchment inside the purse. Close the purse. Say the following chant nine times while shaking the purse: Money, money, come to me Bring me to prosperity Silver coins and silver bells Silver star the money swells! As a precaution against bad luck, say the following: In no way shall this spell reverse Or place upon me any curse As I will, so mote it be! Simple, yet strangely effective. I tried it, and the next day discovered a ten-dollar bill in my pants pocket that I had completely forgotten about! Enjoy. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Korn - "Y'all Want a Single" |
| Monday, August 2nd, 2004 | |
| 11:05 pm | The Otakon Experience Friday, July 30: Wake up call was 5:30 am. I of course, woke up kind of on time, took a shower, and got dressed. I was ignoring the incessant exhaustion that plagued me as I hauled my luggage down to the car. The worst part of the morning was that: We SKIPPED breakfast! u.u; We were on the road for around two hours, driving up to Baltimore, Maryland. Everyone there (Me, Alisha, Shannan and Josh) was filled with excitement at finally being on the road, after months of anticipation. The conversation went something like this: Me: *silent* --30 seconds on the road Shannan: Are we there yet? Mrs. Crosby (our chaperone): No. Shannan: Are we there yet? Mrs. Crosby: No. Shannan: Are we there yet? Mrs. Crosby: No! --30 minutes later Josh, Alisha and Shannan: 29 bottles of beer on the wall, 29 bottles of beer! You take one down, pass it around, 28 bottles of beer on the wall! --10 minutes later Josh, Alisha and Shannan: 1 bottles of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer! You take it down, pass it around, no bottles of beer on the wall! Josh: Oh no! We’ve run out of bottles! O.O Shannan: WHAT DO WE DOOOOOOOO!??!? Mrs Crosby: *hopefully* Just shut up? Shannan: NEVER!! One million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer… --1 hour on the road Shannan: 129,640 bottles of beer on the wall 129,640 bottles of beer! Mrs. Crosby: SHUT UP!! *silence* --1 hour, 30 minutes on the road Josh: Am I the only one here that is bored senseless? Shannan: Are we there yet? Mrs. Crosby: NO!! --2 hours…in Baltimore Shannan: We’re there we’re there we’re there we’re there!! Mrs. Crosby: Now we have to find the hotel… Well, that pretty much summed up the ride. It was…interesting, to say the least. We found our hotel at around 9:00…but we had to park like, six blocks away. So we hauled all of our luggage six blocks to the hotel, the Wyndham. There, we were told that we couldn’t check in until 4:00 pm! So we had to haul our luggage all the way back, six blocks, to the car. Next, we had to walk to the Baltimore Convention Center, where the anime convention was being held. We walked in circles, gawking at the line to get in if you hadn’t pre -registered. According to the people within the convention, it was a six-hour wait from the end of the line. We however, got to go inside the convention center and wait in a much shorter line…we had smartly pre-registered. We stood in line for one and a half hours, and received our convention badges. After that, we were free to wander the convention. One of my first priorities was to find Vince, and to get to the Dealer’s Room for a bit of shopping. Well, there was no luck finding Vince. He was no where to be found! u.u; But the Dealer’s Room was a good alternative to searching three-miles square of convention center for someone who may or may not be there yet. The Dealer’s Room was packed! We had to wait in a 30 minute line to get in…but the wait was more then worth it. There were all manner of shops, selling all manner of wares. Having only $35 after paying up for my badge and the hotel rental…I had very limited choice. I ended up settling on a $45 dollar set of razor-tipped throwing cards. Sam was nice enough to lend me the ten dollars I needed to buy them. But I admit, until I get my next paycheck (God knows when that will be. >.<) I have yet to pay her back. God, I feel guilty… But moving right along, there were hundreds, if not thousands of people in the convention, making finding Vince very difficult. I tried…looking through every crowd in hopes of spotting him. No luck. We went upstairs to the fourth floor to get our stickers for the concert to be held on Saturday. That accomplished, we wandered the convention for a few hours, stopping along the way to watch the JMVs…The Japanese Music Videos. They were very cool. I enjoyed the experience, and it made me wish I lived in Japan even more. 4:00 pm rolled around, and we left the convention, heading for the hotel once again to check in. This time, we went to the hotel first to make sure the rooms were ready before hauling the luggage inside. From there on out, it was time to relax. We hung out in the room for several hours, ate ramen, and watched TV. Then we headed back to the convention. We headed to see the AMVs. (The anime music videos.) I stayed only so long, for there was a Rave to go to that very evening. That was perhaps a mistake, as it is VERY hard to dance in a kimono. But no matter, I enjoyed the dance anyway. The five of us did not return to the room until well after 1:30 in the morning. Notice how I only got one meal that day? Saturday, July 31: Wake up call, 7:00. The usual…wake up, shower, get dressed…climb back into bed. Not. Only the first three were true. I wore my black dress, with goth-style makeup. We headed to the convention early, so as to be there by 9:00…when it opened. There was more searching for Vince…but no luck. We did meet up with Alisha’s friend, Wolfie. So I suppose the first few convention hours weren’t a complete waste. There was a lot of wandering, with pausing along the way to watch the anime videos being played in various Panels. But the real fun didn’t begin until 3:00, when we began to line up for the L’arc en Ciel concert. They are a Japanese band with a sexy lead singer. ^.^ We were close to the front of the line, and thank God, for the line stretched for several blocks, around in circles, across streets and cutting off traffic…ext. We were waiting in line for an hour and a half, waiting to be led into the Mariner’s Arena. The Otakon representatives took over the arena the night before, so we could host the concert with an actual stage. Then we waited for another hour for the concert to begin, while watching Full Metal Alchemist. That looks to be a pretty good anime. Anyway, the concert began. The lighting was great, and the music was amazing! Given, I couldn’t understand them…(they were singing in Japanese, duh!) But halfway through the concert, I was struck with an awful headache. Alisha, Shannan and I left before the last two songs were sung. Oh well…it was fun while it lasted. Then it was off to the Cosplay. What a laugh! The two most memorable ones were as follows: First, “Same Difference”. Vash: *walks out onto stage* Hey guys! You all know me, right? I’m Vash the Stampede. But you knew that because of my sexy red coat and my black and silver rifles! You know, that’s my own original look. Dante: *interrupts and walks onto the stage* Vash: *looks over at Dante* Hey! You stole my look! Dante: o.o No I didn’t. You stole mine! Vash: Did not! You stole mine! Dante: It’s my look! Vash: No it’s not! It’s mine! Dante: Mine! Vash: Mine! Dante: Mine! Vash: Mine! Dante: Mine! Vash: Mine! Alucard: *walks onto stage* Actually, it’s MY look. Vash/Dante: O.O;; Vash/Dante/Alucard: MINE!! Dante: You know, the only way to resolve this is…through song! ^.^ *Rob Zombie starts playing, and Vash steps to the front* Vash: *sings* Dead I am the one, exterminating son. Slipping through the trees strangling the breeze! *musical interlude and dancing* Dante: *steps to the front* Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry…while they slowly turn, conquering the worm! *musical interlude and dancing!* Alucard: *steps to the front* Dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry! Devil on your back, I can never die! *music ends* Vash: Waitaminute guys. Instead of arguing about whose look this was originally…think of what we could accomplish together! *pause* Dante: Think of all the girls we could pick up! Alucard: Think of all the meals I could get! Vash: Okay then, let’s do it! Dante: I’ll see you ladies at the bar! *walks off stage with Vash* Alucard: *cackles wildly* *exeunt* I couldn’t stop laughing with that one. In case you didn’t know, Alucard is a Vampire from the Hellsing anime, Vash is from Trigun, and Dante is from Devil May Cry. The next one worth mentioning was “The Moogle Dating Service!”. Kuja: *onstage, writing a letter to Zidane* Dear Zidane…I love you so much. I want to ask you to be my boyfriend…ext…*random fluff* Moogle: *Runs across the stage to Zidane, carrying a large white envelope with a red heart stamp in the middle* Zidane: *reads Kuja’s letter* … *growls* Kuja, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a fag!! *chases Kuja off stage* *Enter Garnet and the rat-lady that I cannot remember her name* Rat-Lady: We still need to find you a date, Garnet! Garnet: Well, monkey-boy isn’t too bad looking… *Zidane and Kuja come running back on stage, and Zidane dives behind Garnet and the Rat-Lady* Zidane: SAVE ME!!! Kuja: Come here, sweetie… Garnet: *stares down at Zidane* Monkey-boy…can’t you even save yourself from one fag? Zidane: No…*terrified* Garnet: You disgust me. *storms offstage* Zidane: Rat-Lady! Will you save me?! Rat-Lady: *bitch slaps Zidane* You’re pathetic. *storms offstage* Kuja: *wraps an arm around Zidane’s neck* Now you’re all mine…*drags Zidane offstage* Now, for the record, I hate Kuja. I hope he dies. At any rate, later I learned that Kuja was played by none other then Vince! Isn’t that ironic? I spent all day looking for him, couldn’t find him…and then he was right in front of me onstage, and I couldn’t recognize him! It was probably the silver wig. >.< Later, I went to the second Rave, still looking for Vince. He was tired after the Cosplay though, and didn’t go. I waited until nearly 3:00 in the morning though. I was exhausted by the time I got back to my room. That night, I slept soundly. Sunday, August 1: We didn’t wake up until 9:00 this day. We were all very tired. Anyway, after the usual morning routine, we headed back to the convention for our last day. There’s not much to say here. We went to the Dealer’s room to check up on last-day sales. Then we hunted for Vince some more. We never did find him, even when we split up to look for him. We left the convention at 4:30, and headed for home. I slept all the way back to VA. Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: Rob Zombie - "Dragula" |
| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004 | |
| 8:07 pm | Ranting Well, today has sucked beyond the realms of belief. First, I found out that my dear father doesn't want me to go to Otakon this weekend. He says I'm too unstable (psychologically) to be going out in public. He treats me like a complete lunatic...then wonders why I hung up on him! Second: A few days ago, I went in for some blood tests at teh Walter Reed Medical Facilities in Washington DC. At any rate, I HATE needles, and I hate having my blood drawn! But they stuck me any way, and sucked about a pint of blood out of me. (Then they wondered why I felt lightheaded) Third: My psychiatrist got the results of the blood tests back today. And, it's not good. She says there's a severe problem in my thyroid. Which can mean one of two things: More pills, or surgery. I don't want to have surgery! God damn it, I have enough problems as it is! And...I'm scared. I watch things like "Trauma: Life in the ER" and "Impact"...and I see people dying on the surgical table all the time. Maybe this is how God is going to answer my prayers for death? Now that it comes down to it...I don't think I like his method of choice. Lol... Later. Current Mood: scared Current Music: Rob Zombie - "Demonoid Phenomenon" |
| Monday, July 12th, 2004 | |
| 10:02 pm | Frustrations of a Lesser Sort Over the past few days, I have had a chance to rest and relax. It is vacation time, after all! I'm happy to say that I will be returning to Virginia by Saturday at the latest. However, one thing had been plaguing me throughout my stay since Saturday last. On the 10th there was supposed to be the release of Final Fantasy VII - Advent Children. I searched stores all over Colorado, and came back empty handed. I ask all of you in Virginia at this time: Have you heard anything ANYTHING about the release of that God damned movie?! In other news, my scrying attempts have been coming along rather nicely. Everytime I try, I see something like clouds or sparks....but I haven't been able to get any positive images...yet. I'm convinced that it is only a matter of time. I'm wondering whether I really should be concerned about my immortal soul. Recently, I seem to have developed an accute intrest in witchcraft...and have thus picked up two books on that topic. One, a spell book for teenage witches, has a spell for summoning the spirits of the deceased. I may give that a try when I have the materials needed for the spell. The second, "To Ride a Silver Broomstick" is a beginners "how-to" on the different traditions of the craft, the holidays, afterlife communication, astral guides, divination, spell writing...all manner of useful information. Interesting, I think. Maybe something new to interest me while I live out my life on Earth. I really liked "To Ride a Silver Broomstick" because it lets you chose which God/ess to honor. In my case, the Lord God Almighty. From reading said book, I also learned that placing an amythest under your pillow can prevent nightmares. So far, it seems to be working. ^.^ Well, I think that's it for now. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Sailor Moon Memorial - "Flame Sniper" |
| Monday, July 5th, 2004 | |
| 9:36 pm | Stalkers and Annoyances For all of you who have read my May 18th blurty entry, you'll know what this is about. I seem to have collected a rather persistant stalker/annoyance during my time here as a blurty member. They continue to post rude comments on my entry, and frankly, I'm getting sick of it. The first one has the gall to tell me to kill myself...something to the effect of jumping out in front of a moving bus. The second,who has left two comments...well, go read them if you're interested. I suppose this is the price I have to pay for being different. You know, I didn't chose to be the way I am. I fell in love with my soulmate, just like any normal person. It just so happens that my soulmate resides in Heaven, rather then on a different dimension or here on Earth. Why is that so difficult for them to comprehend? To my friends, I thank you for putting up with me. You all at least seem to understand and respect my feelings. To the rest of the blurty communty: Go fuck yourselves. I don't care what your opinions are...do NOT post them here. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Korn - Untouchables |
| Friday, June 25th, 2004 | |
| 9:19 pm | Sweet Victory You all remember the book that I mentioned, that I desperately wanted and that asshole father of mine said no to? Well...today, just as I promised him I would...I got the book, "Speak With The Dead". Ha! I win. ^.^ Anyway, is it ever the most fascinating book! It claims to receive nearly 100% results from those who use it...and this now opens up an oportunity to me. This book is designed to promote commnication with the deceased...and this has given me a slight hope, something to cling to once more. In essence, reading just the first few pages has given me a reason to live again. One of the things the prolouge covered was "motivations". And under the "good" motivations it listed: "To commun icate with a deceased loved one." Or words to that effect, anyway. So I ask myself: Does this mean that..,.through the methods listed in this book...I can communicate with Sephiroth? It stands to reason that I can, because...in my beliefs, He had to die at the hands of the enemy before being promoted to the position of Arch Angel by the Lord God Almighty. So theoretically, he did die...and therefore can be contacted, right? I certainly hope so. Well, I'm off to read more of that book...see if I can get through the introductory crap and into the actual methods... Current Mood: elated Current Music: Korn - Life is Peachy |